~Always and Forever~
Disclaimer: The only thing that I own that is Lizzie McGuire related is 4 video tapes of episodes that I taped myself that mysteriously have the wrong sound on them.stupid VCR. Stupid old-fashioned mother who won't but a DVD player.I'm perfectly all right.
Dear Diary,
I thought it was probably about time that I wrote in you again. Want to hear something really shocking? Miranda and Gordo hate me. It's been a week since we spoke. I tried to get them to talk to me but they just wont. I still don't know what it is that I've done. If I did know, then I'd apologise for it straight away, it must be something pretty serious if they won't even talk to me.
I hate seeing them walking down the corridors without me with them. They don't look overly happy that I'm not there, yet they don't look too upset either. I just wish they would talk to me. Everything's so messed up right now. I don't even know what to think.
I never thought I would be this miserable without my best friends. Of course, I haven't shown that I feel like absolute hell, I've put on a brave face and lived up to the role of Ethan's girlfriend. Infact, I think I am doing pretty well, considering how I feel. I have no one to talk too. Usually I'd talk to Miranda or Gordo but obviously I can't talk to them. Mum is out of the question because I know whatever she tells me will be the right thing and I'm not sure that I want to do the right thing. When I think about it, I am pretty mad at the both of them. They are being really immature about the whole thing. I see them at lunch, heads bent in conversation and I feel so jealous. I know that I belong with them and not the Cheerleaders, but it's what I've always wanted. I should be grateful that they've seen me for me. But have they really? Sometimes it's obvious that it's all about the popularity business.
It makes me wonder if anyone popular really has true friends. The Three Amigo's may never have been popular but at least they knew what they wanted from their friends. We were popular in our own way. People didn't despise us; we were liked to a fair standard. Except by Kate but what can you do?
I just want to talk to my friends again, but at the same time, I like having different friends. Even if some of them don't remember my name from lunch to lunch.
On the upside, Ethan's plan is coming along nicely. It's nice to have a friendly face amongst it all. We can talk about our problems. Ethan may not be the smartest person I know but he does have some good advice ever now and then. I've seen Kate glaring at us lately. If I'm in a particularly nasty mood, I'll hug Ethan and run my hands through his hair because I know that that's what she wants to do and that it's killing her because she's unpopular and can't do it. If only she were popular, she could take my place. Sometimes, that's the only good thing about being away from Miranda and Gordo; I know that I am helping at least one of my friends.
I just wish my preferred friends didn't hate me.
I closed my diary slowly and a tear slid down my cheek and onto the cover of it. I brushed it off and placed it into my book bag. I wiped at my eyes and looked in the mirror on my vanity and smiled brightly at my reflection, if there's a smile on your face, then no one questions you. I had learnt this in the last week. If you put a smile on your face, fake or real, then no one asks you anything. I was glad that was the case, because I knew that if anyone were to ask me if I was all right, that I would break down in tears right then and there. I half-heartedly wished that Gordo and Miranda knew what I was going through.
I was walking to my Geography class when I was grabbed roughly by the arm and pulled into a classroom. I was about to scream when I saw the person that had grabbed me was Gordo. I frowned at him and watched as he sat down on the closest desk.
I stood there, not knowing what to do.
"Why are you doing this Lizzie?"
Huh?
"Doing what?" I asked him, taken completely by surprise.
He just looked at me, not saying anything. Suddenly my eyes opened in realization. He knew.
"You know." I said, not knowing whether to be angry or ashamed of myself.
"Yeah." He said looking at me carefully.
"How.how could you tell?" I asked shocked to learn that he knew.
"Come on Lizzie, I've known you all my life, I can read you like a book. The more you try to hide something, the more obvious it is." "Does.does anyone else know?"
"Of course not. Miranda hasn't even picked up on it. But I've seen you Lizzie. Seen you sitting with Ethan, with his arm around you and you supposedly having the time of your life. You're not. I see the smile slide off your face when no ones looking. I see you flinch when Ethan goes to put his arm around you. Why Lizzie, it's what you've always wanted. Now you've got it and it's not what you want. Or is it?"
I just stood there fiddling with my hands. What was I supposed to say to that? He was right, he can read me like a book. If that's the case then why can't he see what I feel about him? Wait.I mean, what I feel about losing him and Miranda. AND Miranda. Yeah.
"It's what I want," I said in the most unconvincing voice I've ever used. Gordo raised an eyebrow at me, clearly knowing that I was lying. Damn him. I give up.
"How come you hadn't said anything before now. How come you didn't expose me, it would have been the perfect way to get back at me. The perfect way for you to show everyone how much you hate me." I said quietly, on the verge of tears again.
"I don't hate you." He said, not looking exactly convinced by the words that were coming out of his mouth.
***
Dear Diary,
Me again. You are the only thing I can talk too. I have no one in human form that I can converse with so it will have to be to you with words.
I can't believe what I thought before. Why can't he see how I feel about him?! I don't feel anything like that about Gordo. Do I? I've asked myself this before and come up with the conclusion that he is just my best friend. Miranda is my best friend and I don't miss her nearly as much as I miss Gordo when he's away. Sure I miss Miranda too, but just not as much. With that said, maybe I do have feelings for Gordo. And they couldn't have come at a worse time. When we are fighting. Quite possibly he and Miranda will never talk to me again, so what chance do I have of him knowing how I feel. Maybe I should just tell him and make a fool out of myself at the same time. That would make things even worse. If he was thinking about forgiving me and then I told him that, he'd run a mile. Of course he could feel the same way about me. Deep deep deep down inside. Very very deep down.
What am I going to do now? I have no real friends and I may possibly be in love with my ex best friend. Life for me is rarely ever easy.
Utterly and completely screwed,
Lizzie.
So he doesn't hate me? Well that's what he said. I'm not sure if I believe him or not. Hell, I don't even think he believed what he said. He didn't look too convinced. Why me? Things never go the way they should for me. I'm not that much of a bad person am I?
Why did he come and ask me what I was doing? Why did he tell me that he knew? He'd been watching me all week, but why? I honestly thought that he wanted nothing to do with me. Why would he bother with what I was doing? Maybe he really did still care about me. God knows why. I don't even care about me anymore, why should Gordo?
***
Disclaimer: The only thing that I own that is Lizzie McGuire related is 4 video tapes of episodes that I taped myself that mysteriously have the wrong sound on them.stupid VCR. Stupid old-fashioned mother who won't but a DVD player.I'm perfectly all right.
Dear Diary,
I thought it was probably about time that I wrote in you again. Want to hear something really shocking? Miranda and Gordo hate me. It's been a week since we spoke. I tried to get them to talk to me but they just wont. I still don't know what it is that I've done. If I did know, then I'd apologise for it straight away, it must be something pretty serious if they won't even talk to me.
I hate seeing them walking down the corridors without me with them. They don't look overly happy that I'm not there, yet they don't look too upset either. I just wish they would talk to me. Everything's so messed up right now. I don't even know what to think.
I never thought I would be this miserable without my best friends. Of course, I haven't shown that I feel like absolute hell, I've put on a brave face and lived up to the role of Ethan's girlfriend. Infact, I think I am doing pretty well, considering how I feel. I have no one to talk too. Usually I'd talk to Miranda or Gordo but obviously I can't talk to them. Mum is out of the question because I know whatever she tells me will be the right thing and I'm not sure that I want to do the right thing. When I think about it, I am pretty mad at the both of them. They are being really immature about the whole thing. I see them at lunch, heads bent in conversation and I feel so jealous. I know that I belong with them and not the Cheerleaders, but it's what I've always wanted. I should be grateful that they've seen me for me. But have they really? Sometimes it's obvious that it's all about the popularity business.
It makes me wonder if anyone popular really has true friends. The Three Amigo's may never have been popular but at least they knew what they wanted from their friends. We were popular in our own way. People didn't despise us; we were liked to a fair standard. Except by Kate but what can you do?
I just want to talk to my friends again, but at the same time, I like having different friends. Even if some of them don't remember my name from lunch to lunch.
On the upside, Ethan's plan is coming along nicely. It's nice to have a friendly face amongst it all. We can talk about our problems. Ethan may not be the smartest person I know but he does have some good advice ever now and then. I've seen Kate glaring at us lately. If I'm in a particularly nasty mood, I'll hug Ethan and run my hands through his hair because I know that that's what she wants to do and that it's killing her because she's unpopular and can't do it. If only she were popular, she could take my place. Sometimes, that's the only good thing about being away from Miranda and Gordo; I know that I am helping at least one of my friends.
I just wish my preferred friends didn't hate me.
I closed my diary slowly and a tear slid down my cheek and onto the cover of it. I brushed it off and placed it into my book bag. I wiped at my eyes and looked in the mirror on my vanity and smiled brightly at my reflection, if there's a smile on your face, then no one questions you. I had learnt this in the last week. If you put a smile on your face, fake or real, then no one asks you anything. I was glad that was the case, because I knew that if anyone were to ask me if I was all right, that I would break down in tears right then and there. I half-heartedly wished that Gordo and Miranda knew what I was going through.
I was walking to my Geography class when I was grabbed roughly by the arm and pulled into a classroom. I was about to scream when I saw the person that had grabbed me was Gordo. I frowned at him and watched as he sat down on the closest desk.
I stood there, not knowing what to do.
"Why are you doing this Lizzie?"
Huh?
"Doing what?" I asked him, taken completely by surprise.
He just looked at me, not saying anything. Suddenly my eyes opened in realization. He knew.
"You know." I said, not knowing whether to be angry or ashamed of myself.
"Yeah." He said looking at me carefully.
"How.how could you tell?" I asked shocked to learn that he knew.
"Come on Lizzie, I've known you all my life, I can read you like a book. The more you try to hide something, the more obvious it is." "Does.does anyone else know?"
"Of course not. Miranda hasn't even picked up on it. But I've seen you Lizzie. Seen you sitting with Ethan, with his arm around you and you supposedly having the time of your life. You're not. I see the smile slide off your face when no ones looking. I see you flinch when Ethan goes to put his arm around you. Why Lizzie, it's what you've always wanted. Now you've got it and it's not what you want. Or is it?"
I just stood there fiddling with my hands. What was I supposed to say to that? He was right, he can read me like a book. If that's the case then why can't he see what I feel about him? Wait.I mean, what I feel about losing him and Miranda. AND Miranda. Yeah.
"It's what I want," I said in the most unconvincing voice I've ever used. Gordo raised an eyebrow at me, clearly knowing that I was lying. Damn him. I give up.
"How come you hadn't said anything before now. How come you didn't expose me, it would have been the perfect way to get back at me. The perfect way for you to show everyone how much you hate me." I said quietly, on the verge of tears again.
"I don't hate you." He said, not looking exactly convinced by the words that were coming out of his mouth.
***
Dear Diary,
Me again. You are the only thing I can talk too. I have no one in human form that I can converse with so it will have to be to you with words.
I can't believe what I thought before. Why can't he see how I feel about him?! I don't feel anything like that about Gordo. Do I? I've asked myself this before and come up with the conclusion that he is just my best friend. Miranda is my best friend and I don't miss her nearly as much as I miss Gordo when he's away. Sure I miss Miranda too, but just not as much. With that said, maybe I do have feelings for Gordo. And they couldn't have come at a worse time. When we are fighting. Quite possibly he and Miranda will never talk to me again, so what chance do I have of him knowing how I feel. Maybe I should just tell him and make a fool out of myself at the same time. That would make things even worse. If he was thinking about forgiving me and then I told him that, he'd run a mile. Of course he could feel the same way about me. Deep deep deep down inside. Very very deep down.
What am I going to do now? I have no real friends and I may possibly be in love with my ex best friend. Life for me is rarely ever easy.
Utterly and completely screwed,
Lizzie.
So he doesn't hate me? Well that's what he said. I'm not sure if I believe him or not. Hell, I don't even think he believed what he said. He didn't look too convinced. Why me? Things never go the way they should for me. I'm not that much of a bad person am I?
Why did he come and ask me what I was doing? Why did he tell me that he knew? He'd been watching me all week, but why? I honestly thought that he wanted nothing to do with me. Why would he bother with what I was doing? Maybe he really did still care about me. God knows why. I don't even care about me anymore, why should Gordo?
***