Rating: PG 13 for mid use of language.
Author's Note:
I own nothing, only the thoughts in my head.
Please don't sue me I'm a poor teacher…I teach Math at a Catholic
High School.
I make NOTHING; really, I get to default on my school loan because I make so
little. Also the song "I Wish You'd
Stay" is by Brad Paisley...its in italics.
Yes it's a country song, no I don't listen to country music, but when I
did my student teaching in Hicksville,
Michigan
(not the real name) my cooperating teacher had it on ALL the time. I wanted to
write this story for some time, but never really found the chance. Enjoy and read and review.
Time line: After "Changing of the Zords;" basically right before Kim goes off to Florida.
This is Tommy's
point of view and his thoughts are in
On with the story:
What I Won't Say
By: "C"
Journal entry #376
I encouraged her, hell I've always encouraged her to do what she wanted, to do what made her happy. I wanted her to meet Coach Schmidt; I never figured she'd end up getting an offer to go with him to Florida to train for the Pan Globals. Wow. Now what? What should I tell Kim? That's easy, what I always tell her, "Follow your dreams." I'm not worried about our relationship…well ok maybe a little. But as I told her when I lost my green ranger powers and spent the summer up at my uncle's cabin, "If it's meant to be it'll happen." I know we are mean to be. Yeah this whole "we're on opposite ends of the country" thing sucks big time. But what am I going to do about it…Ah yes, now I remember; I have this friend, Stephanie who lives in Florida. Stephanie, man I haven't talked to her since…well it's been a long time…I wonder if she's still there. She better be, because we were like family. I swear I told her about every move. Just because it's been months since our last e-mail…Ok going to check now.
Ok yeah she is, I just e-mailed her, I'm grateful she didn't changed her e-mail address. And I'm even more thankful she responded. She said she'd show Kim around when she could. She's actually really busy with college, but her brother is our age. I hope he's not the same geek he used to be. Man he was too nerdy for me and Steph to hang out with. Billy would have been ashamed of him. Now I'm ashamed of the way we treated him. Kirk was a really nice boy, just a little nerdy. Ahh, well Kim's here, it's one of our last nights together. She moves in two days, and who knows if it will be quiet around here.
Tommy closed his journal and slid it back between the mattresses of his bed. He was glad that no one knew about his journal. It's not like he used it everyday, just when something major was going on and he needed to hash things out.
Tommy grabbed his leather jacket and house keys and left his room and headed downstairs to meet Kim.
"Hey Beautiful," he said with a smile, "Feel like taking a walk?"
"Yeah Tommy, that sounds…nice." Kim sounded upset, as was her habit since giving up her powers to Kat and deciding to go to Florida to train.
They left the house hand in hand and just started walking. They had no direction, no place agreed upon, but they both knew that they would end up one of two places: the beach or the park. Tommy let her guide the way today. The sun was just beginning to set and either location would do for the conversation he was planning on having with her. Tommy wanted to tell Kim about Stephanie and Kirk, and he also knew that she was feeling anxious about the move and wanted to address those issues. He figured she would be worried about breaking up because of the distance. He was hell bent on making their relationship work despite the hardships.
Kim guided them towards the beach. She loved the beach, the way the water lapped against the sand creating a perfect melody you could lose yourself in. She adored how you could drown yourself in thoughts while watching the waves crash against the small rock cliff. Plus, she knew it would be the perfect place to talk to Tommy. The duck pond in the park was nice, but that's where her relationship started. She didn't want her relationship to end there as well. She wasn't going to break up with Tommy. No, she didn't plan on doing that, but she was worried about how their relationship was going to survive the distance. Also, she knew her boyfriend very well; after all they had been dating for about two years. She recognized when Tommy said "Let's take a walk" he meant, "Let's take a walk and talk about something important." Now he did bound down the stairs and had a smile when he saw her and asked her to take a walk, but hey who wouldn't have fears that their boyfriend was going to end it. After all, her parents' marriage couldn't last through the month long business trips her dad occasionally took, how could her and Tommy's high school romance stand all that distance and time.
Tommy recognized that they were heading towards the beach. He figured as much. Kim always preferred the beach as the setting when she wanted to talk about serious matters, and the move was serious. If it's meant to be it will happen. That's what you tell her, so why are you having a hard time accepting it? Because statistics say that majority of long distance relationships don't work. But look at you and Stephanie, you guys are still friends. Exactly, we are friends, we are not in love, we are not dating; we are friends who rarely talk. But when you do talk, the connection is still there. Key word, "when." But Kim is your girlfriend; you will make time for her. Key words, "is" and "will." Other important word "time," and when do you have any free?
They stopped walking and Kim stepped closer to Tommy's warm body. Her shifting snapped him out of his thoughts. This is what the journal is for, now its time to talk to Kim, not yourself. He mentally chided himself.
"So Tommy what do you want to talk about?" Kim asked as Tommy wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled his head into the crook of her neck.
"Who said I wanted to talk?" Tommy feigned innocence.
"Me. Tommy I know you and I know when you want to talk. So what's up?"
"Well I was thinking about you and Florida, and I remembered I have this friend down there, Stephanie, Steph for short. Anyways she's like a sister to me…" he began.
I talked to my sister in Memphis
And I told her you were movin' to town
Here's her number
She said she'd be glad to show you around
Tommy had felt Kim tense up at the mention of Florida; he was hoping to relax her. This conversation was to help ease Kim's fears of moving, not create new ones. So he continued, "You know I used to live in Florida, for just over a year. Steph and I stayed in touch after all these years; I e-mailed her and told her you were moving. She gave me her phone number and told me to give it to you. She said she'd show you around if she had some time. She's just started college, but she has a brother, Kirk. He's our age and he could show you around. She gave me her address. I got directions to her house for you. I figured you'd probably take a bus…"
I left a map on your front seat
Just in case you lose your way
But don't worry, once you reach Sallisaw
It's all interstate
The tension started to ease from Kimberly as Tommy talked about his friends. Kim knew he cared about her deeply and wanted to make this transition in her life go as smoothly as possible.
"Tommy?" Kim quietly interrupted him.
"Hmmm…" he answered just as softly.
"You know I don't have to go…"
"But you want to and it's a great opportunity," he finished for her, before she could begin to feel guilty. "Kim you need to follow your dreams. This is your dream.
If it's meant to be it'll happen."
I know you need to go
But before you do I want you to know, that I
Wish you the best
And I wish you nothing less
Than every thing you've ever dreamed of
"Tommy, if which is meant to be it'll happen? My gymnastics or our relationship?" she asked with emotions raw in her voice.
"Both, but …"
"Mainly our relationship." It was her turn to finish his sentence.
"Yeah, mainly our relationship. You know if it doesn't work out, we'll always be friends. Kim I never want to lose you as a friend." It was his turn to be all choked up.
And I hope that you find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
"Tommy, are we breaking up?" Kim asked around a sob.
"No, not now…and hopefully not ever. Kim," he tilted her head towards his and wiped away the tears, "don't cry Beautiful. I'm just saying 'If it's meant to be it'll happen.' And if not, we'll still be friends."
"Oh," her voice was more confident now, "for a minute there I thought you were going to break up with me, you know, before I left so you'd be free…"
"Kim I don't want that. I don't want to be free, I want you, I want us to work," he interrupted her. This was harder than what it was supposed to be. He was letting her go chase her dream. He was still going to be there when she got back. He loved her, more than he thought possible, and he was not going to end their relationship because she was across the country.
Kim figured it was time for a subject change; the worst of her fears were dispelled for the time being. "You know I leave in two days right?" her voice was shaky.
"Yeah, your plane leaves about 4 in the afternoon…" Tommy's voice was equally shaky as he was trying to hold back his own tears. In his mind he knew why she had to leave, but he just couldn't get his heart to understand.
I figure right about sundown
You'll be in West Tennessee
And by then
Maybe I'll understand why you had to leave
"All you have to do is ask me to stay and I'll stay," Kim tried to be honest, but she did want to go. Her love for Tommy was overwhelming. It was so powerful that she would give up her dreams of the Pan Globals for him.
"Kim, we've talked about this. You made up your mind to go. We've gone over this a thousand times, I support you, I love you and we will be fine because I believe we are meant to be." He tried to sound convincing. Tommy didn't want Kim to go, but knew she would eventually resent him if he asked her to stay.
Besides, you know you can't change her mind. It wouldn't be right. This was her decision to make and you let her make it. You said you would stand by her decision and you will.
I know that you've done some changin'
And I know there's no changin' your mind
And yes I know
We've been through this a thousand times
They stood there, in each others arms, watching the sun dip into the ocean. They stayed that way long after the first stars of night began to twinkle. As they settled down, trying to hold on to this last moment together, they remained quiet, stealing in kisses when the mood struck.
"Tommy, it's getting late…" Kim sounded sorrowful. She didn't want to go.
"I know. I just wanted to hold you a little longer. After all this may be our last night together," emotions were raw in his voice as Tommy tried to hold back the tears.
I'm sorry for still holdin' on
I'll try to let go and I'll try to be strong, and I'll
Wish you the best
And I wish you nothing less
Than every thing you've ever dreamed of
And I hope that you find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
They headed back towards his house in silence. Nothing more needed to be said. They were still a couple; the only difference was she would be across the country pursuing her dreams.
Kim I truly do wish you the best and I've never wished for anything less. And I know our love is strong, and I hope it survives, but what is meant to be will be. Should we not work out, I wish you happiness. But most of all, I wish you'd stay.
Kim knew that Tommy had always been truthful with her. Yet, she wondered if there was something he wasn't saying about her leaving. It was obviously upsetting them both. "Tommy I know you support and encourage me, and that you always want me to be happy, but is there anything you want to say, even if it's not so supportive?" she asked as they reached the front door of his house.
"No Kim, I love you and I want you to follow your dreams. I'll be here for you when you get back from Florida with Pan Globals Gold," he lied and leaned in to kiss her.
Actually yes there is one thing I won't say, 'I wish you'd stay.'
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
I wish you'd stay
The End