Chapter 14..........
Vaughn's POV
I suddenly woke up. I thought I heard someone's crying.
But it's quiet here. was it a dream?
I sit up and look at my watch. I have slept about 5 hours.
Suddenly, I realize that the voice I heard crying wasn't a dream.
I quickly get up and walk to the bedside, with my heart pounding; a wave of worrying feeling washes my whole body.
Sydney's hands are clutching the sheet and the pillow tightly and crying softly. her tears falling down from her closed eyes.
How much do I hate to see these tears falling down. each tear drop stabs my heart.
"Sydney." It just came out of my mouth. why can't I make her happy?
"I'm so sorry daddy. I'm so sorry." she mumbles. crying. I have never heard of this painful voice, a voice of desperation, a voice of. agony. I have never felt this much of agony in my heart for a long time. I could feel this voice is crushing me.
"Sydney. wake up. Sydney." I put my hand on her warm hand.
Why can't she have one peaceful night? Just one night.
I get angry. but don't know, to where I could throw this anger.
"Sydney..." I put my other hand on her forehead. and another giant wave of fear washes me. her fever is back. I need to wake her up.
"Sydney. wake up." I gently shake her shoulder, hoping I can pull her out of her nightmare.
She slowly opens her teary eyes slowly, staring at her hand covered with my hand for a minute.
Then she slowly looks at me. her blank expression. I have never seen this expression from anyone. it's like. she's gone..
"Sydney?" I ask quietly, wanting to know if she is really here with me.
She looks away. She pulls her hand away from my hand.
It's obvious she is rejecting me. How much do I want to give her a hug. how much do I want to make her comfortable.
But if I do now. she will go down deeper into her darkness. so I decided to wait. She is not ready to come out from the box.
I croutch down on my knees and put my both arms on the bed resting my face on them so that I can have the same eye-level.
She is still staring at the sheet. She has a fever and I can tell she is exhausted but I have to wait.one of the most difficult things.
Then, she looks at me with the same blank expression on her face. One small step she takes.
Look into the other's eyes, many frustrations
Read between the lines, no words just vibrations
Don't ignore hidden desires
Pay attention, you're playing with fire
"You need to take the medicine again. Your fever is back. Can you take it?" I ask her as gently as I can. My reward is a small nod. Another small step forward she has taken.
I get up and pour water into the glass. I take two capsules and go back to Sydney.
Sydney tries to prop herself up a little and I put other pillows on her back so she can lean against them. She looks at me again. her way of saying a small "thanks". I give her a little smile, telling her that she is welcome.
She takes the capsules and drinks a little water. She gives me back the glass of water. I take it and put it back on the bedside table.
I croutch down on my knees again.so that now I'm looking up to her. Her hands are tightly grasping the sheet. and she is staring at her hands. I wait for a while.
I wonder if I should ask another question. I trust my judgement so I ask her again.
"Syd? Do you want to have a cup of hot chocolate?" with smile, hoping she will nod her head. I just want her to nod. that's all.
She looks at me, her expression. is. a bit surprised? Then.
"Yes." I hear her soft whisper . and I say "thank you, thank you, thank you" to her in my mind.
I didn't expect her to answer. I just smile. when I'm with her. I smile a lot.
"I'll make a cup of hot chocolate for you right away."
I get up and put the kettle on. I put the chocolate powder on the mug and pour hot water, mixing it. just hoping I can make her feel a little better.
I give her the mug and she takes it, looking at me.
I hear a whisper of "thanks" which certainly makes me smile again. See. she is amazing.
"You are very welcome." I now sit on the bed, looking at her.
She takes a sip slowly. She looks down on the mug and keeps herself in her own world.
But that's ok. She still let the window open for me even though I'm not allowed to get into her world, the window is still open. She didn't shut the window, so I keep quiet and wait.
Silence must be heard
Noise should be observed
The time has come to learn, that silence ...
... silence must be heard
Or diamonds will burn, friendly cards will turn
Cause silence has the right to be heard
She needs time. That's all.
Do you know how much it is important to stop and have a moment to be quiet, while everything else is moving so fast around you?
Since I became Sydney's handler, I learned to stop and take a moment to look into myself for a moment. otherwise. I'd have lost myself completely.
It's not easy. because when I look at myself, I see how hopeless and useless I am to Sydney but then the moment usually gives me one or two way to be a better handler because. I see where I'm wrong.
One moment. that all matters and that moment. you can see who you really are.
I think Sydney is feeling that moment. so I wait, looking at her even though she doesn't look at me. She needs to look at herself first.
People talk too much for what they have to say
Words without a meaning, just fading away
Silence must be heard
Noise should be observed
The time has come to learn, that silence ...
... silence must be heard
Or diamonds will burn, friendly cards will turn
Cause silence has the right to be heard
I'm just so glad that at least she drinks the cup of hot chocolate I made.
Suddenly, she looks at me. this time. with full of emotions in her eyes.
"I loved him so much." She says quietly. tears forming in her eyes. "but I wasn't good enough to be loved by him." She looks away. Her tears fall down.
"I tried everything. I tried my best but I wasn't good enough to keep his love for me." Her heart is crying.
"I wasn't good enough to make him feel my love towards him." She holds the mug with both hands tightly. "I couldn't make him happy again." Another tear falls down on her cheek.
I feel a big lump in my throat. Because I can feel her pain in my own heart.
Vaughn's POV
I suddenly woke up. I thought I heard someone's crying.
But it's quiet here. was it a dream?
I sit up and look at my watch. I have slept about 5 hours.
Suddenly, I realize that the voice I heard crying wasn't a dream.
I quickly get up and walk to the bedside, with my heart pounding; a wave of worrying feeling washes my whole body.
Sydney's hands are clutching the sheet and the pillow tightly and crying softly. her tears falling down from her closed eyes.
How much do I hate to see these tears falling down. each tear drop stabs my heart.
"Sydney." It just came out of my mouth. why can't I make her happy?
"I'm so sorry daddy. I'm so sorry." she mumbles. crying. I have never heard of this painful voice, a voice of desperation, a voice of. agony. I have never felt this much of agony in my heart for a long time. I could feel this voice is crushing me.
"Sydney. wake up. Sydney." I put my hand on her warm hand.
Why can't she have one peaceful night? Just one night.
I get angry. but don't know, to where I could throw this anger.
"Sydney..." I put my other hand on her forehead. and another giant wave of fear washes me. her fever is back. I need to wake her up.
"Sydney. wake up." I gently shake her shoulder, hoping I can pull her out of her nightmare.
She slowly opens her teary eyes slowly, staring at her hand covered with my hand for a minute.
Then she slowly looks at me. her blank expression. I have never seen this expression from anyone. it's like. she's gone..
"Sydney?" I ask quietly, wanting to know if she is really here with me.
She looks away. She pulls her hand away from my hand.
It's obvious she is rejecting me. How much do I want to give her a hug. how much do I want to make her comfortable.
But if I do now. she will go down deeper into her darkness. so I decided to wait. She is not ready to come out from the box.
I croutch down on my knees and put my both arms on the bed resting my face on them so that I can have the same eye-level.
She is still staring at the sheet. She has a fever and I can tell she is exhausted but I have to wait.one of the most difficult things.
Then, she looks at me with the same blank expression on her face. One small step she takes.
Look into the other's eyes, many frustrations
Read between the lines, no words just vibrations
Don't ignore hidden desires
Pay attention, you're playing with fire
"You need to take the medicine again. Your fever is back. Can you take it?" I ask her as gently as I can. My reward is a small nod. Another small step forward she has taken.
I get up and pour water into the glass. I take two capsules and go back to Sydney.
Sydney tries to prop herself up a little and I put other pillows on her back so she can lean against them. She looks at me again. her way of saying a small "thanks". I give her a little smile, telling her that she is welcome.
She takes the capsules and drinks a little water. She gives me back the glass of water. I take it and put it back on the bedside table.
I croutch down on my knees again.so that now I'm looking up to her. Her hands are tightly grasping the sheet. and she is staring at her hands. I wait for a while.
I wonder if I should ask another question. I trust my judgement so I ask her again.
"Syd? Do you want to have a cup of hot chocolate?" with smile, hoping she will nod her head. I just want her to nod. that's all.
She looks at me, her expression. is. a bit surprised? Then.
"Yes." I hear her soft whisper . and I say "thank you, thank you, thank you" to her in my mind.
I didn't expect her to answer. I just smile. when I'm with her. I smile a lot.
"I'll make a cup of hot chocolate for you right away."
I get up and put the kettle on. I put the chocolate powder on the mug and pour hot water, mixing it. just hoping I can make her feel a little better.
I give her the mug and she takes it, looking at me.
I hear a whisper of "thanks" which certainly makes me smile again. See. she is amazing.
"You are very welcome." I now sit on the bed, looking at her.
She takes a sip slowly. She looks down on the mug and keeps herself in her own world.
But that's ok. She still let the window open for me even though I'm not allowed to get into her world, the window is still open. She didn't shut the window, so I keep quiet and wait.
Silence must be heard
Noise should be observed
The time has come to learn, that silence ...
... silence must be heard
Or diamonds will burn, friendly cards will turn
Cause silence has the right to be heard
She needs time. That's all.
Do you know how much it is important to stop and have a moment to be quiet, while everything else is moving so fast around you?
Since I became Sydney's handler, I learned to stop and take a moment to look into myself for a moment. otherwise. I'd have lost myself completely.
It's not easy. because when I look at myself, I see how hopeless and useless I am to Sydney but then the moment usually gives me one or two way to be a better handler because. I see where I'm wrong.
One moment. that all matters and that moment. you can see who you really are.
I think Sydney is feeling that moment. so I wait, looking at her even though she doesn't look at me. She needs to look at herself first.
People talk too much for what they have to say
Words without a meaning, just fading away
Silence must be heard
Noise should be observed
The time has come to learn, that silence ...
... silence must be heard
Or diamonds will burn, friendly cards will turn
Cause silence has the right to be heard
I'm just so glad that at least she drinks the cup of hot chocolate I made.
Suddenly, she looks at me. this time. with full of emotions in her eyes.
"I loved him so much." She says quietly. tears forming in her eyes. "but I wasn't good enough to be loved by him." She looks away. Her tears fall down.
"I tried everything. I tried my best but I wasn't good enough to keep his love for me." Her heart is crying.
"I wasn't good enough to make him feel my love towards him." She holds the mug with both hands tightly. "I couldn't make him happy again." Another tear falls down on her cheek.
I feel a big lump in my throat. Because I can feel her pain in my own heart.