Chapter XVI - Distant Memories
There was a deadly silence in the room. Ellie was still breathing slowly and didn't seem to be reacting at all to the potions Snape had already given her. He was now cleaning her arm with phoenix tears, while blood and scars were healing. Phoenix tears had been a good call, Severus thought. Her face was a terrible mess, a nasty cut across her cheek almost reaching her eye, but the tears, now almost over, had healed a scar that wouldn't disappear any other way. Her arms were almost cured. But while open cuts were easy enough, the deep sleep in which she had fallen wasn't improving.
She seemed a tragical angel, still on the bed, quiet and cold.
Severus was remembered of the last time he had seen her like this: quietly lying on a bed, sleeping. She hadn't been ill at the time. No... she had been in love.
***
He always knew she had a crush on Remus. But Severus loved her all the same. She was the only person he could call a real friend. The only one he could trust. Teased as he was in Hogwarts for being a loner and having a girl for best friend, Severus never felt their friendship could be a burden. Until he found out he was in love with her.
It was during their sixth year. Having achieved "Exceeded expectations" in their O.W.L.s. Ellie and Severus were both taking Potions, along with another Ravenclaw boy. They were also together in Defense Against the Dark Arts, although this class was a bit more crowded. Potter and Evans were there, as were Black, Pettigrew and a couple more students from Slytherin. And Lupin, of course. Prefect Lupin was a target of every girl's eyes. Severus was especially annoyed every time Ellie talked about Prefect Remus. It seemed he was more a "Perfect" than a "Prefect"!
Ellie was extremely good at potions. Severus admired very much her skills... and her eyes. He was often lost in admiring her eyes when they did homework together. Actually, he started admiring everything about her. Admiration, friendship, the fact that he felt so good when she was around... everything became very confusing to him. Sometimes he felt like running away from her. Others, he just wanted to be the tree in which shadow she used to rest during breaks in the summer. And sometimes, he wished he was the robes that embraced her, the blankets in which she would warm her body at night, and the wind that touched her skin.
He refused to believe that he was in love with her, though. It was only when the summer holidays arrived, when he saw her at platform 9 and 3/4 embracing her parents, that he realized that the prospect of not being with her for two months was painful. And by first day of the beginning of their seventh year, Severus had to admit that life without her was just not the same.
Their last year at Hogwarts was at the same time his happier and his lonelier. He could have her by him every time, but he still wouldn't dare to ask her out or to speak his mind. The passion often consumed him at night, when he remembered she was sleeping feet away from him. But he knew that she would step away if he told her how he felt, and he couldn't bare the thought!
The last day at Hogwarts was terrible. He kept wondering if he should tell her something. There was nothing else to loose, now. He knew they would never be together again. And all the way in the Hogwarts Express he tried to tell her something, anything! But she was talking about the journey she was doing around Europe, to learn all about potions, and the train arrived at King's Cross station before he could say a word. At the platform, when everyone was saying their goodbyes, he caught a glimpse of Potter and Evans kissing... and at that moment he felt his face warm up suddenly with a touch of lips. He turned to Ellie, blushing like he never blushed in his life and with his hand on the cheek she had just kissed.
"I'm going to miss you, Sevy." she said, smiling. His throat was so tight he couldn't speak. "Keep your eyes in the sky." she told him "I'll send loads of owls." And, smiling, once again, she left to join her parents.
***
Two years had passed when Severus received an owl from Ellie saying she would be returning next week. Perseus, the owl, was already feeling at home. He had delivered a lot of letters there by now.
"I wanted to see you." the letter said "I have so much to tell you! I will be staying in London for two weeks. Can you meet me there? I'll be at the Leaky Cauldron."
Severus' heart jumped and he sent his quick answer "I'll see you in London" before he realized what he'd done. He would be seeing her again!
The week seemed the longest in his life. Finally the day arrived. Severus was fixing a suitcase in his bedroom. He wanted so much to be with her he was pretending to have urgent businesses in London to make sure he would spend the whole two weeks with her.
"What are you doing?" asked a man walking in the room.
Severus didn't answer.
"Are you leaving again, are you?" the man asked again. "Your mother won't be pleased."
"I never thought you'd mind about what mother pleases" said Severus coldly, not looking at the man, still fixing his case.
"Leave then!" said the man. "And don't come back this time. We don't need you around!"
Severus looked at him at last. "I never returned because of you. I don't care what you need around. I only came back because mother asked me to. And because I know you're not so brave when I'm around now. Are you?"
The man didn't answer and turned on his heels, leaving the room.
Severus continued to pack as if nothing had interrupted him.
***
When Severus arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, he realized Ellie was already there, because he saw Perseus swooping in one of the corridors to the bedrooms. Perseus seemed very pleased to see him too, and led him to the room where Ellie was unpacking her things. He entered, Perseus hooting in his shoulder, and saw her taking some robes out of her suitcase, a huge pile of books on top of a desk and her wand sticking out a flower's vase.
"Got tired of flying in the corridors, have you?" she asked without turning around, still, looking for something under the clothes.
"No, just tired of missing you." said Severus before he could stop himself.
Ellie turned around that instant and looked at him so pleased, she ran to him, drooping two books as she did so. She flung her arms around him and nearly squeezed him in a tight embrace. Perseus flew away, afraid of being squashed too.
"Sevy! I missed you so much!"
He was motionless. He had never felt anyone's embrace before. And he had never felt her body so close. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to hold her as well, but he just remained still, his arms along his body, utterly confused.
Ellie took his face in her hand and deposited a great wet kiss in his cheek.
"Mhuac! Oh, how I missed you!" she said. And then... before she could help herself, she kissed him again... but not on the cheek. It was a quick kiss, a confused and much desired kiss by both of them for a long time. Ellie had never realized how much she wanted to do it until she embraced him. She had suddenly found out that being friends was not enough anymore.
He was looking at her astounded, his face burning so much she could feel the heat emanating from him.
She took his head in her hands again and kissed him longely this time. Severus had never felt anything so good and so warming in his life. No charm, no incantation, no potion could reach the power of what he was feeling. He held her in his harms, embracing her, kissing her, trembling with passion and excitement, feeling an unexpected rush taking over him, awakening every fiber of his body and every corner of his soul.
***
Ellie had fallen asleep by him, but, exhausted as he was, Severus just felt like jumping, running, flying all around the world! And she seemed so beautiful laying next to him. He pulled unbashefully the blankets from top of her and just looked at her body. He had never seen anything like it. Her lines, her curves, her skin ensnared his senses.
Just like now, so many years later, lying motionless on the bed, paler and colder than she had been that beautiful day, she still had the power to make him feel weaker and stronger than anything else. What if she never made it? What if he couldn't save her? What if she became a monster just like that... monster?
He touched her face, gently, remembering how warm it used to be.
Feeling lost and anguished, he just wished she'd wake up. Even if to return to Lupin's arms, he'd rather have her with his greatest rival than having her dead.
There was a deadly silence in the room. Ellie was still breathing slowly and didn't seem to be reacting at all to the potions Snape had already given her. He was now cleaning her arm with phoenix tears, while blood and scars were healing. Phoenix tears had been a good call, Severus thought. Her face was a terrible mess, a nasty cut across her cheek almost reaching her eye, but the tears, now almost over, had healed a scar that wouldn't disappear any other way. Her arms were almost cured. But while open cuts were easy enough, the deep sleep in which she had fallen wasn't improving.
She seemed a tragical angel, still on the bed, quiet and cold.
Severus was remembered of the last time he had seen her like this: quietly lying on a bed, sleeping. She hadn't been ill at the time. No... she had been in love.
***
He always knew she had a crush on Remus. But Severus loved her all the same. She was the only person he could call a real friend. The only one he could trust. Teased as he was in Hogwarts for being a loner and having a girl for best friend, Severus never felt their friendship could be a burden. Until he found out he was in love with her.
It was during their sixth year. Having achieved "Exceeded expectations" in their O.W.L.s. Ellie and Severus were both taking Potions, along with another Ravenclaw boy. They were also together in Defense Against the Dark Arts, although this class was a bit more crowded. Potter and Evans were there, as were Black, Pettigrew and a couple more students from Slytherin. And Lupin, of course. Prefect Lupin was a target of every girl's eyes. Severus was especially annoyed every time Ellie talked about Prefect Remus. It seemed he was more a "Perfect" than a "Prefect"!
Ellie was extremely good at potions. Severus admired very much her skills... and her eyes. He was often lost in admiring her eyes when they did homework together. Actually, he started admiring everything about her. Admiration, friendship, the fact that he felt so good when she was around... everything became very confusing to him. Sometimes he felt like running away from her. Others, he just wanted to be the tree in which shadow she used to rest during breaks in the summer. And sometimes, he wished he was the robes that embraced her, the blankets in which she would warm her body at night, and the wind that touched her skin.
He refused to believe that he was in love with her, though. It was only when the summer holidays arrived, when he saw her at platform 9 and 3/4 embracing her parents, that he realized that the prospect of not being with her for two months was painful. And by first day of the beginning of their seventh year, Severus had to admit that life without her was just not the same.
Their last year at Hogwarts was at the same time his happier and his lonelier. He could have her by him every time, but he still wouldn't dare to ask her out or to speak his mind. The passion often consumed him at night, when he remembered she was sleeping feet away from him. But he knew that she would step away if he told her how he felt, and he couldn't bare the thought!
The last day at Hogwarts was terrible. He kept wondering if he should tell her something. There was nothing else to loose, now. He knew they would never be together again. And all the way in the Hogwarts Express he tried to tell her something, anything! But she was talking about the journey she was doing around Europe, to learn all about potions, and the train arrived at King's Cross station before he could say a word. At the platform, when everyone was saying their goodbyes, he caught a glimpse of Potter and Evans kissing... and at that moment he felt his face warm up suddenly with a touch of lips. He turned to Ellie, blushing like he never blushed in his life and with his hand on the cheek she had just kissed.
"I'm going to miss you, Sevy." she said, smiling. His throat was so tight he couldn't speak. "Keep your eyes in the sky." she told him "I'll send loads of owls." And, smiling, once again, she left to join her parents.
***
Two years had passed when Severus received an owl from Ellie saying she would be returning next week. Perseus, the owl, was already feeling at home. He had delivered a lot of letters there by now.
"I wanted to see you." the letter said "I have so much to tell you! I will be staying in London for two weeks. Can you meet me there? I'll be at the Leaky Cauldron."
Severus' heart jumped and he sent his quick answer "I'll see you in London" before he realized what he'd done. He would be seeing her again!
The week seemed the longest in his life. Finally the day arrived. Severus was fixing a suitcase in his bedroom. He wanted so much to be with her he was pretending to have urgent businesses in London to make sure he would spend the whole two weeks with her.
"What are you doing?" asked a man walking in the room.
Severus didn't answer.
"Are you leaving again, are you?" the man asked again. "Your mother won't be pleased."
"I never thought you'd mind about what mother pleases" said Severus coldly, not looking at the man, still fixing his case.
"Leave then!" said the man. "And don't come back this time. We don't need you around!"
Severus looked at him at last. "I never returned because of you. I don't care what you need around. I only came back because mother asked me to. And because I know you're not so brave when I'm around now. Are you?"
The man didn't answer and turned on his heels, leaving the room.
Severus continued to pack as if nothing had interrupted him.
***
When Severus arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, he realized Ellie was already there, because he saw Perseus swooping in one of the corridors to the bedrooms. Perseus seemed very pleased to see him too, and led him to the room where Ellie was unpacking her things. He entered, Perseus hooting in his shoulder, and saw her taking some robes out of her suitcase, a huge pile of books on top of a desk and her wand sticking out a flower's vase.
"Got tired of flying in the corridors, have you?" she asked without turning around, still, looking for something under the clothes.
"No, just tired of missing you." said Severus before he could stop himself.
Ellie turned around that instant and looked at him so pleased, she ran to him, drooping two books as she did so. She flung her arms around him and nearly squeezed him in a tight embrace. Perseus flew away, afraid of being squashed too.
"Sevy! I missed you so much!"
He was motionless. He had never felt anyone's embrace before. And he had never felt her body so close. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to hold her as well, but he just remained still, his arms along his body, utterly confused.
Ellie took his face in her hand and deposited a great wet kiss in his cheek.
"Mhuac! Oh, how I missed you!" she said. And then... before she could help herself, she kissed him again... but not on the cheek. It was a quick kiss, a confused and much desired kiss by both of them for a long time. Ellie had never realized how much she wanted to do it until she embraced him. She had suddenly found out that being friends was not enough anymore.
He was looking at her astounded, his face burning so much she could feel the heat emanating from him.
She took his head in her hands again and kissed him longely this time. Severus had never felt anything so good and so warming in his life. No charm, no incantation, no potion could reach the power of what he was feeling. He held her in his harms, embracing her, kissing her, trembling with passion and excitement, feeling an unexpected rush taking over him, awakening every fiber of his body and every corner of his soul.
***
Ellie had fallen asleep by him, but, exhausted as he was, Severus just felt like jumping, running, flying all around the world! And she seemed so beautiful laying next to him. He pulled unbashefully the blankets from top of her and just looked at her body. He had never seen anything like it. Her lines, her curves, her skin ensnared his senses.
Just like now, so many years later, lying motionless on the bed, paler and colder than she had been that beautiful day, she still had the power to make him feel weaker and stronger than anything else. What if she never made it? What if he couldn't save her? What if she became a monster just like that... monster?
He touched her face, gently, remembering how warm it used to be.
Feeling lost and anguished, he just wished she'd wake up. Even if to return to Lupin's arms, he'd rather have her with his greatest rival than having her dead.