It was like looking in a mirror. That had been my first thought. Looking down at the pale, shivering form of the girl wrapped in the coarse, tattered fabric of what we called a towel I found myself suddenly, violently jolted back to my first moments in the "real world". The harsh, brightness of it all. The way the tears just flowed from my eyes that had never been opened, the first rippling of gooseflesh over skin that had never known the touch of air before.
Something along the lines of an overload. At least, that's the only way I could think of to describe it afterwards.
I gave the command for the Neb and it was nearly immediately followed. Somewhere inside my mind I was glad for increased status as a commanding officer. Everyone else was either sitting, staring, or both. We didn't have time for that. The girl was going to go into shock if we didn't hurry things up.
"Move her to my quarters. She can rest there." Quarters. Where was I, a boat? A ship, I reminded myself quickly, a ship that was probably one of the few assets the humans had now. Our only mode of transportation and one of our few means of defense. The Neb almost felt more like home than Zion did.
Almost.
I didn't watch Link carry the girl away. I could hear the footsteps behind me fading, echoing away down the hallway in metallic clinking sounds. Instead I turned to face Morpheus who looked even more then father figure now than before. And now his concern was focused on his new daughter of sorts.
Who was almost then, by default, my new sister. Strange to think of it that way.
"I'm going to go with her." My voice was still levelly calm, strange-sounding to my ears since I didn't feel calm at all. My heart was doing a strange tap-dance in my chest, pitter-pattering insanely against my rib cage. A quick glance down revealed my fingers were shaking and I clasped my hands immediately to hide this.
Morpheus only nodded. He didn't have to do anything more. It was all understood. As I left the smaller room to exchange for the hallway my eyes lingered on Neo's still form, reclined in one of the worn chairs that I could have fallen asleep in if needed. Part of me wanted to stay with him, but the other part of me knew he would be fine. He'd know where to find me.
I was lucky. That much I knew. He was safe. Safer than any of us inside were, at that.
Link was leaving my room as I turned the corner of the hall and paused in the half open doorway when he saw my quickened pace. Resting the door all but a fraction of an inch closed, I half-leaned against the chill of the wall before he spoke.
"She's not looking too good, Trinity," Link said, his voice quiet and level, and I felt the sick feeling inside of me grow into a yawning pit that refused to be silenced. I kept my face calm and waited as he continued. "She's talking, which is more concerning than if she weren't making any sound at all. Keeps asking where David is. I don't know what to tell her."
David. Three more puzzle pieces fell to click into place, clink, clink, clink. That was the part I hadn't been able to relate to before but could see clearly now. Link didn't need to say anything else. Nodding my understanding I tilted my head towards the hallway faintly.
"I'll stay with her now. Go back and make sure Neo gets out all right. He'll need an exit soon." Link met my eyes, nodded, and a moment later I was alone.
Not letting myself hesitate any longer I slipped through the doorway to what I could call my own room, twisting the metallic wheel to a close and lock behind me.
It was then I realized that I didn't even know her name.
She was shivering, huddled beneath the coarse blankets on the slightly lumpy mattress. No hair, of course, only the gleaming paleness of newborn skin. The way we all had looked at one time or another. Still, I found that I hadn't been made to get used to it. Not even after all this time.
I made my steps light as I crossed the room, sitting down on the edge of my own bed, palms against the somewhat rough bedframe. And for a long moment I could only watch her.
Pale skin and gooseflesh and chattering teeth. And tears, of course. For that instant in time I felt nothing more than a gut-wrenching helplessness, something I was completely unaccustomed to feeling. I was never helpless. I was always perfectly in control of everything and anything that I decided to face. But not this.
The girl made a light, whimpering sound then that could have been a question, and so I shifted to face her more directly, even though her back was to me.
"What?" I kept my voice gentle and soft, the way I thought I remembered my mother speaking to me when I was a child lost in the delirium of a fever dream. Quiet and soft and calm and soothing, all that I could think of to do.
"Where .. ?" It was a question, but for some reason I didn't think she meant to ask me where she was. She knew where she was, more or less. It wasn't a matter of where she was. She was asking about something else.
Someone else.
I heard the hitching sound of an attempted breath and leaned down slightly closer, taking care as not to frighten her any more than I was certain she already was. The first few hours outside of the Matrix were always the hardest, those and the handful of moments after learning the truth. I still could never distinguish one as more painful than the other. Maybe there wasn't a way to make that choice.
Funny how everything came down to choice.
"David."
I heard it then that time, the hoarse, shaking whisper of a single name, just two syllables, from those parched lips. My heart tore and went out to her then, and I knew in that instant she felt as I did. The strange kinship I'd already recognized became all the stronger.
It was impossible to know what to do at that moment. And I felt so helpless, not being able to dive into the Matrix right at that moment and find David, whoever he was, and get him out, bring him to her so he could hold her while she went through this. They needed each other.
Just like I needed Neo.
Standing slowly I leaned down, tucking the blankets with excruciating care around her shivering body, only then realizing I still didn't know her name. But there was time for those things later. Right now it was most important that she rested.
There wasn't much I could think of to say, but I knew one thing that might help. Might. It felt like a complete shot in the dark, but I couldn't do nothing.
Carefully I leaned down a few more inches to where I was close enough to hear the girl's shivering, uneven breaths. I tucked the blankets around her trembling shoulders. And I said the only thing I could think of to say.
"I'll find David, and we'll get him out. You'll get him out. I promise. Now rest."
I'd be delusional if I thought that handful of words was going to make the difference between calm and panic for the poor girl. I'd have to be out of my mind to think that I could make every question in her mind go away with that sentence alone. But when I stood I noticed the creased lines of fear had departed her forehead and the shallow state of her breathing had regulated into something closer to normal.
Composure only lasts for so long. I made it to the door and managed to click the wheel to a locking close before the entire facade came crumbling down. Pressing my forehead against the wall my eyes shut themselves tightly. My breathing accelerated into a rapid, shallow rate, and for a moment I thought I actually might cry. The insanity of that thought drove whatever tears had been preparing to fall back inside. But my fingers took the metal of the doorframe into a white-knuckle grasp and I held on like I was drowning and that was my only salvation.
And then I felt warmth, against my shoulders and the back of my neck all in unison. His hands were gentle but supportive, his kiss concerned, needing, loving .. all at once. I felt the grasp of his hands change, arms lowering to encircle my waist, and for a long moment he held me there. His breath danced warm and soft against the back of my neck and I took comfort in the warmth of him, in the sense that he was real. The knowledge that he was there. Not his mind, but his body. Him.
He was real.
A minute or a hour passed and then I turned in his arms, lifting my chin to meet his eyes. Neo's face held both the sadness and concern that mine had, though his were for me as well as her. He knew what I knew, saw what I saw.
"I have to get him out. We have to find him."
He looked at me for a long moment and I felt the feather light brush of warm fingertips along the curve of my throat and upturn of my jaw. I knew he knew what I was asking, knew the risks involved, and knew what he would say to try and talk me out of it.
But in that moment he knew that if I were in the same situation as she was, whatever her name was, I would go back for Neo. And he would come back for me.
"She's going to make it, Trin. They're both going to make it."
So calm, so sure! I wish I had half of that. Half of that strength he possessed, a fraction of the confidence.
But he had it. And that was enough for me.
Our kiss was a mere brushing of our lips, but the embrace lasted all the longer. I buried my face into the side of his neck, feeling the pulsation of his heart there beneath the comforting warmth of skin and his arms clasped me to his chest, close and safe and warm.
And loving.
Before letting Neo lead me to his quarters where I would spend the night I cast one final backward glance at the closed door to my own room. The girl's tears had stopped and I could only hope she was sleeping now.
"He's going to make it. I promise."