Disclaimer:  These characters do not belong to me.  If they did ER would be having a very different season.

Spoilers:  Up to and including 10.10 and 10.11

Summary:  Carter returns from Africa and he and Abby try to coexist at County.

Chapter 4

            It had been three weeks since my encounter with Carter in the NICU waiting room.  I hadn't taken any nursing shifts during my NICU rotation, working there was difficult enough.  I have two days off before I begin another ER rotation, and I've decided to spend those two days on nurse duty.  I know the bill collectors will appreciate it.  I grab my purse off the counter, take a giant gulp of coffee, and head out to catch the El.

            By the time I reach the El station, which is only a few blocks from my apartment, my nose is numb, my teeth are chattering, and I'm wishing that I had just taken these two days to snuggle up on the sofa with a warm blanket and catch up on my sleep.  Just as the train pulls up, a sudden blast of frigid air hits me from behind and pushes me forward into the relative warmth of the El car.  I'm lucky enough to find a seat, and as the train pulls away and the world rattles by, I find myself wondering if Carter is working today, and from there I drift off into deep thought.

………Tell me we're gonna be okay.     We're gonna be okay.  We're gonna be okay………………No, I think part of the rules should be that you have to splurge with me.      Is that how it works?……………………I'd never seen Oklahoma before.     No, I mean it………………I thought you already won the lottery.     I did, when I met you…………… …That's not true anymore.      Promise?  'Cause I really need something to hang onto right now.     I'm not going anywhere………………I want us to stop being so afraid, I want to stop being so careful, I want to marry you!

The El comes to a screeching halt, and I am abruptly woken from my thoughts.  I silently admonish myself for reliving those memories, because although thinking about them brings me warmth and happiness, when I come back to reality and realize that particular phase in my life is over, a sadness overtakes me and a chill runs throughout my body.

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            I look over to the sliding doors in the Emergency Department for what must be the tenth time in the last five minutes.  Jerry had informed me when I arrived an hour earlier that Abby would be on at seven.  It was now 7:15 and I find myself anxious.  Anxious to see her, anxious to talk to her, anxious to just be around her.  I haven't seen her in three weeks, and the anticipation is killing me.  I hear the click of the doors as they begin to slide apart and I quickly look up to see her hurrying inside.  Her head is low and she quickly makes her way to the lounge to deposit her belongings.  I have seen her do this before and I know what it means.  She is late, and is trying to avoid a confrontation with Weaver.  I chuckle to myself as I remember all of the times she sucked me into being late with her.  I suddenly see Weaver storming towards the lounge and I realize she's about to be busted. 

"Dr. Weaver!  Could you come look at a patient for me in, um, exam 2?"

"No problem, I'll be there in 2 minutes Carter."  She continues to head towards the lounge and it becomes apparent that Abby will have to face her on her own.

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            I've been stuck in the drug lockup doing inventory for the past two hours.  So what if I'm fifteen minutes late to work?  This punishment seems a little excessive.  I'm tired, bored and my back hurts.  Things must be pretty slow today, because no one has come to pull me into a trauma, and not many people have come by for medications.  I look at my watch and realize I still have another hour to go before my break when I hear a familiar voice.

"You know, you might want to get that thing fixed.  It seems to have gotten you into a lot of trouble this morning."

"Hey Carter."  I look up and smile.

"How long have you been in here?"

I sigh and lean against the wall.  "Too long."  I rub the back of my neck and ask, "How have you been?"

"I've been good.  A lot better than last time you saw me."

I will myself not to blush as I remember the intimate moment we shared the last time we were together.  I also remember the inappropriateness of that moment and I ask, "How is Kem doing?"

Carter's eyes immediately fall to the floor and he replies, "She's doing well.  I mean, I think she is.  I haven't spoken with her in over a week.  She went back to Africa."

I'm stunned, and the first thought that enters my head is please don't let Carter leave again.  "Oh."

Carter looks up at me and says, "The only thing that was really holding us together was the baby.  She was never really comfortable here.  Africa is her home."

Before I can stop myself I blurt out, "Are you going back?"

"To Africa?  No.  I mean maybe someday for a couple of weeks, but for now, you all are stuck with me."

I let out my breath, which I hadn't realized I had been holding.  "I'm sorry things didn't work out."  I surprise myself when I realize that I genuinely mean it.

"Thanks Abby.  I guess I wasn't as found as I thought I was."  He lets out a small laugh that I know is not genuine.

"Then I guess you're just like the rest of us." 

"I guess so."   The mood is starting to get a little bit serious, and I realize what a small space we are in and how close we are standing.  I begin to feel a little claustrophobic.

"Well, I better get back to work.  Weaver is already pissed off at me as it is."  I feel a mix or relief and disappointment as Carter nods his head and turns to go.  Suddenly he stops and turns around.  He has an odd expression on his face, and I can tell that he is struggling with whatever it is he is about to say.

"Hey, I was wondering.  I know this is really last minute, but I have this thing tonight, and I could really use some company."

"What kind of thing?"  I ask, skeptical.

"The foundation is having a dinner in honor of Gamma.  I'm supposed to give this speech.  If you can't, I understand, it's not going to be much fun.  I just thought it would be nice to have a friendly face in the crowd."

My heart skips a beat.  He wants me to go with him.  After all the times I have let him down, he still wants me there.  "Sure, I'll be there.  But I don't get off until 7:00."

Carter smiles when I answer.  "I have to be there at 7:00, so is it okay if I meet you there?"

"Sure."

"Thanks Abby."

            The rest of my shift goes by at a snail's pace.  I try to stop myself from becoming too excited, but the thought of spending an evening with Carter, even if it is just as friends, is something I thought I would never get to do again.  It is 6:00, and things are pretty slow, so I'm hoping Susan will let me go early.  Thank god Weaver left a few hours ago.  I head towards the lounge, hoping to find her there.  As I walk in, I see Susan sitting at the table, hunched over some charts.

"Hey Susan.  Catching up on paperwork?"

"Trying too.  I'm starting to think this is a hopeless cause."

"I have a favor to ask you."  Susan looks up with a questioning look on her face.

"I was wondering if I could duck out of here a little early.  See, I'm supposed to go with Carter to this thing for his grandmother…."

"You have a date with Carter!"  Susan's eyes light up and you'd think I just told her she had won the lottery.

"No, no. Not a date.  He just needs a friend there.  He's got to give a speech and I think he's a little nervous about it."

Susan rolls her eyes.  "Abby, please.  He didn't ask me.  He didn't ask Chen.  He asked you.  Trust me, it's a date."

I realize I'm not going to win this argument.  "Fine, whatever.  Can you just answer my question?"

"What?  Oh, yeah.  Of course you can leave early!"  Susan looks so happy; it's beginning to make me uncomfortable.  I open my mouth to thank her when Jerry pops his head in the door.

"Abby, line 2.  It's your brother." 

My brother.  My brother can't be on the phone.  Not now.  Please not now.

"I thought your brother was living with your mom in Minnesota." 

I look over at Susan.  "He was.  He disappeared a few months ago.  I haven't talked to him since then."  I slowly make my way over to the phone and pick up the receiver while Susan slips out to give me some privacy.  I'm dreading this conversation. As I slowly push the button for line 2, I pray that he is on his meds.

"Hello?"

"Abby?"

I take a deep breath.  "Hi Eric."

"Abby, thank god I got in touch with you.  I'm in a little bit of trouble.  I've been traveling around, visiting some friends, you know, catching up and stuff.  Well, I just realized I haven't seen you in, like, months, so I went to go buy a bus ticket to come to Chicago and I realized I was out of money.  So, I was wondering if you could come meet me out here and we could drive back together.  I think it would be fun, don't you?"

He's manic.  Off his meds.  And broke.  I want to fly out to wherever he is and make him okay.  I want him to be okay.  But I can't.  And I won't.  I promised myself I wouldn't.

"Eric, I can't do that.  We talked about this.  I can't keep doing this."

"Fine Abby!"  Eric is yelling into the phone so loudly it hurts my ears.  "Thanks for your help.  It's really great to know who you can count on in life.  Now I know, I can never count on you!"  And then nothing, all I hear is a dial tone.  And I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again.  I grab my purse and slowly walk out of the lounge.  Susan calls out to me from the admit desk, "Everything alright?"

"No."

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            I've been stuck listening to one of Gamma's old friends for what feels like an hour.  She keeps telling me stories about when I was a child, and I've been smiling and nodding politely so long my head hurts.  Abby should be here any minute, but I can't seem to get out of this conversation to go meet her at the door.  I'm just about to rudely interrupt the woman, when I suddenly see Abby standing in the entryway, looking around for me.

            I hold back for a moment, silently taking her in.  She is wearing a simple, strapless black dress.  She has on small diamond earrings and a matching necklace.  Her hair is piled on top of her head with soft curls hanging down, framing her face.  She looks stunning.

"Um, excuse me Mrs. West.  I need to say hello to someone."  I make my way over to Abby, and as I approach her she spots me and smiles. 

I think my heart just stopped beating.

"You look amazing Abby."

She blushes a little and looks down at her feet.  "I didn't miss your speech did I?"

"No, but it's about to start.  I'll see you afterwards?"

She smiles and nods.

"Dr. Carter, we're about ready to begin."  One of the board members guides me over to the podium, and I find myself resentful that he has led me away from Abby so abruptly.  I look for her in the crowd as I am introduced, and as I stand up to give my speech I worry that I cannot see her.

"I want to thank you all for coming out to honor my grandmother.  She would have been upset at all the fuss we are making, but I also know that, deep down, she also would have been very touched."  Suddenly, the emotion of the moment overtakes me, and I find myself feeling the same grief I did the day I had learned she had passed.  I don't think I'm going to be able to continue.  I look out into the crowd, and my eyes are drawn to Abby.  She is looking directly at me, and gives me a reassuring smile and nods her head for me to continue.  I immediately feel comforted, and proceed with my speech.

After the ceremony has concluded, I make my way through the crowd, trying my best to avoid being sucked into another conversation with one of Gamma's old friends.  I find Abby standing in a corner, and her eyes light up when she sees me.

"You did great John.  That was a beautiful speech."

"Thanks, I was really glad you were here.  I don't think I would have made it through without you."

"I'm glad you asked me to come."

I look around the room and realize that all I want right now is to be in a quiet room, alone with Abby.  "How about we sneak out of here and get something to eat."

Abby grins up at me.  "Sounds like a plan to me!"

            I just had one of the best evenings I've had in awhile.  Abby and I found a quiet diner and talked like we hadn't talked in a long time.  We talked about Gamma, growing up in the Carter mansion and the joys of being raised by my dysfunctional parents.  I told her stories about Africa, and how difficult it was to witness everything I did.  She told me about medical school and how she had to ask Richard for tuition money.  Now we are walking back to her apartment, and I find myself wishing that the night did not have to end.  I look over to her and see that she is rubbing her gloveless hands together.

"Hands cold?"

"Yeah, I left my gloves at work."

"Why don't you take mine for a bit?" I begin to remove my gloves but Abby quickly shakes her head.

"I'm fine.  Besides, I don't want your hands to get cold."

I smile and remove my right glove, gently placing it on her right hand.  I then grasp her left hand with my right.  "Now nobody has cold hands."

Her face looks flushed, and I tell myself it is because it is so cold out.  She gives my hand a gentle squeeze and says, "Thank you."  We continue to walk in silence, and I gently rub my thumb along her fingers.  We approach her building and I find myself wishing she lived on the other side of town so we could continue walking, her hand in mine.

"Do you want to come up for coffee or anything?"

I do, god knows I do, but I realize I have to be at the hospital in 10 minutes.  "Actually, I have a night shift, so I can't."

I pretend not to notice the disappointed look on her face as she simply replies, "Okay."

"Look, thank you again for coming tonight.  It really meant a lot to me to have you there."

"Your welcome John."

Then I do something impulsive.  I slowly lean down towards her face.  The closer I get, the more I can smell her perfume.  It's intoxicating.  I want to kiss her, to feel her lips against mine, but at the last second I panic and gently kiss her cheek.  "Good night Abby."

"Good night John."

As I make my way to the hospital, my heart is humming, I feel warm inside, and I can still feel the soft skin of her cheek upon my lips.

            By the time I make it back to County, my Abby induced buzz has begun to fade.  I realize that it will be at least 12 hours until I can sleep, and that is a rather sobering thought.  I spot Susan as I walk in and she waves me over.

"Hey Carter, did you talk to Abby tonight?"

"Actually I just came from her apartment."

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't she be?"  I ask, a little confused.

"Her brother called right before she left tonight, and she looked pretty upset."

"Eric?"  My head is spinning.  She never mentioned anything about Eric.  In fact, she had avoided the topic of her family the entire night.

"Um, Susan, could you cover for me for a bit.  I want to make sure everything is okay."

"Definitely.  Just let me know if I can help, okay?"

"Sure."

            I make my way back to Abby's, wondering why she didn't say anything.  I ring the buzzer, and after a few moments hear her voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey Abby, it's John."

            She buzzes me in and I bound up the stairs, two at a time.  She is waiting at the door with a puzzled look upon her face.  "Did you forget something?"

As I make my way into the apartment I take in the site before me.  Abby is wearing gray sweatpants and a fitted white t-shirt.  Her hair is pulled into a loose ponytail at the nape of her neck, and her face has been washed clean of make-up.  She looks more beautiful than she had just an hour before.

"Susan said Eric called you?"  Her face instantly falls and she turns and walks over to the window.

"Yeah, he did."

"Is he in town?"

Abby stares outside at the passing cars for a moment.  Her eyes look incredibly sad.  "No.  I don't think so.  I honestly have no idea where he is."

I patiently wait for her to continue.  "After the incident last spring he moved to Minnesota to live with Maggie.  He did well for a while, but then he stopped taking his meds and disappeared.  I haven't heard from him in three and a half months.  He called tonight because he ran out of money and wanted me to come get him."

"But you didn't?"

Abby continues to stare out the window, but I can see her reflection, and notice her eyes have filled with tears.  "Before he moved back to Minnesota, I told him I couldn't keep rescuing him.  I told him I would support him in whatever way I could, as long as he was on his meds.  He knew that when he called, I guess he just thought I'd give in."

"Why didn't you?"

Abby turns and looks me squarely in the eye.  "Because I finally realized that I can't keep putting my life on hold."

I swallow and take in what she has just told me.  I find myself in awe of her strength.  "Why didn't you tell me tonight?"

"I don't know.  I guess I just wanted tonight to be about you.  For once, I didn't want my crazy family to take over."

I walk over to her and draw her into a hug.  After a moment I gently cup her face between my hands and quietly, but firmly, say to her, "Don't ever feel like you can't tell me something Abby.  No matter what, you will always be my friend."

The tears return to her eyes and she quickly pulls away, breaking the intensity of the moment.

"I better get some rest."

"Yeah, and I better get back to the hospital before Susan kills me.  Goodnight Abby."

"Good night John."

As I slowly descend the steps to the outside world, I realize that this is going to be a difficult shift, because all I will be thinking about is Abby, and what an amazing person she is.

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Authors Note:  Thank you for all your encouraging reviews!  I know I've said it before, but they really mean a lot to me and truly motivate me to write more.  Also, I've borrowed some lines from previous episodes in this one, I'm sure all you Carbys out there know which ones I'm talking about.

Please Review!