MB: This is my first humor fic! Yay! ^__^
HA: Aren't you supposed to do the disclaimer thing now?
MB: You do the disclaimer. Pretty please? *chibi eyes*
HA: *rolls eyes in annoyance* Fine, but you owe me one. Well here it goes:
Disclaimer: READ CAREFULLY. I will only type this once. I own NOTHING! My co-author owns NOTHING! Get it through your thick heads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MB: Onto the story.
HA: Yay! Finally!
Speakers: blah blah
*Actions*
Chapter 1: Aaaatttttaaack!!!!
Sirius stood at the translucent window of the Shrieking Shack. His hairy form showing fatigue from waiting for his best friend, James Potter.
Sirius: Bloody Hell! What is taking that seeker so long?!
*door opens*
James: Sorry I'm late. That tree is possessed.
Sirius: Which one?
James: Well, which one do you think?! The Whomping Willow of course!
Sirius: Oh yeah. Hehehe. Sorry I'm getting old.
James: We're in our seventh year. How can we be old?
Sirius: Uh. Dog-years. ^__^
James: -__- Uh-huh.
Sirius: So what were we talking about again?
James: *sweat-drops*
Sirius: *clueless*
James: Ok whatever. There is something definitely wrong with the Whomping Willow.
Sirius: That's probably because it's supposed to be like that.
James: No, no. I'm serious.
Sirius: You can't be Sirius! I'm Sirius!
James: .
Sirius: ^_____^
James: We're supposed to be talking about the tree.
Sirius: Says who?!
James: *shrugs*
Sirius: O__o Fine! It probably has another bee hive in it again. Let me go check.
*about five minutes later* James: *tapping his foot impatiently*
Sirius: *comes back in the room* There's nothing wrong with it. All there is is little termites in there. They're so CUTE! ^____________^
James: O__O
Sirius: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? They are!
James: *clears his voice* Alright, now I was thinking we could give Snape another swirly-
Sirius: *starts scratching from head to toe*
James: -to wipe that grime off his scummy. SIRIOUS! STOP THAT SCRATCHING!
Sirius: I can't help it! *scratching every skin cell in sight*
Unknown voice: HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
James: .
Sirius: .
Unknown voice: ^_________^
James: What the Hel-
Unknown voice: HELLO! *jumps on Sirius*
Sirius: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It's on me! Get it off! Get it off! *running around in circles*
James: __ *starts chasing Sirius*
Sirius and James: *running around in circles*
Unknown voice: THE FLEA IS IN THE HOUSE!!!!
Sirius: O__O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! IT'S AFTER ME!!! GET IT OFF!!!
Flea: *watching Sirius run around in circles*
James: -__- Stop moving, Sirius!
Sirius: *stops creating a hole in the floor*
Flea: AAAAATTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!! *jumps on Sirius again*
Sirius: AAAAHH! Get rid of it! Call the police! Call the 411!
James: O__O Umm. You mean 911?
Sirius: No the 411!
James: O__o
Flea: *starts singing* FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sirius: IT'S TRYING TO CONFUSE ME!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! James: I'll go get the bath ready! It'll get it off.
Sirius: O__O NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
James: C'mon, it's just water. Besides, I thought dogs liked baths.
Sirius: Well, right now I'm in my human form. AND NO! SOME DOGS LOATHE BATHS!
James: Awe, poor puppy. It's just a little bit of water.
Sirius: I HATE baths.
James: Maybe that's the reason (1) Lassie wouldn't go on a date with you.
Sirius: -__-
James: ^__^
Sirius: You have a cruel sense of humor.
James: I need practice for Snape.
Sirius: *scowls at James* Just get this thing off me!!!!
James: Fine! I'll go call the vet-
Sirius: *glares*
James: Err. I mean doctor.
Sirius: *continues his circle around the room*
James: I'm calling the doctor! *dials up phone number*
Receiver: Hello?
Flea: *hears new person* HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!
James: *ignores the flea* Hey, is this the doctor?
Receiver: Uh. no. Don't you recognize my voice?! It's Remus!
James: Since when have YOU become a doctor?
Remus: I'm not a doctor! You must have the doctor's number and my number mixed up!
James: Oh! So this is the doctor!
Sirius: YOU GOT TO HELP ME DOCTOR! IT'S ON ME AND IT WON'T GET OFF!
Flea: ^____________^
Remus: I said I'm not the doctor! It's Remus!
James: YOU KNOW REMUS?!
Remus: *sarcastically speaking* Oh, yeah. He comes in every week for his werewolf potion.
James: I need a potion that can soothe my back aches from all that Quidditch.
Sirius: HEY! I'M THE ONE THAT NEEDS IT! I NEED AN ANT-FLEA POTION, OR WHAT EVER YOU HAVE! SAVE ME!!!!!
Remus: I'm not a friggen doctor!
James: Don't say that! You're a good doctor. ^_~
Remus: *anime falls *
Sirius: *having a seizure*
Remus: O_o Do you have a girlfriend over there? Is she the one making all that racket?
James: No, that "girl" is Sirius.
Sirius: *screaming*
Remus: Uh.
James: He has the fleas, you idiot, get your mind out of the gutter!!
Remus: I think I get it now. *snickers*
James: O__o
Sirius: *still screaming*
James: Sirius, stop that screaming!
Remus: Dang. You need a lot of serious help over there.
Sirius: *hears his name* I'm already over here!!!
James: Uh, yeah. Is there like a specific spell or something that gets rid of fleas?
Remus: I don't know.
James: Gee you're really helpful.
Sirius: He's not helpful! He's Remus!
Remus: Finally! You remember!
Sirius: Remember what, doctor?
Remus: *getting annoyed*
Sirius: *cocks his head to the side like a puppy*
Flea: FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER FOR ME!!!!!!!
Sirius: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! It's on my neck!!! It's going to KILL me!!! *grabs phone from James* HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!
James: *grabs phone back from Sirius*
Remus: Hang on; I'll be there in a minute.
End of Chapter One
(1) Lassie is the name of a dog in the infamous movie Lassie
MA: First chapter's done! Yay! It might take a while for me to get started on the next with school and all. I might.
HA: If she doesn't want to start writing I'll make her.
MA: Please review! No flames! ^___^
HA: Yeah, please review. (I don't really care about flames, I give them so I want to receive them too) ~peace out
MA: Bye-bye! *winkers*
HA: Aren't you supposed to do the disclaimer thing now?
MB: You do the disclaimer. Pretty please? *chibi eyes*
HA: *rolls eyes in annoyance* Fine, but you owe me one. Well here it goes:
Disclaimer: READ CAREFULLY. I will only type this once. I own NOTHING! My co-author owns NOTHING! Get it through your thick heads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MB: Onto the story.
HA: Yay! Finally!
Speakers: blah blah
*Actions*
Chapter 1: Aaaatttttaaack!!!!
Sirius stood at the translucent window of the Shrieking Shack. His hairy form showing fatigue from waiting for his best friend, James Potter.
Sirius: Bloody Hell! What is taking that seeker so long?!
*door opens*
James: Sorry I'm late. That tree is possessed.
Sirius: Which one?
James: Well, which one do you think?! The Whomping Willow of course!
Sirius: Oh yeah. Hehehe. Sorry I'm getting old.
James: We're in our seventh year. How can we be old?
Sirius: Uh. Dog-years. ^__^
James: -__- Uh-huh.
Sirius: So what were we talking about again?
James: *sweat-drops*
Sirius: *clueless*
James: Ok whatever. There is something definitely wrong with the Whomping Willow.
Sirius: That's probably because it's supposed to be like that.
James: No, no. I'm serious.
Sirius: You can't be Sirius! I'm Sirius!
James: .
Sirius: ^_____^
James: We're supposed to be talking about the tree.
Sirius: Says who?!
James: *shrugs*
Sirius: O__o Fine! It probably has another bee hive in it again. Let me go check.
*about five minutes later* James: *tapping his foot impatiently*
Sirius: *comes back in the room* There's nothing wrong with it. All there is is little termites in there. They're so CUTE! ^____________^
James: O__O
Sirius: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? They are!
James: *clears his voice* Alright, now I was thinking we could give Snape another swirly-
Sirius: *starts scratching from head to toe*
James: -to wipe that grime off his scummy. SIRIOUS! STOP THAT SCRATCHING!
Sirius: I can't help it! *scratching every skin cell in sight*
Unknown voice: HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
James: .
Sirius: .
Unknown voice: ^_________^
James: What the Hel-
Unknown voice: HELLO! *jumps on Sirius*
Sirius: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It's on me! Get it off! Get it off! *running around in circles*
James: __ *starts chasing Sirius*
Sirius and James: *running around in circles*
Unknown voice: THE FLEA IS IN THE HOUSE!!!!
Sirius: O__O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! IT'S AFTER ME!!! GET IT OFF!!!
Flea: *watching Sirius run around in circles*
James: -__- Stop moving, Sirius!
Sirius: *stops creating a hole in the floor*
Flea: AAAAATTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!! *jumps on Sirius again*
Sirius: AAAAHH! Get rid of it! Call the police! Call the 411!
James: O__O Umm. You mean 911?
Sirius: No the 411!
James: O__o
Flea: *starts singing* FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sirius: IT'S TRYING TO CONFUSE ME!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! James: I'll go get the bath ready! It'll get it off.
Sirius: O__O NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
James: C'mon, it's just water. Besides, I thought dogs liked baths.
Sirius: Well, right now I'm in my human form. AND NO! SOME DOGS LOATHE BATHS!
James: Awe, poor puppy. It's just a little bit of water.
Sirius: I HATE baths.
James: Maybe that's the reason (1) Lassie wouldn't go on a date with you.
Sirius: -__-
James: ^__^
Sirius: You have a cruel sense of humor.
James: I need practice for Snape.
Sirius: *scowls at James* Just get this thing off me!!!!
James: Fine! I'll go call the vet-
Sirius: *glares*
James: Err. I mean doctor.
Sirius: *continues his circle around the room*
James: I'm calling the doctor! *dials up phone number*
Receiver: Hello?
Flea: *hears new person* HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!
James: *ignores the flea* Hey, is this the doctor?
Receiver: Uh. no. Don't you recognize my voice?! It's Remus!
James: Since when have YOU become a doctor?
Remus: I'm not a doctor! You must have the doctor's number and my number mixed up!
James: Oh! So this is the doctor!
Sirius: YOU GOT TO HELP ME DOCTOR! IT'S ON ME AND IT WON'T GET OFF!
Flea: ^____________^
Remus: I said I'm not the doctor! It's Remus!
James: YOU KNOW REMUS?!
Remus: *sarcastically speaking* Oh, yeah. He comes in every week for his werewolf potion.
James: I need a potion that can soothe my back aches from all that Quidditch.
Sirius: HEY! I'M THE ONE THAT NEEDS IT! I NEED AN ANT-FLEA POTION, OR WHAT EVER YOU HAVE! SAVE ME!!!!!
Remus: I'm not a friggen doctor!
James: Don't say that! You're a good doctor. ^_~
Remus: *anime falls *
Sirius: *having a seizure*
Remus: O_o Do you have a girlfriend over there? Is she the one making all that racket?
James: No, that "girl" is Sirius.
Sirius: *screaming*
Remus: Uh.
James: He has the fleas, you idiot, get your mind out of the gutter!!
Remus: I think I get it now. *snickers*
James: O__o
Sirius: *still screaming*
James: Sirius, stop that screaming!
Remus: Dang. You need a lot of serious help over there.
Sirius: *hears his name* I'm already over here!!!
James: Uh, yeah. Is there like a specific spell or something that gets rid of fleas?
Remus: I don't know.
James: Gee you're really helpful.
Sirius: He's not helpful! He's Remus!
Remus: Finally! You remember!
Sirius: Remember what, doctor?
Remus: *getting annoyed*
Sirius: *cocks his head to the side like a puppy*
Flea: FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER FOR ME!!!!!!!
Sirius: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! It's on my neck!!! It's going to KILL me!!! *grabs phone from James* HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!
James: *grabs phone back from Sirius*
Remus: Hang on; I'll be there in a minute.
End of Chapter One
(1) Lassie is the name of a dog in the infamous movie Lassie
MA: First chapter's done! Yay! It might take a while for me to get started on the next with school and all. I might.
HA: If she doesn't want to start writing I'll make her.
MA: Please review! No flames! ^___^
HA: Yeah, please review. (I don't really care about flames, I give them so I want to receive them too) ~peace out
MA: Bye-bye! *winkers*