Chapter 12: Divided

Aragorn quietly shuts the door behind him, and then leans his head against the cool wood. His hand finds its way to where the Evenstar rests against his skin, and his fingers circle around the jewel. He breathes deeply. His other hand tingles, missing the warmth and smoothness of Eowyn's hand which he had held.

He should not be feeling this way; he should not feel so torn, so divided – yet he does. He tightens his hold further on the jewel. You love Arwen. You love her. She promised to bind herself to you. She refused to take the Evenstar back. She loves you! Yet even these thoughts do not stop the ranger from thinking of the maiden who is in the room he has just left. But she may have already sailed to the Undying Lands, another part of his mind argues. She may be lost forever to you now! Aragorn turns and with his back against the door, slides slowly, soundlessly, to the floor. He is pulled by memories, twisted by wonderings and doubts.

He has loved Arwen for many years, before Eowyn was even born. Their love would stand the test of time. And even though Elrond is not willing to let his daughter become a mortal, Arwen longs to share her lifetime with Aragorn. She would give him everything, including her immortality. But he had told her it would not work. He told her to go with her people to the Undying Lands. He would release her from whatever promises she had made. She had been hurt and confused by his sudden rejection. He offered her back the Evenstar. She did not take it. It was his, she said; it was a gift.

Aragorn thinks back to the last time he saw Arwen in the flesh. The Fellowship was leaving Rivendell to start its quest to destroy the Ring. He was the last one to go through the archway. He had glanced one final time at her. She was surrounded by her brothers and several ladies-in-waiting. Her dark hair blew in the gentle breeze. Her face was full of sadness and flushed. Her blue eyes were slightly red. He had given her a small, final nod before turning and joining the Fellowship.

But that was not the last that he has thought of Arwen. Throughout the Fellowship's journey he brought up in his mind the image of her face. Just remembering her gave him comfort and strength during the long, tiring months. And she has haunted many of his dreams.

Yet now his thoughts are haunted by yet another face – that of a white angel. An angel with hair like a golden river. And pale blue eyes that seem to look into the very depths of his soul. She is Eowyn, niece of the king of Rohan. And a shieldmaiden of the Mark – and Helm's Deep.

Somehow, somewhere, she stole a piece of his heart, though not completely reluctantly on his part. Somewhere - maybe when he first caught a fleeting glimpse of her outside the golden hall; or when he held her back when Gandalf threw out Saruman and Théoden was free; or when she bested him in sparing; or on the way here to Helm's Deep, when she smiled and laughed, acting like a young girl; or when he last saw her, standing calmly and firmly like a statue while all chaos surrounded her, before riding off to battle the wargs - somewhere his defenses had been broken through.

After his fall from the cliff, his thoughts and dreams were haunted by her face, by how she looked when she heard about Arwen. A shadow had come across her face, and it was pale once more. And there was a pained sadness in her eyes that made his heart ache. But also he saw Arwen; she restored strength and determination in him. He still had her love, even if he would not accept her, she told him. And his heart was secretly glad. Ah, to rejoice over one lady and to be sorrowful over another! To be divided is cruel!

When he arrived at the fortress, his eyes had searched for Eowyn in vain. And in the deepest part of his heart he despaired. But then he remembered Arwen and rejoiced when he held the Evenstar in his hand again. Later that day, he finally saw Eowyn directing women and children to the caves before the battle. She had met his gaze for a moment. Her face was emotionless and cool, like dew that had not yet been melted by the warm rays of the sun. She gave him a short nod before turning away. He had watched her angrily retreat to the caves; she wanted to stay and fight.

During the battle, Aragorn drew strength from the fact that Eowyn was not in harm's way. When the battle ended, he had wanted to go immediately to the caves and assure himself that she was all right. But there had been other matters to attend to first. It was not until three days later that he was able to see her when Legolas approached him and Gimli and told what few details he knew about what the women had faced when trying to flee into the mountains and of Eowyn's wound.

Aragorn had rushed to Eowyn's room where he found her anxious brother and uncle. He had worried like the others when it was uncertain how long she would stay with them. But the Valar had been merciful and gave her back to them.

And just the last few moments he had spent with her just now… He had let his defenses down, for a moment he had forgotten about Arwen. As he had gazed into Eowyn's clear eyes and caressed her hand, he had had the sudden desire to kiss her. But she had unknowingly saved him by withdrawing her hand and turning away. He had been relieved and disappointed at the same time.

Aragorn shakes his head and stands up. He glances at the closed door and rubs the Evenstar again. Is it possible to love two women? He tries to push thoughts of the Evenstar and the shieldmaiden concerning his heart from his mind as goes to give Théoden and Eomer the glad tidings concerning Eowyn.