Chapter XXXII - The Words Unsaid
The huge hall was filled with rows and rows of small cabinets, pretty much like a parking lot that had telephone booths instead of cars. Out of one of them, every minute, especially during the early hours of the morning, a person would come out. It would be a strange sight for any Muggle, to see so many people coming out from telephone booths without anyone ever coming in! But for a wizard this would not be strange at all. For a wizard this would be a really well planed Apparating Hall, one of the few in Britain with so much traffic.
This Apparating routine was very common for every wizard who was using one of those booths and very few of them experienced the emotion that Ellie felt when she stepped out hers.
She looked around, amazed at how many Apparating spaces had been created since she had been there the last time. And all around her were wizards in a hurry to get upstairs, to the Potions Confederation Building.
She grabbed her letter inside her robes to make sure she still had it and that it wasn't a dream. Entering that building so many years after she had been expelled was filling her heart with emotions she could barely control.
Crossing the main entrance doors, she walked into a beautiful room over the immense ocean of black marble that was the floor. She contemplated the walls and the ceiling, walking slowly, enjoying every bit of being back.
She noticed there were a lot of young wizards she had never met and, approaching the counter, she noticed she didn't know the reception witch as well.
"May I help you?" say the plump witch.
"Yes" and Ellie took the letter from her robes "I'm here to accept the invitation to participate in the Creative Potions Awards."
"Corridor A, to your left, sec-"
"Second door on the right, yes" smiled Ellie "I know." she said with unsuppressed emotion.
And before the witch could say anything, she walked confidently to the room.
If Ellie was expecting a big and warming welcome from some of the older members she did know, she was sadly and quickly removed from the thought.
As she entered corridor A, she came across Ametist Finn, but if she recognised Ellie she certainly didn't show. Ellie, who was about to greet her when she turned around, looked a bit disappointed. "I wasn't gone for that long." she thought to herself. But she found, before reaching the second door to the right, that another two wizards seemed to have forgotten who she was.
Ellie shrugged and knocked at the door. The door opened and Ellie walked in. She found a wizard looking for something behind the balcony.
"Hum. Hi!" said Ellie.
The wizard quickly stood up, smiling, but upon seeing her he could not pretend, like the others, that he didn't recognise her. In fact, he made such a frightened face when he saw her that Ellie was sure something fishy was going on.
"Oh! Hello. Miss." and the wizard waited for her to introduce herself.
"Why, Chester, I never thought that you could forget me." said Ellie sarcastically.
"Oh! It's you, Ellie!" and he made a big gesture as if he had just remembered who she was.
"Wow, Chester, your memory is almost as good as your lies." she said coldly.
"And to what do I owe the honour?" he asked visibly touched by her sarcasm.
Ellie merely put the letter in the balcony. Chester looked at it as if it was the first time he was seeing it.
"Oh! So you've been invited to participate-"
"Yes, Chester, I have. Can we just hurry up with the formalities?" interrupted Ellie, who was getting bored of his "Oh!"s.
Chester quickly took the paper and disappeared behind a door.
There was a knock on the door and, opening, Ellie heard someone walking in but she didn't even bother to turn around and look. She was now sure that everyone would choose to ignore that she existed.
However-
"I'm very pleased to see you here." she heard a man's voice saying.
She quickly turned around, smiling. "Sevy, finally a friendly face."
"Not a very warm welcome I suppose." he said.
"No. not at all. Everyone just seems to have forgotten that I exist. I just met Ametist and she-"
"Here you are!" said Chester coming in. He suddenly noticed they were not alone and made a very worried look. "I'm sorry, Professor, sir."
"Chester is another one who only remembered me through great effort over his memory." she said annoyed.
"Can I get you anything, Professor Snape, sir?"
"Weren't you attending to the lady?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
"Huh."
"Yes, Chester, where are my papers?"
He quickly put them on the balcony and pointed the inumerous places where she had to sign.
"And, for you, sir?" he said as soon as Ellie started filling the form.
"Another one of these."
"Certainly, sir." and he disappeared behind the doors again.
"So," said Ellie "we're competing against each other. again." and she smiled.
"I guess so." said Severus "Finally I get my worthy opponent back." He looked at her very deeply and, after a moment of silence, said "It's good to have you back."
"It's good to be back." she said "Except for the part of people ignoring me."
"You can't blame them" he said with something that greatly resembled a sigh "The stories that were going around by the time that you left were not very good. Did you know your expulsion was voted in one of the meetings, while you were merely suspended?"
"No." she said.
"Well, there were not many votes in favour for you to stay. So your return, although a victory for you, is a defeat for many people here."
Ellie, not finding the words to express her sudden sadness, went back to her form and signed one last time.
***
It was almost noon. Ellie and Severus had been chattering all morning in one of the Confederation's Cafes, receiving some reproachful looks now and then.
"As I have said before" said Severus "I'm most happy to see you entering the contest. I'm sure there will be no possible competition this year." he added "Although my potion for crossing the black fire is most effective, it is only a children's game. No practical use whatsoever. No one sets a black fire free for no reason. They are too complex to create and have almost no use. And no one in their right mind will want to cross one anyway."
"I don't think I will get many votes" she said, looking at another repressed scowl.
"Well, you will have mine." he said.
Ellie looked at him and suddenly became very serious.
"I'm sorry I ever thought that you could betray us."
"I'm sorry if I ever did anything that could lead you to think that I could."
Another moment of silence and then-
"Severus, I-"
"I know, Ellie. I have some things to take care as well."
And they both stood up and left. When they reached the parting of the ways, a few feet from the corridor door, Ellie turned to Severus and smiled.
"Sometimes it looks like you can read my mind." she said, with a wink.
Severus looked up from his crooked nose and faced Ellie. She felt a strange shiver go through her body when she met his dark eyes this time. He had that fire burning inside of them, the fire he used to have when he looked at her so many years before.
"I'm sorry if I had to enter your thoughts. inside the court room." he said.
"Oh, sure! I wasn't talking about that! I was. just kidding."
But an awkward silence fell between them.
"I mean" she said "if you hadn't done it, my testimony might have been less convincing. and Remus could have been." she couldn't even bring herself to say it. And Severus was still looking at her very closely. Ellie bit her lip. Severus took a step closer.
"I'd never been inside your mind before." he said.
Ellie felt her body quiver. She was suddenly very serious, as if trying to prevent him from entering her mind again, but she didn't say a thing, shaken by his words and by what he might have seen.
"I know now that Remus is more than a teenager's passion." he said, sadly. She was listening very closely. What else did he see?
"And that you have forgiven me for my. past."
Anxiously, she devoured his every word. Severus took yet another step closer. What else did he see?
"And I know" he said, almost smiling "that you want to name your child Severus, if it's a boy. But I'm sure she will be a girl, as beautiful and strong as you." Ellie wanted to talk, but she was still expecting him to say what else had he seen. Her lip was trembling in emotion and fear.
Severus was now so close she could almost see herself reflected in his eyes. He took her hand and slowly pulled her to him. She offered no resistance. When they were barely touching he said in no more than a whisper: "And I know now that all I need to do is say 3 magical words to make you think twice about your marriage."
Ellie felt her heart bumping hard, trying to jump out of her body. She knew that the "I love you" that he had never said in his life could plunge her heart in doubts and questions about what they were and what they could be. She had tried to hide it far and deep in her heart. but he had seen. he had read. he knew. She felt her hand tremble in his. Severus took a deep breath. He was fighting his own heart to be able to continue. "But I also know that that sort of doubt would only bring you pain and suffering. And I cannot let that happen. I." and he stopped. He wanted to say that he loved her too much to see it happening again. He took another deep breath. "You've suffered enough already. It is time for you to be happy. At last. And forever."
He turned to leave. Ellie was still trembling but before she could stop herself she grabbed him by the robes "Severus!" and embraced him. Severus felt her body tighten to his and he had to control every fibber of his body and of his heart to be able to stand by what he had said.
He felt she was melting in tears in his shoulder. When she released him she said "You don't need to say it anymore. I can see it in your eyes." And she gently touched his lips with her fingertips.
"Thank you." she managed to say through her tears. Severus gently cleaned her tears from her sweet face.
"Be happy, Ellie." he whispered "Be very happy."
Ellie smiled, and she let her hand touch his face for one last time, like she had done the day of their first kiss, and Severus, taking her hand to his lips closed his eyes and kissed her palm. Then he closed her hand and smiling he said "If you ever need me."
Ellie took her hand closer to her heart and said "I know where you'll be." And with a burning look, Severus summoned his every strength to turn around. He heard Ellie turning around and opening the door and he didn't resist the temptation to look at her again. She was leaving his life. forever.
The doors closed behind her but Severus was still looking at the door as if he could still see her when a young man approached him.
"Professor Snape! Just the man I wanted to see!"
Severus looked distractedly at him. It was Mike Duckie, the famous Dangerous Dragons' coach. He had a bottle in his hands with a deep purple liquid.
"I just wanted to thank you for the Healing Potion. My play- Are you alright, sir?" he asked, looking at the Potions Master lost look.
Severus smiled and said "Do you know what its like to have had only one true love in your entire life?"
Duckie felt a bit disconcerted, but answered "Uh. yes, sir.".
"Well, I think she knows it too."
And without another word, he turned around with a smile that expressed a man's ultimate happiness and left the Quidditch coach alone with his thoughts.
The huge hall was filled with rows and rows of small cabinets, pretty much like a parking lot that had telephone booths instead of cars. Out of one of them, every minute, especially during the early hours of the morning, a person would come out. It would be a strange sight for any Muggle, to see so many people coming out from telephone booths without anyone ever coming in! But for a wizard this would not be strange at all. For a wizard this would be a really well planed Apparating Hall, one of the few in Britain with so much traffic.
This Apparating routine was very common for every wizard who was using one of those booths and very few of them experienced the emotion that Ellie felt when she stepped out hers.
She looked around, amazed at how many Apparating spaces had been created since she had been there the last time. And all around her were wizards in a hurry to get upstairs, to the Potions Confederation Building.
She grabbed her letter inside her robes to make sure she still had it and that it wasn't a dream. Entering that building so many years after she had been expelled was filling her heart with emotions she could barely control.
Crossing the main entrance doors, she walked into a beautiful room over the immense ocean of black marble that was the floor. She contemplated the walls and the ceiling, walking slowly, enjoying every bit of being back.
She noticed there were a lot of young wizards she had never met and, approaching the counter, she noticed she didn't know the reception witch as well.
"May I help you?" say the plump witch.
"Yes" and Ellie took the letter from her robes "I'm here to accept the invitation to participate in the Creative Potions Awards."
"Corridor A, to your left, sec-"
"Second door on the right, yes" smiled Ellie "I know." she said with unsuppressed emotion.
And before the witch could say anything, she walked confidently to the room.
If Ellie was expecting a big and warming welcome from some of the older members she did know, she was sadly and quickly removed from the thought.
As she entered corridor A, she came across Ametist Finn, but if she recognised Ellie she certainly didn't show. Ellie, who was about to greet her when she turned around, looked a bit disappointed. "I wasn't gone for that long." she thought to herself. But she found, before reaching the second door to the right, that another two wizards seemed to have forgotten who she was.
Ellie shrugged and knocked at the door. The door opened and Ellie walked in. She found a wizard looking for something behind the balcony.
"Hum. Hi!" said Ellie.
The wizard quickly stood up, smiling, but upon seeing her he could not pretend, like the others, that he didn't recognise her. In fact, he made such a frightened face when he saw her that Ellie was sure something fishy was going on.
"Oh! Hello. Miss." and the wizard waited for her to introduce herself.
"Why, Chester, I never thought that you could forget me." said Ellie sarcastically.
"Oh! It's you, Ellie!" and he made a big gesture as if he had just remembered who she was.
"Wow, Chester, your memory is almost as good as your lies." she said coldly.
"And to what do I owe the honour?" he asked visibly touched by her sarcasm.
Ellie merely put the letter in the balcony. Chester looked at it as if it was the first time he was seeing it.
"Oh! So you've been invited to participate-"
"Yes, Chester, I have. Can we just hurry up with the formalities?" interrupted Ellie, who was getting bored of his "Oh!"s.
Chester quickly took the paper and disappeared behind a door.
There was a knock on the door and, opening, Ellie heard someone walking in but she didn't even bother to turn around and look. She was now sure that everyone would choose to ignore that she existed.
However-
"I'm very pleased to see you here." she heard a man's voice saying.
She quickly turned around, smiling. "Sevy, finally a friendly face."
"Not a very warm welcome I suppose." he said.
"No. not at all. Everyone just seems to have forgotten that I exist. I just met Ametist and she-"
"Here you are!" said Chester coming in. He suddenly noticed they were not alone and made a very worried look. "I'm sorry, Professor, sir."
"Chester is another one who only remembered me through great effort over his memory." she said annoyed.
"Can I get you anything, Professor Snape, sir?"
"Weren't you attending to the lady?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
"Huh."
"Yes, Chester, where are my papers?"
He quickly put them on the balcony and pointed the inumerous places where she had to sign.
"And, for you, sir?" he said as soon as Ellie started filling the form.
"Another one of these."
"Certainly, sir." and he disappeared behind the doors again.
"So," said Ellie "we're competing against each other. again." and she smiled.
"I guess so." said Severus "Finally I get my worthy opponent back." He looked at her very deeply and, after a moment of silence, said "It's good to have you back."
"It's good to be back." she said "Except for the part of people ignoring me."
"You can't blame them" he said with something that greatly resembled a sigh "The stories that were going around by the time that you left were not very good. Did you know your expulsion was voted in one of the meetings, while you were merely suspended?"
"No." she said.
"Well, there were not many votes in favour for you to stay. So your return, although a victory for you, is a defeat for many people here."
Ellie, not finding the words to express her sudden sadness, went back to her form and signed one last time.
***
It was almost noon. Ellie and Severus had been chattering all morning in one of the Confederation's Cafes, receiving some reproachful looks now and then.
"As I have said before" said Severus "I'm most happy to see you entering the contest. I'm sure there will be no possible competition this year." he added "Although my potion for crossing the black fire is most effective, it is only a children's game. No practical use whatsoever. No one sets a black fire free for no reason. They are too complex to create and have almost no use. And no one in their right mind will want to cross one anyway."
"I don't think I will get many votes" she said, looking at another repressed scowl.
"Well, you will have mine." he said.
Ellie looked at him and suddenly became very serious.
"I'm sorry I ever thought that you could betray us."
"I'm sorry if I ever did anything that could lead you to think that I could."
Another moment of silence and then-
"Severus, I-"
"I know, Ellie. I have some things to take care as well."
And they both stood up and left. When they reached the parting of the ways, a few feet from the corridor door, Ellie turned to Severus and smiled.
"Sometimes it looks like you can read my mind." she said, with a wink.
Severus looked up from his crooked nose and faced Ellie. She felt a strange shiver go through her body when she met his dark eyes this time. He had that fire burning inside of them, the fire he used to have when he looked at her so many years before.
"I'm sorry if I had to enter your thoughts. inside the court room." he said.
"Oh, sure! I wasn't talking about that! I was. just kidding."
But an awkward silence fell between them.
"I mean" she said "if you hadn't done it, my testimony might have been less convincing. and Remus could have been." she couldn't even bring herself to say it. And Severus was still looking at her very closely. Ellie bit her lip. Severus took a step closer.
"I'd never been inside your mind before." he said.
Ellie felt her body quiver. She was suddenly very serious, as if trying to prevent him from entering her mind again, but she didn't say a thing, shaken by his words and by what he might have seen.
"I know now that Remus is more than a teenager's passion." he said, sadly. She was listening very closely. What else did he see?
"And that you have forgiven me for my. past."
Anxiously, she devoured his every word. Severus took yet another step closer. What else did he see?
"And I know" he said, almost smiling "that you want to name your child Severus, if it's a boy. But I'm sure she will be a girl, as beautiful and strong as you." Ellie wanted to talk, but she was still expecting him to say what else had he seen. Her lip was trembling in emotion and fear.
Severus was now so close she could almost see herself reflected in his eyes. He took her hand and slowly pulled her to him. She offered no resistance. When they were barely touching he said in no more than a whisper: "And I know now that all I need to do is say 3 magical words to make you think twice about your marriage."
Ellie felt her heart bumping hard, trying to jump out of her body. She knew that the "I love you" that he had never said in his life could plunge her heart in doubts and questions about what they were and what they could be. She had tried to hide it far and deep in her heart. but he had seen. he had read. he knew. She felt her hand tremble in his. Severus took a deep breath. He was fighting his own heart to be able to continue. "But I also know that that sort of doubt would only bring you pain and suffering. And I cannot let that happen. I." and he stopped. He wanted to say that he loved her too much to see it happening again. He took another deep breath. "You've suffered enough already. It is time for you to be happy. At last. And forever."
He turned to leave. Ellie was still trembling but before she could stop herself she grabbed him by the robes "Severus!" and embraced him. Severus felt her body tighten to his and he had to control every fibber of his body and of his heart to be able to stand by what he had said.
He felt she was melting in tears in his shoulder. When she released him she said "You don't need to say it anymore. I can see it in your eyes." And she gently touched his lips with her fingertips.
"Thank you." she managed to say through her tears. Severus gently cleaned her tears from her sweet face.
"Be happy, Ellie." he whispered "Be very happy."
Ellie smiled, and she let her hand touch his face for one last time, like she had done the day of their first kiss, and Severus, taking her hand to his lips closed his eyes and kissed her palm. Then he closed her hand and smiling he said "If you ever need me."
Ellie took her hand closer to her heart and said "I know where you'll be." And with a burning look, Severus summoned his every strength to turn around. He heard Ellie turning around and opening the door and he didn't resist the temptation to look at her again. She was leaving his life. forever.
The doors closed behind her but Severus was still looking at the door as if he could still see her when a young man approached him.
"Professor Snape! Just the man I wanted to see!"
Severus looked distractedly at him. It was Mike Duckie, the famous Dangerous Dragons' coach. He had a bottle in his hands with a deep purple liquid.
"I just wanted to thank you for the Healing Potion. My play- Are you alright, sir?" he asked, looking at the Potions Master lost look.
Severus smiled and said "Do you know what its like to have had only one true love in your entire life?"
Duckie felt a bit disconcerted, but answered "Uh. yes, sir.".
"Well, I think she knows it too."
And without another word, he turned around with a smile that expressed a man's ultimate happiness and left the Quidditch coach alone with his thoughts.