20, March, some year
Have arrived at Rivendell. There seems to be 4 hobbits prancing about. Cute little things. Elrond seems to think he's prettier than me. Stupid Elf. He's been wearing a tiara instead of a crown, and earlier today I saw him wearing a purple dress. I think he's an exception to the "Elves can't be gay" rule.
(later)Just came back from Council. It seems that I have agreed to go on a quest to destroy some ring of power Sauron once possessed. Oh yes I remember the legend. Stupid corruptible mortal minds. Elves are SO much better than men, I mean think of the facts… when was the last time you saw an Elf refuse to save the world? HA! That's what I thought. Elves' minds can't get corrupted, and you know it! Ok, maybe there was that one Elf… no my bad, that was a Dwarf. Then there was this other time… nope that was a Dwarf. OH! There was ONE Elf… what's his name?! No, I'm wrong again… that was another Dwarf. I think you can guess by now that Dwarves' minds are very easily corrupted. Stupid Dwarves. When will they learn that evil is a BAD thing?
24, March, some year
We're heading towards Carahadas or however you spell it. That big snowwy mountain thing. I can't wait! I'll get to show off my ability to walk ON TOP of snow to Aragorn. God he's hot. Oh shit! Did I just say what I think I just said? No, I didn't… just my imagination. Damnit I am NOT gay!!!!!!!! Everyone in the fellowship seems to like Frodo as more than a friend. Poor little hobbit. Now he must deal with an evil ring AND a bunch of gay fellowship members. Stupid fellowship members… don't they know that Frodo is TOTALLY Sam's? I mean how stupid do you have to be to not see the "vibes" between those two? DUH! They are SO a couple.
30, March, some year
Today was SO not a cool day. I went hunting for food earlier today, and kept missing my targets. I was so fucking pissed off! When I looked down I realized I was holding my bow upside down. Must convince bow company to write "this side up" on all future lines of Elf bows. In more interesting news: I discovered a working television in the river today. Quite a coincidence really, considering that televisions don't exist in Middle Earth. Also something I am wondering about… how the hell do I know what it's called?
3, April, some year
Aragorn becoming extremely smelly. He hasn't showered since we left Rivendell… actually … he hasn't quite showered or bathed at all since about 2 years ago. His stench almost threw off my wonderful aim at a passing Orc earlier today. Stupid Man. Am SO glad Elves have the god given instincts to bath daily at least once. Boromir attempted to steal the tacky ring Frodo has to carry to Mordor. I don't think he gets it. If we're on a mission to DESTROY the ring, why would he want to keep it for himself to do good in Gondor? Yet another stupid mortal mind. You don't go on missions to destroy things that do good, DUH! You go on missions to destroy things that are evil and shall never do good to the Elves that live in Mirkwood. Things that don't help Elves are stupid and pointless, oh and must be destroyed in the pits of Mount Doom. EVERYONE knows THAT.
Have arrived at Rivendell. There seems to be 4 hobbits prancing about. Cute little things. Elrond seems to think he's prettier than me. Stupid Elf. He's been wearing a tiara instead of a crown, and earlier today I saw him wearing a purple dress. I think he's an exception to the "Elves can't be gay" rule.
(later)Just came back from Council. It seems that I have agreed to go on a quest to destroy some ring of power Sauron once possessed. Oh yes I remember the legend. Stupid corruptible mortal minds. Elves are SO much better than men, I mean think of the facts… when was the last time you saw an Elf refuse to save the world? HA! That's what I thought. Elves' minds can't get corrupted, and you know it! Ok, maybe there was that one Elf… no my bad, that was a Dwarf. Then there was this other time… nope that was a Dwarf. OH! There was ONE Elf… what's his name?! No, I'm wrong again… that was another Dwarf. I think you can guess by now that Dwarves' minds are very easily corrupted. Stupid Dwarves. When will they learn that evil is a BAD thing?
24, March, some year
We're heading towards Carahadas or however you spell it. That big snowwy mountain thing. I can't wait! I'll get to show off my ability to walk ON TOP of snow to Aragorn. God he's hot. Oh shit! Did I just say what I think I just said? No, I didn't… just my imagination. Damnit I am NOT gay!!!!!!!! Everyone in the fellowship seems to like Frodo as more than a friend. Poor little hobbit. Now he must deal with an evil ring AND a bunch of gay fellowship members. Stupid fellowship members… don't they know that Frodo is TOTALLY Sam's? I mean how stupid do you have to be to not see the "vibes" between those two? DUH! They are SO a couple.
30, March, some year
Today was SO not a cool day. I went hunting for food earlier today, and kept missing my targets. I was so fucking pissed off! When I looked down I realized I was holding my bow upside down. Must convince bow company to write "this side up" on all future lines of Elf bows. In more interesting news: I discovered a working television in the river today. Quite a coincidence really, considering that televisions don't exist in Middle Earth. Also something I am wondering about… how the hell do I know what it's called?
3, April, some year
Aragorn becoming extremely smelly. He hasn't showered since we left Rivendell… actually … he hasn't quite showered or bathed at all since about 2 years ago. His stench almost threw off my wonderful aim at a passing Orc earlier today. Stupid Man. Am SO glad Elves have the god given instincts to bath daily at least once. Boromir attempted to steal the tacky ring Frodo has to carry to Mordor. I don't think he gets it. If we're on a mission to DESTROY the ring, why would he want to keep it for himself to do good in Gondor? Yet another stupid mortal mind. You don't go on missions to destroy things that do good, DUH! You go on missions to destroy things that are evil and shall never do good to the Elves that live in Mirkwood. Things that don't help Elves are stupid and pointless, oh and must be destroyed in the pits of Mount Doom. EVERYONE knows THAT.