DISCLAIMER: I Don't hate French people, I'm just rude about everyone!
"Hello, I'm all knowing. What do you want?" began the Oracle
"Err…hi, where are the cookies?" questioned Neo whilst trying not to look too gormless.
"Oh I'm sorry my dear, I've fed them all to the birds"
"Bitch"
"You can talk, you're about to embark on a tedious quest, and I shall mock you good"
"Quest?"
The Oracle woman hands Neo a dictionary and he looks for the word quest, meanwhile the Oracle woman continues.
"You have go and see Mr. Frency, the Merovingian. Demand the key maker then go to the door made of golden light, got that?"
Neo is reading the definition of quest. He looks up and nods slowly
"Good, now here have some candy," said the Oracle woman
"Ohh thanks." Said Neo, who swallowed it without taking of the wrapping paper
"This candy is awful," complained Neo
The Oracle woman sighed, then got up and left
Neo was all alone. He finished his candy and then started to look up rude words in the dictionary and giggled like a schoolgirl at some of them.
Then from nowhere, Agent Smith appeared and walked towards Neo
"Hi, I'm dangerous. I've come to talk about purpose and exiled programs."
"You know I don't understand what the hell you are on about so lets just fight"
"Suits me" replied Smith
Smith stuck his hand into Neo, looking angry.
"Smith, don't touch there!" screamed Neo
Smith looked embarrassed, and raised his hand and slammed it this time into Neo's stomach and returned to looking angry.
Neo smacked Smith in the face, who went flying backwards into a wall. Then lots more Smiths came along.
"Awww crap" moaned Neo
A long fight began, involving lots of punching, kicking and flying Smith clones. After a while, the Smith clones piled on Neo
"It is inevitable," said Smith
Neo whined then burst out and flew away.
The Smith clones shook their fists at the sky in an angry and threatening manner.
"Crap, he got away," said Smith
"Yes, away" said a clone
"Oh well we can convert him into a clone later" said another clone
"Yes, convert," continued yet another clone
"Silence clones!" demanded Smith. "I'm off to turn innocent people into me, now come along!"
Smith led the way and the other clones followed him off.
LATER ON
"Urgh, I'm really tired," exclaimed Neo
"How come Smith is alive, didn't you jump inside him and explode him?" questioned a rather confused Morpheus
"Yes, but now he is back and with clones, look I'm too stupid to give you a decent explanation considering I have absolutely no idea what Smith was talking about"
(Wait till he meets the architect!)
"Oh well what a shame, never mind" said Trinity.
"Right, I'm off to bend spoons, bye," announced Neo suddenly.
MEANWHILE
"The machines are tunnelling to avoid our defences," said Lock
"Hi, I'm old. What do you intend to do about it?" said councillor Hamann
"We will get lots of people with guns and shoot them" said Lock
"Ok, sounds good." Said Hamann
"Why didn't the machines think to do this earlier?" questioned some extra
(Long silence)
"Well?" the extra asked again
(Continued silence)
ELSEWHERE
"Of all the people we would have to deal with, and we have to see that French guy the Merovingian. I seriously have no idea what he is on about," complained Neo
"Lets face it baby, you don't understand jack," laughed Trinity
"Oh yeah, at least I don't dive out of a window like a pillock and get shot in the stomach by Agent Thompson!" shot back Neo
Trinity is abruptly quiet. Morpheus appears, and the three enter an elevator
"What can you see Neo?" asks Morpheus
"Your ass"
"No you prick, go into green code view and tell me what you can see"
"Hmmm… everything is so green (Morpheus sighs) it's different"
"Oh for god sake, good or bad" shrieked Trinity
"Well, since this place is shit-loaded with bombs I'd say bad"
The doors open
"Hello, I'm an extra, why are you lot here," asked an extra
"Hello, we are here to see the Merovingian." Exclaimed Morpheus
"Ok, follow me"
The extra leads Morpheus, Neo and Trinity to the Merovingian
"Hi, I'm French. Before I talk about causality, why, reason and taking pisses let me introduce you to my hot bitch Persephone.
Neo drools, Morpheus drools, and then Trinity drools.
"Trin, why are you drooling!!" asked Neo concerned
"Well since you guys were, I thought I'd join in"
Neo looks at her weird for a while and then the Merovingian begins to talk
"Hello, I'm French. Want some French wine, in a French glass?"
The three shake their head.
"Ah well, I like French stuff, what with me being French and all. Now what do you want anyways?"
"We want the keymaker," replied Morpheus, wiping the drool from his mouth
"Do you know why you want him?"
"Yeah" began Neo "cause we need him to win the war against the machines"
"Oh, well in that case you can't have him. I need to take a piss and indulge in some matrix sex so I will say adieu and goodbye."
"Well fuck you then!" shot Morpheus. The three get up and leave
"Well you don't need an IQ of 3 digits long to understand we fucked up" commented Neo as he and Trin and Morphy got back into the elevator and arsed off. When the doors open, low and behold, its Persephone looking as hot as ever!
"Hi, I'm fit. If you want the keymaker come with me"
"Hell yeah" cried Morpheus and Neo together, Trinity grumps and follows
Persephone leads them into a shitter. She puts on some lipstick and turns to Neo
"Enough talk, no kiss me"
Neo doesn't even hesitate "yes ma'am". Neo kisses her
"That was piss poor. Bye" said Persephone after the kiss
"Ok, ok, ok I was just testing. Now let us kiss with tongue!!!" replied Neo
Trinity spends the rest of the snogging scene being restrained by Morpheus.
"Wow, you rock at kissing, follow me if you want the key dude"
Persephone leads them around into a fine looking lavish hallway place thing, and into a room containing two vampire dudes.
"Hi vampires, I'm going to kill one of you!" remarked Persephone suddenly
She acquires a gun from her purse and shoots one of the vampires in the face
"Bitch!" shouted the other vampire.
"Either go and report my naughty act to the Merovingian or stay here and die too, asshole" shot back Persephone.
The other vampire abruptly leaves, Persephone stands around looking hot for a while then leads them through a bookcase and down into a prison cell where the keymaker dude is being kept. Neo opened the door.
"Hi, I make keys, have you come to rescue me?" questioned the keymaker
"Sure, why not" replied Neo
After freeing the keymaker dude, Neo Morphy, Trin and the keymaker dude return to the lavish hallway place, just in time to see the Merovingian storm in looking rather pissed off.
TO BE CONTINUED…
"Hello, I'm all knowing. What do you want?" began the Oracle
"Err…hi, where are the cookies?" questioned Neo whilst trying not to look too gormless.
"Oh I'm sorry my dear, I've fed them all to the birds"
"Bitch"
"You can talk, you're about to embark on a tedious quest, and I shall mock you good"
"Quest?"
The Oracle woman hands Neo a dictionary and he looks for the word quest, meanwhile the Oracle woman continues.
"You have go and see Mr. Frency, the Merovingian. Demand the key maker then go to the door made of golden light, got that?"
Neo is reading the definition of quest. He looks up and nods slowly
"Good, now here have some candy," said the Oracle woman
"Ohh thanks." Said Neo, who swallowed it without taking of the wrapping paper
"This candy is awful," complained Neo
The Oracle woman sighed, then got up and left
Neo was all alone. He finished his candy and then started to look up rude words in the dictionary and giggled like a schoolgirl at some of them.
Then from nowhere, Agent Smith appeared and walked towards Neo
"Hi, I'm dangerous. I've come to talk about purpose and exiled programs."
"You know I don't understand what the hell you are on about so lets just fight"
"Suits me" replied Smith
Smith stuck his hand into Neo, looking angry.
"Smith, don't touch there!" screamed Neo
Smith looked embarrassed, and raised his hand and slammed it this time into Neo's stomach and returned to looking angry.
Neo smacked Smith in the face, who went flying backwards into a wall. Then lots more Smiths came along.
"Awww crap" moaned Neo
A long fight began, involving lots of punching, kicking and flying Smith clones. After a while, the Smith clones piled on Neo
"It is inevitable," said Smith
Neo whined then burst out and flew away.
The Smith clones shook their fists at the sky in an angry and threatening manner.
"Crap, he got away," said Smith
"Yes, away" said a clone
"Oh well we can convert him into a clone later" said another clone
"Yes, convert," continued yet another clone
"Silence clones!" demanded Smith. "I'm off to turn innocent people into me, now come along!"
Smith led the way and the other clones followed him off.
LATER ON
"Urgh, I'm really tired," exclaimed Neo
"How come Smith is alive, didn't you jump inside him and explode him?" questioned a rather confused Morpheus
"Yes, but now he is back and with clones, look I'm too stupid to give you a decent explanation considering I have absolutely no idea what Smith was talking about"
(Wait till he meets the architect!)
"Oh well what a shame, never mind" said Trinity.
"Right, I'm off to bend spoons, bye," announced Neo suddenly.
MEANWHILE
"The machines are tunnelling to avoid our defences," said Lock
"Hi, I'm old. What do you intend to do about it?" said councillor Hamann
"We will get lots of people with guns and shoot them" said Lock
"Ok, sounds good." Said Hamann
"Why didn't the machines think to do this earlier?" questioned some extra
(Long silence)
"Well?" the extra asked again
(Continued silence)
ELSEWHERE
"Of all the people we would have to deal with, and we have to see that French guy the Merovingian. I seriously have no idea what he is on about," complained Neo
"Lets face it baby, you don't understand jack," laughed Trinity
"Oh yeah, at least I don't dive out of a window like a pillock and get shot in the stomach by Agent Thompson!" shot back Neo
Trinity is abruptly quiet. Morpheus appears, and the three enter an elevator
"What can you see Neo?" asks Morpheus
"Your ass"
"No you prick, go into green code view and tell me what you can see"
"Hmmm… everything is so green (Morpheus sighs) it's different"
"Oh for god sake, good or bad" shrieked Trinity
"Well, since this place is shit-loaded with bombs I'd say bad"
The doors open
"Hello, I'm an extra, why are you lot here," asked an extra
"Hello, we are here to see the Merovingian." Exclaimed Morpheus
"Ok, follow me"
The extra leads Morpheus, Neo and Trinity to the Merovingian
"Hi, I'm French. Before I talk about causality, why, reason and taking pisses let me introduce you to my hot bitch Persephone.
Neo drools, Morpheus drools, and then Trinity drools.
"Trin, why are you drooling!!" asked Neo concerned
"Well since you guys were, I thought I'd join in"
Neo looks at her weird for a while and then the Merovingian begins to talk
"Hello, I'm French. Want some French wine, in a French glass?"
The three shake their head.
"Ah well, I like French stuff, what with me being French and all. Now what do you want anyways?"
"We want the keymaker," replied Morpheus, wiping the drool from his mouth
"Do you know why you want him?"
"Yeah" began Neo "cause we need him to win the war against the machines"
"Oh, well in that case you can't have him. I need to take a piss and indulge in some matrix sex so I will say adieu and goodbye."
"Well fuck you then!" shot Morpheus. The three get up and leave
"Well you don't need an IQ of 3 digits long to understand we fucked up" commented Neo as he and Trin and Morphy got back into the elevator and arsed off. When the doors open, low and behold, its Persephone looking as hot as ever!
"Hi, I'm fit. If you want the keymaker come with me"
"Hell yeah" cried Morpheus and Neo together, Trinity grumps and follows
Persephone leads them into a shitter. She puts on some lipstick and turns to Neo
"Enough talk, no kiss me"
Neo doesn't even hesitate "yes ma'am". Neo kisses her
"That was piss poor. Bye" said Persephone after the kiss
"Ok, ok, ok I was just testing. Now let us kiss with tongue!!!" replied Neo
Trinity spends the rest of the snogging scene being restrained by Morpheus.
"Wow, you rock at kissing, follow me if you want the key dude"
Persephone leads them around into a fine looking lavish hallway place thing, and into a room containing two vampire dudes.
"Hi vampires, I'm going to kill one of you!" remarked Persephone suddenly
She acquires a gun from her purse and shoots one of the vampires in the face
"Bitch!" shouted the other vampire.
"Either go and report my naughty act to the Merovingian or stay here and die too, asshole" shot back Persephone.
The other vampire abruptly leaves, Persephone stands around looking hot for a while then leads them through a bookcase and down into a prison cell where the keymaker dude is being kept. Neo opened the door.
"Hi, I make keys, have you come to rescue me?" questioned the keymaker
"Sure, why not" replied Neo
After freeing the keymaker dude, Neo Morphy, Trin and the keymaker dude return to the lavish hallway place, just in time to see the Merovingian storm in looking rather pissed off.
TO BE CONTINUED…