Note from Meiling Li: I called this part of my diary- 'Thoughts'. I'm not sure why it just came to my mind as I went over the whole diary

Note from The Card Witch: Thank you for all the reviews! I'm drawing a picture of Meiling's mother soon and I'll post it onto my web site. Please visit it cause I really love people who visit all three of them. I have a Meiling Shrine and I'm setting up a special part of it deticated to this story. I also want to say sorry about this chapter being so short,

Dear Diary,

Mother didn't make breakfast for me this morning, she's still angry about the hitting her. But I think the other thing is what I said, that I would rather be someone's whore then Tyler's wife. But I think that it was whom whore I'd rather be.

I'm not even sure that it was true. I'd rather be someone's wife or not be married at all. If I don't end up getting married to Tyler then I think I want to live in America, maybe Hawaii and work on the beach. I'd love to live in free spirit, or maybe go and live in the U.K, nah Hawaii cause it's like Kawaii with an 'H'.

All mother can do is look through an old box that she had brought with her. It has all her things from when she was younger. She seems to be looking for something, which I don't know of.

Today a woman came round and fitted my wedding dress; it's a chosen colour of a Chinese dress red with spangles. My father is seeing everything else; I don't care what the wedding looks like it something else I'm worried about.

At school everyone is looking at me all funny, and talking about me behind my back. Tomoyo is telling everyone things about what I told her and I think I know why, she's decided she likes Eriol after all. But why hurt me? Why? It's unlike Tomoyo to be so cruel to her friends, she sees me a new rival. A dangerous rival who must be extinguished quickly, but I never had anything to call my own. I'm not saying Eriol belongs to be, but if he doesn't feel the same way as I do and he likes Tomoyo, though I would be hurt again as long as he'd still help me and be my friend. I will be happy. Tomoyo won't let me make contact with him.

I really miss him, Tomoyo when ever Eriol and I pass each other, drags him away and no one will talk to me. Harry even boxed me in my ears; kids even Sakura, Naoko, Rika or Chiharu won't talk to me. All the girls with boyfriends are keeping them away from me, what do they think I am a whore. Yes I did yell it out but only mother, Syaoran and Tyler heard it.

Syaoran wouldn't tell anyone, mother doesn't even know my friend and Tyler only knows Eriol. I guess someone made that bit up.

I feel so sad about myself and wish that I didn't really have a place on this Earth, but still I go on everyday. The world seems to hate me, all of them seem to look at me and say 'That's Meiling, the outsider'. Why can't anyone see that I have to cry in secret, I'm the villain and now Tomoyo sees me as the girl who messes Sakura and Syaoran (But I helped her put them together didn't I?) Or now her and Eriol, but Eriol doesn't like her in that way, he doesn't like me in that way. Well I can't help being here but I AM! I was made for a joke by my friends and made a villain by the word around me, but I'm not. I am Meiling Li who tried to keep Syaoran, but at this time he was the only thing I had and one of the only people I could depend on. My auntie is miles away, my crazy mother replaced the second person I could look up to and Syaoran is freaked about the whore thing. People tend to look at me a spit on me; I'm not worth anything,

I talk to no one today apart from you and I haven't spoken a word even when my wedding dress was fitted Tyler did all the talking. Well he's already seen me in a wedding dress; I guess he's getting bad luck on the wedding day. I might be dead by then. I don't to live too much longer if this is to be my life, not specking or having a friend to listen. The most I have is a diary, which I can tell what I'm going through.

Anything I told Eriol you know, anything I've told Tomoyo you know and maybe I trusted her too much. But could it be Eriol who told everyone about my mother? He knows enough, but it just seems to be Tomoyo. She whispers things in peoples ears as I pass, even Eriol's, yet he seems in disbelieve. Eriol still smiles when he sees me and that warmth that hits my heart makes me feel like I'm light on air. Yet I haven't had such a feeling since Syaoran and I where children. Would I be wrong to say I am in love?

Love Meiling

Dear Diary,

I have been given a book, by my mother it was a book she said she red while she was pregnant with me. I came home from school and she was in the front room, Syaoran was with Sakura, Tomoyo and though I hate to sat it, Eriol. Tyler was out talking to his father about our wedding. Mother had that box she was looking through with her and in her hand a late 1986 book in one hand. She was dusting the cover but as soon as I passed her, her head shot straight up and she even smiled to me.

I have never been smiled at before, not by her I mean, I'd never have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my red eyes. My mother tossed back her long dark brown hair and called me over with her finger. I was worried about the way she was treating me but I just moved closer to her.

When I stood next to her she took my hand and pulled me to kneel very carefully. When I looked at her she still smiled and the looked at the book and back to me very quickly. She rubbed at the book one more time and handed it to me,

"I found this, it was book I read when I was pregnant with you and I think there is a lesion you can learn from it. Your cousin Syaoran's father, my brother gave it to me. Yelan said I would learn from it, but by the time I had read the last quote the heroine made I was to late and my way couldn't be changed" mother told me.

I looked at the cover- it was a picture of a young girl around my age. She was with a younger girl and a boy her age maybe older and they were in a daisy field. "It was taken for the last scene in the book, the heroine is called Sophie" mother told me.

She and I then stood up together and I asked her, "Why give this to me?"

"I want you to read, but you must have read the whole book by your wedding day, when you are done please come to me and tell me the ending, what you learnt from Sophie and how this made you feel. You must read every word to know what your next step will be" and mother kissed me. "Remember to come back to me when the last word has been red, remember".

I've have already started the book, indeed the heroine is called Sophie and she has a little sister named Zoë. She lives with her husband to be, her mother and father died only a few months ago and ever since then, she has been abused by her fiancée.

I know how she feels, but to loose all your friends, and only have one, who you love but can't have because so many others want him.

Specking of the one you love, I will go alone to the dance, though it will be nice to see Sakura and Syaoran together and see the homecoming queen but it will hurt to see Tomoyo with Eriol. Eriol wasn't even going to go, I don't think he really wants to. I don't really want to go, but if I do all the kids will see that I am not afraid of them. And I'm not going to let them get me down and I'm not going to lose to this so-called torment.

I have here by now suffered worse.

I will win my friends back, I will win my loves friendship back, I will, I will, I will, I will for I have know and seem worse. If pain is this, I can take anything after fourteen years, the children of the schoolyard will not take me for a game.

I am Meiling Li, and though my father has never said that name, it I realize was chosen by the very woman who gave me the brews on my back but who also gave me this book.

But why name me 'Beauty' why name me that of all the names she could have named me. Why beauty.

Love Meiling Li

P.S I haven't seen Tyler all day and yet all I want to know about is my friend Eriol, where is he now?

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I'm really sorry about this chapter being so short, I plan the next chapter to be really long because something really big happens and I can't wait to write it. I love people who review my stories and visit my web site. I just want to get a crowed in both places cause I like getting messages from people, but I don't like flames. At the moment I let both Anonymous and Signed review but if I get flames I will not let non-signed reviews.

I hope you get the idea of what Meiling is going through and what ideas are coming through all this. If I get reviews on this chapter I might answer them in the next chapter.

If I get flames on coupling in this story, I'll just ignore you and if you keep coming back I'll band anonymous and if you just flame and flame I will take drastic actions. BUT I will never take a story down cause of M+E flamers! I have a really good reason I don't support E+T.

Nobody so far has flamed me and I want to tell all of you how nice it is to have such nice reviews, a lot of you said it was really sweet. I also want to thank anyone who reviewed my one-off 'My Father's Child', thank you a lot!

And finally I want to thank my main reviewers Skyout and ERi who have read nearly all my stories.

Take up your dreams,

And trust me cause-

I'm The Card Witch