I still haven't talked to her.
I can't stop thinking about her. This is hopeless. At school we just ignore each other. She still pretends like nothing happened. That, that night didn't happen. I suppose its just better that she's moves on and pretends that it didn't happen. Maybe that's how she's coping with it, maybe it didn't mean anything to her. It didn't mean anything to me either. That's what I have to keep telling myself; maybe one day I'll believe it, that, that night didn't change my life. I don't even know why it has, but everything is different now, but it's still the same. I'm still me, but now I have all these feelings and thoughts that I cant get out of my mind.
I want her to talk to me, tell me that it meant something to her, tell me that it didn't, I just want her to acknowledge that it happened.
I don't even know what I want.
I was content with my life, sleeping with different girls every week, they didn't matter to me, I didn't matter to them. I didn't care what they felt; I didn't need to know what they felt. That's how this world works, this place and she doesn't belong in it. I brought her into it. I just want her to say something to me, anything, the world news, who cares; I just want her to talk to me. Well maybe about the other night that would be nice. But that's not going to happen anytime soon.
Why can't I talk to her?
I know why, I'm scared of what she'll say; I'm scared what I will say. She'll say it meant nothing. Then I'll have to move on. So the further I delay it, the more I can think that I might have a chance with her. That I can dream about her, what it would be like to have her again, hold her again? I'd even settle for just talking, but if I talk to her, then I know I will never have another chance and I know I will do something wrong and she will hate me even more.
I want her, she's all I'm thinking about, ever since that night, everything's changed, and it's never going to be the same because of that night.
But why do I care.
Because that night was perfect and nothing will ever compare to it.
Why'd it have to be so perfect?