Author's Note: Okay, here's Chapter 10, finally. Sorry it's taken me a
bit, but I have to say, that it's been very difficult to go back and forth
between this story and my other story, A Second Chance. The emotions in
both stories are so different, I'm finding it really difficult to get into
one story if I've been totally immersed in the other one, if that makes any
sense! Anyway, enough of me rambling, on with the story. Please read and
review! Thanks, hm
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When Lizzie told her self just how much she loved Gordo, a wave of emotions began to crash her body. She nervously blinked her eyes several times, closed them for a brief moment, then opened them with a broad grin on her face. Her eyes were sparkling with the glow of unexpected joy.
I *do* love Gordo, thought Lizzie. I know I do, I've loved him as my best friend ever since we first met as kids.
But, in this moment, during this night, her love for Gordo seemed to be changing, it was undergoing a transformation, a metamorphosis. The love she was feeling tonight for Gordo felt . . . . new, odd, strange, unusual, and . . . .absolute *wonderful*. And her feelings were making her imagine possibilities that had never really crossed her mind before. She began to imagine what it would be like to kiss Gordo, to hold his hands, to be in his arms, to touch his face, to smile into his eyes, just the way that people who are in love do.
When she first started visualizing these images, at first, they frightened her . . . they still didn't feel right, they still didn't feel quite natural.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! I mean it's *Gordo*! How can I be having these feelings for Gordo, my best friend, my buddy Gordo?
Yet, as she continued to chat with "Adam," the images of her and Gordo together kept infiltrating her mind and heart, and after awhile, she gave in and stop resisting them, permitting them to leisurely linger and play out in her head. With each moment she was with Adam, she could feel herself worrying less and less about where her heart was trying to take her, and she could feel her resistance to the irresistible pull of her heart slowly relenting, relaxing and settling into the flow and magic of the present moment.
As Lizzie began typing in her response to Adam, she thought to herself how much it meant to her that Gordo told her how sorry he was about their fight, especially knowing now that he was in love with her. Because for Lizzie it meant that he *truly* loved her, that he loved her so much that he was willing to let go his desire to be with her and to support her in her relationship as long as it would mean her happiness. And she wanted, needed to tell him that she could *never* be disappointed in Gordo.
Hilary: trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me Adam when I tell you that your best friend isn't disappointed in you, no way. If she's as good a friend as you say she is, she knows deep in her heart that you'll always be there for her, always, that you will always have her back. And she would never be disappointed in you, ever. Never. Okay? Believe in me.
Adam: Thank you Hilary, thank you. And, I believe you, and I believe in you, I really do.
Hilary: Good! : ) Because it's true!
Adam: And if I could tell her one thing right now, I'd tell her again that I've *always* got her back, even if she never wants to talk to me again. She can always can come to me for anything, and I'll always be there for her.
Oh Gordo . . . . Lizzie's heart skipped a beat as she read Adam's message. What he wrote brought forth memories of all those times Gordo would tell her, "I've got your back, McGuire." And every time he said that, she would remember feeling that much safer and confident about the craziness of her life, knowing that whatever happened, he would be there to support her, comfort her, nourish her, and to love her.
Hilary: you're an amazing friend, Adam, you know that? You are absolutely wonderful. Your friend is truly lucky to have someone like you in her life.
Adam: I know this may sound weird, but I know what you're saying is true because what you said sounds just like something Lizzie would always say to me.
Waitaminute. . .Lizzie? Did Adam just type in *Lizzie*? He did, he did, he did . . . Even though Lizzie knew that Gordo was talking about her, seeing him explicitly mention her name erased any last doubts that she had that Adam had been talking about her all along, any last doubts about Adam's real identity. And seeing Adam type in "Lizzie" only made everything that was happening some more surreal and oddly beautiful.
Is this all a dream, whispered Lizzie? If so, then I don't ever want to wake up . . .
Adam: Oh crap, I didn't mean to tell you my best friend's name. It just slipped.
Hilary: Don't worry, Adam, I promise I won't tell anyone. You can trust me, you know that, right?
Adam: yeah, I do. And really, I was getting tired of typing "my best friend" instead of "Lizzie" anyway.
I love it when Adam writes my name, giggled Lizzie. As Lizzie pondered on her response, she suddenly realized what a great opportunity this moment presented to find out more about Gordo's feelings for her. She smiled mischievously, rubbed her palms together with gleeful anticipation, and then thought to herself, oh this is going to be fun! I'm going to truly find out once and for all if he's been in love with me for all this time . . . .
Hilary: Lol! Adam, tell me more about you and Lizzie. It's amazing to think that you've been in love with her for so many years. So, tell me, when did you first know you were in love?
Adam: Wow, you know want to know the story of me and Lizzie, huh? I've never told anyone else this, and I've been dying to get it off my chest, so, if you've got some time, I'd love to tell you all about it.
Hilary: yes yes yes yes!!!!! : ) In other words, YES!! Tell me, Adam, I've got plenty of time!
Adam: Lol! You're so cute, Hilary, you really are. God, you remind me so much of Lizzie.
Oh! gasped Lizzie. For a brief moment, it almost felt as if Gordo was able to peer through his computer screen and actually *see* her. Migosh, this is all so unbelievably amazing. . . . it's as if he already knows who I really am . . . .
Adam: Okay, if I had to pick the moment when it all started, it would have to be that day in Fourth Grade, at the carnival, when Lizzie kissed me on the cheeks and gave me the little mouse figurine as a gift. I can still remember as if it happened yesterday that kiss. And I guess that's partly why I still carry the mouse figurine with me always, because it's a reminder of the moment I began to see Lizzie as more than just a friend.
Hilary: ohh, that's so cute, Adam. That's such a sweet story.
Ohmigosh, has he really been in love with me for that long? Why didn't he ever tell me? Oh, Gordo . . . .
Adam: But, seriously, if I had to pick one moment when it became crystal clear to me just how deep my feelings ran for her would be a moment way back in middle school. It was the beginning of eighth grade, and my parents and I decided that I should go to high school a year early. So, here I was, this short scrawny kid in a high school where I didn't know anyone. I went only for a couple of days before I decided to go back to middle school. It was an awful experience, Hilary. Truly awful.
Lizzie smiled as she reminisced about Gordo's brief misadventures in high school, and how Gordo had to lied to her about what he had been going through. I missed him so much those few days he was gone from me. . . .
Hilary: that must have been a really difficult experience. How did it feel being apart from Lizzie during those few days?
Okay, thought Lizzie, now I'm going to find out what he *really* thought about me when he was away in high school!
Adam: even those few days in high school were absolutely miserable, those few days made me realize the truth. . . they made me realize just how much Lizzie meant to me.
Hilary: oh . . . . how so, Adam? Tell me.
Adam: Because the truth is, what was miserable about high school wasn't the other kids, the homework, the different environment, the different cafeteria food. No, it wasn't any of that.
Hilary: then what was it?
Adam: the most miserable thing about my short-lived early high school experience was that Lizzie wasn't there with me. What was miserable about that experience was just how much I missed her, how much I missed being with her! I didn't realize until I was away from her those few days just how much joy and beauty she brought into my life. I'd taken it for granted because until that moment, I always thought she'd always be there with me, forever.
I missed you, too, Gordo, like you would never believe, thought Lizzie. Oh god did I miss you. . . .
Hilary: Adam, I'm sure, I'm absolutely sure she felt the same way, too. She missed you so much.
Adam: Really? You think?
Hilary: Yes, I'm positive.
Adam: I hope you're right. I felt so scared thinking about not having her in my life. And, on the night I decided to come back to middle school, I realized that if I continued on in high school, it would mean I'd go off to college a year early, and that would mean I would be separated from Lizzie a year earlier than necessary. And I just couldn't do that, I just couldn't, you know?
Hilary: yes, yes, I do know, I really do.
Adam: And that night, the only thing I wanted to do with all of my heart was to go to Lizzie's house, grab her by the arms and hold on to her and kiss her beautiful face and have her promise me that we would never be apart again.
Gordo why didn't you tell me all of this? said Lizzie, as tears began to flow from out the corner of her eyes. That's how I felt, too, I couldn't bear the thought of being away from you. But, but, you were so nonchalant and cool about being away from me, I didn't think you cared, I didn't think it mattered to you . . . .
Lizzie thought about Gordo's first day of high school, when she waited for him at the bus stop. She remembered feeling nervous about being there, not quite sure how Gordo would react, not quite sure why she was there. As she waited for the bus to arrive, she remembered standing there, with her arms crossed, thinking and wondering about Gordo, and imagining Gordo marching into high school, sweeping an older freshman girl off his feet with his intelligence and quirky charm, and in the process, completely forgetting about her.
As Gordo got off the bus, she was so excited to see him, so excited to talk to him about his first day of high school, and to tell him how much she had missed him. But, her excitement and joy vanished the minute she saw Gordo step off the bus. She remembered vividly the annoyed look on Gordo's face, as he asked her what she was doing at the bus stop. She was taken aback by his reaction, but she still tried to spark a conversation with him, even asking him to hang out with her and Miranda. But he kept being cold and distant with her, as if he was already in the process of erasing Lizzie McGuire out of his life. And that little moment hurt her deeply, and had stayed with her and nagged at her through her adulthood. He didn't miss me the way I missed him . . . or so she had thought, until now.
Hilary: did you ever tell her how you really felt about being a part from, Adam? Did you tell her how much you missed her, that you came back to middle school in be back with her?
Adam: No. In fact, the idiot that I was, I tried to put up a brave front and act like I was totally enjoying high school. I didn't want to let her know that I made a mistake. I remember after the first miserable day of high school, I got off the bus stop and saw Lizzie standing there, waiting for me. Now, deep inside, you wouldn't believe how happy I was to see her there, waiting for *me*!
Hilary: oh, that's so sweet Adam!
Adam: I'd been so worried that she'd forget about me, yet, seeing her there, oh my god, she looked so beautiful, Hilary, she looked so beautiful.
Hilary: she did?
Adam: oh yes. Just that one day away from her, thinking about spending the next year without her by my side, I saw her with totally different eyes. All I wanted to do was jump off the bus and hug her and tell her with every fiber of my being how much I missed being with her.
That's what you were feeling, Gordo? whispered Lizzie. That's what you were feeling? Me, too, Gordo, me too . . . . oh, you should have told me, Gordo, you should have told me . . . .
Hilary: But, you didn't do those things, you didn't tell her you missed her. Do you know how she must have felt the way you acted around her that day?
Lizzie felt a tinge of anger as she wrote her last message, wanting to get across to Adam/Gordo just how much he had hurt her on that day.
Adam: I know that now. But, back then, really, I guess I couldn't believe that such a beautiful girl like Lizzie could ever miss me the way I missed her, the way I loved her. So, instead of telling her how I really felt, I acted like I hardly missed her at all, that I was okay being away from her. But, the truth is, that day, I wanted nothing more than to just be, together, with the girl I loved.
Lizzie took in Gordo's words and didn't know if she wanted to hug him or to hit him. She was so mad that Gordo didn't tell her the truth back then, wishing things could have been different between them, knowing that on that day, their friendship could have began to develop into something more.
But, for the most part, she was so moved and touched by Gordo's tender words. It feels like he's letting me inside of his heart, thought Lizzie, and I love it so much. And Lizzie was slowly beginning to come to a realization, a truth that she had been so afraid of embracing, a truth that she had buried deep inside her heart for all these years.
Have I've been in love with Gordo all this time? Have I just been too afraid to admit to it? I don't know, I just don't know . . . . but, maybe, just maybe . . . .
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When Lizzie told her self just how much she loved Gordo, a wave of emotions began to crash her body. She nervously blinked her eyes several times, closed them for a brief moment, then opened them with a broad grin on her face. Her eyes were sparkling with the glow of unexpected joy.
I *do* love Gordo, thought Lizzie. I know I do, I've loved him as my best friend ever since we first met as kids.
But, in this moment, during this night, her love for Gordo seemed to be changing, it was undergoing a transformation, a metamorphosis. The love she was feeling tonight for Gordo felt . . . . new, odd, strange, unusual, and . . . .absolute *wonderful*. And her feelings were making her imagine possibilities that had never really crossed her mind before. She began to imagine what it would be like to kiss Gordo, to hold his hands, to be in his arms, to touch his face, to smile into his eyes, just the way that people who are in love do.
When she first started visualizing these images, at first, they frightened her . . . they still didn't feel right, they still didn't feel quite natural.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! I mean it's *Gordo*! How can I be having these feelings for Gordo, my best friend, my buddy Gordo?
Yet, as she continued to chat with "Adam," the images of her and Gordo together kept infiltrating her mind and heart, and after awhile, she gave in and stop resisting them, permitting them to leisurely linger and play out in her head. With each moment she was with Adam, she could feel herself worrying less and less about where her heart was trying to take her, and she could feel her resistance to the irresistible pull of her heart slowly relenting, relaxing and settling into the flow and magic of the present moment.
As Lizzie began typing in her response to Adam, she thought to herself how much it meant to her that Gordo told her how sorry he was about their fight, especially knowing now that he was in love with her. Because for Lizzie it meant that he *truly* loved her, that he loved her so much that he was willing to let go his desire to be with her and to support her in her relationship as long as it would mean her happiness. And she wanted, needed to tell him that she could *never* be disappointed in Gordo.
Hilary: trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me Adam when I tell you that your best friend isn't disappointed in you, no way. If she's as good a friend as you say she is, she knows deep in her heart that you'll always be there for her, always, that you will always have her back. And she would never be disappointed in you, ever. Never. Okay? Believe in me.
Adam: Thank you Hilary, thank you. And, I believe you, and I believe in you, I really do.
Hilary: Good! : ) Because it's true!
Adam: And if I could tell her one thing right now, I'd tell her again that I've *always* got her back, even if she never wants to talk to me again. She can always can come to me for anything, and I'll always be there for her.
Oh Gordo . . . . Lizzie's heart skipped a beat as she read Adam's message. What he wrote brought forth memories of all those times Gordo would tell her, "I've got your back, McGuire." And every time he said that, she would remember feeling that much safer and confident about the craziness of her life, knowing that whatever happened, he would be there to support her, comfort her, nourish her, and to love her.
Hilary: you're an amazing friend, Adam, you know that? You are absolutely wonderful. Your friend is truly lucky to have someone like you in her life.
Adam: I know this may sound weird, but I know what you're saying is true because what you said sounds just like something Lizzie would always say to me.
Waitaminute. . .Lizzie? Did Adam just type in *Lizzie*? He did, he did, he did . . . Even though Lizzie knew that Gordo was talking about her, seeing him explicitly mention her name erased any last doubts that she had that Adam had been talking about her all along, any last doubts about Adam's real identity. And seeing Adam type in "Lizzie" only made everything that was happening some more surreal and oddly beautiful.
Is this all a dream, whispered Lizzie? If so, then I don't ever want to wake up . . .
Adam: Oh crap, I didn't mean to tell you my best friend's name. It just slipped.
Hilary: Don't worry, Adam, I promise I won't tell anyone. You can trust me, you know that, right?
Adam: yeah, I do. And really, I was getting tired of typing "my best friend" instead of "Lizzie" anyway.
I love it when Adam writes my name, giggled Lizzie. As Lizzie pondered on her response, she suddenly realized what a great opportunity this moment presented to find out more about Gordo's feelings for her. She smiled mischievously, rubbed her palms together with gleeful anticipation, and then thought to herself, oh this is going to be fun! I'm going to truly find out once and for all if he's been in love with me for all this time . . . .
Hilary: Lol! Adam, tell me more about you and Lizzie. It's amazing to think that you've been in love with her for so many years. So, tell me, when did you first know you were in love?
Adam: Wow, you know want to know the story of me and Lizzie, huh? I've never told anyone else this, and I've been dying to get it off my chest, so, if you've got some time, I'd love to tell you all about it.
Hilary: yes yes yes yes!!!!! : ) In other words, YES!! Tell me, Adam, I've got plenty of time!
Adam: Lol! You're so cute, Hilary, you really are. God, you remind me so much of Lizzie.
Oh! gasped Lizzie. For a brief moment, it almost felt as if Gordo was able to peer through his computer screen and actually *see* her. Migosh, this is all so unbelievably amazing. . . . it's as if he already knows who I really am . . . .
Adam: Okay, if I had to pick the moment when it all started, it would have to be that day in Fourth Grade, at the carnival, when Lizzie kissed me on the cheeks and gave me the little mouse figurine as a gift. I can still remember as if it happened yesterday that kiss. And I guess that's partly why I still carry the mouse figurine with me always, because it's a reminder of the moment I began to see Lizzie as more than just a friend.
Hilary: ohh, that's so cute, Adam. That's such a sweet story.
Ohmigosh, has he really been in love with me for that long? Why didn't he ever tell me? Oh, Gordo . . . .
Adam: But, seriously, if I had to pick one moment when it became crystal clear to me just how deep my feelings ran for her would be a moment way back in middle school. It was the beginning of eighth grade, and my parents and I decided that I should go to high school a year early. So, here I was, this short scrawny kid in a high school where I didn't know anyone. I went only for a couple of days before I decided to go back to middle school. It was an awful experience, Hilary. Truly awful.
Lizzie smiled as she reminisced about Gordo's brief misadventures in high school, and how Gordo had to lied to her about what he had been going through. I missed him so much those few days he was gone from me. . . .
Hilary: that must have been a really difficult experience. How did it feel being apart from Lizzie during those few days?
Okay, thought Lizzie, now I'm going to find out what he *really* thought about me when he was away in high school!
Adam: even those few days in high school were absolutely miserable, those few days made me realize the truth. . . they made me realize just how much Lizzie meant to me.
Hilary: oh . . . . how so, Adam? Tell me.
Adam: Because the truth is, what was miserable about high school wasn't the other kids, the homework, the different environment, the different cafeteria food. No, it wasn't any of that.
Hilary: then what was it?
Adam: the most miserable thing about my short-lived early high school experience was that Lizzie wasn't there with me. What was miserable about that experience was just how much I missed her, how much I missed being with her! I didn't realize until I was away from her those few days just how much joy and beauty she brought into my life. I'd taken it for granted because until that moment, I always thought she'd always be there with me, forever.
I missed you, too, Gordo, like you would never believe, thought Lizzie. Oh god did I miss you. . . .
Hilary: Adam, I'm sure, I'm absolutely sure she felt the same way, too. She missed you so much.
Adam: Really? You think?
Hilary: Yes, I'm positive.
Adam: I hope you're right. I felt so scared thinking about not having her in my life. And, on the night I decided to come back to middle school, I realized that if I continued on in high school, it would mean I'd go off to college a year early, and that would mean I would be separated from Lizzie a year earlier than necessary. And I just couldn't do that, I just couldn't, you know?
Hilary: yes, yes, I do know, I really do.
Adam: And that night, the only thing I wanted to do with all of my heart was to go to Lizzie's house, grab her by the arms and hold on to her and kiss her beautiful face and have her promise me that we would never be apart again.
Gordo why didn't you tell me all of this? said Lizzie, as tears began to flow from out the corner of her eyes. That's how I felt, too, I couldn't bear the thought of being away from you. But, but, you were so nonchalant and cool about being away from me, I didn't think you cared, I didn't think it mattered to you . . . .
Lizzie thought about Gordo's first day of high school, when she waited for him at the bus stop. She remembered feeling nervous about being there, not quite sure how Gordo would react, not quite sure why she was there. As she waited for the bus to arrive, she remembered standing there, with her arms crossed, thinking and wondering about Gordo, and imagining Gordo marching into high school, sweeping an older freshman girl off his feet with his intelligence and quirky charm, and in the process, completely forgetting about her.
As Gordo got off the bus, she was so excited to see him, so excited to talk to him about his first day of high school, and to tell him how much she had missed him. But, her excitement and joy vanished the minute she saw Gordo step off the bus. She remembered vividly the annoyed look on Gordo's face, as he asked her what she was doing at the bus stop. She was taken aback by his reaction, but she still tried to spark a conversation with him, even asking him to hang out with her and Miranda. But he kept being cold and distant with her, as if he was already in the process of erasing Lizzie McGuire out of his life. And that little moment hurt her deeply, and had stayed with her and nagged at her through her adulthood. He didn't miss me the way I missed him . . . or so she had thought, until now.
Hilary: did you ever tell her how you really felt about being a part from, Adam? Did you tell her how much you missed her, that you came back to middle school in be back with her?
Adam: No. In fact, the idiot that I was, I tried to put up a brave front and act like I was totally enjoying high school. I didn't want to let her know that I made a mistake. I remember after the first miserable day of high school, I got off the bus stop and saw Lizzie standing there, waiting for me. Now, deep inside, you wouldn't believe how happy I was to see her there, waiting for *me*!
Hilary: oh, that's so sweet Adam!
Adam: I'd been so worried that she'd forget about me, yet, seeing her there, oh my god, she looked so beautiful, Hilary, she looked so beautiful.
Hilary: she did?
Adam: oh yes. Just that one day away from her, thinking about spending the next year without her by my side, I saw her with totally different eyes. All I wanted to do was jump off the bus and hug her and tell her with every fiber of my being how much I missed being with her.
That's what you were feeling, Gordo? whispered Lizzie. That's what you were feeling? Me, too, Gordo, me too . . . . oh, you should have told me, Gordo, you should have told me . . . .
Hilary: But, you didn't do those things, you didn't tell her you missed her. Do you know how she must have felt the way you acted around her that day?
Lizzie felt a tinge of anger as she wrote her last message, wanting to get across to Adam/Gordo just how much he had hurt her on that day.
Adam: I know that now. But, back then, really, I guess I couldn't believe that such a beautiful girl like Lizzie could ever miss me the way I missed her, the way I loved her. So, instead of telling her how I really felt, I acted like I hardly missed her at all, that I was okay being away from her. But, the truth is, that day, I wanted nothing more than to just be, together, with the girl I loved.
Lizzie took in Gordo's words and didn't know if she wanted to hug him or to hit him. She was so mad that Gordo didn't tell her the truth back then, wishing things could have been different between them, knowing that on that day, their friendship could have began to develop into something more.
But, for the most part, she was so moved and touched by Gordo's tender words. It feels like he's letting me inside of his heart, thought Lizzie, and I love it so much. And Lizzie was slowly beginning to come to a realization, a truth that she had been so afraid of embracing, a truth that she had buried deep inside her heart for all these years.
Have I've been in love with Gordo all this time? Have I just been too afraid to admit to it? I don't know, I just don't know . . . . but, maybe, just maybe . . . .