January 15, 2002.
By Yashira
Dear…
I have this terrible problem. I have this hole in my hand and it's getting bigger and bigger with each day that passes. I don't know if I can catch the guy who put it there since time is running short and he keeps disappearing on me and my friends. All he seems to know is how to make our lives a living hell… before he takes off and hides. I know he sounds like a flea I know, but this is getting so serious. If we don't catch him I have to father a child to take my place and I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND A GIRL who will do it... At least none my age! I need help here, what about you, can you bear my child?!
~Signed a Desperate Monk
Dear D.M.
Shut up and stop whining. Why don't you just die already since the purpose of that hole was to get rid of your pathetic existence, NOT to prolong it. By the by, you will never catch me because I'm just soooo good at laying traps and tricks for you. You obviously are a very stubborn bastard who doesn't know the meaning of the word LOSE, but I wished you would take one of my many hints and DIE. Why bother fathering children, they're just going to die like your father. No one in their right mind would bear your child.
~Naraku
P.S.
DIE!!
Oi Miroku,
What the hell are you doing? Are you like Kagome, getting so desperate that you have to go and plead on paper too?! Naraku's going down so I don't know why you have to get so concerned. I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!!! Ahem, get a grip or you won't have to worry about that hole killing you, BUT ME!!
~Yours truly the "kick ass" Inuyasha
Dear Desperate Monk
Don't do anything hasty and by all means DON'T panic. We're all in this together. Naraku hurts one of us, he hurts us all and don't think to take any more of his hellish wasps either or I really will let Inuyasha pound you next time. But about finding a nice girl to be the mother of your child, I'm sure someone like that is closer to you then you think…
(Time passes)
Okay I had to just calm down Inuyasha, but it's his own damn fault for reading over my shoulder and thinking the wrong thing. I wonder who taught him such a bad habit. But you were right about the Osuwari, it works ^=^V.
~Kagome
P.S Girls might take you seriously if you stop copping a free feel.
Dear D.M.
So you have a problem, so what. Fertility issues don't concern me..
~Sesshomaru
…
~Kanna
"Snicker"
What this? You're going to die? Oh well, it doesn't concern me, just so long as you're not going to touch MY Kagome. Hold on… Inuyasha's asking for a beating… be right back...
(Time passes)
and passes…
and passes…)
Okay, now that I "kicked" his ass, I'm going to reassert myself. Do what ever you want, but if you touch my Kagome, I'll end your life that much faster than Inuyasha and Naraku.
~ From "a don't you touch my woman" Kouga
Dear D.M.
Hmm, if you're going to blow up, don't take Inuyasha with you. Also I'm not interested in bearing your child or anyone else's child. I'm dead remember.
~Kikyo
Miroku…
Sniffle, Miroku I feel so bad for you, but I just remembered something you once said. Remember that time when we were all talking about Inuyasha's mindless side and you said you'd run away by the time he'd eat me… I think we'll all run away by the time you blow up so you don't have to worry about taking us with you. Hmm that doesn't really help you does it..
~Shippo
P.s. Sorry.. I didn't help Inuyasha either that time when I asked him why Kagome helped Kouga after he kidnapped her and stuff… he got very mad too.
Dear Miroku
Miroku just concentrate on destroying youkai and the rest will follow. Just remember 3 important rules. 1. Get them first. 2. Don't get caught. 3. When all else fails.. RUN!
~Kaede
P.s. I'd be honoured to bear your child but you're 50 years too late.
Um, D.M.
Hmm, that's good advise from Kaede. Run and run often.
~The one and only Myoga
Dear D.M.
I can't believe you, taking this out on the public at large! We all known Naraku's going to "get" his in the end soon so you have nothing to worry about. Hold on a second, Kagome is looking over my shoulder.
(Time passes)
Arrgh, what's with Kagome saying, "I'm worried about you." I don't care who is the mother of your child! I just don't think you should advertise to the world about it. I mean what's the rush.. it shouldn't be with a perfect stranger should it?
~Sango
P.S. I am Not in love with you AND I'M NOT JEALOUS!!