Part Four: Accusations
SongFic: Headstrong by Trapt
"Circling Circling Circling your head
Contemplating everything you ever said
Now I know the truth I got a doubt
A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out
See you later..."
"What do you want from me Heero?" my voice was barely controlled, I didn't know what to say... but I was so angry. "I've spent too many years trying to get you out of my system to have you come back here and ruin everything!"
"I just wanted to have another chance with you Lena! I wanted to prove to you that things could work out between us. Please Lena, give me another chance. Hun I love you!"
"I've already given you enough chances Heero, and you blew them all. We never stopped fighting, EVER! Do you expect me to give up everything I've worked so hard for just to come back home with you? You probably did, didn't you? You always were selfish, so wrapped up in yourself to see how much pain you were causing me. You were so blind Heero, you never understood. You never will. I tried so many times to make you understand but it was useless."
"I see your fantasy you want to make a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads, yea
Well that's all over
I see your motives inside and your decision to hide..."
"I tried to do what I thought was best, I tried damned hard to please you woman! I would have given up everything for you to make you happy! What's wrong with me, huh? Is my dick not big enough for you or something? Huh, why don't you tell me now, I'm here aren't I?"
"Don't you dare raise your voice at me Heero, " I screamed. "I have been through so much more then you could ever understand. Nothing was handed to me on a fucken silver platter like it was for you, your mother and your grandparents helped you with everything and got you and your brother out of every little problem you ever had!" I worked my ass of for what I have! And I'm damned proud of it!"
"Fuck off I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we're Headstrong
Back off We'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
This is not where you belong..."
"Sure take that route tell me everything that's wrong with me, Lena! Why don't you tell me now because you obviously never told me what was really on your mind! Was everything that went on between us a lie? Did you just use me? Why don't you let me in on all your secrets Relena."
"I tried to tell you everything that went on in my head! I tried to explain to you everything but you never took me seriously! I may be younger then you but that doesn't mean I'm a child! I was forced to grow up a lot quicker and I never had a childhood, not really! I have issues Heero, I'm insecure I always have been. I'll probably never get over the things I've been through! There will always be scars and there will always be open wounds that will never heal! If you had to grow up the way I did you would have the same problems I did!"
"Conclusions manifest your first impressions got to be your very best
I see you're full of shit and that's alright
That's how you play I guess you get through every night
Now that's over..."
I couldn't help myself; the tears just kept falling. I could barely see him now. Why was it always like this, damn it! We were fighting again. I wished I could cover Morwen's ears so she wouldn't have to hear me yelling like this. Never had I lost control over my emotions with anyone but him, he always knew how to get under my skin.
I saw him move towards me, wanting to comfort me while I was sobbing. "Don't Touch me you bastard! Don't you dare fucking touch me!" I screamed. "Lena I'm"...he began, but I cut him off. I had to say this now before I lost my nerve.
"Don't Lena me! I hate that nickname, I've told you that a thousand times! I don't need this Heero Yuy, I don't need you! I didn't now and I don't then. Leave me the fuck alone and go back home. Let me be miserable in peace, and get the hell away from me and my daughter!"
"Fuck off I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we're Headstrong
Back off We'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
This is not where you belong..."
"Your daughter! She's my daughter too damn it! You could have at least told me I had a kid. But no you were just in too much of a fucken hurry to get the hell away from me that you neglected to mention that fact!"
"Damn fucken strait I was, I didn't want you having anything to do with my daughter and you won't. She doesn't need you!"
He looked seriously taken aback by this and I thought perhaps I had gone too far this time, but I didn't really care anymore. I didn't want him here and I didn't want him bothering me or fighting for custody of my child. Besides he would never get it. He had a statutory rape behind him; he wouldn't win the case. Still, I didn't want to take the chance. I hated hurting him but I would not let myself loose my fragile peace just because he decided he was going to invade my life again.
"I can't give everything away
I won't give everything away
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
Your motives inside and your decision to hide..."
I was not going to give up so easily. If he thought I was going to just melt into a puddle at his feet this time he was wrong. I wasn't just fighting for myself anymore. I was fighting for my daughter's state of mind as well. I had my store to run, I had my friends here who would stand by me, even when I had not been completely honest about my past. They wouldn't mind though, they had all been through the same shit I had. This was gonna be one fight he would never forget. I braced myself for another round.
"Turn around and forget you ever found me Heero," I said in an icy cold voice that spoke of anger one thousand times greater then my screaming. You will not become a part of my life or a part of your daughter's life. You won't win this fight. I've worked to fucken hard to get away from my past, specifically the part that included YOU! I'm late for work, and seem as how my store isn't going to open by itself; this is where we part. Goodbye Heero, and don't you dare think of following me!
"Fuck off I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we're Headstrong
Back off We'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
This is not where you belong..."
I turned around and rushed through the alleyway to my store. There was already a bunch of people outside waiting for the store to open. I unlocked the door, and asked them to wait a few minutes while I set up. I went to the back room, put Morwen in her crib, and put the teakettle on. Then I leaned up against the wall sliding down along it 'til I was sitting o the floor. Wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my head in my lap, and I cried.
SongFic: Headstrong by Trapt
"Circling Circling Circling your head
Contemplating everything you ever said
Now I know the truth I got a doubt
A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out
See you later..."
"What do you want from me Heero?" my voice was barely controlled, I didn't know what to say... but I was so angry. "I've spent too many years trying to get you out of my system to have you come back here and ruin everything!"
"I just wanted to have another chance with you Lena! I wanted to prove to you that things could work out between us. Please Lena, give me another chance. Hun I love you!"
"I've already given you enough chances Heero, and you blew them all. We never stopped fighting, EVER! Do you expect me to give up everything I've worked so hard for just to come back home with you? You probably did, didn't you? You always were selfish, so wrapped up in yourself to see how much pain you were causing me. You were so blind Heero, you never understood. You never will. I tried so many times to make you understand but it was useless."
"I see your fantasy you want to make a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads, yea
Well that's all over
I see your motives inside and your decision to hide..."
"I tried to do what I thought was best, I tried damned hard to please you woman! I would have given up everything for you to make you happy! What's wrong with me, huh? Is my dick not big enough for you or something? Huh, why don't you tell me now, I'm here aren't I?"
"Don't you dare raise your voice at me Heero, " I screamed. "I have been through so much more then you could ever understand. Nothing was handed to me on a fucken silver platter like it was for you, your mother and your grandparents helped you with everything and got you and your brother out of every little problem you ever had!" I worked my ass of for what I have! And I'm damned proud of it!"
"Fuck off I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we're Headstrong
Back off We'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
This is not where you belong..."
"Sure take that route tell me everything that's wrong with me, Lena! Why don't you tell me now because you obviously never told me what was really on your mind! Was everything that went on between us a lie? Did you just use me? Why don't you let me in on all your secrets Relena."
"I tried to tell you everything that went on in my head! I tried to explain to you everything but you never took me seriously! I may be younger then you but that doesn't mean I'm a child! I was forced to grow up a lot quicker and I never had a childhood, not really! I have issues Heero, I'm insecure I always have been. I'll probably never get over the things I've been through! There will always be scars and there will always be open wounds that will never heal! If you had to grow up the way I did you would have the same problems I did!"
"Conclusions manifest your first impressions got to be your very best
I see you're full of shit and that's alright
That's how you play I guess you get through every night
Now that's over..."
I couldn't help myself; the tears just kept falling. I could barely see him now. Why was it always like this, damn it! We were fighting again. I wished I could cover Morwen's ears so she wouldn't have to hear me yelling like this. Never had I lost control over my emotions with anyone but him, he always knew how to get under my skin.
I saw him move towards me, wanting to comfort me while I was sobbing. "Don't Touch me you bastard! Don't you dare fucking touch me!" I screamed. "Lena I'm"...he began, but I cut him off. I had to say this now before I lost my nerve.
"Don't Lena me! I hate that nickname, I've told you that a thousand times! I don't need this Heero Yuy, I don't need you! I didn't now and I don't then. Leave me the fuck alone and go back home. Let me be miserable in peace, and get the hell away from me and my daughter!"
"Fuck off I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we're Headstrong
Back off We'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
This is not where you belong..."
"Your daughter! She's my daughter too damn it! You could have at least told me I had a kid. But no you were just in too much of a fucken hurry to get the hell away from me that you neglected to mention that fact!"
"Damn fucken strait I was, I didn't want you having anything to do with my daughter and you won't. She doesn't need you!"
He looked seriously taken aback by this and I thought perhaps I had gone too far this time, but I didn't really care anymore. I didn't want him here and I didn't want him bothering me or fighting for custody of my child. Besides he would never get it. He had a statutory rape behind him; he wouldn't win the case. Still, I didn't want to take the chance. I hated hurting him but I would not let myself loose my fragile peace just because he decided he was going to invade my life again.
"I can't give everything away
I won't give everything away
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
I know I know all about
Your motives inside and your decision to hide..."
I was not going to give up so easily. If he thought I was going to just melt into a puddle at his feet this time he was wrong. I wasn't just fighting for myself anymore. I was fighting for my daughter's state of mind as well. I had my store to run, I had my friends here who would stand by me, even when I had not been completely honest about my past. They wouldn't mind though, they had all been through the same shit I had. This was gonna be one fight he would never forget. I braced myself for another round.
"Turn around and forget you ever found me Heero," I said in an icy cold voice that spoke of anger one thousand times greater then my screaming. You will not become a part of my life or a part of your daughter's life. You won't win this fight. I've worked to fucken hard to get away from my past, specifically the part that included YOU! I'm late for work, and seem as how my store isn't going to open by itself; this is where we part. Goodbye Heero, and don't you dare think of following me!
"Fuck off I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we're Headstrong
Back off We'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
This is not where you belong..."
I turned around and rushed through the alleyway to my store. There was already a bunch of people outside waiting for the store to open. I unlocked the door, and asked them to wait a few minutes while I set up. I went to the back room, put Morwen in her crib, and put the teakettle on. Then I leaned up against the wall sliding down along it 'til I was sitting o the floor. Wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my head in my lap, and I cried.