Cleaning up in X-Men Evolution; The Never Ending Story
By Aiwendil Greenleaf and Sally Fakry
Disclaimer: PPC and everything related belongs to Jay and Acacia, X-men: Evolution belongs
to Marvel. Today's mission belongs to Blaque Midnyte, thank God.
Rating: PG-13. There's a little (a lot) of cursing, violence and gore. No more then kids watch on TV these days.
Aiwendil's A/N: Here we go again, we're out of out medicine, out of our minds, and we are royally pissed. The Sue who
dared to be more powerful then Xavier, is going down…
Sally's A/N: Boy, this Sue has it coming. It's a pity it's Cille's turn to do the killing. Anyways, let's get started.
***
"It's classy," Sally commented, admiring the 'hunt-trophy' on the wall. Tabitha's head, nailed onto a beautiful crafted
wooden plate. "I never liked when people had moose-heads like this, but this is lovely."
Her newly-dyed-redheaded partner smiled broadly, "No reason to throw such a token away, it's better to make use of
it."
[Beep]
Sally groaned, rolling her eyes, "Again?"
"That's life," Cille said, walking to the consol, "Oh no."
Sally came up behind her, and took in the Words, "Wow, this is bad. How does she get off being more powerful then Xavier??"
"She needs to die a very messy death. So, kid, which mutant's powers do you suggest for this mission?"
Sally smiled brightly, "I've been meaning to run this idea through with you. One of us takes Magneto's power, then we inject her with iron, and the Magneto wanna-be pull it out again." She smirked evilly, "Like in the movie."
"Nice idea, but I think we'll meet Sues worse then this, let's save it for then," Cille decided, "Plus, I'm killing girl, and I don't like being Magneto. And Sue is almighty "physic" after all."
"She's a drug??"
The redhead nodded, "Apparently. Just like Jean is, according to Sue." She tapped some bottoms, "I'm going with Pyro," she informed her partner. Sally swore she heard her partner mutter 'Fry her good and proper' afterwards while she grabbed a lighter, but didn't feel like asking.
"Dips on Toad."
Cille raised an eyebrow, "Like any sane person would object to that."
Sally stuck out her tongue, then turned her attention back to the screen, "Do we go in when Sue makes her grand entrance."
"And miss all the charges we could pick up before? No way." A portal opened, "Let's go."
***
The two agents appeared in a shadowy and blurry world of some sort, "What's this?"
Cille smile reassuringly, "Storm's dream. I thought we'd start right at the beginning." Storm came running past the two girls, a bunch of shadows coming after her. Sally blinked in surprise, but Cille only sighed loudly.
One of the shadows started talking, "Please…hear me…" and took something resembling a form.
"It's talking, Merry, the shadow's talking," Sally joked in a Scottish accent.
"What do you want?" Storm demanded.
"Don't talk to it Storm, don't encourage it," Sally continued, while Cille grinned slightly, "It's no good talking to shadows."
"Please…you are the only one now who can save her from him…Magneto…he will kill her to gain her power! Her strength! Protect her…do not…let him…find her…" it wailed.
"Especially shadows who are boring, clichéd, and forebodes the arrival of a Mary Sue," Cille lectured, and pulled her notepad out of her bag, "Cliché is going on the list. Magneto would drown in Mary Sues if we didn't kill them. What does he need them for anyway?"
"Torture??"
"That's what we want them for," the older agent said, producing her CAD, which she stuck between her knees, and started writing on her notebook, moving her mouth silently while doing so. Sally saw her forming the words 'charge list' with her lips, then added what Sally translated as 'Cliché'.
"Who is she?" demanded Storm. She was no longer filled with dread, but rather something like pity and regret for the poor things.
"Strom sure demands a lot," Sally commented.
"She does," Cille confirmed, getting the CAD from between her knees, pointing it at Storm. [Ororo Munroe, aka Storm. Female mutant. Teacher. Canon. OOC 47.8 %]
Sally snorted loudly to get her partners attention, and then pointed at the shadow. It was now showing all-wonderful Sue. "How original." The shadow proceeded to plea for help.
"Come on Storm," Cille muttered desperately, "Tell the shadow to go fuck itself, come on." It didn't appear like Storm was going for that option, unfortunately. Instead she kept on her 'poor you'-look. That seemed to piss off the mighty shadow.
"Don't look at me or her with pity!" it screeched. "Now go! If you will not help us then you have only doomed yourself!"
"It's rather rude," Sally commented.
Cille nodded, then bend over slightly, "Get ready, we're shifting."
Right on cue the scene went to the kitchen of the Xavier Institute. Well, canon assumed so anyway, since people where having breakfast there. This resulted in a rather blurry version of the room, but nevertheless a kitchen, where Kitty said good morning to a pale (as pale as you can get when you're black) Storm.
Sally slowly jumped after Cille, looking around in awe as they sat down at the breakfast table (the canon characters simply ignored the agents' existing), "She didn't even say 'like'."
Cille pointed her CAD at Kitty, "Only 18%. Well, it's easy writing a hyper person."
The young Lebanese suddenly squinted at the Words, "Do you see what I'm seeing, B1?"
"Don't call me by the name of a piece of fruit in a pyjamas," Cille warned, then nodded, "I do." She aimed the CAD at Jean Grey, and looked puzzled. Wordlessly she gave it to Sally. [Jean Grey. Female Mutant. TeacherStudentteacherstudentteatherstudentfishstudentcowteacher. OOC 26%]
"Interesting," Sally said, handing it back, "Why is she so in character then??"
"She just answers a question politely. Must be the teacher thing that freaking it out," Cille mused, hitting the CAD a few times. It didn't change. She turned back to Sally, pausing. "You're turning greenish."
Sally looked at her hand, "So it would appear."
"Has Cerebo picked anything up? Like a new mutant or something as of late?"
The CAD in Cille's hand screeched. The canon characters didn't seem to notice. "What else would it pick up, you idiot? 82%, oh the horror. What the hell is 'Cerebo' anyway?"
"Sounds like a kind of soap. Maybe industrial."
Storm told the crowd about her recent troubles, while Sally helped herself to a bowl of cereal.
"Did they ever consider letting Magneto have this one?"
Cille shook her head, "Sues are mostly for Xavier. Magneto is not strong enough to handle them in person."
"Neither is the Professor," Sally reminded her partner, crewing on a mouthful, "If he was strong enough, he would be able to see the illusion."
"We are the only gifted ones," Cille said melancholically.
"Strange, just like that dream of that weird guy from your home in Africa," Kurt mused, hanging upside down from the chandelier.
The newly-turned-greenish girl flinched, adding more sugar to her meal, as Cille let out a stream of words that had to be rates R at least, then wrote with big, fat letters 'Kurt OOC'. "My pretty little Kurt," she whispered, blinking back fake tears.
"There, there," Sally calmed her friend, "But honestly, Storm wouldn't consider Africa her home, would she? I mean, she hated it there..." she stated, waving her spoon around.
"Exactly." Cille looked up at the Words, "Off we go." Sally nodded, wiped her mouth and put the bowl in the sink as they passed it.
They had just left the kitchen, following Storm, when Cille saw something interesting out off the corner of her eye. Sally was jumping along, just like any frog or Toad for the matter. The older agent stopped, grinning broadly. Sally appeared to realise what she was doing, and abruptly straightened up, "What?"
"Nothing, Froggy."
"If you must know, moving this way seems much more comfortable then walking, with these leg-muscles," Sally snapped, jumping after Storm.
"Whatever," Cille smiled, following. She didn't even notice that she was playing with her lighter constantly.
***
Cille bumped into Sally with a 'umf', "What are you...? Oh."
Sally stared in horror, "It's... it's...horrible. Not pretty at all!!"
"It's not Cerebro as we know it, Movie-Cerebro, remember that. This is 'Cerebo'. One might add that it's kinda rusty." Cille was right, the new 'Cerebo' looked a bit like the one Stryker built in the second movie, only it was even uglier. "By the way, do they need anymore mutants?"
"No more Sues," Sally whimpered, feeling greatly disappointed by the state of her favourite room in the mansion.
"Anything?" Storm asked, hope rising in her voice, but was disappointed when she discovered that there was no signal showing on the map, yet.
"Why is there a map?" Sally asked.
"I don't now. There is in the Evolution continuum."
"I like the movie-version better," Sally decided, smiling, "It's shiny."
The older agent gave her a glance out of the corner of her eye, "This doesn't give you motion-sickness. Trust me, Movie-Cerebro can have that effect on some people. By the way, how come there's no signals at all on the map?? There's lots of other mutants then just Sue."
"But today only Sue will be showing on the map," Sally said in a toddler-voice.
Cille shrugged, "That kinda screws up the whole Cerebro-idea, but hey, I can charge her on that." She did so.
"Hello Storm," Logan said curtly. He nodded to her and then turned back to Cerebo.
"Logan isn't nice," Sally said, glaring at the mutant.
"He's almost in character, for this continuum anyway."
The two of them were silent while the great Xavier spoke. Well, there was scribbling...
"Bad punctuation, forgot a word, but both Logan and the Professor has tolerable characterization for now," Cille informed her partner in a professional voice.
"How come Xavier doesn't read her mind, and gets the dream for there? Would be both faster, easier and better then having Storm retell the whole thing."
Cille sent her partner a lopsided grin, "What did I tell you about Sues and logic? It's like water and oil."
***
A scream pierced the beach, as two PPC agents was dropped in Hawaii, without any warning. Sally spit out the sand in her mouth, swearing in French, Lebanese and small pieces of German, "Verdammt!!"
"Very nice," Cille commented, brushing sand from her pants, "This is just bloody brilliant."
"Why the hell are we...?" Sally stopped talking, as Alex walked by with his surfboard. "Lookie there."
"A bishounen," Cille acknowledged, "Hey, it's Alex. Then this must be Hawaii. Even though the author never thought to tell us."
Sally shook her hair around, trying to get the sand out, "Let me guess, he'll lead us to Sue?"
"What do you think?" Cille asked, following the blond boy as he started leaving the beach. Sally groaned, and started jumping after her partner.
Alex calmly walked on his way home while the Words crammed into a giant paragraph, babbling on in great length. Finally something happened, which was lucky; Sally was getting sore feet from all the walking. Alex stopped and looked down a side alley, upon hearing the famous Sue-In-Distress sound.
Cille sent the Canon Character a pleading look, "Don't do it Alex, come on fight it,"
"Move right along, forget about the whole thing," Sally urged the boy. But as usual, Mary Sue won and Alex went to investigate.
In the center of a large ring of guys, all buffed and many carrying chains and whips, stood a lone girl, her arm bleeding and flecks of the sticky substance stained her lips and dribbled down her chin.
"Someone got to her before us," Sally joked, making her partner smile.
The buff guys tried fighting the Sue, but she took the opportunity to show off her amazing fighting skills, and kicking their arses.
Cille rolled her eyes dramatically, "What a Sue."
They all began to tremble and backed away, grabbing their friends and vanished.
"When did baddies turn to cowards? Why wasn't I informed?"
Sally shrugged, "Baddies are not what they used to be."
Sue spotted a not-to-well hidden Alex, and suddenly she was so weak and helpless she fell to her knees.
"Typical Sue," Cille hissed, writing on the charge list, "All mighty one second, ready to be saved the next. Pathetic."
"You okay?" Alex asked. Completely forgetting to hide he came up to the girl.
"Alex, you should have stayed at home today," Sally commented. "She'll kill your character." When Sue started doing the typical 'I don't want help, I'm an independent and angsty woman' routine, Sally hid her face in her hands. "God."
As Alex invited Sue home with him, Cille suddenly grinned/grimaced, "Break a' canon."
"Since when is Alex and Scott's mother alive?"
Cille nodded, following Sue and Alex as they started walking, "If she wanted it to work, she should have said step-mother. Or adoptive-mother. Now she just gave me the canon-breaker I need." The assassin shook her head as Sue glared at the sweet Alex-boy. "Well, if she hadn't done that, being more powerful then Xavier would have done the trick."
A house appeared in front of then, out of thin air. "That was fast."
"Yeah," Cille agreed, and entered right after Alex, "Plot-hole."
The two agents installed themselves in Alex's room, thankful that the author decided to skip the following part quickly. Sue was all patched up and put on the couch downstairs in a total of three minutes and forty-two seconds. It was in these seconds, Sally got to thinking, "Why the hell doesn't she show on Cerebro?"
Cille snorted, flipping through a magazine she found on Alex's desk, "I dunno. It doesn't say anywhere. Let's charge her on that." She started braiding some purple yarn from her pocket into a lock of her hair.
"Do we show on Cerebro?" Sally asked curiously.
Cille smiled suddenly, "Actually I checked once, and yes we do."
Sally grinned broadly, "Cool." She took her eyes off her partner as Alex left the room, "He's gonna call Scott now," She informed no one in particular.
"Should we move?"
Sally shook her head, "Nah. I mean, it's easy to sum up. Alex tells his bro that a girl is very mutant-y, and Scott says he should keep an eye on the mutant-y girl."
"Nice summary, very accurate."
"Thank you," Sally smiled a fake smile, "Cille?"
Cille threw the magazine back on the desk, "Yes?"
A sly smile, "Can you do the fire thing? I wanna see."
The older agent beamed, and pulled out her lighter. Flicking it on with the right hand, she pulled the flame free and over in her left, where she formed it as a tiny Nightcrawler. "Neat," Sally acknowledged, "See me." She swiped out her tongue, catching a housefly that was buzzing around by the window. Just as Cille cowered her mouth with her hand, Sally seemed to realise what she had just done and hopped out the room very quickly. What Cille assumed to be the toilet door slammed loudly.
"Alex's 'Mom' better buy more toothpaste," the agent muttered, shivering from the thought of chewing a fly.
***
Sally frowned, and looked back over her shoulder, "Was I out there that long?"
"No," Cille answered, getting up from Alex's computer, "It became next morning rather suddenly, trust me, I know. When the sun suddenly pops in on you, it leaves a mental scar. Let's go downstairs. Sue is being Sue-ish."
Cille's prediction was true. While the two agents hid in the kitchen, Sue was talking to a blurry figure that appeared to be Alex's mom. "Would it kill her to say 'adoptive'?"
Sally sighed deeply, and peeked at Sues wound just as Alex's mom did, "It's gone. She is a fast healer."
"And a physic."
Sally had to cower her mouth to keep from laughing, "Oh yeah, we can't forget that. Eh, Cille?"
"Yes?"
"Remind me never to mix purple and red."
"Very funny, it was the only yarn I had in my pocket," the older agent defended her new hairdo. "Her own stupidity is making her drowsy," she then remarked.
"Oh look at her. Eyes boring into that nice lady's soul," Sally tsk'ed. "Cute name for a Sue, Rune"
"Always in ruin." Cille quoted, "Name for angst purpose, check." The agent smirked as Rune was briefly replaced with a masculine version of herself, "That's just bad grammar."
The air seemed to ripple and both Sue and Alex's (adoptive) mom went poof.
"Mom! I'm home!"
"Alex is home, darling," Sally said in a motherly voice.
"Make him take out the trash," Cille replied in a more butch voice, "By that I mean the Rune-chick."
The two agents joined the canon mutant in the kitchen, "It would appear that Sue is out the house," Cille observed, reading the note from Alex's 'mother'. "Of course not for more then ten second, she is the leading character after all." Sally nodded gravely.
Right on the ten seconds mark, Sue and Alex's shouldn't-exist-mother entered the house. Alex went into drool-mode. "Hey, we forgot this," Sally muttered, taking out her CAD. "Oh, only 32%. How come??"
"Alex is nice, I don't suppose he would just hate anyone, even if they were a Mary Sue, as quickly as we do," Cille mused. She looked up at the Words, grimacing, "Oh dear God."
The author spent the next 10 lines/210 words babbling about how Sue looked. Only the most important stuff of course. Her hair in great detail, face, beautiful like and Elf of course, and five lines about her clothing, right down to which colour her sandals were. Both agent cringed.
"Dear, how was school?" asked his mother, shaking him from his trance.
"38%," Sally said, not pointing the CAD away from Alex.
"Point it at Sue will you? We have to get this, it's in the book."
Sally did as told, then showed the devise to her partner, [Rune. Female Mutant. Non Canon. Mary Sue] "See, she is a Sue."
"What? Oh, fine," he said and looked at his math homework a look of disgust crossing his face. "But this math – it makes my head hurt and Dad isn't here so I'll do it later."
The CAD started smoking again, just a little bit. "Jesus, does the words 'died in air crash' mean anything to her?"
Sally snorted, "If not, couldn't she learn the meaning and use of the word 'adopted'?" Alex had a teenage-freak out. Sally smiled briefly, "64%. Character rupture."
"Oh look, isn't it cute?" Cille drawled, a look of distaste on her face, "She's helping little Alex with his homework."
The greenish agent glared at the Sue before jumping toward the stairs, "No it's not."
"Oh come on," Cille joked, and got out he way so that the upset Alex could pass her, "Cute like a little bunny."
***
"So, people call you Rune?" asked Charles of the girl a few hours later, Alex and his mom sitting a little bit behind him as they interviewed the girl.
The two agents were comfortably placed behind Scott, where Sally had adopted the charge list, since she would be charging and everything.
In short, Sue was being extremely impolite and mean, while Xavier was being overly nice, considering Sue's behaviour. "It's evil."
"And you'll kill it," Sally reminded her partner, "Is Jean out of character?"
Cille pointed the CAD at the fellow redhead, "No. Damn her general nice-ness."
Rune regarded her with chilling eyes. "You are physic, yes?"
Sally choked on her giggle, "Sure she is. Her middle name is codeine."
"Psychic, you idiot, she's psychic," Cille sighed irritated, "How hard can it be?"
Sue went on flashing her mind probing powers for a bit, while Sally wrote something on the charge list. Cille looked up at the Words, and got to her feet. "Here it comes now.!
Rune's eyes flew open and became mere slits and Professor X was thrown back into the wall so far that it cracked. Rune sprang to her feet like a cat and watched him, her veins pounding in her neck, eyes those slits staring at him, flaring with the indignity of what he had done.
"Go," Cille ordered in a growl.
Sally nodded shortly, and jumped to Xavier's side, "Hi Charles, how are you?" She asked politely, helping him back in his wheelchair.
Rune seemed frozen in place, "Who are..."
"Oh shut your hole," Cille snarled getting in front of both Sally and Xavier. She clicked her lighter on and made a nice little ball of fire in her hand.
Sally had gotten Xavier back in the wheelchair, and rolled him back to the other canon character, who all seemed frozen in place. Shock most likely. The Lebanese cleared her throat, and took a deep breath, "On behalf of the PPC, we charge you on the following; Being cliché, making Storm, Kurt and Alex act out of character, spelling Cerebro wrong, making Storm consider Africa her home, having bad punctuation and grammar screwing up the whole Cerebro idea and purpose actually." Sally took a new breath, "Throwing us down in a beach on Hawaii all the sudden, there by getting sand in my hair, being all powerful and mean, then becoming weak for the pity-factor, giving Alex a mother and a farther even though their dead, you should have said adopted." Another intake of breath, "Constantly mixing up physic and psychic, having a name for angst purpose, being rude, having too many powers and finally, and worst; BEING MORE POWERFUL THEN XAVIER!!" Last part was shouted rather loudly.
"We find you guilty and condemn you to death," Cille smirked, stepping up to the Sue, "Any last, non-sappy words?"
It went really fast. Suddenly Cille found herself thrown against the wall by some invisible force, and Sue was advancing on her, eyes glinting. Cille gulped and felt around, but her lighter was nowhere to be found.
SPLAT! Sue screeched loudly and her hands went to her now slime-cowered face. Sally smiled smugly, and threw the lighter at her partner. Cille was up in a beat, "I guess not. Fry bitch!!" Rune did quite a lot of screaming while she burned.
Canon stood still for a few seconds, then all the canon characters disappeared off to where they were supposed to be. Cille kicked the fried Sue's body, and slumbered against the wall, "God. I've never almost gotten killed before."
"You weren't almost killed," Sally grinned, jumping over, "I was here to save you the whole time."
Cille smiled evilly at her friend, "Gee that makes me feel so much better."
Sally got up, "It should. Now, where do we dump the body?"
"Well, she was so into Magneto getting his hands on her, we might send him a present." Cille opened a portal and Sally helped her drag the body into Day of Reckoning.
"Look, it's Kurt," Sally observed.
Cille sighed in adoration as her blue fuzzy elf checked the empty metal thingies. As soon as he teleported out of there, the two agents threw Rune's burned body into the nearest one. "Hopefully it wasn't Pyro's," Sally mused when they were going back through a new portal, "That would be too ironic."
Cille laughed loudly, "Nah, I think it was Sabertoot 's. He might snack on her, if he's feeling hungry."
"Ew," Sally said shortly.
"You ate a fly for lunch, Girlfriend," Cille reminded her.
Sally hit her partners arm sharply as they appeared back at headquarters, "Never mention it. Ever again."
Cille smiled devilish, "I won't. Promise."
***
Aiwendil's A/N: The End. You might now send us the stories you'd like the PPC to handle. Please do, just review and tell us, name and title.
Sally's A/N: What she said. Boy, this Sue was tough, but no one gets to be better then Professor X. Not on my watch!!