Chapter XXII - Faith
Remus was feeling terrible next morning, as he always did. All he said was "I'm so happy!" before falling in deep sleep. As soon as his breathing became heavy, Ellie got up and headed to Hogwarts. She had been thinking all night about what had happened... or what didn't happen and she was sure Severus had the answers.
And sure enough, when she entered his dungeon, he didn't seem surprised to see her there.
"Hello, Ellie. Sit down." he offered, as if they had arranged this meeting a long time ago.
"Severus, tonight was a full moon, I didn't transform, what happened?" she blurted out.
"You seem disappointed" he said, uncertainly.
"Don't be silly! I'm just confused! Very confused."
"Sit, then. Take a glass of water." Ellie finally seated and took the water he had conjured. "Why did you drink that?" he asked "You know you shouldn't drink anything a potion maker gives until you're sure of what it is."
Ellie looked up, astounded.
"I was sure." she said in a severe voice. "You said it was water. You're not going to poison me, are you?" she added, rather sarcastically.
"Is my word enough? Do you trust me?"
"What are you on about?" she said, sounding slightly angry. "Of course I trust you!"
"And I trust you." said Severus. "I trust you as a true friend, my only true friend... and as potion maker. I trust you so much I made some of your potion and gave you to drink from the first day you were bitten till the day you woke up."
Ellie was looking puzzled. Then, comprehension dawned down on her.
"You... you gave me Wolfsbane?"
"Everyday. Actually, more than once a day. I figured that if it stopped the wolf component of invading the mind, it might stop the invasion of a recent bite. And it did." Ellie fell silent. She didn't know what to say. Severus was looking at her intensely.
Finally she said "You saved my life."
"I saved you from a cursed life" he said "although now, with your potion, I doubt any werewolf will be much of a danger anymore." And he was smiling.
"I never knew you thought so highly of my work." she said in a surprised voice.
"I don't usually say what I feel." he said, quietly. "I should have learned to do that by now."
And silence fell once more.
"I did it all out of " love, he completed inside, but he decided to say "faith in your competence, in your skills, in your work. Blind faith. It wasn't until I saw you here that I knew it had worked. Ellie, you saved yourself. All I had to do was believe in you."
"How can I ever repay you?"
This time, a fire seemed to have been lit in his eyes, warming them suddenly. He looked at her, deep down her eyes, took her hand passionately and, after a deep breath, he said, in a hoarse voice, "Forgive me."
Ellie immediately took her hand from his. She stepped back, saying "I don't know what you mean."
"You do." he said in a hurt voice. It looked like the young man he used to be was in front of her again, all his feelings and passion flowing freely.
"Forgive me, Ellie" and he looked desperate, too.
"I already have, you know that." she said simply. "But you know I can't forget."
"Why?! Why can't you forget a weakness, a mistake I've sorrowly regretted ever since? Isn't my suffering enough?" and more quietly he added "Isn't loosing you enough punishment?"
"You didn't loose me" she said in a cold voice. "I'm here, I'm talking to you, you can see me when you want to."
Severus said no more. He lost his voice and when Ellie said "I have to go, Severus. Thanks for being there for me." he didn't even react. He knew it was no good to argue. As soon as she left, he seated at his desk and buried his head in his hands.
One moment of weakness can ruin a whole life. Can ruin so many lives. Can curse you forever.
Remus was feeling terrible next morning, as he always did. All he said was "I'm so happy!" before falling in deep sleep. As soon as his breathing became heavy, Ellie got up and headed to Hogwarts. She had been thinking all night about what had happened... or what didn't happen and she was sure Severus had the answers.
And sure enough, when she entered his dungeon, he didn't seem surprised to see her there.
"Hello, Ellie. Sit down." he offered, as if they had arranged this meeting a long time ago.
"Severus, tonight was a full moon, I didn't transform, what happened?" she blurted out.
"You seem disappointed" he said, uncertainly.
"Don't be silly! I'm just confused! Very confused."
"Sit, then. Take a glass of water." Ellie finally seated and took the water he had conjured. "Why did you drink that?" he asked "You know you shouldn't drink anything a potion maker gives until you're sure of what it is."
Ellie looked up, astounded.
"I was sure." she said in a severe voice. "You said it was water. You're not going to poison me, are you?" she added, rather sarcastically.
"Is my word enough? Do you trust me?"
"What are you on about?" she said, sounding slightly angry. "Of course I trust you!"
"And I trust you." said Severus. "I trust you as a true friend, my only true friend... and as potion maker. I trust you so much I made some of your potion and gave you to drink from the first day you were bitten till the day you woke up."
Ellie was looking puzzled. Then, comprehension dawned down on her.
"You... you gave me Wolfsbane?"
"Everyday. Actually, more than once a day. I figured that if it stopped the wolf component of invading the mind, it might stop the invasion of a recent bite. And it did." Ellie fell silent. She didn't know what to say. Severus was looking at her intensely.
Finally she said "You saved my life."
"I saved you from a cursed life" he said "although now, with your potion, I doubt any werewolf will be much of a danger anymore." And he was smiling.
"I never knew you thought so highly of my work." she said in a surprised voice.
"I don't usually say what I feel." he said, quietly. "I should have learned to do that by now."
And silence fell once more.
"I did it all out of " love, he completed inside, but he decided to say "faith in your competence, in your skills, in your work. Blind faith. It wasn't until I saw you here that I knew it had worked. Ellie, you saved yourself. All I had to do was believe in you."
"How can I ever repay you?"
This time, a fire seemed to have been lit in his eyes, warming them suddenly. He looked at her, deep down her eyes, took her hand passionately and, after a deep breath, he said, in a hoarse voice, "Forgive me."
Ellie immediately took her hand from his. She stepped back, saying "I don't know what you mean."
"You do." he said in a hurt voice. It looked like the young man he used to be was in front of her again, all his feelings and passion flowing freely.
"Forgive me, Ellie" and he looked desperate, too.
"I already have, you know that." she said simply. "But you know I can't forget."
"Why?! Why can't you forget a weakness, a mistake I've sorrowly regretted ever since? Isn't my suffering enough?" and more quietly he added "Isn't loosing you enough punishment?"
"You didn't loose me" she said in a cold voice. "I'm here, I'm talking to you, you can see me when you want to."
Severus said no more. He lost his voice and when Ellie said "I have to go, Severus. Thanks for being there for me." he didn't even react. He knew it was no good to argue. As soon as she left, he seated at his desk and buried his head in his hands.
One moment of weakness can ruin a whole life. Can ruin so many lives. Can curse you forever.