Perfect
I'm sitting here in the car now, with my mum.
She hasn't said a word to me. Total silence, the radio isn't even on. She said she tried to call me last night but my phone was off. She was so worried about me when I didn't come home. She doesn't know what to think, neither do I. How am I going to tell her? I know she suspects something happened from the way I am acting now and the way I acted on the phone when I called her.
I just wanted to get out of there.
I had to leave. I never forget to call my mum, never. And I did last night, with him, he made me forget. I try to explain, I start to tell her but I can't find the words. She tells me to wait until we get home. I try to think about how I can tell her, how I can rationalise the situation, but there's no excuse for what I did. I didn't stop. I didn't want to stop. I can't tell her that. I've never even thought about it before but in one night everything's changed. What am I supposed to say, that I slept with him, the person I hate more than anything in the world and it felt good to wake up in his arms.
What about Tristan, I just left him, he tried to ask me to stay. What am I going to say to him when I see him again? I can't face him. He probably doesn't even care, took my virginity, that's what he wanted all along and now he got it. He'll just move on, but how am I supposed to forget, to move on. This was something new for me.
We're pulling up into our driveway, I wish the drive was longer; I wish I could be anywhere but here. I can't tell her. There is still total silence. I sit down on the couch; she asks if I want coffee, I don't want coffee, I have other things on my mind. I just have to get this off my chest. She looks at me strangely, me not wanting coffee, now she knows something's definitely wrong. I have to tell her, I can't hold it in any longer.
I blurt it out, 'I slept with him'
I start to cry, I don't know why, I don't know anything, I'm so confused and everything's changed. I think I know why, because I liked it, I liked who it was with and that scares me. Mum comes over and hugs me, she doesn't know what to say, neither do I.
We both sit there in silence, in our own worlds.