Disclaimer: You know the drill.
Author's Note: This chapter is written in first person, Elizabeth's POV, to explain some things and what she's feeling that might clarify for you guys. I wanted to make it clear that I'm not just writing off her feelings for Will, because that wouldn't be in character at all, or the fact that she initiated kissing with Jack, but I'm explaining both of those things here and from the reviews I've been getting I am confident that its still in character. So that's good. It's a really big huge compliment for me when I make Jack semi mushy and you -still- tell me his characterization is good. Cos I'm sure that's not easy. Thanks and keep readin'! I've already decided what my sequel will be about. ;]
Talondragonfriend: Thank you! You're right, they are perfect for each other. I believe, for the reasons Jack gave last chapter. They share the fire. When I first saw it ( seventeen times ago ) the scene where Jack saves Lizzy and then they want to arrest him ( `do you really intend to kill my rescuer?` ) reminded me a helluva lot of Titanic, *waits for people to kill me*, but I mean the scene where Jack saves Rose and then they think he was tryin' ta rape her and go to arrest him .. and she's all `blah blah he saved me invite him to dinner!` .. anyway, I'm just crazy that way.
Dha-gal: *takes skittles* Weeeeee. Thank ye! This chapter hopefully explains the kiss even better. That's why I did it this way, among other things. Heeee, you are just hellbent on killin' the whelp aren'tcha?
Vanessawonderful: Aw! Don't cry! *pats* S'okay, I was gettin' kinda sniffly too writing it. Mind you, I cry at the drop of a hat though. Me = sap. Anywho, never listen to My Immortal on repeat while writing unless you want it to turn out mush.
Qalace: Thanks! An` don't worry, things'll turn out alright for our darlings.
************************************
I think I stood blinking at him for what seemed like an hour, opening and closing my mouth hoping that eventually the right words wound find their way out. They didn't. So I stood. Did he use the word love? Neither of us had, neither of us would - it seemed. But he had said it, in no uncertain terms, right?
This was insanity.
What the hell was I doing? I wasn't even sure anymore, I wasn't really sure of anything - not Will, not my life back home, not why I even wanted any of this in the first place. But the truth remained that I did want it, and that the one thing I was sure of was the fire that I saw in him as well. I'd always seen it.
To me, Jack Sparrow was the very embodiment of freedom. His surname was perfect for him, he was a bird, and if there was anyone in this world that could probably fly, it was him. I have a habit of falling in love with men that rescue me, Will had done it, but Jack had too. Jack had rescued me from a far more terrifying fate than Barbossa. A cage, a cage with jewels and clothes and other fancy things that were supposed to cover up the fact that it was just that - a cage.
There are probably those that would say that while the life I was living wasn't the perfect one, it wasn't fatal. I have to disagree, the fact that I couldn't breath and nearly drowned, for example. But, more than that, I knew in my heart that if I lived my entire life the way my father had planned, my spirit would die, and my body would follow soon after. One can not live if they haven't got a reason to.
Jack was like a drug. He made me forget everything that plagued my thoughts, none of it even existed. The high I got just from being in the same room with him was one that I never wanted to come off of.
"I'm not a child, Jack."
I said finally, in response to his statement. He had no right to make such a descion for me, who I was to love, it was up to me, and no one else. I knew he was implying the dangers of a life of piracy, the fact that most of them didn't make it past thirty. But he had beaten those odds, didn't that count for something?
"No, yer not. But still .."
By society's standards I should already be married with children at my age. Or at least married, and while I was young, I wasn't a child.
"What?"
"I can't do it, luv. S'wrong. And for the first time in my life I care that it's wrong." He stopped for a moment, planning his next words, I knew he was referring to Will, "He stood between me an` death, and this is how I repay `im." He faced me, ".. Did you see the look on his face?"
"I saw."
I had seen, and what I saw haunted me. That was why I'd make up my mind not to think about it until I had to. Things had to be set right with both of .. my men .. things had to be in the open or none of us would be happy. Someone was going to get hurt in this, I knew, and there was a good chance all of us would, in some way.
"And it doesn't bother you? Yer not sorry?" The sound was almost one of disbelief.
"Yes--No--I don't..." I was making this harder than it had to be. He had more or less come clean about his feelings for me, and I owed him the same. Deep breaths, Lizzy, here goes nothing.
"I am sorry that I hurt him." I began, "I am sorry for the pain that I saw in his eyes. But, I'm not sorry that I kissed you. Nor am I sorry that you kissed me."
He opened his mouth to say something, but I held my hand up before he could.
"Just," He didn't speak, ".. let me finish this first." Request granted, "I'm sure you know that it was very unlike me to simply attack a man the way I did." He smirked, his usual smirk, and nodded, as if he was recalling our time in the brig, "But the simple truth is that I didn't feel I had a choice.."
"Didn't have a--" Jack was clearly very confused by this, but I continued.
"You were on the ground .. and they just kept coming .. and there nothing I could do to stop them. I tried." I wasn't sure if he was aware that I'd tried to intervene during his beating, "I tried and they just .. threw me aside. Then, this morning, when Will and I were gone, one of the pirates gave us an offer. He said that he may be able to help Will and I to safety - but you weren't part of the deal. I said no. I came back .. and there you were .. still bruised and pitiful looking .. and the reality that you might be dead within hours set in. Worse, was that there was nothing I could do about it. So I took a chance .. because at the time .. more than anything," I paused, now fighting the tears that were threatening to fall, "I was afraid I was going to loose you."
"You tried to stop the-- you could have left?" Jack was clearly hung up on this part, just as I had guessed he would be. "Why did you do that? Yer so stupid .. could have died .. d'ya have any idea how dangerous those bastards are--were?"
"A pirates life for me.." I whispered, with a shrug.
He took a step toward me and the worried expression on his face said that he was about to lecture me about the dangers of it all. Going to tell me that while piracy was a fine way for him to live, it wasn't for such a delicate lady. If he had, he would have fallen from grace in my eyes, because this is the man I knew I could count on never to treat me that way. By the way I held my breath, he probably he knew that. He knows everything, somehow.
"Aye." He whispered, "And what of dear William?"
I looked down, why did he have to bring him up? There it was again, the guilt, the uncertainty. The only thing I wasn't confused about was the fact that I was very confused. I knew full well how I felt about both of them, though I didn't know what it meant or what I was supposed to do about it. I'm just a woman in love with two men, is that really so strange?
"I don't know." This was going to be even harder to explain, "All I know that is if I marry him, assuming he'll even still have me, I would know exactly how things would be, everyday, for the rest of my life. I'd know exactly what to expect. A-and, I love not knowing."
I couldn't leave it at that, I would have appeared to be an evil heartless woman. What kind of person would I be to abandon Will just because he bored me? That wasn't the full reason - that wasn't it at all. But the hard thing is to decide just how much to tell Jack.
"We've been engaged for nearly a year now and I'm still not married." That really had bothered me more than I'd let on until then, "I understand his reasons, but the fact that he won't even be honest with me about those reasons .. the fact that he lets what others in that damned town think decide our future." I knew how Will felt, really, I did, but why should I suffer and languish away because of his insecurity? "I saw amazing potential in him last year, I felt like a princess in the end of a glorious fairy tale, but our happily ever after didn't come because, he is still a slave to the rules of that society. If he were to marry me, he'd take on the duties of the governor's son-in-law, and all I will of gained would be a cellmate."
"Ye don't love `im?" Jack seemed very shocked by his revelation, but I set him straight.
"I do love him." His face fell, "I've loved him from the day we hauled him aboard the Dauntless. But," The 'but' caused a glimmer of hope, "from that day forth he refused to call me by my given name and treated me just like any of my maids. I love him for what he can be. I hate the fact that he refuses to become that person again. He's scared, and I don't blame him."
"An` what about you? Not scared?"
"That's just it. I used to be. I gained some of Will's insecurity. Started to wonder if there was a chance that he was right about it all .. I started to wonder if I should stop searching the harbor for black sails. Everyday I felt my spirit - my fire, as you said - dying, and there was some part of me that was quite sure you could fix it all."
"Black sails?" He seemed dumbfounded by this. Why should the daughter of a wealthy man spend hours in her room praying for the return of a pirate? After all of this and he still didn't get it. Brilliant as he was, he did have his slow moments.
"Just as Will inspired me to fear my fate, you inspire me to be free. That's why I never spoke to him about our time of the island, as much as he asked me, that time was ours. I held onto that, and though it confused me, I held onto the knowledge that I didn't think of him once while dancing around that fire. You, Jack Sparrow, made me desperately want to believe that a person needs nothing in life but a good wind and the horizon. But it's hard to believe without you there to remind me."
"So," he began after a few seconds, "where does that leave us?" He said 'us', I couldn't believe it. After my first meeting with him, I'd of expected him to make fun of me for all of this. To call me a silly little swooning child. He didn't. He asked me where it left us. Hell if I know ..
"I don't know. I won't know until I talk to Will." He probably took that to mean that I wanted Will and would just forget him, that's what his face said anyway, "I mean, you both deserve fair explanation."
"Oh .."
He turned on his heel and walked back over to the helm, grasping it again, though it was clear that his mind was elsewhere. I knew where it was.
"But Jack?"
"Aye?"
"I'll decide when and where and who I'm given to, savvy?"
For some strange reason I'd always wanted to use his word, the smile he wore when I did was well worth it.
"Savvy, luv."
Now comes the hard part. I too turned, and began to walk back to the cabin where I'd left Will. Perhaps he was awake by now. God help me.
Author's Note: This chapter is written in first person, Elizabeth's POV, to explain some things and what she's feeling that might clarify for you guys. I wanted to make it clear that I'm not just writing off her feelings for Will, because that wouldn't be in character at all, or the fact that she initiated kissing with Jack, but I'm explaining both of those things here and from the reviews I've been getting I am confident that its still in character. So that's good. It's a really big huge compliment for me when I make Jack semi mushy and you -still- tell me his characterization is good. Cos I'm sure that's not easy. Thanks and keep readin'! I've already decided what my sequel will be about. ;]
Talondragonfriend: Thank you! You're right, they are perfect for each other. I believe, for the reasons Jack gave last chapter. They share the fire. When I first saw it ( seventeen times ago ) the scene where Jack saves Lizzy and then they want to arrest him ( `do you really intend to kill my rescuer?` ) reminded me a helluva lot of Titanic, *waits for people to kill me*, but I mean the scene where Jack saves Rose and then they think he was tryin' ta rape her and go to arrest him .. and she's all `blah blah he saved me invite him to dinner!` .. anyway, I'm just crazy that way.
Dha-gal: *takes skittles* Weeeeee. Thank ye! This chapter hopefully explains the kiss even better. That's why I did it this way, among other things. Heeee, you are just hellbent on killin' the whelp aren'tcha?
Vanessawonderful: Aw! Don't cry! *pats* S'okay, I was gettin' kinda sniffly too writing it. Mind you, I cry at the drop of a hat though. Me = sap. Anywho, never listen to My Immortal on repeat while writing unless you want it to turn out mush.
Qalace: Thanks! An` don't worry, things'll turn out alright for our darlings.
************************************
I think I stood blinking at him for what seemed like an hour, opening and closing my mouth hoping that eventually the right words wound find their way out. They didn't. So I stood. Did he use the word love? Neither of us had, neither of us would - it seemed. But he had said it, in no uncertain terms, right?
This was insanity.
What the hell was I doing? I wasn't even sure anymore, I wasn't really sure of anything - not Will, not my life back home, not why I even wanted any of this in the first place. But the truth remained that I did want it, and that the one thing I was sure of was the fire that I saw in him as well. I'd always seen it.
To me, Jack Sparrow was the very embodiment of freedom. His surname was perfect for him, he was a bird, and if there was anyone in this world that could probably fly, it was him. I have a habit of falling in love with men that rescue me, Will had done it, but Jack had too. Jack had rescued me from a far more terrifying fate than Barbossa. A cage, a cage with jewels and clothes and other fancy things that were supposed to cover up the fact that it was just that - a cage.
There are probably those that would say that while the life I was living wasn't the perfect one, it wasn't fatal. I have to disagree, the fact that I couldn't breath and nearly drowned, for example. But, more than that, I knew in my heart that if I lived my entire life the way my father had planned, my spirit would die, and my body would follow soon after. One can not live if they haven't got a reason to.
Jack was like a drug. He made me forget everything that plagued my thoughts, none of it even existed. The high I got just from being in the same room with him was one that I never wanted to come off of.
"I'm not a child, Jack."
I said finally, in response to his statement. He had no right to make such a descion for me, who I was to love, it was up to me, and no one else. I knew he was implying the dangers of a life of piracy, the fact that most of them didn't make it past thirty. But he had beaten those odds, didn't that count for something?
"No, yer not. But still .."
By society's standards I should already be married with children at my age. Or at least married, and while I was young, I wasn't a child.
"What?"
"I can't do it, luv. S'wrong. And for the first time in my life I care that it's wrong." He stopped for a moment, planning his next words, I knew he was referring to Will, "He stood between me an` death, and this is how I repay `im." He faced me, ".. Did you see the look on his face?"
"I saw."
I had seen, and what I saw haunted me. That was why I'd make up my mind not to think about it until I had to. Things had to be set right with both of .. my men .. things had to be in the open or none of us would be happy. Someone was going to get hurt in this, I knew, and there was a good chance all of us would, in some way.
"And it doesn't bother you? Yer not sorry?" The sound was almost one of disbelief.
"Yes--No--I don't..." I was making this harder than it had to be. He had more or less come clean about his feelings for me, and I owed him the same. Deep breaths, Lizzy, here goes nothing.
"I am sorry that I hurt him." I began, "I am sorry for the pain that I saw in his eyes. But, I'm not sorry that I kissed you. Nor am I sorry that you kissed me."
He opened his mouth to say something, but I held my hand up before he could.
"Just," He didn't speak, ".. let me finish this first." Request granted, "I'm sure you know that it was very unlike me to simply attack a man the way I did." He smirked, his usual smirk, and nodded, as if he was recalling our time in the brig, "But the simple truth is that I didn't feel I had a choice.."
"Didn't have a--" Jack was clearly very confused by this, but I continued.
"You were on the ground .. and they just kept coming .. and there nothing I could do to stop them. I tried." I wasn't sure if he was aware that I'd tried to intervene during his beating, "I tried and they just .. threw me aside. Then, this morning, when Will and I were gone, one of the pirates gave us an offer. He said that he may be able to help Will and I to safety - but you weren't part of the deal. I said no. I came back .. and there you were .. still bruised and pitiful looking .. and the reality that you might be dead within hours set in. Worse, was that there was nothing I could do about it. So I took a chance .. because at the time .. more than anything," I paused, now fighting the tears that were threatening to fall, "I was afraid I was going to loose you."
"You tried to stop the-- you could have left?" Jack was clearly hung up on this part, just as I had guessed he would be. "Why did you do that? Yer so stupid .. could have died .. d'ya have any idea how dangerous those bastards are--were?"
"A pirates life for me.." I whispered, with a shrug.
He took a step toward me and the worried expression on his face said that he was about to lecture me about the dangers of it all. Going to tell me that while piracy was a fine way for him to live, it wasn't for such a delicate lady. If he had, he would have fallen from grace in my eyes, because this is the man I knew I could count on never to treat me that way. By the way I held my breath, he probably he knew that. He knows everything, somehow.
"Aye." He whispered, "And what of dear William?"
I looked down, why did he have to bring him up? There it was again, the guilt, the uncertainty. The only thing I wasn't confused about was the fact that I was very confused. I knew full well how I felt about both of them, though I didn't know what it meant or what I was supposed to do about it. I'm just a woman in love with two men, is that really so strange?
"I don't know." This was going to be even harder to explain, "All I know that is if I marry him, assuming he'll even still have me, I would know exactly how things would be, everyday, for the rest of my life. I'd know exactly what to expect. A-and, I love not knowing."
I couldn't leave it at that, I would have appeared to be an evil heartless woman. What kind of person would I be to abandon Will just because he bored me? That wasn't the full reason - that wasn't it at all. But the hard thing is to decide just how much to tell Jack.
"We've been engaged for nearly a year now and I'm still not married." That really had bothered me more than I'd let on until then, "I understand his reasons, but the fact that he won't even be honest with me about those reasons .. the fact that he lets what others in that damned town think decide our future." I knew how Will felt, really, I did, but why should I suffer and languish away because of his insecurity? "I saw amazing potential in him last year, I felt like a princess in the end of a glorious fairy tale, but our happily ever after didn't come because, he is still a slave to the rules of that society. If he were to marry me, he'd take on the duties of the governor's son-in-law, and all I will of gained would be a cellmate."
"Ye don't love `im?" Jack seemed very shocked by his revelation, but I set him straight.
"I do love him." His face fell, "I've loved him from the day we hauled him aboard the Dauntless. But," The 'but' caused a glimmer of hope, "from that day forth he refused to call me by my given name and treated me just like any of my maids. I love him for what he can be. I hate the fact that he refuses to become that person again. He's scared, and I don't blame him."
"An` what about you? Not scared?"
"That's just it. I used to be. I gained some of Will's insecurity. Started to wonder if there was a chance that he was right about it all .. I started to wonder if I should stop searching the harbor for black sails. Everyday I felt my spirit - my fire, as you said - dying, and there was some part of me that was quite sure you could fix it all."
"Black sails?" He seemed dumbfounded by this. Why should the daughter of a wealthy man spend hours in her room praying for the return of a pirate? After all of this and he still didn't get it. Brilliant as he was, he did have his slow moments.
"Just as Will inspired me to fear my fate, you inspire me to be free. That's why I never spoke to him about our time of the island, as much as he asked me, that time was ours. I held onto that, and though it confused me, I held onto the knowledge that I didn't think of him once while dancing around that fire. You, Jack Sparrow, made me desperately want to believe that a person needs nothing in life but a good wind and the horizon. But it's hard to believe without you there to remind me."
"So," he began after a few seconds, "where does that leave us?" He said 'us', I couldn't believe it. After my first meeting with him, I'd of expected him to make fun of me for all of this. To call me a silly little swooning child. He didn't. He asked me where it left us. Hell if I know ..
"I don't know. I won't know until I talk to Will." He probably took that to mean that I wanted Will and would just forget him, that's what his face said anyway, "I mean, you both deserve fair explanation."
"Oh .."
He turned on his heel and walked back over to the helm, grasping it again, though it was clear that his mind was elsewhere. I knew where it was.
"But Jack?"
"Aye?"
"I'll decide when and where and who I'm given to, savvy?"
For some strange reason I'd always wanted to use his word, the smile he wore when I did was well worth it.
"Savvy, luv."
Now comes the hard part. I too turned, and began to walk back to the cabin where I'd left Will. Perhaps he was awake by now. God help me.