Disclaimer: I don't own Legolas, although I wish I did, or any other
character or part of the Lord of The Rings. Don't sue me please, I'm too
young to go bankrupt.
A long time ago, in a land far far away, there lived a very hot Elf. As everyone knows, or should know if they have any Elvish knowledge in their mortal little brains, his name was Legolas Greenleaf, for that is the only name a hot Elf may obtain. Not only was Legolas extremely hot, but he also had the intelligence of a very smart, intelligent, immortal, thing. This is his story, told through his own words, translated into English.
The Diarie of Lego
a story about an Elf who possessed unspeakable hotness
26, December, some year
Mother and Father…whoops, Mother died a while ago so I guess just Father… gave me a diary for Christmas. Cheap bastard. You'd think being the son of the king of Greenwood would make Christmas a time to receive tons of nice Elvish gifts, but what do I get? A bunch of paper fastened together and called a "diary". Who the hell invented this stupid "diary" anyway? What's the point of writing down thoughts and feelings on paper? I'm an Elf goddamnit, I don't need to write down my thoughts and feelings. I remember the exact "thoughts and feelings" I was thinking and feeling the day my pretty self was born. Screw the damn diary. I'm gonna go stare at my pretty face in Galadriel's water pool thing.
5, January, some year
Shot a couple of Orcs today who strayed into Greenwood. Stupid Orcs. You'd think all those Elvish trees would scare them off. But noooooo. I think I shall suggest to Father that we put up "deadly Elves, enter at own risk" signs at entrance to Greenwood. Father might not believe me to be so deadly anymore because I was 0.00012 cm away from the target's exact middle yesterday. Damn hangover.
Partied last night. Yes I know, I shall show a bad example to the young mortal minds that might read this, but I'm the Prince of Greenwood damnit, and I say the hell with those stupid corruptible mortal minds.
Random Annoying Elvish fact: Big ass spiders and Orcs make a bad mix in Greenwood. Father had to rename Greenwood to the ugly yet (word I forget) Mirkwood. Hmm…Prince of Mirkwood… Prince of Greenwood… Green… Mirk… Green… Mirk… Mirk… hmm… kinda catchy ain't it? Must congratulate Father on great name change. Very Elvish.
Ok, that's it… this blasted hangover is annoying the shit out of me. I must commence in great Elvish therapy before my pretty head explodes.
10, January, some year
I've desided that… today is not a day for wasting time writing.
18, January, some year
I think I might like myself too much, I stared at myself in the mirror for 8 hours straight… I'm so pretty.
3, March, some year
Father…ugh. I can't understand him. He's taken ill, Elves don't get sick! He brings shame to our species. I must take his place at the Council Of The Elves. We are to discuss something about something. Probably another darklord trying to take over Middle Earth. There's too many of those bastards these days. I should unlease the fury of the Elves on them all. Bows unite!
There are supposed to be Dwarves at the council. Damn midgets. Too short to do anything but short creature… things. Stupid Dwarves. Who invented them anyways… I mean COME ON!
A long time ago, in a land far far away, there lived a very hot Elf. As everyone knows, or should know if they have any Elvish knowledge in their mortal little brains, his name was Legolas Greenleaf, for that is the only name a hot Elf may obtain. Not only was Legolas extremely hot, but he also had the intelligence of a very smart, intelligent, immortal, thing. This is his story, told through his own words, translated into English.
The Diarie of Lego
a story about an Elf who possessed unspeakable hotness
26, December, some year
Mother and Father…whoops, Mother died a while ago so I guess just Father… gave me a diary for Christmas. Cheap bastard. You'd think being the son of the king of Greenwood would make Christmas a time to receive tons of nice Elvish gifts, but what do I get? A bunch of paper fastened together and called a "diary". Who the hell invented this stupid "diary" anyway? What's the point of writing down thoughts and feelings on paper? I'm an Elf goddamnit, I don't need to write down my thoughts and feelings. I remember the exact "thoughts and feelings" I was thinking and feeling the day my pretty self was born. Screw the damn diary. I'm gonna go stare at my pretty face in Galadriel's water pool thing.
5, January, some year
Shot a couple of Orcs today who strayed into Greenwood. Stupid Orcs. You'd think all those Elvish trees would scare them off. But noooooo. I think I shall suggest to Father that we put up "deadly Elves, enter at own risk" signs at entrance to Greenwood. Father might not believe me to be so deadly anymore because I was 0.00012 cm away from the target's exact middle yesterday. Damn hangover.
Partied last night. Yes I know, I shall show a bad example to the young mortal minds that might read this, but I'm the Prince of Greenwood damnit, and I say the hell with those stupid corruptible mortal minds.
Random Annoying Elvish fact: Big ass spiders and Orcs make a bad mix in Greenwood. Father had to rename Greenwood to the ugly yet (word I forget) Mirkwood. Hmm…Prince of Mirkwood… Prince of Greenwood… Green… Mirk… Green… Mirk… Mirk… hmm… kinda catchy ain't it? Must congratulate Father on great name change. Very Elvish.
Ok, that's it… this blasted hangover is annoying the shit out of me. I must commence in great Elvish therapy before my pretty head explodes.
10, January, some year
I've desided that… today is not a day for wasting time writing.
18, January, some year
I think I might like myself too much, I stared at myself in the mirror for 8 hours straight… I'm so pretty.
3, March, some year
Father…ugh. I can't understand him. He's taken ill, Elves don't get sick! He brings shame to our species. I must take his place at the Council Of The Elves. We are to discuss something about something. Probably another darklord trying to take over Middle Earth. There's too many of those bastards these days. I should unlease the fury of the Elves on them all. Bows unite!
There are supposed to be Dwarves at the council. Damn midgets. Too short to do anything but short creature… things. Stupid Dwarves. Who invented them anyways… I mean COME ON!