Author's Note: here's chapter fourteen! Sorry it took longer than I
expected, this was an incredibly difficult chapter to write. Okay, here's
the story, please read and review! And the next chapter should be up
shortly. And after you finish reading this chapter, remember, that it's
always darkest right before dawn.
Also, if you are interested in being notified whenever I update one of my stories, just drop me an email! I do plan to finish all the stories I'm presently working on. I should be updating A Second Chance soon. hm
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As he was about to type in his message, his hands began to shake and he felt as if he were about to pass out. His head started to tingle and he was having great difficulty breathing. He felt like he was about to jump out of an airplane into the vast expanses of the open sky.
Adam: all those things I said, about, you know, how I felt about you, well . . . .what do you think?
Hilary: Um, not sure what you're asking. What do I think about what?
Adam: You know how I feel about you, Lizzie. How do you feel about me?
He did it. He asked the question he had been dying to ask for as long as he could remember. After typing in his question, he sat back, closed his eyes, nervously played with his hands, and waited with baited breath for Lizzie's answer . . . .
Lizzie saw Gordo's question, and her heart began to sink. Oh, my, gosh, no, no, no, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't, he did not ask me that question . . . .
She banged her head against the desk.
Yes, yes he did.
With a breath, she lifted her head, stared at the computer screen, began biting on her nails, and wondered about all the ways she could avoid answering the question.
How do I feel? How do I feel? Gordo, I don't know, I really don't know, I am so confused right now, I can't believe you asked me that question, I can't believe it . . . .
She kept biting her nails as she thought about everything that had happened on this night, and how for a moment, before Gordo had told her that he was falling in love with "Hilary," she wanted nothing more than to tell Gordo that she loved him, too. But now, she could only think about how so quickly Gordo had professed his love to that *other* woman.
Maybe he really doesn't love me, after all, maybe he never was in love with me . . . .
With feelings of jealousy, hurt, betrayal and hopeless confusion tugging at her heart, she tentatively typed in her response.
Hilary: well, I don't know Gordo, I'm not sure, I'm just a little bit confused, you know?
Confused??? His heart sank as he saw her message. That was *not* the answer he wanted to hear. Confused? About what?
He leaned back in his chair and mustered all his strength to suppress those painful feelings of rejection from overwhelming him.
Okay man, calm down, calm down, just ask her what she means, she could mean a lot of things by that, come on, it's too late to turn back now, it's now or never, you're about to find out how she feels about you, one way or the other . . . .
Adam: Confused? Confused in a good way or a bad way?
Hilary: I'm just confused, you know, about us. Confused about us. Yeah, that's it. : )
Oh! Right! Of course! David slapped himself on his forehead. Gordo Gordo Gordo, he muttered, that's a stupid question to ask, of course she's confused, because she still has a boyfriend! She can't in good conscience answer the question!
Adam: oh, yeah, sure, Lizzie, I understand, I do, I really do.
Hilary: Really?
Adam: Yeah, I do. I mean, that's not a fair question to ask of you since you're seeing someone right now.
Oh! Gordo still thinks I'm going out with Stewart! thought Lizzie. Ohmigosh, that's right, I never told him we broke up. Ugh, this has been such the strangest, complicated night . . . .
She raised her head, looked up towards the ceiling, seeking guidance from above.
Should I . . . should I tell him now?
Hilary: um, yeah, Stewart. I forgot about him.
Adam: How is he, by the way?
Hilary: Gordo, I need to tell you something, I want to tell you something.
Adam: okay, so tell me, what's up? : )
Hilary: Gordo, I broke up with Stewart a couple of months ago. I caught him cheating on me, it was so awful, so I broke it off with him.
"Wha . . .?" David's jaw dropped wide open. "She -she-broke up with Stewart?" When he finally grasped the meaning of that statement, he lept up from his seat and pumped his fists. "Yes!!" He shouted out. "Yes, yes, yes! Thank god she finally broke up with that loser!"
Still excited, he sat back in his seat to type in a response. His head was overflowing with the implications and possibilities of the profoundly different situation.
Adam: You did???
Hilary: yes.
Adam: I mean, I'm so sorry about it. Really I am.
Hilary: yeah, right! I bet you're thinking to yourself that you were right all along about Stewart, hmmm? ; )
Adam: lol, you got me there, Lizzie! : ) Yeah, you know what I think of that guy, but, seriously, I'm sorry it didn't work out, honestly.
Hilary: do you mean it?
Adam: yeah, Lizzie, honestly and truly. Because I'm sure whatever happened between you two, it must have hurt, and the one thing I hate more than anything in the world is seeing you get hurt.
Hilary: Thanks, Gordo, you're so good to me. : )
Adam: like I said, I've always got your back, McGuire. : )
Hilary: : ) : ) : )
He smiled confidently, as he began to believe that there might be something magical and special about this night, in the way that he had "found" Lizzie through such amazing chance, and in the way that he had just found on that the woman he loved was no longer seeing her boyfriend.
And, in the way that, on this night, he had finally told her the truth of his love for her.
This night seemed like it was all starting to build towards some resolution, some epiphany, and with all their talk about destiny tonight, he could sense that something special and extraordinary was about to happen. He could feel it, he could feel it deep in his soul.
Adam: Now, back to my earlier question. What about us, Lizzie? What do you think about us? The possibility of us?
She cringed as she read Gordo's question. Oh Gordo, I was hoping you'd forget about that question.
She didn't want to answer him, she didn't know how to him. She was, just as she told Gordo, still deeply confused, as she was still tormented by conflicting feelings and thoughts.
Does he really love me? Did he truly mean all those things he said about me? Can I trust him? Do I want to trust him? Oh, I don't know, I don't know . . . all I know is it would feel so awful to tell him how I feel about him if he'd rather be with Hilary than with me . . .
She sighed, and thought, yeah, I know it's insane to be jealous of myself, but I can't help it, that's how I feel right now. . . .
Hilary: Okay I'll be honest, it's only fair. oh, Gordo, when you were telling "Hilary" how you felt about me, those were such the sweetest things ever anyone has ever said to me. Your words touched me so much.
Adam: they did? : ) : )
Hilary: yes! They did! : ) but . . .
Uh-oh. But? But? But's not good, that's not good . . .
Adam: but what?
Hilary: Gordo, what I really want to know is, do you still feel that way about me? Right now? At this moment? Because I'm not so sure that you really do.
"Huh?" David was absolutely stunned by Lizzie's response. For as long as he could remember, David had often imagined how Lizzie would respond if he told her that he was in love with her. And in the all the scenarios that he played out in his head, he never, ever expected her to doubt and question his feelings for her!
"Man, life is so weird sometimes," he muttered.
Adam: let me get this straight, Lizzie, after this entire night of me telling you that I've been in love with you since the fourth grade, you *still* aren't sure how I feel about you?
Hilary: um, I really want to believe you, but, you know, it's a little hard, you know? Right? You understand?
Adam: uh, the answer would be no there, Lizzie, no, I don't understand. You don't believe what I've been telling you all night? I don't get it, Lizzie, I really don't.
Hilary: Come on Gordo, you've got to see my side. I mean, yeah, maybe you had a little crush on me way back when, but, now, I mean, how can you feel that way about me and yet just go and tell some stranger you've just met that you're falling in love with her?
Adam: Okay, now I'm the one who is seriously confused. What stranger? I've been chatting with you all night!
Hilary: You know who! Hilary! You told Hilary you were falling in love with her! Not with me, but with Hilary!
Adam: Uh, Lizzie, are you okay? You do know that you are Hilary, right?
Hilary: yes, yes, I know I'm really Hilary, but, *you* didn't know that.
Adam: Let me get this straight, you're upset with me because I told you that I was falling in love with Hilary, who just so happens to be YOU?
Hilary: Well, I'm trying to understand how you can love me and yet fall madly in love with a complete stranger you met online just a few hours ago. If that's case, maybe you don't really love me, right?
Adam: uh, can I remind you again, Lizzie, that *you* are Hilary? Honestly, it all makes sense that I was falling in love with you, Hilary, because Hilary reminded me so much of you, Lizzie!
Hilary: No, it doesn't make sense, Gordo. Because you didn't know I was Hilary, you thought you were falling in love with someone else.
Adam: no, really, Lizzie, deep down, I knew you were Hilary, I did, honestly.
Lizzie read Gordo's response and immediately thought, no, you're lying to me, Gordo, you're lying to me. Tears began streaming down her face.
You're lying to me, Gordo, just like Stewart lied to me. . . .
She started to remember that horrible day a few months ago when she found her boyfriend Stewart in bed with another woman. She remembered the way he kept telling her that he still really loved her and that the other woman didn't mean anything to him, that it was just a mistake.
Just like the way Gordo was telling her now that he really loved her even though he had just been flirting and falling in love with another woman.
And in this moment, she couldn't keep apart past and present, she couldn't differentiate between Stewart and Gordo, and her feelings began to go numb from the thoughts and memories of betrayal bombarding her heart.
Hilary: I don't believe you Gordo! How could you be truly and deeply in love with me, with me, lizzie mcguire, if you could fall so quickly in love with some woman you just met over the internet??? Come on, tell me, Gordo! Tell me!!
Adam: Lizzie, this is all so insane!! Hilary is YOU! You are Hilary!! This is all so surreal, and it's really getting frustrating. You are starting to make me so angry, Lizzie McGuire, you know that?
Hilary: no, you have no right to be angry with me, Gordo, but I have every single right to be angry and upset with you! You sure weren't acting like you loved me when you were flirting with Hilary!!
Adam: Lizzie, do you see what you're doing? You're acting as if I cheated on you!
Hilary: um, yeah, maybe . . .
Adam: Do you know how crazy that is? It makes no sense to accuse me of cheating on you since we never ever were together!
But I still feel betrayed, Gordo, I do, I still do! whispered Lizzie. Ohhhh, this is all making me so dizzy, I don't know what's going on anymore . . . .
Hilary: Look, Gordo, things have happened so fast, I don't know what to think or feel right now. All I know is I feel so hurt, so betrayed by everything that's happened tonight. Yeah, it may not make rational sense, but I'm a mess, Gordo, I'm a complete mess right now. Do you understand?
"She's feeling betrayed by me?" shouted David. No, I'm the one who should feel betrayed! I spill my soul to her and she responds by accusing me of betraying her and cheating on her?? Oh man, this is too unreal!
He couldn't think straight, as blood rushed through his head, and he kept thinking about everything he had told Lizzie tonight, and he never felt more embarrassed and exposed in his life.
Adam: You're the one who's hurt and betrayed? What about the way you lied to me tonight? I can't believe you didn't tell me who you were, I can't believe you lied to me this entire time. It was like you were manipulating me and toying with my heart this entire time!
Hilary: I'm sorry about that, really. But, Gordo, I can't help it, it still feels like you betrayed me, and I can't really trust you right now.
Adam: Alright, I am officially in the twilight zone. This conversation epitomizes the height of absurdity. Tell me this, okay?
Hilary: What's that?
Adam: Why do you care so much?
Hilary: huh?
Adam: Why do you care so much whether or not I truly love you, and by you, I mean YOU, you Lizzie McGuire. It's not like we're going out, or it's not like we are about to go out with each other. Right?
Hilary: I really don't know, Gordo. That's the honest truth. I just need some time, you know, to sort through my feelings.
Adam: Oh geez, it's deja vu again. It's like our last conversation, isn't it? You're going to tell me you want some space now, right, and not want to talk to me again? Right?
Hilary: Gordo, no, it's not like that at all. I just don't know what think right now.
Adam: Well, I know this . . . best friends don't manipulate their best friends, best friends don't deceive their best friends.
Hilary: I told you I'm sorry, Gordo! What more do you want from me?
Adam: Nothing, absolutely nothing. Lizzie, I need to go.
Hilary: You're going to leave now??
Adam: Yeah well, I have to get some sleep. And I want to tell you, honestly, that yeah, I did love you, Lizzie, a long time ago, but not anymore, not now, especially after tonight. It was all a mistake, all a big mistake. You're absolutely right, I don't love you anymore.
Hilary: Gordo! How can you say that?!?
Adam: Isn't that what you wanted to hear? And, like I said, what do you care anyway? Right?
Hilary: Gordo . . .
Adam: Look, I've got to go. I'll email you or call you later. Alright? I've got to go, I really need to get some sleep.
Hilary: Sure, whatever Gordo. Do whatever you want. Call me, email me, or not. I don't really care, I honestly don't care. Okay? I don't care if you never call me again!
Adam: that's fine by me, that's fine by me. Goodnight, Lizzie. Have a good life.
With that message, Adam Gerbalm logged out.
Gordo was gone.
Also, if you are interested in being notified whenever I update one of my stories, just drop me an email! I do plan to finish all the stories I'm presently working on. I should be updating A Second Chance soon. hm
____________________________________________________________________________ __
As he was about to type in his message, his hands began to shake and he felt as if he were about to pass out. His head started to tingle and he was having great difficulty breathing. He felt like he was about to jump out of an airplane into the vast expanses of the open sky.
Adam: all those things I said, about, you know, how I felt about you, well . . . .what do you think?
Hilary: Um, not sure what you're asking. What do I think about what?
Adam: You know how I feel about you, Lizzie. How do you feel about me?
He did it. He asked the question he had been dying to ask for as long as he could remember. After typing in his question, he sat back, closed his eyes, nervously played with his hands, and waited with baited breath for Lizzie's answer . . . .
Lizzie saw Gordo's question, and her heart began to sink. Oh, my, gosh, no, no, no, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't, he did not ask me that question . . . .
She banged her head against the desk.
Yes, yes he did.
With a breath, she lifted her head, stared at the computer screen, began biting on her nails, and wondered about all the ways she could avoid answering the question.
How do I feel? How do I feel? Gordo, I don't know, I really don't know, I am so confused right now, I can't believe you asked me that question, I can't believe it . . . .
She kept biting her nails as she thought about everything that had happened on this night, and how for a moment, before Gordo had told her that he was falling in love with "Hilary," she wanted nothing more than to tell Gordo that she loved him, too. But now, she could only think about how so quickly Gordo had professed his love to that *other* woman.
Maybe he really doesn't love me, after all, maybe he never was in love with me . . . .
With feelings of jealousy, hurt, betrayal and hopeless confusion tugging at her heart, she tentatively typed in her response.
Hilary: well, I don't know Gordo, I'm not sure, I'm just a little bit confused, you know?
Confused??? His heart sank as he saw her message. That was *not* the answer he wanted to hear. Confused? About what?
He leaned back in his chair and mustered all his strength to suppress those painful feelings of rejection from overwhelming him.
Okay man, calm down, calm down, just ask her what she means, she could mean a lot of things by that, come on, it's too late to turn back now, it's now or never, you're about to find out how she feels about you, one way or the other . . . .
Adam: Confused? Confused in a good way or a bad way?
Hilary: I'm just confused, you know, about us. Confused about us. Yeah, that's it. : )
Oh! Right! Of course! David slapped himself on his forehead. Gordo Gordo Gordo, he muttered, that's a stupid question to ask, of course she's confused, because she still has a boyfriend! She can't in good conscience answer the question!
Adam: oh, yeah, sure, Lizzie, I understand, I do, I really do.
Hilary: Really?
Adam: Yeah, I do. I mean, that's not a fair question to ask of you since you're seeing someone right now.
Oh! Gordo still thinks I'm going out with Stewart! thought Lizzie. Ohmigosh, that's right, I never told him we broke up. Ugh, this has been such the strangest, complicated night . . . .
She raised her head, looked up towards the ceiling, seeking guidance from above.
Should I . . . should I tell him now?
Hilary: um, yeah, Stewart. I forgot about him.
Adam: How is he, by the way?
Hilary: Gordo, I need to tell you something, I want to tell you something.
Adam: okay, so tell me, what's up? : )
Hilary: Gordo, I broke up with Stewart a couple of months ago. I caught him cheating on me, it was so awful, so I broke it off with him.
"Wha . . .?" David's jaw dropped wide open. "She -she-broke up with Stewart?" When he finally grasped the meaning of that statement, he lept up from his seat and pumped his fists. "Yes!!" He shouted out. "Yes, yes, yes! Thank god she finally broke up with that loser!"
Still excited, he sat back in his seat to type in a response. His head was overflowing with the implications and possibilities of the profoundly different situation.
Adam: You did???
Hilary: yes.
Adam: I mean, I'm so sorry about it. Really I am.
Hilary: yeah, right! I bet you're thinking to yourself that you were right all along about Stewart, hmmm? ; )
Adam: lol, you got me there, Lizzie! : ) Yeah, you know what I think of that guy, but, seriously, I'm sorry it didn't work out, honestly.
Hilary: do you mean it?
Adam: yeah, Lizzie, honestly and truly. Because I'm sure whatever happened between you two, it must have hurt, and the one thing I hate more than anything in the world is seeing you get hurt.
Hilary: Thanks, Gordo, you're so good to me. : )
Adam: like I said, I've always got your back, McGuire. : )
Hilary: : ) : ) : )
He smiled confidently, as he began to believe that there might be something magical and special about this night, in the way that he had "found" Lizzie through such amazing chance, and in the way that he had just found on that the woman he loved was no longer seeing her boyfriend.
And, in the way that, on this night, he had finally told her the truth of his love for her.
This night seemed like it was all starting to build towards some resolution, some epiphany, and with all their talk about destiny tonight, he could sense that something special and extraordinary was about to happen. He could feel it, he could feel it deep in his soul.
Adam: Now, back to my earlier question. What about us, Lizzie? What do you think about us? The possibility of us?
She cringed as she read Gordo's question. Oh Gordo, I was hoping you'd forget about that question.
She didn't want to answer him, she didn't know how to him. She was, just as she told Gordo, still deeply confused, as she was still tormented by conflicting feelings and thoughts.
Does he really love me? Did he truly mean all those things he said about me? Can I trust him? Do I want to trust him? Oh, I don't know, I don't know . . . all I know is it would feel so awful to tell him how I feel about him if he'd rather be with Hilary than with me . . .
She sighed, and thought, yeah, I know it's insane to be jealous of myself, but I can't help it, that's how I feel right now. . . .
Hilary: Okay I'll be honest, it's only fair. oh, Gordo, when you were telling "Hilary" how you felt about me, those were such the sweetest things ever anyone has ever said to me. Your words touched me so much.
Adam: they did? : ) : )
Hilary: yes! They did! : ) but . . .
Uh-oh. But? But? But's not good, that's not good . . .
Adam: but what?
Hilary: Gordo, what I really want to know is, do you still feel that way about me? Right now? At this moment? Because I'm not so sure that you really do.
"Huh?" David was absolutely stunned by Lizzie's response. For as long as he could remember, David had often imagined how Lizzie would respond if he told her that he was in love with her. And in the all the scenarios that he played out in his head, he never, ever expected her to doubt and question his feelings for her!
"Man, life is so weird sometimes," he muttered.
Adam: let me get this straight, Lizzie, after this entire night of me telling you that I've been in love with you since the fourth grade, you *still* aren't sure how I feel about you?
Hilary: um, I really want to believe you, but, you know, it's a little hard, you know? Right? You understand?
Adam: uh, the answer would be no there, Lizzie, no, I don't understand. You don't believe what I've been telling you all night? I don't get it, Lizzie, I really don't.
Hilary: Come on Gordo, you've got to see my side. I mean, yeah, maybe you had a little crush on me way back when, but, now, I mean, how can you feel that way about me and yet just go and tell some stranger you've just met that you're falling in love with her?
Adam: Okay, now I'm the one who is seriously confused. What stranger? I've been chatting with you all night!
Hilary: You know who! Hilary! You told Hilary you were falling in love with her! Not with me, but with Hilary!
Adam: Uh, Lizzie, are you okay? You do know that you are Hilary, right?
Hilary: yes, yes, I know I'm really Hilary, but, *you* didn't know that.
Adam: Let me get this straight, you're upset with me because I told you that I was falling in love with Hilary, who just so happens to be YOU?
Hilary: Well, I'm trying to understand how you can love me and yet fall madly in love with a complete stranger you met online just a few hours ago. If that's case, maybe you don't really love me, right?
Adam: uh, can I remind you again, Lizzie, that *you* are Hilary? Honestly, it all makes sense that I was falling in love with you, Hilary, because Hilary reminded me so much of you, Lizzie!
Hilary: No, it doesn't make sense, Gordo. Because you didn't know I was Hilary, you thought you were falling in love with someone else.
Adam: no, really, Lizzie, deep down, I knew you were Hilary, I did, honestly.
Lizzie read Gordo's response and immediately thought, no, you're lying to me, Gordo, you're lying to me. Tears began streaming down her face.
You're lying to me, Gordo, just like Stewart lied to me. . . .
She started to remember that horrible day a few months ago when she found her boyfriend Stewart in bed with another woman. She remembered the way he kept telling her that he still really loved her and that the other woman didn't mean anything to him, that it was just a mistake.
Just like the way Gordo was telling her now that he really loved her even though he had just been flirting and falling in love with another woman.
And in this moment, she couldn't keep apart past and present, she couldn't differentiate between Stewart and Gordo, and her feelings began to go numb from the thoughts and memories of betrayal bombarding her heart.
Hilary: I don't believe you Gordo! How could you be truly and deeply in love with me, with me, lizzie mcguire, if you could fall so quickly in love with some woman you just met over the internet??? Come on, tell me, Gordo! Tell me!!
Adam: Lizzie, this is all so insane!! Hilary is YOU! You are Hilary!! This is all so surreal, and it's really getting frustrating. You are starting to make me so angry, Lizzie McGuire, you know that?
Hilary: no, you have no right to be angry with me, Gordo, but I have every single right to be angry and upset with you! You sure weren't acting like you loved me when you were flirting with Hilary!!
Adam: Lizzie, do you see what you're doing? You're acting as if I cheated on you!
Hilary: um, yeah, maybe . . .
Adam: Do you know how crazy that is? It makes no sense to accuse me of cheating on you since we never ever were together!
But I still feel betrayed, Gordo, I do, I still do! whispered Lizzie. Ohhhh, this is all making me so dizzy, I don't know what's going on anymore . . . .
Hilary: Look, Gordo, things have happened so fast, I don't know what to think or feel right now. All I know is I feel so hurt, so betrayed by everything that's happened tonight. Yeah, it may not make rational sense, but I'm a mess, Gordo, I'm a complete mess right now. Do you understand?
"She's feeling betrayed by me?" shouted David. No, I'm the one who should feel betrayed! I spill my soul to her and she responds by accusing me of betraying her and cheating on her?? Oh man, this is too unreal!
He couldn't think straight, as blood rushed through his head, and he kept thinking about everything he had told Lizzie tonight, and he never felt more embarrassed and exposed in his life.
Adam: You're the one who's hurt and betrayed? What about the way you lied to me tonight? I can't believe you didn't tell me who you were, I can't believe you lied to me this entire time. It was like you were manipulating me and toying with my heart this entire time!
Hilary: I'm sorry about that, really. But, Gordo, I can't help it, it still feels like you betrayed me, and I can't really trust you right now.
Adam: Alright, I am officially in the twilight zone. This conversation epitomizes the height of absurdity. Tell me this, okay?
Hilary: What's that?
Adam: Why do you care so much?
Hilary: huh?
Adam: Why do you care so much whether or not I truly love you, and by you, I mean YOU, you Lizzie McGuire. It's not like we're going out, or it's not like we are about to go out with each other. Right?
Hilary: I really don't know, Gordo. That's the honest truth. I just need some time, you know, to sort through my feelings.
Adam: Oh geez, it's deja vu again. It's like our last conversation, isn't it? You're going to tell me you want some space now, right, and not want to talk to me again? Right?
Hilary: Gordo, no, it's not like that at all. I just don't know what think right now.
Adam: Well, I know this . . . best friends don't manipulate their best friends, best friends don't deceive their best friends.
Hilary: I told you I'm sorry, Gordo! What more do you want from me?
Adam: Nothing, absolutely nothing. Lizzie, I need to go.
Hilary: You're going to leave now??
Adam: Yeah well, I have to get some sleep. And I want to tell you, honestly, that yeah, I did love you, Lizzie, a long time ago, but not anymore, not now, especially after tonight. It was all a mistake, all a big mistake. You're absolutely right, I don't love you anymore.
Hilary: Gordo! How can you say that?!?
Adam: Isn't that what you wanted to hear? And, like I said, what do you care anyway? Right?
Hilary: Gordo . . .
Adam: Look, I've got to go. I'll email you or call you later. Alright? I've got to go, I really need to get some sleep.
Hilary: Sure, whatever Gordo. Do whatever you want. Call me, email me, or not. I don't really care, I honestly don't care. Okay? I don't care if you never call me again!
Adam: that's fine by me, that's fine by me. Goodnight, Lizzie. Have a good life.
With that message, Adam Gerbalm logged out.
Gordo was gone.