Penitent: InuYasha Fanfic Volume 1
Chapter 7
Sesshomaru led the rest of the way towards the sacred tree, with Kagome unconsciously hanging off his shoulder all the way, while Rin was perched on his other shoulder. Sango and Miroku were forced to put up with Sesshomaru's rapid pace once again. When they arrived at the tree, Sango let out a gasp before clamping a hand over her mouth. She was seeing Inu-Yasha for the first time on the tree.
Miroku walked up to Inu-Yasha wordlessly and examined his face. It was a mixture of peace, comfort, and anguish. He could also see traces of the tear Inu-Yasha shed. Miroku turned a steely gaze to Sesshomaru, who was putting Kagome down on a nearby rock. "You did this?"
Sesshomaru glanced at Miroku before continuing to put Kagome down while Rin sat on his shoulder. "Yes," he grunted.
"You..." Sango started, before Miroku cut her off with a hardened stare. Sango clamped her mouth shut, yet her face turned a light shade of pink from the rage she was feeling. She turned her eyes away from both men and focused on the ground until she got her temper under control.
Sesshomaru finished putting her down, and Rin as well, since she had asked. He stepped away from Kagome just as she started to waken.
"Ugh..." she half-moaned. She struggled to open her eyes and get the figure in front of her in focus. When she did, she leapt up with newfound energy. She saw Sesshomaru in front of her and was about to leap at him to try to claw his eyes out in renewed anger... when her gaze lifted to Inu-Yasha's sleeping form, above Sesshomaru's head. Her face turned soft and blank all of a sudden. Even in slumber, Inu-Yasha was still... so... And it was all her fault that he was there. She continued to stare at him while Miroku, Sango, Rin, and Sesshomaru watched her.
"Well, she obviously is not going to attack me," Sesshomaru said dryly.
"Sesshomaru, Rin, please leave," Miroku said, turning to face them. The hard look in his eyes were gone, replaced by something that resembled... pleading.
"You have done all you can here," Sango put in. She, too, turned to look at them. "There is nothing more you can do."
Sesshomaru shrugged. "As you wish. Come, Rin." He turned around and headed back to the hut, with Rin following behind him. She turned around for a final goodbye, saying, "I hope to see you again soon!"
Miroku smiled slightly and waved to her, then turned to Kagome. She was still staring at Inu-Yasha's still form.
"Kagome..." He took her hand worriedly. Kagome's eyes snapped back to reality and regarded Miroku warily. "Kagome, please free Inu-Yasha."
Kagome paled. "No... I can't... Let me go...!" She started crying.
"Please, Kagome. We need you to free Inu-Yasha." Sango stood behind Miorku.
"He'll hate me... it's my fault! You must know what I've done, if you know that Inu-Yasha's here. You know I can't face him again. Not as I am now. ...I don't deserve him... He can do much better than me...! I- I can't do it! Get some other girl!" Kagome tried unsuccessfully to snatch her hands back away from Miroku, but to no avail. Miroku pleaded with his eyes.
"Please, Kagome... I promise you won't have to look at him after you pull out the arrow." He knew he was lying. "Please free him, Kagome... you're his last hope."
Kagome stared at him through teary eyes. He promised she wouldn't have to face Inu-Yasha... and she at least owed him her life, for all that he's done for her in the past. She meekly nodded and Miroku and Sango led her to the tree. Sango helped her stand against the trunk, and she pulled the arrow out. It disappeared immediately... just like the arrow before... Miroku helped her down, but grasped her wrist before she could run away. Kagome desperately tugged. "Miroku...! You promised!"
"I lied. I won't let you leave until you resolve this fight with Inu-Yasha." He determinedly hung on to her and called out to Inu-Yasha, "Wake up, you insolent puppy!"
Kagome froze as she saw Inu-Yasha's ear twitch in Miroku's direction. Then his nose moved, sniffing the air around him. She didn't notice when Sango and Miroku slipped away to spy on them, hiding themselves near very large bushes.
Inu-Yasha slowly opened his eyes.
The first person he saw... was Kagome. A pain filled his chest as he gazed at her without making a sound.
Kagome was still frozen. Maybe if she didn't move, he wouldn't see her... so she stared at Inu-Yasha with wide eyes, not moving an inch.
The exchange of stares only started to frustrate Inu-Yasha. He barely remembered what he had almost done to her. A look around the clearing, showing him deep gashes in the earth, made him remember everything. He looked at Kagome again, finally noticing the gash on her arm and dried blood on her shirtsleeve. He had done that. He wondered why Miroku or Sango hadn't taken care of it.
He saw a small figure holding staff and a bucket creeping towards him, putting down the bucket about 5 feet away. Miroku had seen where Inu-Yasha's gaze fell and had immediately delivered the water, embarassed at his own blindness. He also dropped off a few bandages before retreating to join Sango once again.
Kagome didn't notice. She thought Inu-Yasha was looking for something, the way his beautiful eyes moved from one thing to another... but for what? Why? To hurt her again? The thought sent a shiver down her spine. She tensed her legs, ready to run for the well. The eyes shifted nervously around, looking for a way out. There! That small hole int he foliage... that was her ticket home. Her eyes flicked back to Inu-Yasha, who had gotten down from the tree and was walking towards her calmly.
Kagome's breath hitched in her throat as he came closer. What would he do...?
Inu-Yasha only tugged her down gently, making her sit. He fetched the bucket and the bandages and sat down with them, in front of her. He ripped open her sleeve, neatly cutting it off from the rest of the shirt. Then he dipped a bandage in the water and started to clean the wound.
Kagome watched him warily. He didn't look like he was going to harm her. And her arm was feeling better. She slowly relaxed, but still stayed a bit tense. He hadn't said a word since he awoke. What was he thinking? She winced as part of the gash opened again because of the small stretching Inu-Yasha was doing.
Inu-Yasha frowned and looked remorseful as he put away the wet bandage for a moment and licked Kagome's cut.
She gasped a little as she felt something soft and warm licking her blood. She stared at Inu-Yasha as he continued.
He made sure it wasn't bleeding anymore, then proceeded to clean the gash, even more gently this time. When he finished the cleaning, he wrapped her arm up in the other bandages and held one of her hands in his. He looked at Kagome, his eyes reading something close to fear... fear that she might run away. He had noticed while he was cleaning her wound that she was so tense. Especially her legs. She could probably spring up and run at anytime.
Kagome stopped herself and stared at their hands. She looked up at Inu-Yasha's face expectantly.
"Kagome..." he began. His other hand made its way to her face, where he cupped a cheek and caressed her skin with his thumb. Kagome only widened her eyes in fear (of what?) and looked away from him. She could meet his eyes. She didn't want to see the pain...
Inu-Yasha turned her face towards him firmly, putting two cool fingers under her chin. She was forced to look into his eyes... and she couldn't hold it. She started to cry, large tears running down her cheeks. Inu-Yasha worriedly wiped off some of the tears with his thumbs, sometimes kissing the spots he had just brushed. Kagome didn't protest. She just felt... weak. She hated that feeling. But it's wasn't as if she could help it...
"Why are you crying?" he whispered. "Please stop crying... it hurts me... when you cry."
Kagome broke away. What was he saying? Was this really Inu-Yasha? If it was, he got stupider. That or maybe... he really did... "I'm crying b-because..."
"Because what?"
"Because I love you." She had said it. After so long, she had said it. And she still looked him in the eye.
"I love you too. Is that such a bad thing that you're crying?"
"No... but I could get you killed."
"No--"
"YES!" She suddenly screamed. The tears poured out even more. Suddenly she was full of energy. She poured out everything she wanted to say... everything she had realized and tried to hide from... the reason why she had to die... "I can get you killed. I was stupid enough to believe in Sesshomaru. I was stupid and careless enough to be in danger of Kikyo, when I should know better... And I dragged you into it! You killed Kikyo for me. You almost went crazy because of me." In a fit of passion, she held Inu-Yasha's face between her palms. "I was the reason. And I can't bear it if I hurt you. And I already did. I don't deserve you, as much as I love you. And I know that may be selfish of me, but I'd rather that you live... even if it's with some other girl."
"No..." he said hoarsely. He couldn't listen to her ramble anymore. What stupid nonsense was this girl blabbing? More stories from Sesshomaru? One look at her told him it came from her heart. She seriously belived this foolish babble. Well, he'd have to fix that. "It's not your fault you get in danger. It's mine." Kagome started to demur, but Inu-Yasha cut her off. "It's because you're around me. If you hadn't met me..." He shook the idea from his head. He couldn't imagine a life without her. Not anymore. "If we... were never... you wouldn't be in so much danger. It's my fault. And because of that, because I chose to let you stay with me, I will always protect you. Always." He put his hands on top of hers on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry for hurting you..." He stared guiltily at the bandaged wound.
"You had a right to," she murmured. "I betrayed you... I couldn't trust you..."
"Trust in me now." She heard the real pleading when he said.. "Please."
"Kikyou will always be between us," she said flatly. "You loved her, and you threw it all away for me. I'm the reason. And I can't live with that. And..." she went on more softly. "I'm not a virgin for you anymore."
"I love you for who you are. I always will. And it doesn't matter about Sesshomaru anymore. I love you more than that." He paused before continuing. "I forgive you."
Kagome dumbly nodded in response and looked at the ground. "You didn't say anything about Kikyo."
After a long moment Inu-Yasha said, "She would have died anyway, because of the souls..."
Kagome visibly winced. "Don't lie to me, Inu-Yasha. I thought you loved me."
"I love you enough to try to offer some peace of mind. But I see that won't work with you. You've always had a good heart. That's what I fell in love with, at first." He smiled feebly at her.
She sighed and shook her head. She was about to stand where she felt herself being swept up in Inu-Yasha's large embrace. "Please don't go. Please don't leave me." He didn't bother to hide his suppliant tone. He murmured those words straight to her ear, hopefully to her heart... he didn't want her to leave him. She couldn't... "I don't regret anything I've ever done for you. Anything. Just forget about everything, okay? Let's just go back to being what we were before this whole thing."
Kagome wrapped her arms around him tightly. Inu-Yasha's spirit lifted...
She couldn't. She couldn't do it. How could she live with something like that on her conscience? It couldn't happen...
Her tears fell again as she whispered, "I love you... forever..." and broke away as fast as she could. Hopefully he wouldn't follow her... she made a mad dash for the small hole in the foliage... the one that led to the well.
"Kagome!" he watched her helplessly as she ran. He couldn't go after her. He couldn't force her to do anything. So he sat back and leaned against the tree. He covered his eyes with his hand and, choking back a hiccup, hoped no one would notice the water that fell from his eyes.
Chapter 7
Sesshomaru led the rest of the way towards the sacred tree, with Kagome unconsciously hanging off his shoulder all the way, while Rin was perched on his other shoulder. Sango and Miroku were forced to put up with Sesshomaru's rapid pace once again. When they arrived at the tree, Sango let out a gasp before clamping a hand over her mouth. She was seeing Inu-Yasha for the first time on the tree.
Miroku walked up to Inu-Yasha wordlessly and examined his face. It was a mixture of peace, comfort, and anguish. He could also see traces of the tear Inu-Yasha shed. Miroku turned a steely gaze to Sesshomaru, who was putting Kagome down on a nearby rock. "You did this?"
Sesshomaru glanced at Miroku before continuing to put Kagome down while Rin sat on his shoulder. "Yes," he grunted.
"You..." Sango started, before Miroku cut her off with a hardened stare. Sango clamped her mouth shut, yet her face turned a light shade of pink from the rage she was feeling. She turned her eyes away from both men and focused on the ground until she got her temper under control.
Sesshomaru finished putting her down, and Rin as well, since she had asked. He stepped away from Kagome just as she started to waken.
"Ugh..." she half-moaned. She struggled to open her eyes and get the figure in front of her in focus. When she did, she leapt up with newfound energy. She saw Sesshomaru in front of her and was about to leap at him to try to claw his eyes out in renewed anger... when her gaze lifted to Inu-Yasha's sleeping form, above Sesshomaru's head. Her face turned soft and blank all of a sudden. Even in slumber, Inu-Yasha was still... so... And it was all her fault that he was there. She continued to stare at him while Miroku, Sango, Rin, and Sesshomaru watched her.
"Well, she obviously is not going to attack me," Sesshomaru said dryly.
"Sesshomaru, Rin, please leave," Miroku said, turning to face them. The hard look in his eyes were gone, replaced by something that resembled... pleading.
"You have done all you can here," Sango put in. She, too, turned to look at them. "There is nothing more you can do."
Sesshomaru shrugged. "As you wish. Come, Rin." He turned around and headed back to the hut, with Rin following behind him. She turned around for a final goodbye, saying, "I hope to see you again soon!"
Miroku smiled slightly and waved to her, then turned to Kagome. She was still staring at Inu-Yasha's still form.
"Kagome..." He took her hand worriedly. Kagome's eyes snapped back to reality and regarded Miroku warily. "Kagome, please free Inu-Yasha."
Kagome paled. "No... I can't... Let me go...!" She started crying.
"Please, Kagome. We need you to free Inu-Yasha." Sango stood behind Miorku.
"He'll hate me... it's my fault! You must know what I've done, if you know that Inu-Yasha's here. You know I can't face him again. Not as I am now. ...I don't deserve him... He can do much better than me...! I- I can't do it! Get some other girl!" Kagome tried unsuccessfully to snatch her hands back away from Miroku, but to no avail. Miroku pleaded with his eyes.
"Please, Kagome... I promise you won't have to look at him after you pull out the arrow." He knew he was lying. "Please free him, Kagome... you're his last hope."
Kagome stared at him through teary eyes. He promised she wouldn't have to face Inu-Yasha... and she at least owed him her life, for all that he's done for her in the past. She meekly nodded and Miroku and Sango led her to the tree. Sango helped her stand against the trunk, and she pulled the arrow out. It disappeared immediately... just like the arrow before... Miroku helped her down, but grasped her wrist before she could run away. Kagome desperately tugged. "Miroku...! You promised!"
"I lied. I won't let you leave until you resolve this fight with Inu-Yasha." He determinedly hung on to her and called out to Inu-Yasha, "Wake up, you insolent puppy!"
Kagome froze as she saw Inu-Yasha's ear twitch in Miroku's direction. Then his nose moved, sniffing the air around him. She didn't notice when Sango and Miroku slipped away to spy on them, hiding themselves near very large bushes.
Inu-Yasha slowly opened his eyes.
The first person he saw... was Kagome. A pain filled his chest as he gazed at her without making a sound.
Kagome was still frozen. Maybe if she didn't move, he wouldn't see her... so she stared at Inu-Yasha with wide eyes, not moving an inch.
The exchange of stares only started to frustrate Inu-Yasha. He barely remembered what he had almost done to her. A look around the clearing, showing him deep gashes in the earth, made him remember everything. He looked at Kagome again, finally noticing the gash on her arm and dried blood on her shirtsleeve. He had done that. He wondered why Miroku or Sango hadn't taken care of it.
He saw a small figure holding staff and a bucket creeping towards him, putting down the bucket about 5 feet away. Miroku had seen where Inu-Yasha's gaze fell and had immediately delivered the water, embarassed at his own blindness. He also dropped off a few bandages before retreating to join Sango once again.
Kagome didn't notice. She thought Inu-Yasha was looking for something, the way his beautiful eyes moved from one thing to another... but for what? Why? To hurt her again? The thought sent a shiver down her spine. She tensed her legs, ready to run for the well. The eyes shifted nervously around, looking for a way out. There! That small hole int he foliage... that was her ticket home. Her eyes flicked back to Inu-Yasha, who had gotten down from the tree and was walking towards her calmly.
Kagome's breath hitched in her throat as he came closer. What would he do...?
Inu-Yasha only tugged her down gently, making her sit. He fetched the bucket and the bandages and sat down with them, in front of her. He ripped open her sleeve, neatly cutting it off from the rest of the shirt. Then he dipped a bandage in the water and started to clean the wound.
Kagome watched him warily. He didn't look like he was going to harm her. And her arm was feeling better. She slowly relaxed, but still stayed a bit tense. He hadn't said a word since he awoke. What was he thinking? She winced as part of the gash opened again because of the small stretching Inu-Yasha was doing.
Inu-Yasha frowned and looked remorseful as he put away the wet bandage for a moment and licked Kagome's cut.
She gasped a little as she felt something soft and warm licking her blood. She stared at Inu-Yasha as he continued.
He made sure it wasn't bleeding anymore, then proceeded to clean the gash, even more gently this time. When he finished the cleaning, he wrapped her arm up in the other bandages and held one of her hands in his. He looked at Kagome, his eyes reading something close to fear... fear that she might run away. He had noticed while he was cleaning her wound that she was so tense. Especially her legs. She could probably spring up and run at anytime.
Kagome stopped herself and stared at their hands. She looked up at Inu-Yasha's face expectantly.
"Kagome..." he began. His other hand made its way to her face, where he cupped a cheek and caressed her skin with his thumb. Kagome only widened her eyes in fear (of what?) and looked away from him. She could meet his eyes. She didn't want to see the pain...
Inu-Yasha turned her face towards him firmly, putting two cool fingers under her chin. She was forced to look into his eyes... and she couldn't hold it. She started to cry, large tears running down her cheeks. Inu-Yasha worriedly wiped off some of the tears with his thumbs, sometimes kissing the spots he had just brushed. Kagome didn't protest. She just felt... weak. She hated that feeling. But it's wasn't as if she could help it...
"Why are you crying?" he whispered. "Please stop crying... it hurts me... when you cry."
Kagome broke away. What was he saying? Was this really Inu-Yasha? If it was, he got stupider. That or maybe... he really did... "I'm crying b-because..."
"Because what?"
"Because I love you." She had said it. After so long, she had said it. And she still looked him in the eye.
"I love you too. Is that such a bad thing that you're crying?"
"No... but I could get you killed."
"No--"
"YES!" She suddenly screamed. The tears poured out even more. Suddenly she was full of energy. She poured out everything she wanted to say... everything she had realized and tried to hide from... the reason why she had to die... "I can get you killed. I was stupid enough to believe in Sesshomaru. I was stupid and careless enough to be in danger of Kikyo, when I should know better... And I dragged you into it! You killed Kikyo for me. You almost went crazy because of me." In a fit of passion, she held Inu-Yasha's face between her palms. "I was the reason. And I can't bear it if I hurt you. And I already did. I don't deserve you, as much as I love you. And I know that may be selfish of me, but I'd rather that you live... even if it's with some other girl."
"No..." he said hoarsely. He couldn't listen to her ramble anymore. What stupid nonsense was this girl blabbing? More stories from Sesshomaru? One look at her told him it came from her heart. She seriously belived this foolish babble. Well, he'd have to fix that. "It's not your fault you get in danger. It's mine." Kagome started to demur, but Inu-Yasha cut her off. "It's because you're around me. If you hadn't met me..." He shook the idea from his head. He couldn't imagine a life without her. Not anymore. "If we... were never... you wouldn't be in so much danger. It's my fault. And because of that, because I chose to let you stay with me, I will always protect you. Always." He put his hands on top of hers on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry for hurting you..." He stared guiltily at the bandaged wound.
"You had a right to," she murmured. "I betrayed you... I couldn't trust you..."
"Trust in me now." She heard the real pleading when he said.. "Please."
"Kikyou will always be between us," she said flatly. "You loved her, and you threw it all away for me. I'm the reason. And I can't live with that. And..." she went on more softly. "I'm not a virgin for you anymore."
"I love you for who you are. I always will. And it doesn't matter about Sesshomaru anymore. I love you more than that." He paused before continuing. "I forgive you."
Kagome dumbly nodded in response and looked at the ground. "You didn't say anything about Kikyo."
After a long moment Inu-Yasha said, "She would have died anyway, because of the souls..."
Kagome visibly winced. "Don't lie to me, Inu-Yasha. I thought you loved me."
"I love you enough to try to offer some peace of mind. But I see that won't work with you. You've always had a good heart. That's what I fell in love with, at first." He smiled feebly at her.
She sighed and shook her head. She was about to stand where she felt herself being swept up in Inu-Yasha's large embrace. "Please don't go. Please don't leave me." He didn't bother to hide his suppliant tone. He murmured those words straight to her ear, hopefully to her heart... he didn't want her to leave him. She couldn't... "I don't regret anything I've ever done for you. Anything. Just forget about everything, okay? Let's just go back to being what we were before this whole thing."
Kagome wrapped her arms around him tightly. Inu-Yasha's spirit lifted...
She couldn't. She couldn't do it. How could she live with something like that on her conscience? It couldn't happen...
Her tears fell again as she whispered, "I love you... forever..." and broke away as fast as she could. Hopefully he wouldn't follow her... she made a mad dash for the small hole in the foliage... the one that led to the well.
"Kagome!" he watched her helplessly as she ran. He couldn't go after her. He couldn't force her to do anything. So he sat back and leaned against the tree. He covered his eyes with his hand and, choking back a hiccup, hoped no one would notice the water that fell from his eyes.