Chapter 36: Per Chance to Dream
Harrian would later on insist that he had decided it would be a good idea for the party to take a few days off, but in truth he couldn't have got any of them to co-operate with his wishes if he'd bribed them. Morale was low.
Anomen had spent days moping in his room, and any attempts to talk to him had been met with his mood swinging so randomly it was safer to avoid him altogether. Oddly enough, the only person he didn't explode at was Yoshimo, but the bounty hunter had no more luck than anyone else at getting the squire to brighten up, most understandably.
Edwin had been locked in Minsc's room for seventy-two hours straight, and they could only believe that the ranger hadn't ended the conjurer's life. Everyone was quite hopeful that he had, despite their needing Odesseiron and his magical skills. Being in a situation such as he was, Edwin had worked more than was humanly possible over the three days in desperation to get out.
It was the early morning of the third day after Anomen had learnt of his sister's death, and until Edwin had worked out what the scroll was or Tellis had given them information regarding Moira's murder, there was but one issue to be dealt with.
Harrian had taken Anomen's words to heart, and considered if he was, in fact, being biased and unfair about the matter. He didn't see why not – love (though he panicked at the thought of his falling in love with Jaheira) was more than capable of making you blind to good and bad.
They had not properly spoken since the night at Duchinov's, which had given both of them time to consider. Haer'Dalis had been persistent in his attempts to get Jaheira to tell him what conclusion she had reached, but all the bard had received for his troubles was a realisation of just why Khalid had called his wife insufferable.
Harrian, for once, had managed to be an early riser. It was but six of the morning, and the sun's rays were barely penetrating the rooftops of Athkatla. Corias knew that Jaheira would be awake at this hour, for she had always been the one to rouse everyone in the morning whilst camping in the wilderness.
The memories brought a smile to his face, one tinged with nostalgia and a little sadness. Harrian was always the last to wake up, and when he was roused, he was groggy and irritable until breakfast had been eaten. Jaheira had never been willing to take the abuse he hurled at everyone during such a time, and he'd learnt to sulk in silence whilst she was making sure they all would be awake so they could set off on the road as soon as possible.
Imoen, whilst capable like Harrian of sleeping the day away, was not bad-tempered when woken from her slumber. She was the sole other who was exempt from his foul moods in the early morning, and Jaheira left her permanently in charge of their leader's daylight consciousness.
Imoen had thus devised a hundred and one ways to wake him up, all with the aim to rouse him as amusingly as possible. Buckets of water had featured predominantly in the early days, but when Dynaheir had started to instruct her in the magical arts, a shock of the arcane variety became a common technique.
Khalid, who had always been a light sleeper, if not as active in the morning as his wife, would generally be awoken from the noise Imoen's methods resulted in, and seemed the joint judge in how amusing the reaction was. His light laughter and Imoen's contagious giggling were often the first things Harrian would hear in the morning, barring the splashing of water or a few muttered incantations.
Minsc, who was in the habit of taking the last watch, would also laugh his deep, booming laugh, but would be instantly chided by Jaheira as all wildlife within a twenty-metre radius would flee at the noise.
With the druid in charge of breakfast, meat was never consumed in the morning. It was acknowledged – but mentioned by none – that Jaheira was not one of the great chefs of Faerûn, and thus Harrian had become perfectly used to starting the day with a bowl of sloppy lentils, or such.
There would always be brief discussion on what they were planning to do that day ("Clear the Nashkell Mines"; "Go Bandit Hunting"; "Flood Cloakwood"; "Storm Iron Throne Headquarters"), then, if their duty was particularly grim, Dynaheir would always encourage them to talk of their dreams the night before, to brighten them up.
There had been many jokes made in Harrian's direction because he never seemed to dream – or, as Khalid pointed out, he dreamt but never remembered it. He believed the half-elf was right, for he would always get an inkling of a predominant feeling or phrase from the middle of the night: Bone daggers, Nashkell, Cloakwood… the words 'You will learn'. But he had never spoken to anyone of them.
He had that slight feeling today, the feeling as if he had forgotten something; that it was just beyond his recollection, but that it was still present. An odd sensation, memories of… Candlekeep, of Imoen, of Irenicus…
"Life… is strength," he muttered under his breath as he wandered down the corridor towards Jaheira's room, then hesitated as he wondered just why he had said or remembered that.
The door to her room opened before he got there, and he almost ran into her as she stepped out. Harrian managed to freeze and come to an abrupt halt in front of her, his mind racing. "Uh… morning," he managed at last.
Jaheira paused, the faintest of faint smiles on her face. Her hair was down and scruffy, her eyes dark, and sunken. She looked, as Harrian would say to describe anyone but her, like hell. "You…" She paused a moment, then cleared her throat. "I would not expect you to be up at this time."
Harrian met her gaze easily, his brow furrowed a little with concern for her. "I couldn't sleep," he responded softly and honestly, his stomach fluttering a little as he evaluated her haunted look.
"There's a first," Jaheira murmured quietly, and despite himself, Harrian grinned at her, albeit a little wanly. There was a stilted silence for a moment. "Why are you here?" she asked at last, then her expression flickered again. "I mean… do not think that you cannot come, simply… it is early and you…"
"I understand," he interjected quickly. "And I… I wanted to talk to you," Harrian continued, frowning a little once more. He examined her expression for a moment. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like hell. Are you alright?"
"I…" She stepped back into her room, and – intent on making sure she didn't shut him out if she needed him – he followed her. "I have been having dreams about Khalid. Not… not necessarily nightmares, just… dreams."
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked cautiously, aware from watching the aforementioned breakfast routine that it sometimes eased people's minds to talk of their dreams, of how they bothered them.
Jaheira remained silent for a moment, averting her gaze towards the window, where the sun was finally managing to creep over the rooftops. "We were walking along a broad road… not distinctive; just a road. Khalid was in the distance, some way off the path we walked, but he did not come closer and I saw no way to reach him. He walked with us, from a distance. He smiled that I was content." Her brow furrowed, but a thoughtful, thin smile crossed her face. "I guess… I guess I was."
Harrian considered both her words and her expression for a moment. "Well, to see you travelling with a group probably meant a lot to him. It meant you could carry on," he said at length, a little hesitant.
"It was not –" Jaheira halted for a moment, and he looked quizzically at her for a moment until she continued, taking a deep breath. "I… I suppose. Yes." She paused a moment, still thinking. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
Corias considered not telling her what he thought for a moment, but then realised that would be as selfish and biased as Anomen had accused him of being. "I wanted to apologise for the way I've been acting, the way I've been thinking, over the past few days," he mumbled in a hurry, knowing he would have to rush through his speech if he were to say it at all. "It is not my place to challenge what you think, to challenge what you want, or to challenge what is right or not. I was wrong. Wants do not rule this world…"
Harrian looked away a moment, before turning and starting for the door. "I'm sorry," he repeated quietly, then opened up the door and – silently cursing himself – stepped out into the corridor.
He stopped as she spoke. "Wait." Jaheira was looking at him, a slight frown on her face as he turned back to look at her. "In my dream… I was not walking with a group. I was just walking with you… Khalid was smiling that I was content at walking alone with you…" She looked away, as if having just confessed to some great sin, and a silence fell upon them for a moment.
Harrian felt as if something had burst within him. "Jaheira," he mumbled hoarsely, taking a step forwards. "This… you… I…"
Neither of them got a chance to finish what they were thinking as Anomen barrelled into the room that moment, out of his armour and looking very much as if he had just woken up. He was also more animated than he had been for the past few days. "I… I think you should go… go to Minsc's room," he panted, resting on the doorframe. "Odesseiron… has…" He grimaced, then took a deep, cleansing breath. "Just… come."