Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. If they did ER would be having a very different season.
Spoilers: Up to and including 10.10 and 10.11
Summary: Carter returns from Africa and he and Abby try to coexist at County.
Chapter 2
I'm exhausted. Days like today make me question my decision to go back to medical school. I am currently completing my ER rotation and today has been hell. Trauma after trauma. Weaver barking orders at me left and right. Irritable patients. Vomiting patients. Too many patients. All I want to do is go home, take a hot bath and sleep until next month. Unfortunately, I just heard a rumor that Chuny called in sick, and because I know she'll want me to cover, I've been doing my best to avoid Weaver.
"ABBY!" Shit. So much for avoidance. I keep walking, pretending I don't hear the loud voice that is calling my name.
"ABBY!" Oh well. I guess she isn't giving up that easily. I slowly turn around, trying to put on as pleasant of a smile that I can muster.
"Oh, sorry Dr. Weaver, I didn't hear you calling me."
"Why is Mr. Davis still in Exam one?" Weaver snaps at me. I guess she was having a difficult time putting on a pleasant face as well. "He should have been sent upstairs hours ago!"
"Um, I think we're waiting on a bed?" Davis, Davis, which one is Davis?
"Well get a nurse to call up there and get him a bed NOW! We need the room."
I nod my head, and quickly turn around, hoping to escape before Weaver can corner me about the nursing shift.
"Oh, and Abby, " –crap- "I wanted to let you know that, um, Dr. Carter is on at noon today. I have a meeting upstairs, so if you need anything, he'll be your attending." Kerri looks at me awkwardly, as if she wants to say something else, but decides against it and walks back to the admit desk. She leaves me standing there with my mouth slightly open and in a state of complete shock.
Carter is back. I guess a part of me knew he would eventually come back, but I certainly wasn't expecting it today, and I defiantly didn't think our first meeting would be here at County. I look at my watch. 11:00. He'll be here in an hour.
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I stand outside in the ambulance bay for a moment and take a deep breath. It's odd to be back at County after spending close to seven months in Africa. I was a different person in Africa. I'm not sure how to act now that I am back in Chicago. As I hear the sound of a siren approaching in the distance, I realize that I won't have time for self-reflection right now, and I square my shoulders and walk briskly through the Emergency room doors.
My first sight is a completely renovated triage area. I see no familiar faces. As I make my way to the admit desk I spot Jerry.
"Dr. Carter! I heard you were coming back!"
"Hey Jerry," I reply. "Who are all of these people?" I gesture to all of the nurses and other personnel that are busily working, none of whom I recognize.
"What can I say? When you work at a place like County you have to expect a pretty high turnover rate. How was Africa?"
How was Africa? Africa was liberating, energizing, therapeutic, confusing, isolating, and humbling. Africa was an experience unlike I have ever had, or will likely have again.
"It was good." Jerry smiles and nods at my response. "So who's on?" I try to look around as casually as I can.
"Well, you and Weaver are the only attendings right now, and Weaver is upstairs in a meeting, so really its just you."
"Great," I reply sarcastically, "are there any Residents here or am I responsible for clearing the entire board by myself?"
"Pratt, Gallant and Cooper are here," Jerry says, "and Neela and Abby are on until four."
I look up quickly to see Jerry with a huge smirk on his face. "There are only two nurses on?"
"No, there are only two med students on."
Now I am totally confused. But before I have time to process this information, I hear a familiar voice. And in the single instant I hear that voice, my heart leaps, I get butterflies in my stomach, and my hands begin to perspire. And I smile.
"Look, if you want to sign out AMA, that's your own damn business. But you need to sit down and be quiet so I can take this needle out of your arm before you bleed all over the floor."
I turn around and I'm surprised at the sight before me. It's Abby, who obviously has not lost her way with words, but it's Abby in green scrubs and a white lab coat. It's Abby as a med student.
She looks up and we make eye contact. Her dark blonde hair is piled up messily on top of her head. There are several stray wisps floating around her face, which looks tired, yet somehow more content than I had ever seen it. She looks good. She looks happy. She looks beautiful.
"Hey Carter," she says. "Welcome back." She removes the IV from her hostile patient and then walks over to me. "When did you get back?"
"About a week ago." Her face falls for a moment, but she quickly brushes it off, and had I not been looking at her so intently, I probably would not have noticed. "So. You're back in med school?"
Her face immediately lights up with pride. "Yup. 6 months to go."
"What brought on this decision?"
"I had a really shitty day at work, realized that I'm smarter than any of the doctors here, and figured it was time to put them in their place."
I laugh out loud at her response and reply, "Well, I'll try to stay in line then." We both pause a moment and the mood suddenly becomes a bit more serious. "Look, Abby I…."
"Carter, I have like a million patients right now, Weaver's been on my back all day and I don't think I've slept more than 6 hours in the past 5 days. Can we please talk about all of this later?"
"Sure. I just……"
"Hey! Welcome back Dr. Carter!" I turn to see Pratt walking towards me. "There's a GSW to the chest coming in, care to join me?"
I sigh and turn back to say something to Abby, but all I see is her figure walking down the hall.
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I've successfully avoided any prolonged contact with Carter for over two hours. I know that it is immature, but I really didn't think seeing him would unnerve me as much as it has. I know at some point we will have to talk, but I just need to absorb the fact that he is back in Chicago first. I head over to admit to pick up my next patient where I am greeted by a shocking sight.
Carter.
And a woman.
A beautiful woman.
A beautiful woman who is holding Carter's hand.
A beautiful woman who is holding Carter's hand and proudly showing Gallant and Jerry a picture of something.
I mean to turn around and walk away as quickly as I can, but Carter spots me first. He immediately drops the woman's hand, and I swear he blushes slightly as he uncomfortably calls over to me, "Hey Abby. I want you to meet someone."
But I don't want to meet this person. Please don't make me meet this person who may have the ability to squash any remaining hope that I have hidden away deep inside for Carter and I.
"This is Kem. We, um, well, we met in Africa."
I hold out my hand and say, "Hi, I'm Abby."
Kem smiles warmly at me, shakes my hand, and then holds out the picture. "We just had our first sonogram upstairs. Would you like to see?"
Sonogram? Why would she have a sonogram unless she was pregnant? Shit. She's pregnant. She's pregnant with Carter's child. It took me seven months to get to a point where I wasn't constantly thinking of Carter and how much I missed him. It took me seven months to regain my self-esteem. It took me seven months to be able to be able to honestly say that I am happy.
It took Carter seven months to find a new girlfriend and start a family with her.
I suddenly feel nauseous, filled with hurt and anger that I had hoped I would never feel again. I realize that Kem is still holding out the sonogram for me to look at. I look up at Carter and see the concern etched on his face. I swallow and decide that to take the high road. I accept the sonogram and look it over.
"You're having a boy."
"Yes, we're so excited. He's due two days before John's birthday."
"Well congratulations. I'm happy for you." I try desperately to think of a way to escape this conversation when Carter steps up.
"Why don't I walk you outside Kem." Carter looks to me and I can't read the look on his face. At first I think he's trying to silently apologize for the awkwardness of the situation, but then I realize it is a look of regret. I don't know how to respond, so I simply state, "Nice to meet you," and then slowly walk away. I just pray that I can make it through the remaining two hours of my shift without any more surprises.
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I can't stop thinking about the look on Abby's face when she was looking at the sonogram. I honestly didn't mean for her to find out that way; I think I had some sort of twisted idea that she would never have to find out. But she did, and I feel that she deserves some sort of explanation. Which is why I am walking up the steps to her apartment building right now. Kem had been upset that I was going out so late without much of an explanation, but when she asked me why I had to go out I couldn't think of a truthful answer. I just knew that I had to see Abby.
When I get to the top of the stairwell I realize that I don't have a key and need to ring the buzzer. My thoughts flash back to the last time I was here and the reception I received.
"You just let yourself in?"
"I'm sorry I left the way I did."
"Can I have my key back please?"
I sigh to myself and silently pray that I will be greeted differently tonight. I ring the buzzer. After a few moments I hear her sleepy voice answer.
"Hello?"
"Hey Abby, it's John." There is a pause.
"Do you know what time it is Carter?" I look at my watch.
"11:20. I know it's late, but, Abby, can I please come up?" There is another pause and my heart pounds as I wait for her response.
"Okay. But if I'm tired and bitchy at work tomorrow I'm taking it out on you."
I quickly walk up the stairs to her door, which she has opened slightly for me. I hesitantly walk inside and look around. It looks pretty much the same as it did before I left except for a huge pile of medical books stacked up on the kitchen table. I notice that the usual faint smell of stale cigarette smoke is not present. I wonder if she's stopped smoking. I walk over to the couch where there is a faint murmur coming from the television. There is a worn blanket sprawled out on the couch and I wonder if I've woken her. I turn as I hear her padding in from the bathroom.
She is wearing blue pajama bottoms and an old gray sweatshirt that is two sizes too big for her. It makes her small frame look tinier than usual. Her hair is down, and she casually sweeps it out of her face as she approaches me. It's longer than I remember it. Her eyes look sleepy, which confirm my suspicions that she had been asleep. She looks like she is dreading the conversation that is to come.
"Do you want some coffee or tea?" she asks, heading towards the kitchen.
"Tea would be great," I answer as I sit down at the table. She joins me with two mugs of tea and looks at me expectantly.
"I'm sorry that you had to find out about Kem that way. I didn't mean to spring it on you in the middle of the hospital like that." I expect her to come back with a snide comment about how I shouldn't have taken her to the hospital then, but she surprises me when she instead asks,
"What did you mean when you said you were lost but now you are found?"
I look up at her, confused. "What?"
"You told Luka to tell me that you were lost, but now you were found. What did that mean?"
I sigh loudly and look down at the table. "I don't know. I guess I just felt like I had more of a purpose over there, you know? I mean the only expectation of me was to help people. I could be whatever person I wanted to as long as I did that." I suddenly feel the need to verbalize everything I had been thinking and feeling since Gamma died. "I mean, nobody over there knew who I was. I could become whoever I wanted to be. Nobody knew I was an heir to the Carter family fortune and nobody knew I was addicted to narcotics. No one had any expectations of me as a chief resident, as a leader or as a boyfriend. I was just John Carter, a doctor who was trying to help out in a region that could use all the help it could get."
I look up to see Abby looking intently at me, and I know that she has listened to every word I said. "So how does being in Chicago fit into the mix?"
"I don't know. I know now that I can't just ignore the past; it will always be a part of who I am. But I also know that Africa has somehow changed me, and I need to figure out a way to mesh the two together."
Abby smiles warmly at me and says, "I'm sure you'll figure it out. You're a survivor." I see her start to reach for my hand. My body anticipates the contact, but she stops suddenly, and the expression on her face changes dramatically.
"So how does Kem figure into all of this?"
I want to avoid this topic, but know that for Abby's sake I need to explain. "Kem and I were friends. She was an aid worker at the same hospital where I worked. We got together once and then decided we made better friends than romantic partners. A month later Kem found out she was pregnant so we decided to come back to Chicago so the baby could get better prenatal care."
"So are you together now?"
"I don't know." I answer truthfully. "I just want to do what's best for the baby. I just want to be a good father."
Abby looks at me directly in the eye. My heart skips a beat as she says slowly and deliberately, "You're going to make a great father John." This time she does reach for my hand, and gives it a gentle squeeze.
"Thanks," I reply, squeezing her hand back. "That means a lot to me." I notice that Abby is trying to stifle a yawn and she lets go of my hand. I suppress the urge to grab it back.
"Well, I guess I better let you go to sleep."
"Yeah, I'm beat." She pauses, as if she's not sure she should continue. "I'm glad you stopped by tonight Carter. And I'm glad you're back in Chicago."
A feeling of regret washes over me as I look across the table at her face.
"Me too."
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Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 1. You don't know how encouraging it is to know that there are people who are reading your story!
Chapter 3 will be up soon; more Carter/Abby action to come!
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