It didn't take Meryl very long to lose the first match.
"Ack!" she protested as Vash silently dropped his bishop into a winning combination. She raised her hands to rub at her temples. "I told you I'm not really good at this."
"You weren't that bad," Vash replied as he retrieved all of the errant game pieces. "You just made a mistake seven moves back when you took my knight. I sacrificed it on purpose."
Meryl stared at her companion. "You remember what happened seven moves ago?" Vash nodded, concentrating on resetting the board. "See, now, that's why I'm no good at this game," she went on in a self-depreciating manner. Staring at him in wonder she asked, "How do you do it?"
Vash raised his eyes to meet hers with a confused look. "What, you mean remember stuff?" He shrugged, as if it wasn't important, and then went on in a mocking, high pitched voice, "You're the easily deceived type that sleeps on a tear-soaked pillow."
Meryl's jaw dropped. She would have been completely confused about what the hell he was talking about if the words he had said had not once come out of her own mouth. Mind you, they had come out of her mouth over ten years ago. She didn't even really remember the incident that had occasioned them, but she remembered the sentiment which had added a biting touch to their wit. Bending in half with her shock she managed to splutter out, "How . . . How did you." Meryl let her own question die on her lips and shook her head in open amazement.
Sitting up, she crossed her arms and looked at him seriously. "You have eidetic memory."
"Huh?"
Meryl almost smacked her forehead in sudden frustration. How could someone so obviously intelligent manage to sound so incredibly moronic? "Photographic memory. You remember things in exact reproduction, like a photograph." She gazed at him from under brows lowered in intense consideration. "Perfect," she added.
Vash flashed her a twisted smile and shrugged his shoulders yet again. "I guess." Meryl nodded in understanding. Suddenly a heck of a lot of things she hadn't understood before became a lot clearer. Sighing, she turned her attention to the new game. She wondered where she should move first. Then, realizing that it probably wouldn't make a difference one way or the other in the outcome of the game, she picked a piece to start at random.
Turning the board over to the outlaw, she took the time while he was focusing his attention on it to study him. She had known for a long time now that Vash was different, even so, she was always shocked whenever he did something that showed just exactly how special he was. She had to admit to being somewhat pleased that he remembered her as well as he did. Of course, there were some incidents from her travels that she would have preferred thinking he had forgotten. Certain times where she had smacked him a little roughly over the head even though he didn't really deserve it came to mind. And another instance involving her emerging from showering, not knowing that Vash was in their room losing all his money to Millie at cards. She had locked herself in the bathroom for hours afterwards, only coming out after Millie swore up and down that the wildly laughing outlaw she'd quickly ushered from the room had finally gone to bed.
'Vash the Stampede,' she thought to herself as he lowered himself to his stomach, hands under his chin, to get a better look at the board, 'I wonder what other secret talents you have.' Meryl raised her hands to her face to hide both her secretive smile and the heat rushing to her cheeks from her own forward thoughts. Vash was looking at her now, having taken his turn. Meryl suddenly felt that he could see right through her hands to the telltale pinkness of her cheeks. His eyes seemed to bore into her, until she felt almost naked before them.
Meryl was suddenly struck with a disturbing fear: What if he had X-ray vision as well?
She grimaced at her own insecurities. 'That's impossible Meryl. Oh yeah, then why's he staring at me like that, huh?' Meryl lowered her hands, crossing her arms over her chest, and hoped that her face didn't look as hot as it felt to her. 'The least he could do is try not to look so smug and amused. It's indecent.' His smile widened suddenly and, chortling softly, he dropped his head into an open palm. 'Laughing? He's laughing! What the hell is he laughing at?'
'Maybe he can read minds.'
'No, don't even go there Meryl.'
The night before she had been afraid to act her old self around him, scared he might run off and she'd never see him again. After spending a day in his company she was beginning to feel more secure about the stability of their relationship and its ability to survive minor altercations. She had the momentary urge to smack him one just on principle.
"And exactly what are you laughing at?" she asked a tad testily.
"You," he replied with all honesty. "Do you know your eyes change color when you're concentrating hard on something?" Meryl sensed an artful change of subject, but was too taken aback by the thought that he actually looked at her eyes to make a protest.
"They . . . they do?" she asked in a flattered tone.
"Ah huh, when you're angry too. They turn violet." Vash seemed to be studying the carpet intently. Meryl didn't know quite how she felt about the current situation. She had always been fascinated by Vash's eyes. The way they seemed to shine even in darkness, the way they could shift through all the layers of the blue and green spectrum, the way their edges softened whenever he was around children. It had never actually occurred to her that people might be interested in her own traits. Personally, she thought her eyes were pretty boring. A dull grey with only the slightest hint of blue, not even the striking silver of her mother's.
Vash was now picking at the threads of her carpet. She wondered how long she'd been sitting there thinking about their respective appearances and contributing to the uncomfortable silence pervading the room. A random thought suddenly occurred to her as she learned forward to make her move. It was a question she was somewhat wary of broaching to him, but it had been bouncing around in the back of her mind ever since she'd first talked to him the night before.
"Vash,?" she asked tentatively.
"Mmmhhmmm," he said reaching forward to finger a pawn.
"The other night you . . . you mentioned Knives." His head raised abruptly and he studied her. "I just . . .I was wondering. . ." Open eyes again. Accepting. Understanding. Pained. "What happened between you two."
His look sobered immediately. Making his move he flipped off of his stomach and raised himself to a sitting position, leaning back upon his palms. He seemed to be considering her question deeply. Meryl almost told him that it was okay, she didn't really need to know, but instead she held her tongue. It seemed, today, that she was making up for all the chances she'd had in the past to ask him something and, instead, backed off at the last moment.
"I found him not long after I left you two." There was a flatness to his voice. An automaton reciting a well known tale with no emotion in it whatsoever. "He was waiting." Vash closed his eyes and frowned remembering. "We fought. I won."
"I figured that much," said Meryl, feeling the need to let him off. Nodding, he continued quickly as if he had something he wanted to get off his chest.
"I didn't kill him, I kept my promise to myself, but . . ." here he trailed off with a faraway look. Face suffused with pain, he continued, "I hurt him real bad." Sighing, his mind elsewhere, Vash made his move without even bothering to look at the board. "I took him to a place where I could get him some medical attention. Where he'd be safe and I could keep an eye on him"
Meryl was suddenly furious. In her mind's eye she was remembering all the times she had cleaned Vash's wounds and set bandages to them. She remembered how, after the incident with Legato, she and Millie together had carried him off of the bluff. How Millie had rigged a stretcher to run between their thomases and the two of them had spent the next day trudging on foot beneath the unforgiving suns. Millie had led the pack animals while Meryl walked behind doing her best to shield his scarred and bruised face from the piercing rays with her cape. How they had been afraid to take him to the nearest town and instead trudged on for iles, finally finding refuge in a tiny ramshackle village. How she had stayed by his side day and night caring for him.
"You could have brought him to us, you know." Meryl's eyes were burning, half with anger and half in distress. "We brought you back halfway from the dead, was our treatment not good enough for your brother?" Meryl was on a roll now. Her anger was beginning to get the better of her at last. Ten years of wondering, ten years of asking herself what she'd done wrong. She would get the answer out of him at last. Her voice raising in outraged indignation she nearly shouted, "Didn't you trust us enough? Or was it just that you jumped at the excuse to get away from us?" Meryl's eyes were brimming with tears now. She tried to force them back, but the room was already swimming in her watery vision. Blinking away the blurry image of Vash staring shocked at her outburst, Meryl lowered her head shamefully.
She hadn't meant to speak like that. She had never meant to accuse him of anything, not when she owed him so much. But she had to know. Ten years is a long time to wait for the answer to one question. 'Why?' she cried silently to herself, 'Why was I not even worthy of a goodbye?'
"I couldn't go back." His voice was serious, steadied.
"Oh, is that so?" Meryl wiped tears angrily from her cheeks. Her face stung where they had made hot, salty tracks upon it.
"Yes."
The timbre of his voice drew Meryl's eyes to him against her will. All personal concerns and ten year old grudges left her mind at his appearance. Vash looked sick. His eyes looked flatter than she had ever seen them before, hidden beneath the stormy shadows of his brows. He was flipping a chess piece over and over in his hands, but not paying attention to it. It was almost as if he didn't even see the game board in front of him anymore. Instead he was staring at her.
"You didn't know Knives, Meryl. He was crazy. I didn't trust him even while he was still injured. I watched him day and night. Afterwards, it was years before I trusted him enough to even try to integrate him into society. He was a menace, a danger to all humanity." Vash shook his head. "I wasn't going to expose you two to that. Not anymore. No more pain and death. You'd already suffered through enough of that because of me." His eyes were still dull with anguish, but his overall expression exuded a sort of hope. Hope that she would understand his concern. That she would accept his answer as the only sensible option open to him.
" You don't understand at all! None of that stuff ever stopped us from following you before."
He shook his head. "Your job wasn't worth your life."
"I wasn't following you because of my job."
Vash blinked. He ducked his head to keep from meeting the intensity of her gaze.
"I know."
The room seemed suddenly oppressive. The air felt heavy enough to cut. Meryl almost choked on it. The temperature had dropped as well. She was trembling visibly. She gripped her knees to still her hands and gritted her teeth to stop them from chattering. Taking a deep calming breath like Millie had taught her, she steadied herself.
She would not cry.
It was bad enough that she had just been blubbering weakly before him. She should have known better, this is what comes from being emotional. This is what happens when you let go and listen to your feelings. This was why she always reacted to everything with anger. It was easier to control than sadness. It was easier to calm than despair. And it didn't hurt like this.
He had known.
She had suspected he might, but now it was certain. She could no longer make any excuses for him. He had known and he hadn't cared. Staring at the chessboard, it suddenly struck her how like real life it was. Not that war ever followed any strict rules like the ones the game imposed. No, instead it was like a cross section of the population. Little kings and pawns, going about their daily lives, never realizing that they were just the playthings of the immortals.
Really, what had she expected.
She gasped at the sense of his touch upon her cheek. She wanted to pull back, to slap him angrily away. Helpless even still, she turned to him as he ran the back of his real hand lightly down the side of her face. The touch was gentle and light. It reminded her strangely of feathers. He was gazing at her with that unnamable, intense look from before. This time, though, she set herself against him. She would not be drawn into those orbs again. It wasn't fair of him to tease her this way. It wasn't right to give someone a taste of paradise unless you were willing to give them the whole meal.
Her cupped her face in his hand. "You don't understand. I wasn't willing to risk you."
The world spun apart and came together again. The twin suns were born, exploding in showers of light and fire. Molten rock cooled into stone. Winds came, fast and furious, eating eagerly away at the rocks and leaving only sand. The winds, however, stayed. Whipping across barren plains where no life could grow they moaned into the emptiness, as if waiting for something. Above the horizon ran an unmarred expanse of sky. Bluer, even, than a lover's eyes.
Setting the first finger of his other hand at the base of his queen, he slid it carefully forward.
"Checkmate."
"Ack!" she protested as Vash silently dropped his bishop into a winning combination. She raised her hands to rub at her temples. "I told you I'm not really good at this."
"You weren't that bad," Vash replied as he retrieved all of the errant game pieces. "You just made a mistake seven moves back when you took my knight. I sacrificed it on purpose."
Meryl stared at her companion. "You remember what happened seven moves ago?" Vash nodded, concentrating on resetting the board. "See, now, that's why I'm no good at this game," she went on in a self-depreciating manner. Staring at him in wonder she asked, "How do you do it?"
Vash raised his eyes to meet hers with a confused look. "What, you mean remember stuff?" He shrugged, as if it wasn't important, and then went on in a mocking, high pitched voice, "You're the easily deceived type that sleeps on a tear-soaked pillow."
Meryl's jaw dropped. She would have been completely confused about what the hell he was talking about if the words he had said had not once come out of her own mouth. Mind you, they had come out of her mouth over ten years ago. She didn't even really remember the incident that had occasioned them, but she remembered the sentiment which had added a biting touch to their wit. Bending in half with her shock she managed to splutter out, "How . . . How did you." Meryl let her own question die on her lips and shook her head in open amazement.
Sitting up, she crossed her arms and looked at him seriously. "You have eidetic memory."
"Huh?"
Meryl almost smacked her forehead in sudden frustration. How could someone so obviously intelligent manage to sound so incredibly moronic? "Photographic memory. You remember things in exact reproduction, like a photograph." She gazed at him from under brows lowered in intense consideration. "Perfect," she added.
Vash flashed her a twisted smile and shrugged his shoulders yet again. "I guess." Meryl nodded in understanding. Suddenly a heck of a lot of things she hadn't understood before became a lot clearer. Sighing, she turned her attention to the new game. She wondered where she should move first. Then, realizing that it probably wouldn't make a difference one way or the other in the outcome of the game, she picked a piece to start at random.
Turning the board over to the outlaw, she took the time while he was focusing his attention on it to study him. She had known for a long time now that Vash was different, even so, she was always shocked whenever he did something that showed just exactly how special he was. She had to admit to being somewhat pleased that he remembered her as well as he did. Of course, there were some incidents from her travels that she would have preferred thinking he had forgotten. Certain times where she had smacked him a little roughly over the head even though he didn't really deserve it came to mind. And another instance involving her emerging from showering, not knowing that Vash was in their room losing all his money to Millie at cards. She had locked herself in the bathroom for hours afterwards, only coming out after Millie swore up and down that the wildly laughing outlaw she'd quickly ushered from the room had finally gone to bed.
'Vash the Stampede,' she thought to herself as he lowered himself to his stomach, hands under his chin, to get a better look at the board, 'I wonder what other secret talents you have.' Meryl raised her hands to her face to hide both her secretive smile and the heat rushing to her cheeks from her own forward thoughts. Vash was looking at her now, having taken his turn. Meryl suddenly felt that he could see right through her hands to the telltale pinkness of her cheeks. His eyes seemed to bore into her, until she felt almost naked before them.
Meryl was suddenly struck with a disturbing fear: What if he had X-ray vision as well?
She grimaced at her own insecurities. 'That's impossible Meryl. Oh yeah, then why's he staring at me like that, huh?' Meryl lowered her hands, crossing her arms over her chest, and hoped that her face didn't look as hot as it felt to her. 'The least he could do is try not to look so smug and amused. It's indecent.' His smile widened suddenly and, chortling softly, he dropped his head into an open palm. 'Laughing? He's laughing! What the hell is he laughing at?'
'Maybe he can read minds.'
'No, don't even go there Meryl.'
The night before she had been afraid to act her old self around him, scared he might run off and she'd never see him again. After spending a day in his company she was beginning to feel more secure about the stability of their relationship and its ability to survive minor altercations. She had the momentary urge to smack him one just on principle.
"And exactly what are you laughing at?" she asked a tad testily.
"You," he replied with all honesty. "Do you know your eyes change color when you're concentrating hard on something?" Meryl sensed an artful change of subject, but was too taken aback by the thought that he actually looked at her eyes to make a protest.
"They . . . they do?" she asked in a flattered tone.
"Ah huh, when you're angry too. They turn violet." Vash seemed to be studying the carpet intently. Meryl didn't know quite how she felt about the current situation. She had always been fascinated by Vash's eyes. The way they seemed to shine even in darkness, the way they could shift through all the layers of the blue and green spectrum, the way their edges softened whenever he was around children. It had never actually occurred to her that people might be interested in her own traits. Personally, she thought her eyes were pretty boring. A dull grey with only the slightest hint of blue, not even the striking silver of her mother's.
Vash was now picking at the threads of her carpet. She wondered how long she'd been sitting there thinking about their respective appearances and contributing to the uncomfortable silence pervading the room. A random thought suddenly occurred to her as she learned forward to make her move. It was a question she was somewhat wary of broaching to him, but it had been bouncing around in the back of her mind ever since she'd first talked to him the night before.
"Vash,?" she asked tentatively.
"Mmmhhmmm," he said reaching forward to finger a pawn.
"The other night you . . . you mentioned Knives." His head raised abruptly and he studied her. "I just . . .I was wondering. . ." Open eyes again. Accepting. Understanding. Pained. "What happened between you two."
His look sobered immediately. Making his move he flipped off of his stomach and raised himself to a sitting position, leaning back upon his palms. He seemed to be considering her question deeply. Meryl almost told him that it was okay, she didn't really need to know, but instead she held her tongue. It seemed, today, that she was making up for all the chances she'd had in the past to ask him something and, instead, backed off at the last moment.
"I found him not long after I left you two." There was a flatness to his voice. An automaton reciting a well known tale with no emotion in it whatsoever. "He was waiting." Vash closed his eyes and frowned remembering. "We fought. I won."
"I figured that much," said Meryl, feeling the need to let him off. Nodding, he continued quickly as if he had something he wanted to get off his chest.
"I didn't kill him, I kept my promise to myself, but . . ." here he trailed off with a faraway look. Face suffused with pain, he continued, "I hurt him real bad." Sighing, his mind elsewhere, Vash made his move without even bothering to look at the board. "I took him to a place where I could get him some medical attention. Where he'd be safe and I could keep an eye on him"
Meryl was suddenly furious. In her mind's eye she was remembering all the times she had cleaned Vash's wounds and set bandages to them. She remembered how, after the incident with Legato, she and Millie together had carried him off of the bluff. How Millie had rigged a stretcher to run between their thomases and the two of them had spent the next day trudging on foot beneath the unforgiving suns. Millie had led the pack animals while Meryl walked behind doing her best to shield his scarred and bruised face from the piercing rays with her cape. How they had been afraid to take him to the nearest town and instead trudged on for iles, finally finding refuge in a tiny ramshackle village. How she had stayed by his side day and night caring for him.
"You could have brought him to us, you know." Meryl's eyes were burning, half with anger and half in distress. "We brought you back halfway from the dead, was our treatment not good enough for your brother?" Meryl was on a roll now. Her anger was beginning to get the better of her at last. Ten years of wondering, ten years of asking herself what she'd done wrong. She would get the answer out of him at last. Her voice raising in outraged indignation she nearly shouted, "Didn't you trust us enough? Or was it just that you jumped at the excuse to get away from us?" Meryl's eyes were brimming with tears now. She tried to force them back, but the room was already swimming in her watery vision. Blinking away the blurry image of Vash staring shocked at her outburst, Meryl lowered her head shamefully.
She hadn't meant to speak like that. She had never meant to accuse him of anything, not when she owed him so much. But she had to know. Ten years is a long time to wait for the answer to one question. 'Why?' she cried silently to herself, 'Why was I not even worthy of a goodbye?'
"I couldn't go back." His voice was serious, steadied.
"Oh, is that so?" Meryl wiped tears angrily from her cheeks. Her face stung where they had made hot, salty tracks upon it.
"Yes."
The timbre of his voice drew Meryl's eyes to him against her will. All personal concerns and ten year old grudges left her mind at his appearance. Vash looked sick. His eyes looked flatter than she had ever seen them before, hidden beneath the stormy shadows of his brows. He was flipping a chess piece over and over in his hands, but not paying attention to it. It was almost as if he didn't even see the game board in front of him anymore. Instead he was staring at her.
"You didn't know Knives, Meryl. He was crazy. I didn't trust him even while he was still injured. I watched him day and night. Afterwards, it was years before I trusted him enough to even try to integrate him into society. He was a menace, a danger to all humanity." Vash shook his head. "I wasn't going to expose you two to that. Not anymore. No more pain and death. You'd already suffered through enough of that because of me." His eyes were still dull with anguish, but his overall expression exuded a sort of hope. Hope that she would understand his concern. That she would accept his answer as the only sensible option open to him.
" You don't understand at all! None of that stuff ever stopped us from following you before."
He shook his head. "Your job wasn't worth your life."
"I wasn't following you because of my job."
Vash blinked. He ducked his head to keep from meeting the intensity of her gaze.
"I know."
The room seemed suddenly oppressive. The air felt heavy enough to cut. Meryl almost choked on it. The temperature had dropped as well. She was trembling visibly. She gripped her knees to still her hands and gritted her teeth to stop them from chattering. Taking a deep calming breath like Millie had taught her, she steadied herself.
She would not cry.
It was bad enough that she had just been blubbering weakly before him. She should have known better, this is what comes from being emotional. This is what happens when you let go and listen to your feelings. This was why she always reacted to everything with anger. It was easier to control than sadness. It was easier to calm than despair. And it didn't hurt like this.
He had known.
She had suspected he might, but now it was certain. She could no longer make any excuses for him. He had known and he hadn't cared. Staring at the chessboard, it suddenly struck her how like real life it was. Not that war ever followed any strict rules like the ones the game imposed. No, instead it was like a cross section of the population. Little kings and pawns, going about their daily lives, never realizing that they were just the playthings of the immortals.
Really, what had she expected.
She gasped at the sense of his touch upon her cheek. She wanted to pull back, to slap him angrily away. Helpless even still, she turned to him as he ran the back of his real hand lightly down the side of her face. The touch was gentle and light. It reminded her strangely of feathers. He was gazing at her with that unnamable, intense look from before. This time, though, she set herself against him. She would not be drawn into those orbs again. It wasn't fair of him to tease her this way. It wasn't right to give someone a taste of paradise unless you were willing to give them the whole meal.
Her cupped her face in his hand. "You don't understand. I wasn't willing to risk you."
The world spun apart and came together again. The twin suns were born, exploding in showers of light and fire. Molten rock cooled into stone. Winds came, fast and furious, eating eagerly away at the rocks and leaving only sand. The winds, however, stayed. Whipping across barren plains where no life could grow they moaned into the emptiness, as if waiting for something. Above the horizon ran an unmarred expanse of sky. Bluer, even, than a lover's eyes.
Setting the first finger of his other hand at the base of his queen, he slid it carefully forward.
"Checkmate."