Title: "At Last" (1/1)
Author: Nessa (nc_jag_girl@yahoo.com)
Rating: R
Classification: Story, Alternate Universe, SongFic, Webb/Mac, Harm/Mac, Angst
Spoilers: Just keep it all in mind...not really sure I touched on anything for sure, though.
Feedback: Craved and cherished. Flames, not so much.
Summary: Will Mac's marriage survive a chance meeting between old friends?
Author's Notes: Tonight I learned that I don't write often enough. This idea entered into my head on the way home from work. Muses never bless me this way.
Read at your own risk. This is not your standard issue fanfic. This season of JAG has made me realize that I don't know who I want to be with whom anymore. I'd settle for Sturgis getting an attitude adjustment, Mac getting a hair cut that doesn't piss me off, more of Harm playing the guitar and wearing blue jeans, and more Clayton Webb face time. But I digress...
The title is a double-edged sword and takes its name from "At Last" performed by the ever beautiful, Etta James.
This is for my lovely betas Norma and Bekah. You ladies are wonderful!
Thanks for reading. :)
~~~~
6:22am EST
May 23, 2007
Georgetown Area
Washington, DC
When she left for work that morning she expected no surprises. She woke before dawn, showered quickly, kissed her sleeping husband on the cheek, grabbed her brief case, and headed out to meet the morning commute.
She ran over the day in her mind. She had only a few meetings to attend, a few depositions to gather, and figured that she'd at least be home in enough time to eat dinner with the man she had loved for too many years to remember.
Sarah Mackenzie loved her post at the Pentagon and knew that she was good at her work. When Admiral Chegwidden had been made aware of her relationship with Harmon Rabb, she had known the day would come when they would be separated. It was common knowledge that if they were to continue their relationship, married officers could not serve in the same chain of command. Still, she had been mildly surprised when the Admiral proposed the change of venue six months after their relationship began.
****
January 16, 2004
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
"The Pentagon, sir?"
"Yes, Colonel. A top Presidential aide has requested you. Apparently, your lawyering skills precede you."
"Then I suppose I am flattered, sir." She grinned slightly.
The Admiral returned her grin and it slowly became a wide smile. His voice softened. She instantly sensed the change from commanding officer to friend.
"Mac, this'll be good for you. It's not what I would have liked; it was never my choice to separate you and Harm. You weren't causing any problems for me. But as you know, my wants or needs have never mattered much to the Navy."
Mac laughed and it was a sweet sound. His smile broadened.
"When do I report to my new duty station?"
"A week from Monday. I know it's short notice, but they really needed you two weeks ago. I hung on to you as long as I could."
"Sir, I appreciate all of the opportunities you have afforded me in this JAG office." Her voice began to falter. She brought her heels together and came to attention. "It has been a pleasure serving under your command."
Admiral Chegwidden could see her eyes fill with tears. He stepped from behind his desk and came to join her in the center of the room. He reached out a hand and placed it on her upper arm. His expression softened even more.
The tears began to fall.
"You will succeed, but you will be missed in this office, Mac."
He collected her in his arms and let her cry.
"I will miss you."
****
Looking back, she could laugh. At the time, she had been annoyed with herself for becoming so emotional in front of the Admiral. But, the Admiral never once mentioned the indiscretion.
Seven months later, Sarah Mackenzie and Harmon Rabb, Jr. were married in a beautiful ceremony in the chapel on the grounds of the United States Naval Academy.
And here she was, in her car on the way to the Pentagon. She'd traded in the Corvette for a shiny new SUV. It was a sensible vehicle for a woman who had family on her mind.
Mac let slip a wry smile. They had no children, but it wasn't for lack of trying. Their five year baby deal came and went; no baby. Still, they opted for the "old fashioned" way. Neither was ready to get modern medicine involved.
*Keep your eyes on the road, Sarah.*
She pulled into the parking deck a few blocks from Pentagon. She climbed onto the Metro and waited to be deposited at the foot of the Pentagon.
She was so focused on getting to her office that she almost missed the brush of her arm against another human being.
She looked up to apologize, never expecting the green eyes she encountered. Her breath caught in her throat despite herself.
He was momentarily stunned. She couldn't tell if it was from the contact or from seeing her again. It had been years since the pair had seen one another. She invited him to the wedding. He declined the invitation.
He smiled.
"Colonel Mackenzie."
"Mr. Webb."
"What are you-"
"I could ask you the same." She laughed. "I belong to Major General Walkins. I'm his Chief of Staff and top legal advisor."
"I didn't think you'd ever leave JAG." She could tell he meant it as a compliment.
"I knew I wasn't going to have a choice, especially after-"
"I know."
"So why are you here, Mr. Webb?"
"I've been assigned to the Pentagon, temporarily. I've been here two weeks-"
Mac's cell phone rang.
"Colonel Mackenzie." She spoke in hushed tones, nodding occasionally.
She hung up the phone and turned around to speak to him.
"I've got-"
He was gone.
She smiled.
*Always the spook*
****
1:02pm EST
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie's Office
Pentagon
Mac returned from lunch to find a stack of new files on her desk. She almost didn't notice the post-it note in the center of her monitor.
M-
Dinner
Tonight
7:00
Twins Jazz
-W
A wave of nostalgia hit her full force. She slipped into her chair and closed her eyes.
"Damn..."
She called her husband and told him she would be working late.
*It's not a lie.* she told herself.
*Only an omission.*
****
6:59pm EST
Twins Jazz
Washington, DC
She stepped out of the car and chastised herself for the three hundredth time that day. *What the hell am I doing?*
Mac sighed and straightened her uniform.
She opened the door and immediately felt out of place. Stepping through the door was like being sucked back in time. Sweet jazz music filled the air. She was the only one in uniform. She stood out like a sore thumb.
She had no idea that it turned him on.
The hostess led her to a small table in the back of the restaurant. Webb stood and pulled out her chair.
"Thank you."
"My pleasure."
Neither asked the other why they were having dinner. An uncomfortable silence fell upon them.
Finally, Mac broke the silence.
"You never had a chance to tell me what you were doing at the Pentagon today."
He smiled, a true smile; dimples and all.
"As you've probably heard, we've lost a few overseas military advisors to Islamic terror groups...probably Hamas and the like. I'm working on a task force that specializes in security for our overseas contacts. We're trying to improve how agents communicate while in-country."
"Sounds like you're having a good time."
"I enjoy my work. It's a short term assignment, but I work with great people."
The silence returned.
He explained the menu and shared his preferences. They ordered and ate their fill.
Not once did they mention Harmon Rabb.
Mac's head turned when she heard the sweet sounds of the singer that had taken the stage.
"Sarah? Dance with me?"
Mac's heart sank.
"I can't-"
He had risen and taken her hand in his. Despite her internal protest, her feet betrayed her by carrying her to the dance floor.
"At last
My love has come along
My lonely days over
And life is like a song."
Webb's arms wrapped around her softly, holding her at an arm's length. *She is a married woman.* he thought to himself.
He didn't attend the wedding. He couldn't, not after the way their relationship had ended. It was his fault. He left her in the middle of their first night together. The first time they made love, he ran and never looked back. He had successfully managed to avoid her in the last four years.
He couldn't tell her he ran because he was in love with her.
He didn't see the tears that now stained her face.
"At last
The skies above are blue.
Well, my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you."
Mac couldn't tell him that this was "their" song.
Harm and she had chosen this song as their first dance.
What was she thinking being here in the arms of another man?
"Oh God-" She whispered and tried to pull away.
"Sarah, I'm sorry." Webb looked in her eyes and saw years worth of pain and heartache. "I'm sorry I asked you to dinner, I didn't know it would do this to you."
She raised a hand to wipe the tears from her cheek.
"I found a dream
that I could speak to
a dream that I could call my own.
I found a thrill
to press my cheek to
a thrill that I have never known."
"Clay, it's not you. This is our song. Mine and my-"
Her voice trailed off and a new wave of tears began. The thoughts that she was having about this man that now held her close were dangerous. She remembered the touch of his hand across her breasts. She remembered the warmth of his breath on her neck. She remembered how it felt to kiss him and to be loved by him. She also remembered what it was like to be hurt by him.
Not by words or fists. Webb hurt her by running away. Just like every other man in her life.
Unconsciously, he pulled her closer. She never meant to be affected by his body.
When he spoke, it was just above a whisper.
"I'm sorry I missed your wedding, Sarah."
"No you're not, Clay."
"No, I'm not."
Mac felt his lips on hers before she could say no. She wasn't sure she ever intended on telling him to stop.
"Oh...I can't-"
It was all she was able to say. Unfortunately, she never really meant it.
Mac led the way from the dance floor and Webb paid the check. They left in separate cars but she followed him to his home. She could have broken off at any time, driven off the path to his place and home to her husband and her future.
She was surprised to learn that he lived in the same apartment he always had. Not much had changed for Clayton Webb. He was married to the Company.
She was married to Harmon Rabb, Jr.
****
10:41pm
Home of Clayton Webb
Alexandria, Virginia
She was crazy for being here.
She climbed out of her car when he opened the door. Webb placed his fingertips to the small of her back and gently led Mac to the front door.
She shrugged away from him. She didn't want him to touch her there. That was Harm's place. How was she going to live with herself?
Despite her guilt, her heart raced in anticipation of what was to come.
Webb opened the door and she passed him, careful not to come into contact with him in any way.
Once he closed door, Mac kissed him, full on the mouth. She was caught off guard by the boldness of her actions.
"Clay, you know I'm married.."
"You don't have to remind me."
He grabbed her arms and turned them around so she was leaning against the front door. He captured her lips in a bruising kiss.
"Be careful, Clay. No marks...please be careful..."
He released her immediately.
She reached out a hand to him.
"Sarah, are you sure?"
Mac took a deep breath and whispered.
"Yes, Clay."
He took her hand and led her to his bedroom.
He allowed her to remove her own uniform and fold each piece as neatly as possible. He busied himself with the lines of his three-piece suit. He carelessly threw his vest and tailored pants over the back of a chair in the corner of his room. Before he knew it, Mac had tapped him on the shoulder and presented her body for his inspection.
After all these years, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever been with.
He stood before her in his boxers and dress shirt. Clothes, forgotten, he reached out to caress her breasts. She sighed deeply and smiled seductively. Her hands reached out and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. He leaned in to place a soft kiss at the corner of her mouth.
"I've missed you..."
She held her fingers to his lips.
"Clay?"
"Yes, Sarah?"
"Please don't say another word."
Webb took her hands and led her to his bed.
He let her take the lead.
She pushed him onto his back and straddled his hips. She leaned in to kiss him. She looked deep into his eyes and knew what was to come.
This was not about being loved. This was not about being truly pleasured. This was about sex, pure and simple.
Okay, maybe not so pure and definitely not simple.
Webb held her tight as she allowed him to kiss and nip at the gentle skin of her neck.
Webb slid into her waiting warmth. His eyes fluttered closed and he moaned softly, looking for release. Mac sucked in a breath and her tears began to fall.
He was so kind and patient with her. He loved her in this moment, not because she was with him, bringing him more pleasure than he had known in years. He loved her because she asked for nothing in return.
Her breath quickened and she threw her head back moaning her pleasure, his name on her lips. She reached her plateau in a matter of minutes and she took him over the same ledge. She kissed him deeply, her tongue invading his mouth.
Before he had a moment to speak, Mac left the warmth of the bed and headed for the shower.
He kept his promise and never said another word.
She dressed in the silence and walked out of his apartment.
He could do nothing but watch her from the window.
Webb wouldn't contact her any further. Mac would never see him again.
At least that's what she told herself.
It wasn't until weeks later that she realized her mistake.
****
July 19, 2007
Georgetown Area
Washington, DC
Mac was sick again this morning. She couldn't really explain away why she felt so bad.
Every morning for the last four mornings, Harm had awakened every time she left their bed to be ill. He would walk away from the bathroom to give her time to collect herself. He knew how much his wife hated to be sick. Every morning he would bring her crackers and water. Every morning he asked her the same question.
"Sarah, honey? Are you all right?"
"I'll be okay, just give me a minute."
However, this morning the conversation didn't end there.
Her response wasn't the usual "I'm fine" he was used to.
Today, the words that slipped from her mouth were the words he had been waiting for years to hear.
"I'm pregnant."
The end...possibly...
Began 11-18-03, 9:03pm
Ended 11-19-03, 1:00am
Author: Nessa (nc_jag_girl@yahoo.com)
Rating: R
Classification: Story, Alternate Universe, SongFic, Webb/Mac, Harm/Mac, Angst
Spoilers: Just keep it all in mind...not really sure I touched on anything for sure, though.
Feedback: Craved and cherished. Flames, not so much.
Summary: Will Mac's marriage survive a chance meeting between old friends?
Author's Notes: Tonight I learned that I don't write often enough. This idea entered into my head on the way home from work. Muses never bless me this way.
Read at your own risk. This is not your standard issue fanfic. This season of JAG has made me realize that I don't know who I want to be with whom anymore. I'd settle for Sturgis getting an attitude adjustment, Mac getting a hair cut that doesn't piss me off, more of Harm playing the guitar and wearing blue jeans, and more Clayton Webb face time. But I digress...
The title is a double-edged sword and takes its name from "At Last" performed by the ever beautiful, Etta James.
This is for my lovely betas Norma and Bekah. You ladies are wonderful!
Thanks for reading. :)
~~~~
6:22am EST
May 23, 2007
Georgetown Area
Washington, DC
When she left for work that morning she expected no surprises. She woke before dawn, showered quickly, kissed her sleeping husband on the cheek, grabbed her brief case, and headed out to meet the morning commute.
She ran over the day in her mind. She had only a few meetings to attend, a few depositions to gather, and figured that she'd at least be home in enough time to eat dinner with the man she had loved for too many years to remember.
Sarah Mackenzie loved her post at the Pentagon and knew that she was good at her work. When Admiral Chegwidden had been made aware of her relationship with Harmon Rabb, she had known the day would come when they would be separated. It was common knowledge that if they were to continue their relationship, married officers could not serve in the same chain of command. Still, she had been mildly surprised when the Admiral proposed the change of venue six months after their relationship began.
****
January 16, 2004
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
"The Pentagon, sir?"
"Yes, Colonel. A top Presidential aide has requested you. Apparently, your lawyering skills precede you."
"Then I suppose I am flattered, sir." She grinned slightly.
The Admiral returned her grin and it slowly became a wide smile. His voice softened. She instantly sensed the change from commanding officer to friend.
"Mac, this'll be good for you. It's not what I would have liked; it was never my choice to separate you and Harm. You weren't causing any problems for me. But as you know, my wants or needs have never mattered much to the Navy."
Mac laughed and it was a sweet sound. His smile broadened.
"When do I report to my new duty station?"
"A week from Monday. I know it's short notice, but they really needed you two weeks ago. I hung on to you as long as I could."
"Sir, I appreciate all of the opportunities you have afforded me in this JAG office." Her voice began to falter. She brought her heels together and came to attention. "It has been a pleasure serving under your command."
Admiral Chegwidden could see her eyes fill with tears. He stepped from behind his desk and came to join her in the center of the room. He reached out a hand and placed it on her upper arm. His expression softened even more.
The tears began to fall.
"You will succeed, but you will be missed in this office, Mac."
He collected her in his arms and let her cry.
"I will miss you."
****
Looking back, she could laugh. At the time, she had been annoyed with herself for becoming so emotional in front of the Admiral. But, the Admiral never once mentioned the indiscretion.
Seven months later, Sarah Mackenzie and Harmon Rabb, Jr. were married in a beautiful ceremony in the chapel on the grounds of the United States Naval Academy.
And here she was, in her car on the way to the Pentagon. She'd traded in the Corvette for a shiny new SUV. It was a sensible vehicle for a woman who had family on her mind.
Mac let slip a wry smile. They had no children, but it wasn't for lack of trying. Their five year baby deal came and went; no baby. Still, they opted for the "old fashioned" way. Neither was ready to get modern medicine involved.
*Keep your eyes on the road, Sarah.*
She pulled into the parking deck a few blocks from Pentagon. She climbed onto the Metro and waited to be deposited at the foot of the Pentagon.
She was so focused on getting to her office that she almost missed the brush of her arm against another human being.
She looked up to apologize, never expecting the green eyes she encountered. Her breath caught in her throat despite herself.
He was momentarily stunned. She couldn't tell if it was from the contact or from seeing her again. It had been years since the pair had seen one another. She invited him to the wedding. He declined the invitation.
He smiled.
"Colonel Mackenzie."
"Mr. Webb."
"What are you-"
"I could ask you the same." She laughed. "I belong to Major General Walkins. I'm his Chief of Staff and top legal advisor."
"I didn't think you'd ever leave JAG." She could tell he meant it as a compliment.
"I knew I wasn't going to have a choice, especially after-"
"I know."
"So why are you here, Mr. Webb?"
"I've been assigned to the Pentagon, temporarily. I've been here two weeks-"
Mac's cell phone rang.
"Colonel Mackenzie." She spoke in hushed tones, nodding occasionally.
She hung up the phone and turned around to speak to him.
"I've got-"
He was gone.
She smiled.
*Always the spook*
****
1:02pm EST
Colonel Sarah Mackenzie's Office
Pentagon
Mac returned from lunch to find a stack of new files on her desk. She almost didn't notice the post-it note in the center of her monitor.
M-
Dinner
Tonight
7:00
Twins Jazz
-W
A wave of nostalgia hit her full force. She slipped into her chair and closed her eyes.
"Damn..."
She called her husband and told him she would be working late.
*It's not a lie.* she told herself.
*Only an omission.*
****
6:59pm EST
Twins Jazz
Washington, DC
She stepped out of the car and chastised herself for the three hundredth time that day. *What the hell am I doing?*
Mac sighed and straightened her uniform.
She opened the door and immediately felt out of place. Stepping through the door was like being sucked back in time. Sweet jazz music filled the air. She was the only one in uniform. She stood out like a sore thumb.
She had no idea that it turned him on.
The hostess led her to a small table in the back of the restaurant. Webb stood and pulled out her chair.
"Thank you."
"My pleasure."
Neither asked the other why they were having dinner. An uncomfortable silence fell upon them.
Finally, Mac broke the silence.
"You never had a chance to tell me what you were doing at the Pentagon today."
He smiled, a true smile; dimples and all.
"As you've probably heard, we've lost a few overseas military advisors to Islamic terror groups...probably Hamas and the like. I'm working on a task force that specializes in security for our overseas contacts. We're trying to improve how agents communicate while in-country."
"Sounds like you're having a good time."
"I enjoy my work. It's a short term assignment, but I work with great people."
The silence returned.
He explained the menu and shared his preferences. They ordered and ate their fill.
Not once did they mention Harmon Rabb.
Mac's head turned when she heard the sweet sounds of the singer that had taken the stage.
"Sarah? Dance with me?"
Mac's heart sank.
"I can't-"
He had risen and taken her hand in his. Despite her internal protest, her feet betrayed her by carrying her to the dance floor.
"At last
My love has come along
My lonely days over
And life is like a song."
Webb's arms wrapped around her softly, holding her at an arm's length. *She is a married woman.* he thought to himself.
He didn't attend the wedding. He couldn't, not after the way their relationship had ended. It was his fault. He left her in the middle of their first night together. The first time they made love, he ran and never looked back. He had successfully managed to avoid her in the last four years.
He couldn't tell her he ran because he was in love with her.
He didn't see the tears that now stained her face.
"At last
The skies above are blue.
Well, my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you."
Mac couldn't tell him that this was "their" song.
Harm and she had chosen this song as their first dance.
What was she thinking being here in the arms of another man?
"Oh God-" She whispered and tried to pull away.
"Sarah, I'm sorry." Webb looked in her eyes and saw years worth of pain and heartache. "I'm sorry I asked you to dinner, I didn't know it would do this to you."
She raised a hand to wipe the tears from her cheek.
"I found a dream
that I could speak to
a dream that I could call my own.
I found a thrill
to press my cheek to
a thrill that I have never known."
"Clay, it's not you. This is our song. Mine and my-"
Her voice trailed off and a new wave of tears began. The thoughts that she was having about this man that now held her close were dangerous. She remembered the touch of his hand across her breasts. She remembered the warmth of his breath on her neck. She remembered how it felt to kiss him and to be loved by him. She also remembered what it was like to be hurt by him.
Not by words or fists. Webb hurt her by running away. Just like every other man in her life.
Unconsciously, he pulled her closer. She never meant to be affected by his body.
When he spoke, it was just above a whisper.
"I'm sorry I missed your wedding, Sarah."
"No you're not, Clay."
"No, I'm not."
Mac felt his lips on hers before she could say no. She wasn't sure she ever intended on telling him to stop.
"Oh...I can't-"
It was all she was able to say. Unfortunately, she never really meant it.
Mac led the way from the dance floor and Webb paid the check. They left in separate cars but she followed him to his home. She could have broken off at any time, driven off the path to his place and home to her husband and her future.
She was surprised to learn that he lived in the same apartment he always had. Not much had changed for Clayton Webb. He was married to the Company.
She was married to Harmon Rabb, Jr.
****
10:41pm
Home of Clayton Webb
Alexandria, Virginia
She was crazy for being here.
She climbed out of her car when he opened the door. Webb placed his fingertips to the small of her back and gently led Mac to the front door.
She shrugged away from him. She didn't want him to touch her there. That was Harm's place. How was she going to live with herself?
Despite her guilt, her heart raced in anticipation of what was to come.
Webb opened the door and she passed him, careful not to come into contact with him in any way.
Once he closed door, Mac kissed him, full on the mouth. She was caught off guard by the boldness of her actions.
"Clay, you know I'm married.."
"You don't have to remind me."
He grabbed her arms and turned them around so she was leaning against the front door. He captured her lips in a bruising kiss.
"Be careful, Clay. No marks...please be careful..."
He released her immediately.
She reached out a hand to him.
"Sarah, are you sure?"
Mac took a deep breath and whispered.
"Yes, Clay."
He took her hand and led her to his bedroom.
He allowed her to remove her own uniform and fold each piece as neatly as possible. He busied himself with the lines of his three-piece suit. He carelessly threw his vest and tailored pants over the back of a chair in the corner of his room. Before he knew it, Mac had tapped him on the shoulder and presented her body for his inspection.
After all these years, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever been with.
He stood before her in his boxers and dress shirt. Clothes, forgotten, he reached out to caress her breasts. She sighed deeply and smiled seductively. Her hands reached out and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. He leaned in to place a soft kiss at the corner of her mouth.
"I've missed you..."
She held her fingers to his lips.
"Clay?"
"Yes, Sarah?"
"Please don't say another word."
Webb took her hands and led her to his bed.
He let her take the lead.
She pushed him onto his back and straddled his hips. She leaned in to kiss him. She looked deep into his eyes and knew what was to come.
This was not about being loved. This was not about being truly pleasured. This was about sex, pure and simple.
Okay, maybe not so pure and definitely not simple.
Webb held her tight as she allowed him to kiss and nip at the gentle skin of her neck.
Webb slid into her waiting warmth. His eyes fluttered closed and he moaned softly, looking for release. Mac sucked in a breath and her tears began to fall.
He was so kind and patient with her. He loved her in this moment, not because she was with him, bringing him more pleasure than he had known in years. He loved her because she asked for nothing in return.
Her breath quickened and she threw her head back moaning her pleasure, his name on her lips. She reached her plateau in a matter of minutes and she took him over the same ledge. She kissed him deeply, her tongue invading his mouth.
Before he had a moment to speak, Mac left the warmth of the bed and headed for the shower.
He kept his promise and never said another word.
She dressed in the silence and walked out of his apartment.
He could do nothing but watch her from the window.
Webb wouldn't contact her any further. Mac would never see him again.
At least that's what she told herself.
It wasn't until weeks later that she realized her mistake.
****
July 19, 2007
Georgetown Area
Washington, DC
Mac was sick again this morning. She couldn't really explain away why she felt so bad.
Every morning for the last four mornings, Harm had awakened every time she left their bed to be ill. He would walk away from the bathroom to give her time to collect herself. He knew how much his wife hated to be sick. Every morning he would bring her crackers and water. Every morning he asked her the same question.
"Sarah, honey? Are you all right?"
"I'll be okay, just give me a minute."
However, this morning the conversation didn't end there.
Her response wasn't the usual "I'm fine" he was used to.
Today, the words that slipped from her mouth were the words he had been waiting for years to hear.
"I'm pregnant."
The end...possibly...
Began 11-18-03, 9:03pm
Ended 11-19-03, 1:00am