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CHAPTER SIXTEEN

THE LENGTHY GOODBYE

Remus stopped just as he was coming round the house, crossed his arms, and smiled.

Sirius, perhaps a year ago, thankfully, had given up on his midlife crisis and accepted his fate as a middle-aged man. He went fishing and grocery shopping. He polished and fine-tuned his motorbike, but hardly ever rode it. He even vacuumed when the full moon was near and Remus wasn't up to it.

But he was still, and would always be, Sirius.

And at the moment Sirius was watering his prize tomatoes. Watering everything else was more like it; he spun around and danced without grace or rhythm, splashing water in a messy circle around him. He sung horrendously at the top of his lungs.

Remus waited until his housemate quieted and was bent down pulling a weed before coming closer.

"I don't know how those poor tomatoes have survived," he said.

"Moony old boy!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing down his trowel and shading his eyes from the sun, "How was your holiday? Were the accommodations as luxurious as in the brochure?"

"Adequate at best," Remus sniffed, "There was no heated swimming pool."

"Unacceptable!" said Sirius stuffily, "You made a scene I hope?"

"Certainly. Got a free night in the Executive Suite."

"Ah, you really should have invited me." Sirius groaned as he pushed off with his knees and stood. "It's been a bit dull around here."

"I see that."

"You're looking well. For it being so close to the full moon."

"Thank you. And so are you. Looks like you've gotten a tan. Out here serenading your tomatoes in your loneliness, were you?"

"Shut up, you. Those are merely… private conversations… with my vegetables, and I'll thank you not to eavesdrop." Sirius wiped his face and they went to the house together. In the dimmer, less blinding light of the dining room, he gave Remus a once over. "What happened, Remus? I can tell by the mended state of your robes that you've been doing a lot of thinking."

Remus did not beat around the bush. He told his friend everything, standing right there; about Fred, George and Voldemort, about Sean, and Bill's illness, and what they were planning. Sirius listened and did not move, his expression darkening by the second.

"It's not your business," he said quietly when Remus had finished.

"Voldemort becoming more powerful is certainly my business."

"It's not. He'd never bother us. He has no reason to. He knows we're impossible to tempt and do nothing to stand in his way."

"Do you remember the Weasleys?"

"And we're old and useless."

"Do you?"

"Of course I remember my son's best friend!" Sirius had long before dropped the "god" part when he spoke of Harry. "Moon, as far as I'm concerned, you're resting your snout under a falling axe, so you can save the goddamn inspirational speech because it's not going to do a damn bit of-"

Remus pressed on, "So you think I should do nothing, and let Charlie drag his brother across the continent and get killed."

"Christ, Remus. Let's sit down and have some tea before we argue. I've made some exquisite apple pie, would you like some?"

"You don't bake."

"Well… I put a lot of effort into coming by it…got caught stealing it from the Muggle supermarket."

"Sirius, honestly. You're nearly as gray as I am."

"I am not!" Sirius kept speaking as he went around the kitchen, taking down plates and tea cups. "I told you, I've been bored. It was great fun. I put up a good fight the secretary guards-"

"Security."

"Security. See there? How can you blame me for getting restless without you around to correct my speech?"

"Excellent point," said Remus insincerely, "Go on."

"So the security guards drug me into their little office, kicking and screaming, one with my feet and the other with my arms. Locked me in their little room with the pie while they called the proper authorities, and I popped out. Bet that confused the hell out of them."

Remus shook his head. "Should have let them take you to the Muggle prison. At least then you'd have gotten free food. I don't know how else you're going to feed yourself, now that you're a fugitive from the only shop nearby. "

"Yes. That's why I'm glad you're back." Sirius brought a tray to the table, then went to the icebox and proudly withdrew his pilfered apple pie. He took a doily from the drawer and displayed it prettily in front of Remus. "I've only thought of my food situation recently. There's a shop north, but I'd probably lose half the groceries Apparating. I'd surely starve."

"Well now, Sirius, not necessarily," said Remus thoughtfully, "Use your blatant disregard for the law to your advantage. If you're going to shoplift I see no reason why you can't hop on your broom with a large knapsack to go shopping in broad daylight."

"Hmm…"

"Or god forbid you should harvest your precious tomatoes."

Sirius smiled at his friend's chiding, slicing the pie while Remus poured the tea.

"You know Moon, I turned into a dog on the full moon and stayed that way all night, just out of sheer habit."

"I can't stay long. In fact I shouldn't even stay the night."

"Lupin…" Sirius began, shaking head, "Damn you! I'm too young to be a lonely old man. If you get yourself killed I'm likely to end up bringing my tomatoes in to sing cribbage with me on Saturday nights."

Remus chuckled. "Karaoke."

"What?"

"It's karaoke, not cribbage. Cribbage is somewhat of a board game played on a-"

"-whatever." Sirius waved it away, "I really think you should stay home."

"I can't."

Sirius moodily shoved some pie into his mouth.

Remus suppressed a smile. "Careful not to stab the back of your throat."

"By the way, your roses are dead."

Despite himself, Remus' jaw fell open. "Pad!"

"I'm sorry!" Sirius huffed defensively, "I tried. You shouldn't have enchanted them. They never liked me. The big one-"

"Merlin II?" said Remus sadly.

"Yes. He told me himself, 'you are not amusing and you can't sing worth a damn.'"

"He didn't!"

"He did. I think they died purely out of spite. Didn't like my jokes, either."

"Probably not. They don't like be sung to! They only like classical literature and general philosophic prose!"

Sirius shrugged. "You should have told me that."

"Have you ever seen me sing to them? Never!"

"You still should have reminded me."

"I didn't think of it. It's hard to think when you're being escorted away in shackles."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Boo-hoo."

For a moment they sat and sipped their tea, allowing the wave of irritation to float away on the breeze, as it always did, before Remus spoke again. "Even if I don't go in place of Bill, I have to fetch him from the Burrow, and I left the boy with Charlie."

"So what?"

"Come on now, Pad. I can't just leave them."

"Are you bringing the boy here?"

"No. I don't want to explain you to him. I'll take him to that old barn I used to use."

Sirius was quiet and furious as Remus finished his pie. He cleared the table of dishes, went to the sink and loudly banged them around in the suds, muttering to himself.

"You know, Sirius, you're absolutely right," Remus said after a minute.

Sirius turned, his face relieved and triumphant. He went back to the dishes and stood a little taller. "Finally you listen to reason, you old fool!"

"About the stolen pie being exquisite. It really was very good."

Sirius stopped the flow of water. "Lupin, you are an insufferable bastard."

"I think you're the only person who's ever said that. Except perhaps Sean. I think you two would get along quite well. Emotionally, you're about that same age."

"Go to hell."

"I am going to help those boys, Pad," Remus said, "I am not afraid of Voldemort."

"I know, you're a goddamn idiot. And to think, we always considered you the smart one. Just don't get your stupid self killed."

"I don't plan on it."

"I am officially angry with you until you come back alive."

"Fine."

"Wonderful. Now get out of my sight. I prefer the less aggravating company of my tomatoes."

For a long while the only sound was the clinking of flatware and the rush of water, spattering loudly on the basin's metal bottom, but soon Sirius grew bored and bade them to wash themselves.

He turned and scowled at Remus. "Moon?"

"Yes, Padfoot."

"Can I go?"

Remus hid a smile behind his teacup. "Absolutely not."