Escape from the Darkness: Chapter 10
Hermione sat in her favorite spot on the banks of the lake. She had been there for over an hour, just staring at the water, lost in her thoughts. Hermione sighed. Working with Professor Snape was truly the opportunity of a lifetime. Not only was he one of the few Potions Masters in the world, but the potion they were making had the possibility of defeating Voldemort. However, she still began to dread their sessions in the laboratory. It wasn't that she disliked being around Snape. In fact, it was quite the opposite; she found something new about him everyday to make her like him even more. That was the problem.
It had all started with his hands. One day after she had finished with her portion of the potion, she began to watch him sifting through the ingredients. She hadn't noticed that they were so smooth…so perfect. One would have expected somebody who worked with his hands regularly to have calluses and other imperfections. But no, they were absolutely beautiful.
The next day it had been his voice, followed by his eyes. She had never thought her Potions professor to be attractive, and—as far as she knew—the rest of the students in school agreed with her. His skin was too pale, his hair too greasy, his nose too big, and his teeth were so bad that she wasn't even sure if her parents, two of the best dentists she knew of, could make them look decent. But, with the way her emotions responded to the sight of him, he could have been the most handsome man in the world.
And it wasn't just physical. He constantly amazed her with his extensive knowledge of all subjects. One day while they were waiting for part of the potion to brew, Hermione had begun to study Transfiguration and Snape had taken out a Dickens novel. Hermione had asked him about the book, and was amazed that he actually read Muggle literature. She found that he was also a fan of Shakespeare, Hardy, and many others whose books were favorites of Hermione. The two of them had discussed the writings of their favorite authors for the next few hours.
There was also the look in his eyes whenever he talked about potion-making. She had never seen anybody so passionate about anything. She knew that he applied for the Defense Against the Dark Arts job every year, and was beginning to realize why Dumbledore had never given him that position. It would be too much of a loss to the Hogwarts Potions Department if Professor Snape didn't teach the class; despite his strictness in the classroom, he was exceptional in the subject.
Every new discovery about the mysterious Potions Master made Hermione grow more and more depressed about something that would never happen. She knew that he didn't feel the same way about her as she did about him… it just wasn't possible. Although she felt like he looked upon her differently than he had in the past (for he certainly was treating her better), it was only as a professor regards a clever student, nothing more than that. Why would it be anything more? She wasn't beautiful like Fleur Delacour; she was just…well, average. No matter what she wished to happen, he would never see her as anything but one of his Potions students.
Was she falling in love with him? Hermione didn't know. She had never actually been in love with anyone. Sure, she loved her friends, and her parents, but this was different from those. Wasn't love supposed to be a happy feeling?
"Hermione?" Harry's voice said behind her. She turned around as he spoke. "Are you okay? You've been out here for an hour." He held up the Marauder's Map with a sheepish smile.
"Yeah, Harry, I'm fine…" Her voice cracked as she spoke, suggesting that she really wasn't all right. Hermione looked down at the ground, her hair hiding her face.
Harry sat down next to her and brushed a few strands out of her eyes. She looked up at him. "Is it because of the way Ron has been acting, Hermione?"
Hermione sighed. Over the past few weeks, Ron had barely been speaking to Hermione. "Partly," she whispered. "I wish that things would be back to the way they were before. I miss having him as a friend." Hermione closed her eyes for a few seconds. Should she tell Harry what was really going on, that she had a bigger problem than Ron? She was sure that Ron would get over it in time. But, her feelings for Snape would remain unreciprocated.
"Harry…" Hermione looked down as her voice trailed off. Stop being such a coward, she said to herself. You're a Gryffindor; just admit it already! With that thought in mind, she took a deep breath, stared straight into Harry's eyes, and said it. "I'm in love with Professor Snape."
Harry's face was a mixture of disbelief and shock. In fact, Hermione was surprised at herself for actually saying it so bluntly. Harry looked like he was waiting for her to deny it. Hermione kept a serious expression, and Harry finally shook his head incredulously.
"Snape?" he spat out. "Hermione, are you insane?! He's the cruelest teacher in the school. He enjoys seeing others in pain!"
Her breath caught in her throat. The thought of telling Harry hadn't even occurred to her until a few minutes earlier. If it had, she might have been prepared for his reaction. Obviously he wouldn't accept it.
"Harry, he… he's not like that," Hermione stuttered. She knew how Harry felt about Snape. Oh, why had she told him?
Harry gave her an unconvinced look. "It must be some sort of spell—"
"Harry, he's absolutely brilliant and—"
"—or maybe he made a love potion. Yes, that's it—"
"—he's been acting so different from the way he had in the past—"
"—definitely a potion; he is the Potions professor after all—"
"—and he's made so many sacrifices for the Order of the Phoenix—"
"Come on, Hermione. We have to tell Dumbledore what that bastard did to you!"
"Harry, he didn't do anything to me!" Hermione exclaimed in frustration. He wasn't listening! "There was no spell, no potion. These feelings have come on so gradually that it's nothing like that. It would be easier if it was!"
This was so aggravating! If her best friend wouldn't accept it, certainly nobody else would. Not that she would tell anyone else.
Harry stood up and began pacing. "This is ridiculous! Of all the people in the school, he is—"
"—the smartest, the one who reads the most, the only other person who has the same love of knowledge and learning as me," Hermione said, finishing his sentence. "Harry, is it really that impossible for me to be in love with him?"
Harry remained silent, appearing to be deep in thought. Finally, he sat back down next to her. "You really do have feelings for him, don't you, 'Mione?"
Hermione nodded. "He doesn't feel the same way about me," she said forlornly.
"Don't give up hope, Hermione," Harry told her. "I'm not. With Ron, I mean."
Hermione stared at Harry for a few seconds. Then a small smile crept onto her face, and she threw her arms around him. It was very important to her that Harry accepted it. He was her best friend (well, one of her best friends, but the other one was currently not speaking to her). "Thanks for understanding, Harry," Hermione said softly.
"I suppose that you being in love with Snape can't be any stranger than me being in love with Ron," Harry told her jokingly, but with a sad look on his face. Hermione felt a lump in her throat. She had been so concerned with her own problems that she hadn't even realized what Harry had been going through. In fact, most of her spare time was spent either studying or helping Professor Snape with the potion. I've been such a terrible friend, she thought.
"I'm sorry that I haven't been around lately," Hermione told him, wishing that there was some way to make it up to him. And things with Ron might be better if she hadn't been so self-absorbed.
"Don't worry about it, Hermione," Harry said. "Now you'd better go; you don't want to be late for Snape." He gave her a teasing smile.
Hermione shook her head and walked away. She truly did hope that Harry and Ron managed to work things out with each other, but knew that the situation with Snape was different. For one thing, he was taken. And he was her teacher! It just wouldn't work.
Hermione walked to Snape's laboratory, with mixed feelings of trepidation and pleasure.
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"Miss Granger, you're late," Severus said gruffly as she walked through the door, two minutes after she was supposed to be there. She ignored him and began getting ready to brew the next part of the potion.
He raised his eyebrows in surprise as he watched her prepare She hadn't spoken to him at all since she had arrived in the lab.
He felt a dry amusement at his own thoughts. Her incessant chatter had always annoyed him… and suddenly he was disappointed that she had finally shut up. What the hell is wrong with me? he mused.
He had always belittled men who acted like idiots around women, but he was now turning into one. He actually missed the irritating prattle of the Gryffindor know-it-all! And it was close to impossible to cast aside the feeling of delight whenever she entered the room… or the unhappiness when she left. He was turning into one of those hopeless fools that he had constantly mocked. Certainly, he could disguise his thoughts behind his usual unpleasant demeanor, but would that really solve any of his problems? He didn't have a clue what to do about it.
Severus scowled at Hermione Granger, who was concentrating fully on the potion. She seemed completely oblivious to his gaze, which rested on her. "Miss Granger, you're very quiet tonight," he finally said.
"Some people would say that silence is more eloquent than speech," she said calmly. He gaped at her peculiar behavior for a few seconds, then left to get some of his supplies.
They had been working for a little over an hour—speaking only a minimal amount—when the door opened. He cringed when he saw Fleur Delacour.
"Severus?" she asked. "Do you think that—?" Suddenly her eyes fell on Hermione. "What is she doing here?"
"Miss Granger is obviously helping me with a potion," he replied sardonically. Both he and Granger were hunched over cauldrons; what else would they be doing?
"I can leave you two alone, if you'd like. The potion needs to sit for the rest of the night anyway," Hermione Granger said snappishly and got up to leave. "Accio books," she murmured with a swift flick of her wand.
Severus grabbed her arm before she could go. Surprised, she stopped, nearly dropping the heavy volumes in her hands. "I didn't dismiss you yet, Miss Granger," he said in a low, silky voice. Then he spoke in his normal, sarcastic tone. "Miss Delacour, as you know, we all have specific office hours dedicated to answering the questions of students—or other professors. If you have a problem, I would advise you to present it to me at that time, rather than intruding on my personal time."
Fleur Delacour gave him a look of shock. She looked upset. Perhaps he was being a bit harsh on her, but maybe this time she would get the point. Delacour quickly turned and rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Granger glanced up at him, confusion apparent on her face. Severus nearly melted under her wide-eyed gaze, but kept his eyes locked onto hers. An uncontrollable feeling of longing came over him. It was an elevated version of the emotion that had been eating away at him for the past three months. Severus could feel his heart pounding, and his face growing warm by the simple glance of Hermione Granger. He looked at her with hunger in his eyes.
Seemingly, she saw his expression also. She looked downward, hugging her books to her chest. Severus realized that he was still holding her arm, and released it. She stepped back and, regaining her composure, sneered at him. "Lover's quarrel, Professor Snape?" she asked him innocently as she set her books down on the table and began leafing through one of them.
He laughed aloud, which she responded to by turning towards him with a vicious glare. "I'm sorry, sir, but I fail to see the humor."
Her comment only amused him more. Seeing her irate about his nonexistent relationship with Fleur Delacour gave him an enormous feeling of pleasure. However, she seemed enraged enough at the moment to hex him into oblivion, so he stopped laughing. "Miss Granger, you have the highest marks out of any student I have ever encountered, but you are the most thickheaded young woman in this entire school!"
She seemed even angrier at this remark. At that point, Severus realized that he was getting absolutely nowhere. Rather than eloquently confessing his feelings, his words were only insulting her. Hermione looked ready to slap him. If only he was one of those men who knew exactly what to say to women! But, his inexperience made him the exact opposite.
He stepped closer to her, taking her hand into his own. "Hermione, I—"
She looked up at him, the expression on her face softening at his touch, and his use of her name. He was suddenly speechless once again. His brain began going over the possible things for him to say, all of which seemed insufficient.
Hermione, I am finding myself disliking you less now that I know you better. No, that wouldn't work.
Hermione, I don't despise your presence as much as I originally thought I would. That was pretty bad too.
Hermione, I can't keep my eyes off you. You are absolutely exquisite. Your beauty would make Aphrodite herself jealous. Your eyes are deeper than the ocean. Your hair is more beautiful than the sunset. Your lips are lovelier than the most delicate rose. Ugh! It was absolutely horrid, like something out of a badly-written romance novel. Not that he would ever read anything of the sort.
Hermione, I think you're an annoying, bossy know-it-all, but for some odd reason, I'm finding myself attracted to you. Absolutely not! Why was this so hard?
He couldn't put his feelings into words. He had always considered himself as being of above average intelligence and knew that he was thought to be the greatest Potions Master in Britain and one of the best in the world. Yet he couldn't do something as simple as expressing his thoughts. So he did the only thing that he could possibly think of. He kissed her.
Hermione stiffened and stood in amazement for several seconds, but then relaxed, putting her arms around his neck. Severus pulled her closer and shut his eyes, deepening the kiss. The kisses that he had participated in were few and far between (in fact, the last one had been over ten years earlier), but this was sweeter and more satisfying than all of those put together.
"Pr…Professor..." Hermione said breathlessly.
"Severus," he said with a goofy grin on his face, which he was certain looked ridiculous on him.
She smiled back, a warm look in her eyes. "Severus." Lord, how he loved the sound of her voice speaking his name.
Then she put her hands in his hair and pressed her lips to his. Severus was absolutely astonished. He would have never imagined himself kissing Hermione Granger…and enjoying it more than anything he had ever experienced. Based on her reaction, she seemed to feel the same way.
They continued in that manner for several blissful minutes longer. Then he pulled away, gazing intently at her, his fingers stroking her cheek. "You're so beautiful," he whispered to her.
She blushed adorably. "I seem to remember you telling me the contrary a few months ago," she teased. Severus almost groaned aloud. He couldn't believe that she actually remembered something like that! However, he was saved from replying when she brought her mouth to his once more.
Finally, she broke away from the kiss. "I should go to sleep," she told him shyly. "Goodnight… Severus." She gave him a quick peck on the lips, then left the room.
He stared after her for several minutes, an idiotic smile on his face. Then the gravity of what he had just done hit him. He had kissed a student. As wonderful as it had been, it was still completely wrong. He had allowed his feelings to go out of control, and had overstepped an invisible boundary. He had taken advantage of a schoolgirl crush to feed his own desires. Well… not exactly. It seemed as though it had been more than that for both of them. He was falling in love with her. He dared not hope that she felt the same way, but all of his instincts were telling him that she did. Despite that, he had completely ignored all of his morals. The worst part about it was that he didn't even care. It had been worth it. Even though his conscience was telling him that kissing Hermione was just a mistake that couldn't happen again, he knew that he wouldn't pay attention to it. His principles no longer mattered to him. Only Hermione did.