Chapter
12..........................................................................
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Syd's POV
I wipe away tears quickly. "Come in". Vaughn is here.
And he opens the door a little and peeks his head in.
"Hey" he says with a smile.
See, he is the only one who can make me smile even though I have been crying.
"Hey. Come in". He comes in. Now he is wearing causal clothes.
"Are you alright?" I think he has noticed that I have been crying.
"Yeah, I'm fine". Am I? I don't know...
"Have you taken the medicine?" He's always worried about me, always tries to make sure I'm okay.
He says looking around and finds the two boxes of medicines on the table.
"No, I haven't. I just had a phone call from my dad". Now he looks at me surprised. Reading his mind... I say...
"Yeah, I know. He just wanted to know if the mission was successful." I stop... I'm not sure if I want to talk about my dad right now.
"Oh. was it all?" Now he asks...I cannot lie to him.
"Well, not really. Then he asked me if I was ok." I say, looking away. My dad did actually ask me if I was ok, didn't he?
It's just my dad has never shown that he cared about me for last 20-odd years; it's very strange to see his concern about me.
Vaughn comes close to the bed and sit on the edge of the bed. looking at me. I can feel... that he is looking at my heart, reading my mind.
"Yeah...I think he was a bit worried about you". He confirms what I was feeling but avoiding to believe. How could he read my mind so quickly?
"Vaughn, he doesn't have a heart to worry about me or anyone else. To him, I have been a stranger for a long time. It's not possible for him to warm up his heart that quickly just because I appeared in his life again." I explain to him...almost in tears... because I know that I am not only talking about my dad. This is about me.
I try everything not to have this hope. I'm not allowing myself to make the same mistake. All my hopes were destroyed... this time; I'm not going to let myself do that again. Never.
But. I want to cry. I just want to cry. I'm sick of it but.
Then suddenly, I feel a warm hand grabs my hand.
He brings me back to the reality.
I look at him.
His eyes show everything... his concern, his care towards me, his trust in me and his kindness. His eyes are too beautiful and too clear. I want to run away... I want to hide from him. I don't want him to see my eyes... my heart...
"Syd, I think he does care about you but he doesn't know how to show it." He says softly but I didn't want to heat these words. Even these words were from Vaughn, I didn't want to hear.
"But right now, you need to take the medicine. Which one do you want to take? Capsule one or other one?" He quickly asks me. He knows me.
I thank him for changing the subject and I'm so grateful for that. I don't want to think about my dad right now and he knows that. He knows that I'm not ready to face this issue.
"I take the capsule one, thanks".
He gets up and walks to the table, gets two capsules and a glass of water. He comes back to me and gives me these.
Then he puts the kettle on and pours some hot water into the pretty mug. I really love that mug but I'm not sure what he is making.
"Vaughn? What are you making?" My curiosity wins.
Now he is mixing something in the mug, turning towards me. His answer is... a smile.
I have noticed that his smile is very infectious... when he smiles.it makes me want to smile too. I don't know why but it just happens.
"Well, I called my mum and she suggested this. I hope you like it. If you don't like it, just tell me."
And he comes over and sits on the edge of the bed, gives me the sunflower mug.
I smell the things in the mug. While I sip slowly, trying not to burn my tongue, he explains.
"I asked my mum what I ate when I was little and ill, but I wasn't that kind of kid who got ill often, so she couldn't remember. But she remembered that she made this tea, ginger-lemon tea for me and for my little sister when we were not well. It has got gingers, lemon juice and some honey. It keeps you warm and other good stuff she told me but I cannot remember."
This is actually nice. I was feeling chill but this is warming me from inside.
"This is very nice. I like it. May be I should make it when I get home". He seemed to be relieved that I like this tea.
The image of little Vaughn wrapped up and drinking this tea makes me...
"What are you smiling at?" Vaughn suddenly asks. his eyes are also mischievously smiling at me.
I have never seen this type of Vaughn.
"Well, I was just trying to imagine you as a little boy, wrapped up and drinking this tea. You must have been a really cute little boy and your sweet little sister as well.". I feel my whole body is suddenly really warm.
"Me? A little cute boy? And my sweet little sister? If you say that to my mum, she will definitely suffocate with laughter." He shakes his head, laughing. yeah. I'm hearing Vaughn's laughter.
I have never had a chance to hear his laugher before. He's been worried about me so much. I have never given him chance to laugh. I suddenly feel really guilty for making his life miserable. but I try not to show that feeling of this guilt. this is the moment he can laugh.
I want him to laugh when he can...so I smile while Vaughn carries on talking.
"I have no idea where you have got the image of me as a cute little boy and my sister as a sweet little girl but you are completely wrong." Now he is really laughing, well more like. giggling.
"You don't want to know what sort of child I was. But right now, I'm not going to tell you anything about my childhood because I want you to keep the image of me as a cute little boy. I don't want to destroy that image."
Now, I really want to know what sort of child he was. I really do!
"Vaughn, I really want to know. I didn't even know you have a little sister." I tell him while I'm sipping this warm tea which is definitely making me feel warm.
I just don't know anything about him. I only know some parts of him; worried, concerned and tired. I didn't know his laughter. I didn't know his eyes can be mischievous.
The feeling of guilt starts wining over my effort of hiding it.
The feeling of guilt that because I am in his life now. he constantly has to worry about me. protect me. I try really hard to push away this feeling of guilt.
This is not the time for me feeling guilty and feeling sorry for myself. This is the time and chance to know about different side of Vaughn. I try to image what Vaughn's sister looks like.
"Yeah, I have a little sister but sometimes I really wish I was only child, other times, she can understand me more than my mum can. But we used to argue and fight a lot when we were little."
Okay, a little Vaughn, fighting with his little sister. the image makes me grin.
"Oh, so you made her cry a lot?" I confirm his statement. I'm sure he did.
"No! I did not say that! And for the record, I did not make her cry but I was such a kind, gentle and a protective brother. Haven't you seen my CIA personal record? My CIA records state that I have never made my little sister cry and that was the main reason I was recruited by CIA. Didn't you know that?" He says in a very serious tone and sombre expression.
I burst into laugh. I didn't know Vaughn is this kind of person. who can just make someone laugh easily. To be honest, I haven't seen his personal record. May be I should check when I get back to L.A.
"Well, but you said you fought with her a lot. considering you are the older brother and male, and your sister is younger than you, my instinct tells me that you did make her cry a lot as you said you fought with her often. Am I right, Agent Vaughn?" Now I could imagine, little Vaughn making his little sister cry and then being told off by his mother.
"Ok, you have to stop whatever you are thinking right now. Honestly, I didn't make her cry that often. Check my CIA personal record! Or you can call my sister. oh, no, may be that's a really bad idea".
I have never seen him ramble and his rambling is just so sweet and funny. I wish I could record this conversation on a tape so that when I feel down, I could listen to it. I'm sure it will cheer me up.
"But, for now, you need to get some rest." Now he is back to worried- Vaughn, and why does he say thing my dad said? But right now, I don't have energy to think or argue.
"You really need to get sleep, you know. You have to go back to LA tomorrow and if you are not well, it's going to be a really tough flight for you. So, now you are going to get some sleep. No argument."
So I get up and go to the bath room, get ready for bed while Vaughn is cleaning up the room.
I feel like my whole body is a big stone. Thanks to the capsules, my headache is getting better. I go back into the bed.
Vaughn is in the bath room and now he comes out with a small wet cloth in his hand. He put it on my forehead. It feels really cool and nice for my pounding head.
"Sweet dreams. I'll be here when you need me, OK?" What? Is he going to stay here all night?
"Vaughn? Where are you going to sleep?"
"Don't worry about me. I can sleep on that sofa."
"But, Vaughn!"
"Syd, get some sleep, don't worry about me. Beside, it's not unusual for me to sleep on the sofa. I often fall asleep on the sofa when I'm home. Now, shut your eyes and get some sleep! Or do I have to sing a song for you?" He teases me. and I smile.
How long it has been since the last time I smiled in the bed. A long, long time. and here I am, smiling to get some sleep, feeling safe, warm and grateful. I close my eyes.
"Thank you so much Vaughn. good night." I say with whole my heart.
"Good night Sydney." His soft voice leads me to the sweet dream I haven't had for a long time.
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Syd's POV
I wipe away tears quickly. "Come in". Vaughn is here.
And he opens the door a little and peeks his head in.
"Hey" he says with a smile.
See, he is the only one who can make me smile even though I have been crying.
"Hey. Come in". He comes in. Now he is wearing causal clothes.
"Are you alright?" I think he has noticed that I have been crying.
"Yeah, I'm fine". Am I? I don't know...
"Have you taken the medicine?" He's always worried about me, always tries to make sure I'm okay.
He says looking around and finds the two boxes of medicines on the table.
"No, I haven't. I just had a phone call from my dad". Now he looks at me surprised. Reading his mind... I say...
"Yeah, I know. He just wanted to know if the mission was successful." I stop... I'm not sure if I want to talk about my dad right now.
"Oh. was it all?" Now he asks...I cannot lie to him.
"Well, not really. Then he asked me if I was ok." I say, looking away. My dad did actually ask me if I was ok, didn't he?
It's just my dad has never shown that he cared about me for last 20-odd years; it's very strange to see his concern about me.
Vaughn comes close to the bed and sit on the edge of the bed. looking at me. I can feel... that he is looking at my heart, reading my mind.
"Yeah...I think he was a bit worried about you". He confirms what I was feeling but avoiding to believe. How could he read my mind so quickly?
"Vaughn, he doesn't have a heart to worry about me or anyone else. To him, I have been a stranger for a long time. It's not possible for him to warm up his heart that quickly just because I appeared in his life again." I explain to him...almost in tears... because I know that I am not only talking about my dad. This is about me.
I try everything not to have this hope. I'm not allowing myself to make the same mistake. All my hopes were destroyed... this time; I'm not going to let myself do that again. Never.
But. I want to cry. I just want to cry. I'm sick of it but.
Then suddenly, I feel a warm hand grabs my hand.
He brings me back to the reality.
I look at him.
His eyes show everything... his concern, his care towards me, his trust in me and his kindness. His eyes are too beautiful and too clear. I want to run away... I want to hide from him. I don't want him to see my eyes... my heart...
"Syd, I think he does care about you but he doesn't know how to show it." He says softly but I didn't want to heat these words. Even these words were from Vaughn, I didn't want to hear.
"But right now, you need to take the medicine. Which one do you want to take? Capsule one or other one?" He quickly asks me. He knows me.
I thank him for changing the subject and I'm so grateful for that. I don't want to think about my dad right now and he knows that. He knows that I'm not ready to face this issue.
"I take the capsule one, thanks".
He gets up and walks to the table, gets two capsules and a glass of water. He comes back to me and gives me these.
Then he puts the kettle on and pours some hot water into the pretty mug. I really love that mug but I'm not sure what he is making.
"Vaughn? What are you making?" My curiosity wins.
Now he is mixing something in the mug, turning towards me. His answer is... a smile.
I have noticed that his smile is very infectious... when he smiles.it makes me want to smile too. I don't know why but it just happens.
"Well, I called my mum and she suggested this. I hope you like it. If you don't like it, just tell me."
And he comes over and sits on the edge of the bed, gives me the sunflower mug.
I smell the things in the mug. While I sip slowly, trying not to burn my tongue, he explains.
"I asked my mum what I ate when I was little and ill, but I wasn't that kind of kid who got ill often, so she couldn't remember. But she remembered that she made this tea, ginger-lemon tea for me and for my little sister when we were not well. It has got gingers, lemon juice and some honey. It keeps you warm and other good stuff she told me but I cannot remember."
This is actually nice. I was feeling chill but this is warming me from inside.
"This is very nice. I like it. May be I should make it when I get home". He seemed to be relieved that I like this tea.
The image of little Vaughn wrapped up and drinking this tea makes me...
"What are you smiling at?" Vaughn suddenly asks. his eyes are also mischievously smiling at me.
I have never seen this type of Vaughn.
"Well, I was just trying to imagine you as a little boy, wrapped up and drinking this tea. You must have been a really cute little boy and your sweet little sister as well.". I feel my whole body is suddenly really warm.
"Me? A little cute boy? And my sweet little sister? If you say that to my mum, she will definitely suffocate with laughter." He shakes his head, laughing. yeah. I'm hearing Vaughn's laughter.
I have never had a chance to hear his laugher before. He's been worried about me so much. I have never given him chance to laugh. I suddenly feel really guilty for making his life miserable. but I try not to show that feeling of this guilt. this is the moment he can laugh.
I want him to laugh when he can...so I smile while Vaughn carries on talking.
"I have no idea where you have got the image of me as a cute little boy and my sister as a sweet little girl but you are completely wrong." Now he is really laughing, well more like. giggling.
"You don't want to know what sort of child I was. But right now, I'm not going to tell you anything about my childhood because I want you to keep the image of me as a cute little boy. I don't want to destroy that image."
Now, I really want to know what sort of child he was. I really do!
"Vaughn, I really want to know. I didn't even know you have a little sister." I tell him while I'm sipping this warm tea which is definitely making me feel warm.
I just don't know anything about him. I only know some parts of him; worried, concerned and tired. I didn't know his laughter. I didn't know his eyes can be mischievous.
The feeling of guilt starts wining over my effort of hiding it.
The feeling of guilt that because I am in his life now. he constantly has to worry about me. protect me. I try really hard to push away this feeling of guilt.
This is not the time for me feeling guilty and feeling sorry for myself. This is the time and chance to know about different side of Vaughn. I try to image what Vaughn's sister looks like.
"Yeah, I have a little sister but sometimes I really wish I was only child, other times, she can understand me more than my mum can. But we used to argue and fight a lot when we were little."
Okay, a little Vaughn, fighting with his little sister. the image makes me grin.
"Oh, so you made her cry a lot?" I confirm his statement. I'm sure he did.
"No! I did not say that! And for the record, I did not make her cry but I was such a kind, gentle and a protective brother. Haven't you seen my CIA personal record? My CIA records state that I have never made my little sister cry and that was the main reason I was recruited by CIA. Didn't you know that?" He says in a very serious tone and sombre expression.
I burst into laugh. I didn't know Vaughn is this kind of person. who can just make someone laugh easily. To be honest, I haven't seen his personal record. May be I should check when I get back to L.A.
"Well, but you said you fought with her a lot. considering you are the older brother and male, and your sister is younger than you, my instinct tells me that you did make her cry a lot as you said you fought with her often. Am I right, Agent Vaughn?" Now I could imagine, little Vaughn making his little sister cry and then being told off by his mother.
"Ok, you have to stop whatever you are thinking right now. Honestly, I didn't make her cry that often. Check my CIA personal record! Or you can call my sister. oh, no, may be that's a really bad idea".
I have never seen him ramble and his rambling is just so sweet and funny. I wish I could record this conversation on a tape so that when I feel down, I could listen to it. I'm sure it will cheer me up.
"But, for now, you need to get some rest." Now he is back to worried- Vaughn, and why does he say thing my dad said? But right now, I don't have energy to think or argue.
"You really need to get sleep, you know. You have to go back to LA tomorrow and if you are not well, it's going to be a really tough flight for you. So, now you are going to get some sleep. No argument."
So I get up and go to the bath room, get ready for bed while Vaughn is cleaning up the room.
I feel like my whole body is a big stone. Thanks to the capsules, my headache is getting better. I go back into the bed.
Vaughn is in the bath room and now he comes out with a small wet cloth in his hand. He put it on my forehead. It feels really cool and nice for my pounding head.
"Sweet dreams. I'll be here when you need me, OK?" What? Is he going to stay here all night?
"Vaughn? Where are you going to sleep?"
"Don't worry about me. I can sleep on that sofa."
"But, Vaughn!"
"Syd, get some sleep, don't worry about me. Beside, it's not unusual for me to sleep on the sofa. I often fall asleep on the sofa when I'm home. Now, shut your eyes and get some sleep! Or do I have to sing a song for you?" He teases me. and I smile.
How long it has been since the last time I smiled in the bed. A long, long time. and here I am, smiling to get some sleep, feeling safe, warm and grateful. I close my eyes.
"Thank you so much Vaughn. good night." I say with whole my heart.
"Good night Sydney." His soft voice leads me to the sweet dream I haven't had for a long time.
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