Classes had just ended, and dinner was just around the corner. This terrible day seemed to be cursed to be worse and worse, so instead of taking my chances, I walked down to the lake.
I never really liked the lake anymore, because when I was little I almost drowned. Water scared me so much that I thought I wouldn't be the same again.
I circled the lake, getting lost in my thoughts, the lake WAS beautiful and it seemed to invite me to come swim in the water; but I knew better, I wasn't going to be fooled this time. To me, I had always found solitude in the water. It seemed like home. But when the water had invaded my lungs and brought blackness into my head, I had to leave it alone. I felt lonely, yes, but I just couldn't do it! It was so beautiful yet as dangerous as can be. Like a rose, you see one, so fine and beautiful but when you pluck it from the vine, the thorns seep into your fingers and cause pain and deniability to the thing you want most. Sometimes you can get that rose.
I finally found a quiet grassy area right up to the lake, and I sat down and watched the sun set. As the air around me chilled and the stars began to pop out in little clusters in the sky, I watched the lake. The moon rising over it was so mesmerizing, so intoxicatingly beautiful; I couldn't take my eyes off of it.
I stood up and begin to peel off my clothes, still stuck on the moon off the water. It seemed to talk to me; tell me what I had to do. Make me want to dive right into my most feared desire. When everything was off I stepped into the water. A breeze tossed my waist length hair into the wind, covering my body with goose bumps, but I had to do this, I just had to.
When the moon struck me with its radiance and majestic beauty I knew I had to fight my fear and dive in. I had to swim around feel the water mix with my hair, and feel it on my skin. As I walked slowly deeper I relaxed, this is what I am used to, and I can do this.
When my nudity was completely covered, I took a deep breath and swam under. It was like coming home after a very long time, or falling in love again. Like seeing something so deathly beautiful only to see it smashed.
This was good, it was bad, it was Love and Hate, It was me, it was my home, and it was my life coming back to me.
I swam underwater, as long as I could before my lungs felt like they were going to pop, then I burst forth from the smooth surface of the water and lifted my eyes to the sky, in an attempt to calm myself from this exotic intense feeling I had. If I had been on the shore watching I would have looked a mermaid flipping her hair to get it out of her face.
I swam a little more until the water got so cold, I couldn't feel my body, and then I just kept going at it. I missed it so much, and now that I had it I wanted it so desperately, I didn't care that I was almost frozen to the core.
When I could hardly move, I lay on my back and floated on top of the water, gazing at the moon and stars that had helped me make my final choice, to swim and come home, or to live very empty and alone, missing the one thing I loved with my whole heart.
I drifted onto the shore and lay there for awhile catching my breath and regaining strength. When I had enough I got up. Put on my school things and dashed inside, hoping not to be caught by Professor Filtch.
That night, I re-started my life which had ended the night I was put in the hospital, for almost drowning. After that night of hospitalization, I was nothing but an empty shell, but when the moon persuaded me to swim, I filled my shell, and the hollow hate was Love once again.
I never really liked the lake anymore, because when I was little I almost drowned. Water scared me so much that I thought I wouldn't be the same again.
I circled the lake, getting lost in my thoughts, the lake WAS beautiful and it seemed to invite me to come swim in the water; but I knew better, I wasn't going to be fooled this time. To me, I had always found solitude in the water. It seemed like home. But when the water had invaded my lungs and brought blackness into my head, I had to leave it alone. I felt lonely, yes, but I just couldn't do it! It was so beautiful yet as dangerous as can be. Like a rose, you see one, so fine and beautiful but when you pluck it from the vine, the thorns seep into your fingers and cause pain and deniability to the thing you want most. Sometimes you can get that rose.
I finally found a quiet grassy area right up to the lake, and I sat down and watched the sun set. As the air around me chilled and the stars began to pop out in little clusters in the sky, I watched the lake. The moon rising over it was so mesmerizing, so intoxicatingly beautiful; I couldn't take my eyes off of it.
I stood up and begin to peel off my clothes, still stuck on the moon off the water. It seemed to talk to me; tell me what I had to do. Make me want to dive right into my most feared desire. When everything was off I stepped into the water. A breeze tossed my waist length hair into the wind, covering my body with goose bumps, but I had to do this, I just had to.
When the moon struck me with its radiance and majestic beauty I knew I had to fight my fear and dive in. I had to swim around feel the water mix with my hair, and feel it on my skin. As I walked slowly deeper I relaxed, this is what I am used to, and I can do this.
When my nudity was completely covered, I took a deep breath and swam under. It was like coming home after a very long time, or falling in love again. Like seeing something so deathly beautiful only to see it smashed.
This was good, it was bad, it was Love and Hate, It was me, it was my home, and it was my life coming back to me.
I swam underwater, as long as I could before my lungs felt like they were going to pop, then I burst forth from the smooth surface of the water and lifted my eyes to the sky, in an attempt to calm myself from this exotic intense feeling I had. If I had been on the shore watching I would have looked a mermaid flipping her hair to get it out of her face.
I swam a little more until the water got so cold, I couldn't feel my body, and then I just kept going at it. I missed it so much, and now that I had it I wanted it so desperately, I didn't care that I was almost frozen to the core.
When I could hardly move, I lay on my back and floated on top of the water, gazing at the moon and stars that had helped me make my final choice, to swim and come home, or to live very empty and alone, missing the one thing I loved with my whole heart.
I drifted onto the shore and lay there for awhile catching my breath and regaining strength. When I had enough I got up. Put on my school things and dashed inside, hoping not to be caught by Professor Filtch.
That night, I re-started my life which had ended the night I was put in the hospital, for almost drowning. After that night of hospitalization, I was nothing but an empty shell, but when the moon persuaded me to swim, I filled my shell, and the hollow hate was Love once again.