Part Three: Explanations
SongFic: Tourniquet by Evanescence
"I tried to kill the pain,
But only brought more.
(So much more)
I'm dying,
And I'm pouring, crimson regret, and betrayal..."
"Amber, Heero, my name is Amber! Don't call me Relena. I stopped being that woman three years ago!"
The silence spread until it was so thick you could have sliced it with a knife. Relena gathered her wits and held her daughter close, perhaps a bit too tightly. She called forth some reserve strength from within herself hoping that it would be enough to deal with Heero, and he watched her carefully. She looked ready to run at any given second, like a mouse cornered by a tiger.
"Lena, I will never call you anything but Relena. You know that" I said in a softly. She turned away refusing to look in my eyes. It hurt that she did not want to see me, even now after four years she did not want to see me. I studied her face, there were many more lines then there had been, or perhaps I had not noticed before. She had aged much since the last time I saw her, probably from too little sleep and too much work. She was about ready to burn out, it seemed. Even though her hair was red and dyed with streaks of color, she was still as gorgeous as ever.
"I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
Screaming.
Am I too lost to be saved ?
Am I too lost ?
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation..."
I had come home after one of our fights and she had been gone, with most of her things packed. All there had been was a note on the counter that said "Goodbye Heero, don't come looking for me this time, I'm never coming back." I called all of her friends but none of them knew anything. Her best friend and soul sister Hilde had not told me anything, even though I knew that she knew something. Lena had always told her whatever was going on, even when she had not been able to tell me anything.
"Lena, Hun, I am not proud of the things I did, and I'm sorry. I never stopped loving you, do you know that? I was too stubborn to look for you at first, too proud to admit I was wrong. I tried looking for you, I talked to everyone one of your old friends but you had lost contact with then. I was not able to find you and I gave up hope."
"Why did you come here Heero? To tell me pretty stories? We've done this before and it never does any good. Do you even know what you did? Go away and leave me alone, I don't need this right now I'm late for work."
"Do you remember me?
Lost for so long.
Will you be on the other side?
Will you forgive me...?"
"I came to tell you I'm sorry. And yes I do know why you left, at least now I do. I read the diaries you left behind, and I saw how horrible I was to you." I couldn't stop my eyes from overflowing with tears but I didn't care right now. "Why didn't you tell me Hun, I would have tried to change. You know that I would do anything for you, I love you."
"You always loved me!" her words were strangled as if forced from her throat. "But it never mattered in the end! It was never enough! Why should I think that things will be different this time, tell me that! I have a daughter Heero. I can't just go back to that kind of life. I WON"T DO IT!"
"I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
Screaming.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost...?"
"Lena..." I almost couldn't get the words out. I hoped I wasn't wrong, and that she still loved me, that I still had a chance to prove to her how much I loved her. "Why did you leave"
She lifted her head and I looked into her eyes, they were shining with emotions I dared not name. "Do you really want to know, Heero, can you take it? I left because I was pregnant Heero, with your daughter, among other reasons" she stopped for a moment letting the full impact of her words hit me. And then she continued.
"My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
(Return to me salvation)
(I want to DIE!)..."
"I refused to allow my daughter to grow up and have the same problems I had as a child. I wanted her to have a good life, I wanted her to have better then I had ever had. Even if it meant leaving you when I still loved you! I would have done anything to keep us together, but I just kept sacrificing myself again and again. I would not have been fair to her, and it most certainly was not fair to me. I did what was best for the three of us."
"My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation..."
She still loved him he had a chance! Whatever is up there and wherever it was, thank-you! Now if only I could prove to her that my love was strong enough and those things would be different this time. They had to be. Wait...did she just saw that that was my kid she was holding? I looked down at the girl dumbfounded and speechless... how... what...when?
"My wounds cry for the grave.
My soul cries, for deliverance.
Will I be denied ?"
******
SongFic: Tourniquet by Evanescence
"I tried to kill the pain,
But only brought more.
(So much more)
I'm dying,
And I'm pouring, crimson regret, and betrayal..."
"Amber, Heero, my name is Amber! Don't call me Relena. I stopped being that woman three years ago!"
The silence spread until it was so thick you could have sliced it with a knife. Relena gathered her wits and held her daughter close, perhaps a bit too tightly. She called forth some reserve strength from within herself hoping that it would be enough to deal with Heero, and he watched her carefully. She looked ready to run at any given second, like a mouse cornered by a tiger.
"Lena, I will never call you anything but Relena. You know that" I said in a softly. She turned away refusing to look in my eyes. It hurt that she did not want to see me, even now after four years she did not want to see me. I studied her face, there were many more lines then there had been, or perhaps I had not noticed before. She had aged much since the last time I saw her, probably from too little sleep and too much work. She was about ready to burn out, it seemed. Even though her hair was red and dyed with streaks of color, she was still as gorgeous as ever.
"I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
Screaming.
Am I too lost to be saved ?
Am I too lost ?
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation..."
I had come home after one of our fights and she had been gone, with most of her things packed. All there had been was a note on the counter that said "Goodbye Heero, don't come looking for me this time, I'm never coming back." I called all of her friends but none of them knew anything. Her best friend and soul sister Hilde had not told me anything, even though I knew that she knew something. Lena had always told her whatever was going on, even when she had not been able to tell me anything.
"Lena, Hun, I am not proud of the things I did, and I'm sorry. I never stopped loving you, do you know that? I was too stubborn to look for you at first, too proud to admit I was wrong. I tried looking for you, I talked to everyone one of your old friends but you had lost contact with then. I was not able to find you and I gave up hope."
"Why did you come here Heero? To tell me pretty stories? We've done this before and it never does any good. Do you even know what you did? Go away and leave me alone, I don't need this right now I'm late for work."
"Do you remember me?
Lost for so long.
Will you be on the other side?
Will you forgive me...?"
"I came to tell you I'm sorry. And yes I do know why you left, at least now I do. I read the diaries you left behind, and I saw how horrible I was to you." I couldn't stop my eyes from overflowing with tears but I didn't care right now. "Why didn't you tell me Hun, I would have tried to change. You know that I would do anything for you, I love you."
"You always loved me!" her words were strangled as if forced from her throat. "But it never mattered in the end! It was never enough! Why should I think that things will be different this time, tell me that! I have a daughter Heero. I can't just go back to that kind of life. I WON"T DO IT!"
"I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
Screaming.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost...?"
"Lena..." I almost couldn't get the words out. I hoped I wasn't wrong, and that she still loved me, that I still had a chance to prove to her how much I loved her. "Why did you leave"
She lifted her head and I looked into her eyes, they were shining with emotions I dared not name. "Do you really want to know, Heero, can you take it? I left because I was pregnant Heero, with your daughter, among other reasons" she stopped for a moment letting the full impact of her words hit me. And then she continued.
"My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
(Return to me salvation)
(I want to DIE!)..."
"I refused to allow my daughter to grow up and have the same problems I had as a child. I wanted her to have a good life, I wanted her to have better then I had ever had. Even if it meant leaving you when I still loved you! I would have done anything to keep us together, but I just kept sacrificing myself again and again. I would not have been fair to her, and it most certainly was not fair to me. I did what was best for the three of us."
"My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation..."
She still loved him he had a chance! Whatever is up there and wherever it was, thank-you! Now if only I could prove to her that my love was strong enough and those things would be different this time. They had to be. Wait...did she just saw that that was my kid she was holding? I looked down at the girl dumbfounded and speechless... how... what...when?
"My wounds cry for the grave.
My soul cries, for deliverance.
Will I be denied ?"
******