Escape from the Darkness: Chapter 4
To Severus' relief, he barely saw Hermione Granger at all over the next few days. However, he found his mind drifting to her often, nearly every time he took a break from potion-brewing. Because of this, he attempted to stay as busy as possible. His feelings about her ranged from irritation at her bossiness to appreciation for her mind, which obviously surpassed all of the other students'. Not that he would ever tell her that he considered her to be the most intelligent student in the school. He didn't even want to admit his thoughts to himself. He was beginning to admire the qualities in her that had previously caused him annoyance and displeasure. And he absolutely loathed that.
He had been content with his feelings about her in the past. It was easier for him to deal with a know-it-all Gryffindor brat who had nothing other than her high marks in school. But in the past month, he had understood that she was much deeper than that. He had seen the way she acted with Selene, and knew that she would be the type of teacher that all students would like. The complete opposite of him.
Not that he wanted to be that way. He never had, and that probably would never change. The thing he was beginning to hate most about Hermione Granger was the effect she had on him. Although he had many conflicting feelings about her, she was the only person he had ever met who shared so many of his character traits, but was so different from him at the same time. Their personalities complemented each other well, so much that he actually enjoyed being near her. And that worried him more than anything.
Severus' musings were interrupted with a searing pain. He cursed inwardly when he looked at the Dark Mark on his arm. As extraordinary as it seemed, he had actually forgotten it was there for a brief period. But, there was no escaping it—the Mark would be there always and would continue burning as long as Voldemort was alive.
He quickly grabbed his Death Eater garb and rushed out of Hogwarts. A sickening feeling began forming in the pit of his stomach as he wondered what Voldemort wanted now. Severus thought of Selene's memories in the Penseive. She had been tortured and had watched her parents die by the hands of several Death Eaters, who he had recognized as Malfoy, LeStrange, and a few others. Severus had been present on many similar occasions, and had even done the Cruciatus curse before. Luckily, he had never been the one to perform the Avada Kedavra curse. A man of his skills had other purposes. He had always been the one to prepare the potions to give the Dark Lord strength or to torment others. Although Severus had never directly taken a life, it had been he who gave Voldemort so much power. Because of that, every single murder by Voldemort's followers was on his conscience.
He agonized about this everyday, constantly wishing that his blindness in his youth hadn't caused him to turn to Dark Arts. While he had been at Hogwarts, the possibility of a life full of power and acceptance had tempted him, too much. By the time he realized what he had become, it was too late to go back. He had the choice of staying a Death Eater or being killed. His desperation had led him to Dumbledore. Throughout all the years since then, the only thing that kept him from taking his own life was his need to atone for all the horrific things that he could have prevented.
Severus took a deep breath as he reached the gates of Hogwarts. He was almost certain that Voldemort was suspicious of him, which concerned him. And everyone who betrayed Voldemort had been tortured, murdered, or both. He took one last glimpse of the castle, knowing that there was a good chance he would never see it again.
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"Good evening, Severus," Voldemort said to him in a throaty voice. Severus felt a chill running down his spine, which he ignored. It was vital for him to remain stoic whenever he was near the Dark Lord. Showing his true feelings could cause his death.
"Good evening, my lord," Severus responded, bowing slightly. He hoped that he hadn't been summoned for an attack. The killings had been becoming more frequent…and also more brutal. He stepped back and looked around the room, noting that there were very few other Death Eaters present. No, they were definitely not going to be attacking anybody tonight. He felt momentarily relieved.
"Severus, I am very disappointed in you," Voldemort began, as Severus' relief quickly turned to panic. He's found out that I'm a spy. I'm going to die tonight. For some reason, the thought didn't scare him as much as he would have imagined. Probably because he had been expecting to be killed for many years, knowing that it was inevitable. He didn't respond.
Lord Voldemort continued angrily. "Although several traitors were killed in January, their daughter survived. Recently, I found out that she is being raised by none other than one of my most loyal supporters, you." He paused for a moment, glaring at Severus. "Imagine my surprise at being betrayed by one of my most devoted followers. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Stunned, Severus hesitated for the briefest second, which was enough for the Dark Lord.
"Crucio!"
Severus clenched his teeth as pain shot through his body, hoping for it to stop soon. This wasn't the first time that he had been the recipient of the Cruciatus Curse, but it was still shocking. Part of him wished that Voldemort had just used the Killing Curse immediately. Cruciatus was the worst pain imaginable, and was difficult to recover from. After what seemed like an eternity, Voldemort released him. Severus let out a deep breath.
"Well, Severus?" he questioned.
"My lord," Severus gasped. "It was necessary. Unfortunately, I am the girl's legal guardian, and it would be too suspicious if I didn't take responsibility for her. Dumbledore already believes something is amiss." He paused for a second, hoping that his reference to Albus would be a sufficient explanation. Dumbledore was, after all, the only person that Lord Voldemort was afraid of. Severus continued. "Despite the fact that her parents were traitors, the girl has a lot of internal anger, and shows promise in the Dark Arts. It would be a waste if she were killed. Nobody would suspect her of being a Death Eater, and she will be a valuable asset to you once she comes of age." He held his breath, waiting to see how the Dark Lord would respond to his lies.
Much to Severus' relief, Voldemort dismissed him, with no further talk of betrayal. However, Severus knew that Voldemort's distrust for him was growing. And that meant that it was only a matter of time before the Dark Lord found out about his work with the Order of the Phoenix, which would result in death.
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Hermione looked at her wristwatch for the third time in the past ten minutes. Where was he? she wondered. Earlier that evening, she had been up in the Astronomy Tower with Selene, showing her the constellations. She had seen Snape leave the grounds, which had immediately caused a feeling of dread inside of her. She just knew that something bad was going to happen. Hermione had kept her thoughts to herself, grateful that Selene loved Astronomy so much that she hadn't paid attention to anything aside from the night sky.
All of her instincts told Hermione that Professor Snape was going to see Voldemort. She knew it was stupid, for he could have been going anywhere, but she couldn't shake the thought that something was wrong. Immediately after their astronomy lesson was over, she had gone to Snape's library, anxiously waiting for him to come back. Should I go to Dumbledore? she had asked herself. Eventually, she had decided not to bother him with her suspicions.
Hermione tried to read the book she had chosen. She hadn't gotten past the first page even though she had been there for an hour. With a sigh, she set the book on the table, and sat back against the chair.
Suddenly, she heard the noise of the door, and Snape stumbled into the room.
"Professor Snape!" she cried. He was shaking, and could barely stand. Putting her arm around him, Hermione helped him to the sofa. She could see surprise on his face when he saw her.
"Miss Granger. Get Dumbledore now," he said to her, barely able to speak. She nodded, and then quickly flooed Dumbledore's Office, telling him that Professor Snape needed him.
"What happened?" Hermione asked him.
"Miss Granger, please go away."
"I'm not leaving you here!" Hermione responded. She stared at him for a few seconds, trying to figure out what had happened. Suddenly it dawned on her. Cruciatus. She could tell by the way he was shaking, since there didn't seem to be any blood or visible marks. She gulped as she thought of all the people she knew who had been victims of Cruciatus. Harry, Selene, the Longbottoms. And now, Professor Snape.
He growled at her. "Since you insist on staying, get the purple bottle in my private supplies cupboard." He grabbed a key out of his pocket, and thrust it at her. "I trust you know where it is," he said with a sneer.
As she rushed down the hall, Hermione felt herself blushing at the reference to the last time she had stolen potion ingredients. She had been caught by him five months earlier, when she was brewing a potion for Harry, and had spent a week in detention. Luckily, she had managed to get the ingredients she needed before he had found out about her using his supply cabinet. At that time, she had enjoyed looking through his potions and ingredients. But now, she felt anything but enjoyment.
She opened the door, and her eyes almost immediately fell on a violet bottle. She had seen it before and had wondered what it was. Now she knew… Hermione had read about mixtures that were used to alleviate the effects of the Cruciatus Curse, but knew that these potions were very rare because the ingredients were hard to find, and brewing the potion itself took a lot of time and patience.
When Hermione returned to Snape's quarters, she found him struggling to undo his robes, his hands trembling uncontrollably. She remembered reading that the Anti-Cruciatus Potion was absorbed through the skin, which explained what he was doing.
"Let me help," she said softly, trying to disregard the embarrassment she felt as she began to unbutton the top of his robes.
He pushed her hands away. "Thank you, Miss Granger, but I think I can undress myself," he said sarcastically. But his attempts were futile, as he couldn't even grasp his robes with his quivering fingers.
Hermione smirked at him. Without saying anything, she began to help him once again. Snape gave her a childish scowl, which would have made her laugh under any other circumstances.
Once he was unclothed from the waist up, she grabbed the bottle and opened it. The potion was gelatinous, rather than liquid like most of the potions she had encountered. Ignoring his assertions that he didn't want her assistance, Hermione began rubbing the salve onto him with gentle hands. His skin burned under her fingers. She saw him close his eyes when she touched him. She hoped it felt soothing, and caused the pain to decrease somewhat.
Hermione struggled not to flinch when she glimpsed the Dark Mark on his forearm. He has helped all of us tremendously because it, after all, she thought. Still, it was the first time she had ever seen it up close, which was fairly unsettling to her.
"Severus!" Headmaster Dumbledore entered the room. He looked at Hermione, and a small smile formed on his face, although the usual gleam in his eyes was gone. "Thank you for all of your help, Miss Granger. It is very much appreciated." Not surprisingly, Snape said nothing. Dumbledore continued, "Now if you'll excuse us, I need to speak with Professor Snape."
She nodded as she gave the ointment to Dumbledore, then left the room. Hermione hesitated momentarily outside of the door, longing to listen to their conversation, to find out what had happened. She finally decided not to, and went back to her own room. She spent several hours contemplating her Potions Professor before she fell asleep.