Disclaimer:  These characters do not belong to me.  If they did ER would be having a very different season.

Spoilers:  Up to and including 10.10 and 10.11

Summary:  Carter returns from Africa and he and Abby try to coexist at County.

Chapter 7

"See you later Carter!"

"'Bye Susan!"  I wave as Susan goes home after working the night shift.  I've just come in and am pleased to see that the board is almost clear.  Hopefully it will stay that way.  I have something I need to discuss with Abby, and if it remains this slow, we'll be able to sneak out for a while.

"'Morning Dr. Carter."  I look up from behind the admit desk and see Neela and Abby walking in together, each with a coffee in hand.

"Good morning.  Hey, this is your last day as med students, right?"

"Yup!" Abby replies cheerfully.  I'm glad to see her smiling.  It's only been a week since she saw her dad, and I've been worried about her. I've noticed that in the past week she has spent a lot of time by herself on the roof.  But for some reason, I know she is going to be all right.  She has an aura of peace that I've never seen before.  We've been going to meetings together, and I know that she is serious about keeping it together.  I am incredibly proud of her.

"Did you find out where you matched yet, Abby?"  Neela's question brings me back to reality and I realize I never even considered Abby wouldn't match at County's Emergency Department.

"No, but I think our letters should come today."

Neela sighs, "I wish they would just let us know!  The wait is killing me."

Suddenly, the wait is killing me too.  As nonchalantly as possible, I ask Abby, "So, where all did you apply?"

"Here, Northwestern, a couple of places in Minneapolis, and 2 hospitals in California."

I swallow.  "California?"

She shrugs her shoulders and grins.  "It was 20 below when I had to send in my application."

This information is too much for me to take in.  It never even crossed my mind that Abby might not live in Chicago anymore.  I mumble something about getting back to work and leave Abby and Neela to discuss their residency applications.  I quickly walk into the bathroom and try to gain my composure.  It is then that I remember the reason I had been so anxious for Abby to get to work this morning.  I exit the lavatory and spot her coming out of the lounge.

"Abby!"

She turns and walks towards me.  "What's up?"

"I need to talk to you about something.  Want to meet for lunch?"

"I'm having lunch with Neela.  You know, to celebrate our last day."

I try not to look disappointed.  "Okay, how about after work?"

"Sure, everything okay?"  Abby frowns and a look of concern appears on her face.

I nod my head reassuringly.  "Everything's fine.  There's just something I want to run by you."

"Okay.  Come find me when you're done!"

Abby turns and walks down the hall.  I am trying to remember why we are so wrong for each other and how much we have hurt each other.  It's difficult.  It's almost as difficult as trying to convince myself I'll be okay if she matches somewhere other than County.

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            Today has been one of the longest days of my life.  I'm dying to find out where I've matched.  I was actually off 20 minutes ago, but I've been waiting around for my letter.  Part of me really wants to stay at County; this has been my home for so long.  However, there is another part of me that hopes I won't be living in Chicago anymore.  I love it here, but being in such close proximity to Carter has become increasingly difficult.  We've restored our friendship, which has been wonderful, but it has become harder and harder to be around him. It's difficult for me to know that friendship is the only thing we'll ever have, and also to know that if I wouldn't have been so scared, we could have had so much more.

"Hey Abby, we could use a little help in here!"

I look up from the chart I am reading to see Malik calling for me from the trauma room.  I quickly put on some gloves as I enter the room.  I see Carter, Malik and Sam working on what looks to be a bad MVA.

"Abby, we need a central line."

I grab a central line kit, and for the next 30 minutes we work to stabilize the patient.  It becomes obvious that the man is not going to make it, but Malik has the patient's brother on the phone, and he's asked that we do whatever we can so that he can come see him before he dies.  There's nothing more we can do at the moment, so I discard my gloves and leave the trauma room.  I walk over to admit when I see Frank waving an envelope at me.

"Is this what you've been hanging around for?"

I snatch the envelope from him, and quickly head towards the lounge.  It's amazing how one piece of paper has the ability to change my life so dramatically.  I am suddenly nervous to open it.  I decide to wait until I'm home, and I grab my coat out of my locker and head out towards the ambulance bay.  I see Carter sitting on a bench, and I remember that we were supposed to talk after work.

"Hey Carter!  You off yet?"

"Yeah, but I wanted to wait until that MVA's brother got here.  You going home?"

I nod my head yes.  Carter stands up and says, "He's not going to be here for awhile and I still need to talk to you.  Want to go for a walk?"

            We've somehow ended up at the river.  Back where it all began.  Where Carter told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore.  Where I told him I was waiting for something to happen with us.  Where we came to talk so many times.  Where we became so close that it's become almost impossible to remember what my life was like before he was in it.

"What are you thinking about?"

I give Carter a small, wistful smile.  "Nothing."

Carter nods his head, and I know he knows exactly what I was thinking about.  "So, I have something for you."

"You do?" I ask curiously.  I see Carter reach into his pocket and pull out a piece of paper.  "What's that?"

"It's an application."

I'm confused.  "For what?"

"Well, we've developed a new program at the Foundation.  It's a program to aide families who need financial assistance to pay their medical bills."

"That's a great idea Carter.  That's going to help a lot of people."

"That's my hope.  And I wanted to give you this."  He hands me the application and I stare at it for a moment.  I suddenly realize why he developed this program.  I quickly hand him the application and look down.

"I told you Carter, I'm not going to take money from you.  It just wouldn't be right.  Eric and I will manage.  We always have."

Carter sighs and I can tell he is frustrated.  "I know you can do this by yourself Abby.  But you don't have to.  I've been watching you kill yourself these past few months, it amazes me that you have so much love for your brother.  But, Abby, it's okay to accept help.  I'm not giving you money; you'll have to apply just like anyone else. Abby, you don't have to do this all by yourself."

I'm trying really hard to stop myself from crying.  After all the pain Eric and I caused John, he still wants to help.  And I realize he's right, I don't have to do this by myself.  I gently take back the application.

"Thank you John."

He smiles and looks pleased.  As I put it into my purse, I see another envelope I had almost forgotten about.  I slowly pull it out and Carter looks at me quizzically.

"Match letter?"

"Uh-huh.  I haven't opened it yet."

"Why not?"

I shrug my shoulders and proceed to open the envelope.  I slowly unfold the paper inside.

"Well?"

I look up and see his beautiful brown eyes staring into mine.  I don't know if it is because we're on our bench at the river or because of the kindness John has just shown me, but I suddenly know that I can't keep doing this anymore.

"County."

A huge grin and what appears to be a look of relief washes over his face.  That look quickly disappears when he sees the sadness on my face.

"You didn't want County?"

Yes, I wanted County.  I wanted County so much it hurt.  But the reason I wanted County is exactly why I am now so upset.  I know Carter deserves some sort of explanation, and I know, for once, I need to say what I am feeling.  I take a deep breath and look at Carter.

"I did want County.  But Carter, I just cant' keep doing this anymore."

"Can't keep doing what?"

"Let me finish.  Carter, when you left for Africa and sent me that letter, I hated you.  I hated you for hurting me like that, and I hated you for being the first person to call me on all of my insecurities and fears.  I realized you were right, and then I hated myself for throwing away the best thing that ever happened to me."  I stand up and walk over to the railing, looking out over the river.

"I decided I was going to turn my life around, to stop being so afraid and start being honest with myself.  And for the most part I have.  It hasn't been easy, but I have.  And in that sense, I'm happier than I've ever been."  Carter stands up and leans against the rail beside me.

"And I'm so glad that we've regained our friendship.  I truly am.  But if I'm going to continue to be honest with myself, I can't keep doing this."

"Doing what, Abby?  Talking to me?"

I turn so that I am looking directly at Carter.  "John, you told me once that you didn't want to be my friend.  I want to be your friend more than anything, but I can't.  It hurts too much.  I know I can't change the past, and I'm not saying this in hopes that we'll get back together; I know it's too late for that.  And I also know that I brought this upon myself.  But I can't lie to myself anymore, and I can't keep being around you when every time we part I feel like my heart is being broken all over again."

I realize I am about to lose my composure, and I pick up my purse and turn to look at him one more time.

"I love you John.  I know I don't have a right too, but I do.  I honestly do."

I turn around and walk away.

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            I'm standing here in complete shock.  Abby loves me.  I've waited so long to hear her say those words to me, and I can't help wonder why she couldn't have said them a year ago.  I want to chase after her, but I force myself not to. 

She hurt you, John.  She closed herself off, and wouldn't let you in.  You have to let her go.

I instead head back towards the hospital, unsure of what to think or feel right now.

            When I make it back to County I learn that my patient's brother has arrived.  I sigh, I'm going to have to tell him he is not going to make it, and after the previous events, I don't know if I can take another emotional scene.

"Mr. Atwater?"

A man in his early forties stands up and I walk him back to his brother.

"Oh god, this looks bad."

"Mr. Atwater, do you know what a DNR is?"

I proceed to explain his brother's condition, and Mr. Atwater decides to take him off life support.  I am about to leave the room to give him some privacy, when he calls out to me.

"Doctor?"

I turn around and walk over to the bed.

"Can he hear me?"

"Probably not, but we can't know for sure."

"It's just, well, I wanted him to know how much I love him."

I look down at the floor, slightly uncomfortable.  "I'm sure he knows."

Mr. Atwater shakes his head.  "No, he doesn't.  We haven't spoken in 15 years.  See, my girlfriend cheated on me.  And I found out it was with my brother.  I never forgave him.  I found out later he hadn't even known it was my girlfriend, but at that point I was too proud to talk to him.  I wasted 15 years of my life being mad at him.  Now I'm never going to have a chance to speak to him again."

I'm not sure what to say, and I start to turn around to leave when I hear him say,

"If only I wouldn't have been so stubborn.  If only I'd been able to let go of the past and see what a wonderful person my brother was.  Things would have been so different."

As I walk out of the room and into the lounge to gather my things to take home, I can't get the words of Mr. Atwater out of my head.

If only I'd been able to let go of the past.

Things would have been so different.

I love you John.

I honestly do.

All of a sudden I feel as if a ton of bricks have been lifted from my shoulders.  I realize that my life is in my own hands, and I know what I want.  I know what I've wanted for the past three years, and finally, I am not afraid to go get it.

I want Abby.

I need Abby.

I'm going to be with Abby.

            I quickly make my way to Abby's apartment with a determination I did not know existed inside of me.  As I approach her building, my stomach is doing flip-flops, and I'm not sure if it is from nervousness or anticipation.  Probably a little of both.  I finally reach the top of the outside stairs when I hear someone call my name.

"Dr. Carter!"  I turn around to see a familiar man ascending the steps behind me.

"Yes?"

"Jake McAllister.  You're Abby's friend, right?"

I nod my head, still not sure how I know this man.

"I live across the hall from Abby."  Oh, right, now I remember.  "I haven't seen you for awhile."

I step aside to allow Mr. McAllister to unlock the door.  "No, I've been away," I say as we enter the building. 

Mr. McAllister walks over to the mailboxes.  "Well, I'm sure Abby is glad you're back.  I hope we'll be seeing you around a lot more now."

"Yeah, I hope so too."

I proceed to climb the stairs to Abby's apartment.  It's not until I am standing at her front door that I realize how incredibly nervous I am.  I take a deep breath and knock.  I wait for a moment and then hear her feet padding over to the door.

"Hello?"

I smile at the sound of her voice.  "Hey, it's John.  Your neighbor let me in."

I hear her undo the chain, and then hear the click of the lock.  The door slowly creeps open and I feel the warmth from her apartment wash over me.

And there she is.

She's wearing the same blue pajama pants and gray sweatshirt she had on the first night I came to see her after I had come back from Africa.  Her hair is pulled into a ponytail and her cheeks are flushed.  She looks absolutely stunning.

Suddenly, I can't deal with the small distance between us.  I take two steps forward and we are so close I swear I can hear her heart beating.  I lean forward, tilting my head downwards, and place my hand on her chin and tilt her head up towards mine.

I kiss her.

It's a gentle kiss, eyes closed, lips barely touching, but it's enough to make the room start to spin.  I feel dizzy with excitement, and feelings I have been suppressing for so long come boiling to the surface.  We part for a moment and I look deeply into her eyes.

"I love you too."

Her eyes well with tears, and her mouth curves into a slight smile.  And I find her completely irresistible.

I lean down to kiss her again.  This time, however, it is a strong, passionate kiss.  A kiss between two people that have denied themselves for so long.  I feel Abby's hands running up and down my back.  I gently remove her hairclip and run my fingers through her soft hair.  I sigh against her mouth as I smell the familiar scent of her shampoo.  I can't get over how perfect her lips feel.  We stand in the doorway for awhile, kissing and caressing each other.  God, this feels so right.  We find ourselves slowly walking towards the bedroom, not parting for even an instant.  When we finally reach our destination, Abby sits down on the edge of the bed.  I gently tug at the hem of her shirt, looking to her for approval.  She nods yes, her eyes fixed firmly upon mine.  I remove her shirt, and before I can even take in the sight before me, I feel her removing mine.  We lay down on the bed and I hold her close to me.  I'm amazed at how good her warm skin feels upon mine.  I pull back for a moment to look at her face.

I'm so sorry I hurt you Abby.

I know.  I'm sorry I hurt you.

We look at each other a moment longer, both of our eyes filling with tears.  I pick up her hand and gently kiss her fingers, and then our desire overtakes us.  I roll Abby onto her back, and as I kiss her and touch her, I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have gotten a second chance with the most incredible person I have ever known.

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            I'm lying here, next to Carter, and I can't remember a time when I have ever felt this happy.  Carter is lying on his back, my head resting on his chest, and I can tell he has drifted off to sleep.  I, however, find that I cannot sleep; I'm too scared I will wake up and find this is all a dream.  I lift my head for a moment to look at John's face when I realize his eyes are open.  He sees me looking at him and rolls over onto his side to so that he is facing me.

"Hi."  He reaches out and gently tucks my hair behind my ear.  "Everything okay?"

I nod my head, but he doesn't look convinced.

"You sure?"

"Yeah.  I just can't believe this is really happening.  I thought I had lost you for so long, and now, well, it's just a little overwhelming."

"Overwhelming in a good way?"

I lean forward and gently kiss his lips.  "Overwhelming in an amazing way."

He smiles at my answer, and slowly strokes my cheek with his thumb.

"I really do love you Abby."

I close my eyes for a moment, and when I open them, he's still there, smiling at me, his hand gently caressing my face.  And I know this is real.

"I know.  And I really love you."

And I do.  More than I ever thought I could.  I guess sometimes people do get happy endings.

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Author's Note:  See, it is a Carby!  I wanted to say the inspiration for this last chapter came from the Norah Jones song, "The Long Day is Over," which is also the name of the fic!  Listening to that song makes me think of Carter and Abby, and what it might be like when tptb finally get their shit together and reunite these two.

Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews.  They make my day.

I will be posting a short epilogue soon!

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