*I just like to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story, it means a lot to me, to know that you are reading it and enjoying it. Thank you!*

Perfect

I told her, my mum.  She didn't know what to do.  She still hasn't really talked to me since that day.  I mean we small talk, but it's just everyday conversation, not the usual stuff that we used to talk about.  I think it's because she doesn't want to talk about it.  It would make it more real then. 

It's weird, I told her because I had to tell her.  We tell each other everything.  And every since I did, we don't tell each other anything.  She tried to talk to me about going on the pill, but it was really awkward.  That how our relationship is now, awkward, we just seem to be in each other's way, we don't really want each other around.  I do want her around though, I want to be able to talk to her like I used to but it's all changed now.  I told her I didn't need to go on it because it was never going to happen again.  I just left, went for a walk; I don't know how to act around her anymore.  We're so distant, its like she's not even my mother anymore.  I think she got mad a me for walking out, but she understands what I'm going through, she knows how much I hated him, and how much he annoyed me. 

I can't blame her for wanting me to go on the pill, I mean she was a teenage mum and she wants to do what's best for me.  She doesn't know how to cope with what's happened.  I can't blame her; I can't even cope with what has happened.  That her little girls all grown up, that I'm no longer her little girl anymore and I won't be again. 

I see him at school, it so uncomfortable.  He'll look at me then I'll turn away and pretend I'm not looking at him.   I do really want to talk to him; I just don't know what to say.  I need to figure something out, but I don't know what.  How can we fix this?  This has never happened to me before.  I should hate him, he took my virginity, something I can never get back, but I don't really hate him, I don't think I ever did. 

I don't know how to react; I don't know what I am supposed to do.

I wish I could talk to my mum. 

I wish she could help me. 

I wish everything were back to normal, before this happened, before everything changed, before that night.  I don't know if anything will ever be the same again, or ever will be. 

I know mum doesn't want me to turn out like her, she has done everything she can for me, to protect me, and one night everything's different.   Maybe I should go on the pill, not because I'm going to sleep with him again.  That's definitely not happening, but maybe someday I will and I want to be prepared, and then things might start to go back to normal, well at home.

But school is a different matter. 

I can't ignore him forever but I can try my hardest.