A/N I do not own anything in this story
Wow, so many reviews, within the first, like, twenty minutes of posting! I am so impressed… that's like, a new record for me; maybe I should write humor fics more often? Anyway, thanks to The Second Geek… I'd be willing to bet I owe my reviews to you, thanks so very much, also to penguingirl-777… your review was strange… you… liked it? I… think so… um… anyway, thanks for reviewing. Also to AbbieNormal182… hi, you didn't log in but I know it was you, thanks. Sparrow Quill… buried deep inside everyone is some insanity… mine only comes out in stories like these, and occasionally in my bio, because I keep changing it, um… Yeah, and I'm sure that in everyone's heart is a little bit of hatred for birds. Personally, I think birds are okay… but one of my friends has a bird that has a bit of a temper, so… my general image of birds is not a good one. I figured that Jack would hate anything if it annoyed him.
Thanks to lemluvspirates and TortillaInLuv… I'm glad you both liked it. And thanks to XtineSparrowDepp… I like yer stories too, savvy?
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm running out of inspiration and I'm not sure if this chapter will be as good as the first one apparently was. Enjoy.
***~***
Woke up alone on a beach.
Actually, I'm a little freaked out… there is nobody here, I have a headache, and I don't know how I got here. The sun is just peaking over the distant horizon, sending a little bit of color around… shame I don't have any company to enjoy it with. That'd be really nice.
This brings me back to confusion. The last time I woke up on a beach it was after a night of frisky fun with pleasurable company.
Where did she go? She should be here somewhere… Dang it, I can't remember her name… come to think of it, I don't even remember what she looks like! Damn, I'm going to be in trouble when she gets back, I'll have to blame it on something… wait…
I'm still wearing my clothes.
Confusion…
So there must be another reason why I'm here. So, maybe there was no girl… maybe the Pearl was shipwrecked or something and now I'm washed up on this beach. Yeah, I bet that was it…
No… no, that can't be it. I'd remember if something happened to my beautiful Pearl.
No, I'd kill something if something happened to my beautiful Pearl.
Have I killed anything lately? I can't really remember what happened last night… was I already on this beach last night?
I think I was. I remember lots and lots of rum and…
There was a bird that kept attacking me, provoking me on and on and on and on and on and I almost shot it but I didn't want to waste my one shot…
*gasp*
Shit. I remember now.
Did I end up using that shot? I sure hope not… I really, really need it right about now… wait a minute… I remember lots of rum, so where is all that rum now? I must find it…
***
Searched everywhere. No rum to be found.
***
Ha! I found it! Finally! But… I accidentally fell into the trapdoor. And broke my ankle.
Of course, I am the great Captain Jack Sparrow, I laugh at pain and grin at death…
Yeah, if there's one thing I've learned, you never, EVER laugh at death, he doesn't like it, hahaha…
So anyway, like I was saying, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, so if I wanted to, I could just climb out of here, with my amazing strength and willpower…
But I don't really feel like it. No. If I wanted to, I would, but I don't want to, so there. Well, anyway, I fell in here a little while ago and started drinking, but this bottle I just opened isn't very strong, not strong enough. I think I need another…
But you have to understand, this is strictly to get rid of the pain, see, because my ankle hurts.
I mean, no, I didn't say that. I drink for pleasure, I laugh at pain! Hahaha, take that pain! *hic* Die, pain! *hic*
I'm getting sort of hungry. But believe me, if I wanted to climb out and find food, I would, I just don't feel like it. I'm not a sissy; I just don't feel like it.
But what would be nice is if that little bird would just sort of… fly over the door of the trapdoor, so I could get out my pistol and…
Damn bird, never around when you need it. I swear to god that if I ever find it, it's going to die.
Funny how when you want things to be there, they never are, but when you want things to go away, they won't? Have you ever noticed that Sally? Hahaha, I remember that girls name now, it was Sally. Sally, the one who was with me on the beach last night… I wonder where she went.
Oooh, scary… have you ever noticed that when the sky gets dark, the clouds are all… freaky? *hic*
Where did my hat go?
I know I put it somewhere. Where did I put it?
Crap. I lost my hat.
No… you know what? I bet that bird took it, and now it's sitting in the stupid things nest, and that bird is pooping all over it and when I finally get it back, after I've shot the damn thing, it'll be all white and crusty… what kind of a pirate has a white crusty hat? That bird had better not have diarrhea… I will not have a purple and brown and green crusty hat… hahaha, what if one of those lobster backs had to wear a green and purple and brown crusty hat… the look on his face, I will never forget it. *hic*
Oh.
I found my hat.
It was on my head. Isn't that funny, how things work out to be okay? Everything is just… okay. Hahaha…
And the best part is, now that I'm here, in this trapdoor, I won't have to look for my rum in the *hic* morning.
So, why would I want to climb out of here? I mean, what stupid idiot might want to climb out of a place that is simply full of rum?
I wouldn't. And… I don't feel like doing it.
So there.
I *hic* won't.
*hic*
*hic*
I'm really hungry.
*hic*
*hic*
Just in case someone cares.
*hic*
*hic*