Title: Where is that bloody dog?

Author: Reedie

Rating: PG

Pairing: none

Disclaimer: I own everything, from Malcolms slippers to the flying pudding....Okay I DO own those things, but the rest.....Nope.

Lt. Reed walked into his quarters, the door swished shut behind him. He sighed with relief. Finally some peace and quiet. He would sit down and listen to music and...no wait, He would first take a shower, then listen to music and after that...who knows? He smiled and took one step further into the room, but froze when the door chimed. He groaned.

"Come in..." He said trough gritted teeth.

The door opened and Captain Archer walked in with a big smile on his face.

"Hello Malcolm!"

Malcolm was surprised, but quickly recovered and nodded his head. "Sir.."

"I was just going down to the planet with Mr. Qurai ... You've met Mr. Qurai, haven't you?"

"Eh..yes.."

"Well anyway, I was just walking by your quarters and..it IS little, isn't it?" Archer looked around amazed. "I need to do something about that..."

Now Malcolm was growing impatient. "Sir..?"

"Oh, yeah, well. I thought.... You would help your captain out when he's in need, wouldn't you?"

Malcolm didn't like the sound of that...at all. "Well I --"

"Thank you, I knew I could on you. I'll just leave him here then!"

Archer turned around, and before Malcolm could say something he looked back again and said:

"Oh, and don't feed him any cheese..."

The door closed.

'Cheese?.........Porthos!'

He looked down. At his feet sat the dog, looking up with big eyes. His tail swinging happily from side to side. Malcolm groaned.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"...Don't look at me like that. NO I don't have any cheese!"

Porthos kept staring at him, Malcolm sighed in frustration. "You want something to eat? ...Hell, who knows, maybe I actually got something."

He stood up and walked into another small room.

"Okay what do you like, ah some cheese here! ..Oh no, can't do. Ehm.... Do you like popcorn? No? Didn't think so...eh.."

There were sounds of somebody rummaging trough some things.

"Let's see..... How did this get here?...Hmm.. only some leftover pizza....Pizza? That must have been Trip.....eh.....Hey! I've been searching for this!..."

Finally there was a sigh and Malcolm appeared again.

"Sorry Porthos, I don't --"

Malcolm stopped in mid-sentence, his eyes widened and he stared at Porthos. The dog was sitting on his bed with his slipper in his mouth.

"Get. Down. From. There...NOW!" He hissed, glaring at the dog.

Just on that moment the door opened, with Trip in front of it. Malcolm turned around and faced the door. He had just enough time to say: 'oh-oh..' Before Porthos jumped from the bed and ran to the door. Malcolm tried to jump and catch him, but missed, and fell onto the floor...hard.

"Oempf!..Trip, stop him! Don't let him get away!"

Trip grabbed for him, but Porthos ran between his legs. The result was Trip making a weird leap and ending on the ground also. For a moment it was quiet.

"Great...Now he's gone...probably on rampage elsewhere. Good going Commander."

"Hey! That wasn' ma fault!"

Malcolm got up and sighed. He glared at Trip before helping him up.

"Come on, we have to find him."

"We? How do you mean 'we'?"

"If YOU didn't just open the door, Porthos wasn't running lose now!"

"How was I supposed to know you had a dog in here?"

"Just.........help me find that bloody dog."

~*~*~*~*~*~

"You press the button."

"No, YOU press the button."

"Press the button!"

"I'm not going to press it!"

"Mal! I'm ordering you to press that button!"

"What?!"

"Press it!"

Malcolm glared at Trip and muttered something, before pressing the button. T'pol's door chirped.

"...Come in." T'pol's voice came over the com.

"Now open it."

The armory officer glared at Trip again before opening the door.

T'pol looked up at the two men.

"Now ask her." Trip whispered.

"Hell no, you ask her."

".....Hey..." Trip began, making it more stupid then it already sounded by waving his hand at her. T'pol raised an eyebrow.

"Is there something you require of me, Commander?"

"Actually....yes!" Reed said.

"Yeah, eh.. we were wondering if you could help us with a....problem."

"Can you locate a dogs life-sign on this ship?"

T'pol raised her eyebrows...again, but thought better not to ask. She got up.

"I can help."

Both men sighed in relief.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Trip glanced at Malcolm while they were walking along the corridor. The other man had turned a nice shade of green and seemed to repeat over and over again: "Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me?"

Trip sighed. The messhall, of all the places on this ship, why the mess? They rounded the corner and both stopped. They looked at the door. Malcolm gulped.

"Well...here we go." Trip said, and they both stepped inside...

...and looked around confused; everything was normal. No one screaming, nothing burned down. No crewmen lying on the floor, no chairs toppled over. No, just...normal...peaceful.

"Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!" Malcolm whispered.

"Now....where is he?"

They looked around, but there was no sign of Porthos..

"Ya take that part of the mess, and I will take this part, key?"

The armory officer nodded, and they both went in different directions. It was not long before Trip heard Malcolm yelp. He turned around just in time to see Lt. Reed jump for something behind a table.

"NOOOOOOO! Porthos, don't eat the cheese!!"

Then there was a loud 'THUD' and some muffled cursing, and then barking. Porthos jumped on the table.

"No! You get down from there! I --" Malcolm got up but slipped on something and fell down again. Sending some plates with food flying through the air. Which landed on some innocent crewmembers.

"What the..?" One of them said, not to happily. He turned around to face Reed, who just got up again. Porthos jumped from the table and began to ran.

"Porthos now you --!!" But Malcolm stopped when a piece of a pudding hit him in the face. Trip saw some other crewmen lifting their hands filled with food. He began to ran to Malcolm.

Malcolm turned around to face the crewman who had thrown the pudding , but was distracted when Trip suddenly yelled "DUCK!" and pushed him down. Several things came flying over their heads.

"BLOODY HELL!" Malcolm yelled and covered his head to protect it from food when it hit the wall and splattered all over the room.

"Gross...That must have been the most --" Trip began and tried to get up again, but yelped and ducked when another load of fruit and vegetables came flying over.

"I think we may have to stay here for a while, Mal..."

"Great..."

Tbc....