Disclaimer: It's mine. In my dreams. ;] Well, just Jack. Mickey can keep
the whelp. Wait, on the other hand, the whelp is mine too. Okay, that was
sarcasm, don't sue me. You wouldn't get much. All I have goin' for me is a
new car, and I'll fight ye for that, big business lawyer types!
Author's Note: In this chapter I'm goin' back to the way I was writing before, meaning it was just the ONE chapter ( 23 ) that was Lizzy POV. K? The thing that became really hard in this chapter was Will's characterization. The Will that followed her across the Caribbean, determined to rescue her, tells me that he'd fight for her. But the Will that loves her enough to want nothing but her happiness, tells me that he wouldn't. So I'm really not sure. I've had him more or less fighting so far, anger, hurt, punching Jack. But what now that it really comes down to it? I hope that I've remained true to the character. I think he could really go either way here. Though I don't want to have him fight too hard, because I think he's too noble for that, and despite what else I may think of him, he's a good guy, and I don't want to make him into a semi villain. I think, as far as Elizabeth goes, its entirely possible to love more than one person, in different ways, or simply because she met them both at different points in her life where she needed very different things. Like the difference between Spike and Angel .. I'm not sure. But the rest of the story is pretty much going to be falling action, with the escape and battle being the climax. I do have a action / adventure / romance sequel lined up. So there'll be more action there, but now I'm just resolving things. With a little bit more action a long the way so things don't get boring. Or too soap opera-y. The fact is that a pirate's life wasn't all about adventure. But here goes.
*********************************************
A hesitant hand rested on the doorknob of the cabin door, the conversation that had just been shared kept Elizabeth from turning it. How was she going to go about this? Will had a right to state his case though, as did she, and everyone had a right to the truth. Pushing through the door, she entered the room, which was dark, save one candle. As she suspected, Will was awake, it didn't look as if he had ever been asleep, not suprising. He was sitting upright, staring across at the door, as if he had been waiting for her. Actually, he probably had been expecting her.
"He couldn't put you to work?" Will asked, making a special point not to say Jack's name.
"No," She hadn't even asked, so that was a lie, another lie, "We thought it was best if you and I had time to .."
"Make excuses?"
Elizabeth blinked, she hadn't been expecting that. But perhaps she should have, in the past couple of hours she'd seen a new side of Will. She couldn't blame him, of course, but it was still strange to be so distant from him.
"No." She said quickly, "To talk."
"Alright." He sighed, beginning to think that faking sleep would have been the best course of action. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to be. Will just wanted to be left alone. Actually, he just wanted everything to magically be alright, but that was out of the question. A few minutes passed and neither said a word, Elizabeth was fumbling with her clothes, head down, and Will was doing the same with the sheets on his bed. Elizabeth's eyes wandered the room, the silence was killer.
"So," She began, "one of us should probably talk, here." A nervous laugh escaped her, and she smiled at him, he didn't return the sentiment.
"I suppose." Will dropped the sheets he'd been examining and looked at her. Though, there was no eye contact. Neither seemed to want that.
It was the kind of stare where you desperately looked for something else to focus on besides the person's eyes. Mouth, face, clothes, anything but the eyes. Sometimes it was just easier not to look at the person at all. So he didn't, Will's eyes stayed on the flame of the candle that was flickering across the room, and the shadows that it caused. The shadows danced on Elizabeth's face, without her knowledge, and the scene reminded him of how beautiful she was. But, it also reminded him, that she wasn't his anymore. It was a hard thing to process, so much can change within seconds, but the mind takes a little while to realize it. It hurt. It was the kind of hurt that couldn't really be put into words. Maybe, sometimes, we are spared the full experience of our emotions, because if we weren't somewhat numb, the pain, or the passion, or the happiness would kill us.
"Do you love him?"
The silence was broken by Will. He had attempted to think up a suitable way of starting a conversation. One that was subtle. He hadn't been able to, so blunt interrogation was the next thing he came up with. He knew immediately by the look on Elizabeth's face that he shouldn't have asked. He should have searched for subtlety a bit harder.
"What?"
The easy out that Elizabeth had come up with was pretending that she didn't hear. It wasn't the most brilliant plan, nor the most mature. But, it was the first thing that popped into her mind. How could she answer the question when she wasn't even sure of the answer herself? Her heart was sure, but her mind wasn't sure. She hadn't yet rationalized any of it, so that it could be explained out loud. She simply felt. Feelings, though, are much harder to deal with than logic.
"I said, do you love him?" Despite the fact that he probably should have said 'nevermind', he didn't. Part of Will wanted an answer, a straight one. That, of course, was the part of him that was a glutton for punishment.
"I love the person I am with him." That didn't sound much better than just saying 'yes', and judging by the knowing nod that Will gave, it didn't make him feel any better, "I love the person that he is .. so .. free and full of life."
She didn't, however, say that he made her feel like she was flying. Or that the fluttering in her heart when he spoke of freedom, was one of those emotions that couldn't be totally felt, or explained. She left out her revelation that if she loved the person Jack made her, and she also loved she person Jack was - then it stands to reason, that she was in love. None of that would have done anything for Will. He deserved honesty, which she'd given him, but she would spare him her poetry on the subject.
Will seemed to be thinking this over for awhile, having some sort of internal argument with himself. Despite it all, he loved this woman, and wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. That was what his brain said, and even his heart, human instinct, however, told him to hold onto what was his. But, did he have the right to call another person his?
"And me?" He finally looked her in the eye, "I know I'm not nearly as .. interesting .." There was a certain emphasis put upon that last word, "I'm probably dreadfully dull .. walking in a straight line and all .."
Elizabeth made a move to sit down on the bed beside him, eyeing the bandage over his wound carefully, to make sure it wouldn't bleed again. She had heard somewhere that injured people should lie still, and he wasn't doing that.
"Will, you haven't even married me, yet. You keep putting it off and I am left to wonder if there's something wrong with me."
There was, as she'd decided already, no sense in lying to him. But, she knew it wasn't because there was anything wrong with her. She knew exactly why he kept postponing. He didn't think he was good enough for her.
"Never!" He stiffened, and it caused him pain, settling back down he continued, "There's nothing wrong with you .."
She smiled, there was still love in his eyes, which both hurt and comforted her.
"Then what?"
"Nothing wrong with you .. its something wrong with me .."
"Will, there's nothing wrong wi--"
He held up a hand to cut her off. Will decided that Elizabeth deserved a certain amount of explanation as well. In all his pain he had forgotten to take into account what she might be feeling. Inwardly he scolded himself for it, and resolved to go on.
"What kind of life can I offer you? I can't keep you in the fine things that you're used to."
"I don't care about that." She looked horrified. But he continued, without acknowledging her interruption.
"--And I can't give you the adventure that you crave. I'm nothing but a blacksmith, and you would be nothing but a blacksmith's wife."
"You were a pirate. Last summer - and just hours ago. I saw what you could be. Jack said he saw your father in you. I've seen the way you look at the sea.."
It had been with a great deal of pride that Jack had relayed this information, as well, in one of his letters.
"Have you seen the way I look at the gallows?" She shook her head, not getting what he was trying to say, "At the heart of it all, I want a family, I want children .. a nice quiet life. I'm no more happy about the world we live in than you are, and I do want freedom. But I don't want to die before my next birthday .. and I don't want that for you." He looked as if he was going to say something along the lines of 'you deserve better', but knowing what her reaction would be, thought the better of it. He shook his head, finally hearing what she'd said about his father.
"I'm not my father. I'm not Jack. I fight when I have to. I commit acts of piracy when I have to. I do not go looking for trouble."
To her relief, he hadn't said this in such a way as to insult either his father or Jack. It was a simple, but true, statement. But Elizabeth herself couldn't understand it. If he wanted freedom, why shouldn't he take it? To have a wife and children, and live in Port Royal, he would never be anything other than what he was. He'd never earn title or wealth or any of the things he deserved. Simply because he wasn't born to privilege, and it wasn't fair. Wealth didn't matter to Elizabeth, nor did title, but the fact that in piracy a man, or woman, was judged by his or her deeds, and not by their parentage.
Elizabeth knew the dangers. She'd been to the hangings. She knew what went on in the jails when the bastard Royal Marines thought no one was looking. But, she still always just wanted to fly away. Elizabeth wanted to be alive. Sometimes, she'd heard, you have to come close to death to realize the value of life. You have to live on the edge, or you're not living at all.
Will was safety. He was the familiar face she'd known since childhood, the person she'd grown up with. In his arms she always felt as if nothing could harm her, and there were times when she was grateful for that, and there were other times when she felt she may suffocate. What it came down to, in the end, was whether or not she wanted that safety - or the chaotic freedom of flying with a Sparrow through a hurricane.
"I can't go back there, Will." After a few moments of thought she spoke, though not in direct response to anything he'd said, "I can't go back to that .. I'll die."
He knew she meant it. Jack wasn't the only one who saw the fire in her eyes. Will had seen it 9 years ago after being pulled from the water, when she assured him that he'd be taken care of. He'd fallen in love with her then, for that same reason. For her obvious bravery, and strength. She would waste away like a caged bird, or a butterfly under glass, of that he was certain. It's why he had consented to let her go with Jack in the first place. Placing a hand on her hand he squeezed tightly, for a moment, his resentment wore away.
"Then go," He swallowed the lump in his throat, and quoted the same words he'd said when she'd asked to go on the Pearl, "I cannot cheat you out of your freedom."
Without thanking him verbally she squeezed his hand, noticing the obvious pain this caused him, but something in his voice told her not to feel guilty. He wasn't granting her permission to have a romantic relationship with Jack ( but he wasn't denying it, either ) he was simply granting her her one wish. He couldn't be a part of it, but Will loved her and wanted nothing more than her happiness. Elizabeth moved forward to hug him, a tight embrace between childhood friends, and much more.
She knew she'd always be bound to him, as women are always bound to their first loves. Releasing him from the hug, she planted a kiss on his forehead, and rose from the bed. Turning to leave the room, she faced him one more time.
"Rest now, please. I'm going to go see what I can do, we'll be arriving in Tortuga soon."
Stepping out of the cabin, a free woman, Elizabeth Swann smiled.
Author's Note: In this chapter I'm goin' back to the way I was writing before, meaning it was just the ONE chapter ( 23 ) that was Lizzy POV. K? The thing that became really hard in this chapter was Will's characterization. The Will that followed her across the Caribbean, determined to rescue her, tells me that he'd fight for her. But the Will that loves her enough to want nothing but her happiness, tells me that he wouldn't. So I'm really not sure. I've had him more or less fighting so far, anger, hurt, punching Jack. But what now that it really comes down to it? I hope that I've remained true to the character. I think he could really go either way here. Though I don't want to have him fight too hard, because I think he's too noble for that, and despite what else I may think of him, he's a good guy, and I don't want to make him into a semi villain. I think, as far as Elizabeth goes, its entirely possible to love more than one person, in different ways, or simply because she met them both at different points in her life where she needed very different things. Like the difference between Spike and Angel .. I'm not sure. But the rest of the story is pretty much going to be falling action, with the escape and battle being the climax. I do have a action / adventure / romance sequel lined up. So there'll be more action there, but now I'm just resolving things. With a little bit more action a long the way so things don't get boring. Or too soap opera-y. The fact is that a pirate's life wasn't all about adventure. But here goes.
*********************************************
A hesitant hand rested on the doorknob of the cabin door, the conversation that had just been shared kept Elizabeth from turning it. How was she going to go about this? Will had a right to state his case though, as did she, and everyone had a right to the truth. Pushing through the door, she entered the room, which was dark, save one candle. As she suspected, Will was awake, it didn't look as if he had ever been asleep, not suprising. He was sitting upright, staring across at the door, as if he had been waiting for her. Actually, he probably had been expecting her.
"He couldn't put you to work?" Will asked, making a special point not to say Jack's name.
"No," She hadn't even asked, so that was a lie, another lie, "We thought it was best if you and I had time to .."
"Make excuses?"
Elizabeth blinked, she hadn't been expecting that. But perhaps she should have, in the past couple of hours she'd seen a new side of Will. She couldn't blame him, of course, but it was still strange to be so distant from him.
"No." She said quickly, "To talk."
"Alright." He sighed, beginning to think that faking sleep would have been the best course of action. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to be. Will just wanted to be left alone. Actually, he just wanted everything to magically be alright, but that was out of the question. A few minutes passed and neither said a word, Elizabeth was fumbling with her clothes, head down, and Will was doing the same with the sheets on his bed. Elizabeth's eyes wandered the room, the silence was killer.
"So," She began, "one of us should probably talk, here." A nervous laugh escaped her, and she smiled at him, he didn't return the sentiment.
"I suppose." Will dropped the sheets he'd been examining and looked at her. Though, there was no eye contact. Neither seemed to want that.
It was the kind of stare where you desperately looked for something else to focus on besides the person's eyes. Mouth, face, clothes, anything but the eyes. Sometimes it was just easier not to look at the person at all. So he didn't, Will's eyes stayed on the flame of the candle that was flickering across the room, and the shadows that it caused. The shadows danced on Elizabeth's face, without her knowledge, and the scene reminded him of how beautiful she was. But, it also reminded him, that she wasn't his anymore. It was a hard thing to process, so much can change within seconds, but the mind takes a little while to realize it. It hurt. It was the kind of hurt that couldn't really be put into words. Maybe, sometimes, we are spared the full experience of our emotions, because if we weren't somewhat numb, the pain, or the passion, or the happiness would kill us.
"Do you love him?"
The silence was broken by Will. He had attempted to think up a suitable way of starting a conversation. One that was subtle. He hadn't been able to, so blunt interrogation was the next thing he came up with. He knew immediately by the look on Elizabeth's face that he shouldn't have asked. He should have searched for subtlety a bit harder.
"What?"
The easy out that Elizabeth had come up with was pretending that she didn't hear. It wasn't the most brilliant plan, nor the most mature. But, it was the first thing that popped into her mind. How could she answer the question when she wasn't even sure of the answer herself? Her heart was sure, but her mind wasn't sure. She hadn't yet rationalized any of it, so that it could be explained out loud. She simply felt. Feelings, though, are much harder to deal with than logic.
"I said, do you love him?" Despite the fact that he probably should have said 'nevermind', he didn't. Part of Will wanted an answer, a straight one. That, of course, was the part of him that was a glutton for punishment.
"I love the person I am with him." That didn't sound much better than just saying 'yes', and judging by the knowing nod that Will gave, it didn't make him feel any better, "I love the person that he is .. so .. free and full of life."
She didn't, however, say that he made her feel like she was flying. Or that the fluttering in her heart when he spoke of freedom, was one of those emotions that couldn't be totally felt, or explained. She left out her revelation that if she loved the person Jack made her, and she also loved she person Jack was - then it stands to reason, that she was in love. None of that would have done anything for Will. He deserved honesty, which she'd given him, but she would spare him her poetry on the subject.
Will seemed to be thinking this over for awhile, having some sort of internal argument with himself. Despite it all, he loved this woman, and wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. That was what his brain said, and even his heart, human instinct, however, told him to hold onto what was his. But, did he have the right to call another person his?
"And me?" He finally looked her in the eye, "I know I'm not nearly as .. interesting .." There was a certain emphasis put upon that last word, "I'm probably dreadfully dull .. walking in a straight line and all .."
Elizabeth made a move to sit down on the bed beside him, eyeing the bandage over his wound carefully, to make sure it wouldn't bleed again. She had heard somewhere that injured people should lie still, and he wasn't doing that.
"Will, you haven't even married me, yet. You keep putting it off and I am left to wonder if there's something wrong with me."
There was, as she'd decided already, no sense in lying to him. But, she knew it wasn't because there was anything wrong with her. She knew exactly why he kept postponing. He didn't think he was good enough for her.
"Never!" He stiffened, and it caused him pain, settling back down he continued, "There's nothing wrong with you .."
She smiled, there was still love in his eyes, which both hurt and comforted her.
"Then what?"
"Nothing wrong with you .. its something wrong with me .."
"Will, there's nothing wrong wi--"
He held up a hand to cut her off. Will decided that Elizabeth deserved a certain amount of explanation as well. In all his pain he had forgotten to take into account what she might be feeling. Inwardly he scolded himself for it, and resolved to go on.
"What kind of life can I offer you? I can't keep you in the fine things that you're used to."
"I don't care about that." She looked horrified. But he continued, without acknowledging her interruption.
"--And I can't give you the adventure that you crave. I'm nothing but a blacksmith, and you would be nothing but a blacksmith's wife."
"You were a pirate. Last summer - and just hours ago. I saw what you could be. Jack said he saw your father in you. I've seen the way you look at the sea.."
It had been with a great deal of pride that Jack had relayed this information, as well, in one of his letters.
"Have you seen the way I look at the gallows?" She shook her head, not getting what he was trying to say, "At the heart of it all, I want a family, I want children .. a nice quiet life. I'm no more happy about the world we live in than you are, and I do want freedom. But I don't want to die before my next birthday .. and I don't want that for you." He looked as if he was going to say something along the lines of 'you deserve better', but knowing what her reaction would be, thought the better of it. He shook his head, finally hearing what she'd said about his father.
"I'm not my father. I'm not Jack. I fight when I have to. I commit acts of piracy when I have to. I do not go looking for trouble."
To her relief, he hadn't said this in such a way as to insult either his father or Jack. It was a simple, but true, statement. But Elizabeth herself couldn't understand it. If he wanted freedom, why shouldn't he take it? To have a wife and children, and live in Port Royal, he would never be anything other than what he was. He'd never earn title or wealth or any of the things he deserved. Simply because he wasn't born to privilege, and it wasn't fair. Wealth didn't matter to Elizabeth, nor did title, but the fact that in piracy a man, or woman, was judged by his or her deeds, and not by their parentage.
Elizabeth knew the dangers. She'd been to the hangings. She knew what went on in the jails when the bastard Royal Marines thought no one was looking. But, she still always just wanted to fly away. Elizabeth wanted to be alive. Sometimes, she'd heard, you have to come close to death to realize the value of life. You have to live on the edge, or you're not living at all.
Will was safety. He was the familiar face she'd known since childhood, the person she'd grown up with. In his arms she always felt as if nothing could harm her, and there were times when she was grateful for that, and there were other times when she felt she may suffocate. What it came down to, in the end, was whether or not she wanted that safety - or the chaotic freedom of flying with a Sparrow through a hurricane.
"I can't go back there, Will." After a few moments of thought she spoke, though not in direct response to anything he'd said, "I can't go back to that .. I'll die."
He knew she meant it. Jack wasn't the only one who saw the fire in her eyes. Will had seen it 9 years ago after being pulled from the water, when she assured him that he'd be taken care of. He'd fallen in love with her then, for that same reason. For her obvious bravery, and strength. She would waste away like a caged bird, or a butterfly under glass, of that he was certain. It's why he had consented to let her go with Jack in the first place. Placing a hand on her hand he squeezed tightly, for a moment, his resentment wore away.
"Then go," He swallowed the lump in his throat, and quoted the same words he'd said when she'd asked to go on the Pearl, "I cannot cheat you out of your freedom."
Without thanking him verbally she squeezed his hand, noticing the obvious pain this caused him, but something in his voice told her not to feel guilty. He wasn't granting her permission to have a romantic relationship with Jack ( but he wasn't denying it, either ) he was simply granting her her one wish. He couldn't be a part of it, but Will loved her and wanted nothing more than her happiness. Elizabeth moved forward to hug him, a tight embrace between childhood friends, and much more.
She knew she'd always be bound to him, as women are always bound to their first loves. Releasing him from the hug, she planted a kiss on his forehead, and rose from the bed. Turning to leave the room, she faced him one more time.
"Rest now, please. I'm going to go see what I can do, we'll be arriving in Tortuga soon."
Stepping out of the cabin, a free woman, Elizabeth Swann smiled.