Disclaimer: I DO NOT own CATS or Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I'm assuming that I'd have more money than 25 dollars and 87 cents if I owned either of them.
Warning: If you don't like Mungo and Teazer as a couple... you might want to skip over the first part...
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Oh and here's a cast list in case you forgot
CAT Part Character name
Munkustrap Joseph Munkeph
Jemima Narrator Narrator
Demeter Narrator Narrator
Jennyanydots Jacob Jacobanydots
Bustopher Jones Potiphar Potiphar Jones
Bombalurina Mrs. Potiphar Mrs. Potiphar Jones
Rum Tum Tugger Pharoah Rum Tum Pharoah
Alonzo Rueben Rubalonzo
Macavity Simeon Simavity
Mistofelees Levi Mistolevi
Tumblebrutus Naphtali Tumbletali
Coricopat Asher Coricosher
Plato Gad Gado
Skimbleshanks Simulon Skimulon
Mungojerrie Judah Mungojudah
Tantomile Dan Danomile
Etcetera Benjamin Bencetera
Butler Rumpleteazer Butler
Baker Cassandra Baker
Everyone else chorus chorus
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Jemi: Misto!!!!!! Can't you just magically unlock the doors or something?
Misto: What am I? Harry Potter? (A/N *sigh* I don't own Harry Potter either) I can't do everything!
Jemi: So-rry! But I happen to think that being able to get us away from MT is more beneficial than being able to produce seven kittens out of a hat.
Etccy: What happened to them anyway???
Misto: Oh...um... well that was before you guys were born ya know *coughhinthintcough*
Etccy: So what happened to them?
Leccy: Hey that's funny! Because there's me, Jemi, Etccy, Vicci, Pouncie, Tumble and Plato and we're all kittens! And there's seven of us! And........ oh dear Bast...
Etccy: WHY WON'T ANY OF YOU TELL ME WHO THAT IS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
(A/N hehe, I always wondered what happened to those kittens! Maybe they are Leccy, Jemi, Etccy, Vicci, Pouncie, Tumble and Plato! There ARE seven of them... and there are also seven VonTrapp kids... this has parody potential...
Anyhoo, I'll save that topic of what happened to those kittens for some other time, for now, it has no effect on anything I write)
Jemi: Well it would also be more beneficial than being able to make Vicci appear!
*all murmur in agreement*
Vicci: Hey! I'm right here you know? *mumbling* shrimp
Jemi: I AM NOT A SHRIMP!!!!!!!!
Electra: *coughgigglecough*
Jemi: Pretty rich coming from you Ele!
Electra: For the last time, I am NOT short! I just look tiny when in between Cori and Plato in that stupid cockroach-tap-line-thing!!!
Plato: Y'know, you're all kinda shrimpy...
Viccy/Jemi/Ele: SHUTTUP PLATO!!!!!!!
MT: Ok, places everyone! We're back to Munkeph! Where are Mungo and Rumple?
Pouncie: I dunno, I heard Rumple giggling before though...
Tumble: Yeah and we couldn't get into that broom closet that had the fireworks in it....
Jenny: Why were you trying to get into a broom closet with fireworks in it?
Tumble:.....
*Mungo and Rumple walk in, flushed*
MT: You're late
Tugger: Well some things take more time than you give us for the break!
Rumple: *blushes*
Tugger: Hehe, they do have a wonderfull way of working together!
Rumple: *blushes further*
Mungo: Shaddup Tugga
MT: Whatever, Is Deme revived yet?
Deme: Yep!.... Macavity! *smiles*
Munku: That's about as normal as she gets.
Deme: *evil glares at Munku*
MT: Good! That means you can sing Rum Tum Pharoah story!
Deme: Oh... wait! I feel weak! The lights are all going out? Where am I?
MT: Start singing!
Deme: *hrumph* Once upon a time there was a pharoah. He was powerfull. The end.
MT: SING the real song!
Deme: *pphbbbbtttt!* ahem...
Rum Tum Pharoah, he was a powerfull cat
With the ancient world in the palm of his paw
For all intense and purposes he
Was Egypt with a capitol 'E'
Whatever he did he was showered with praise
If he cracked a joke then you chortled for days
No-one had rights or a vote
But the king
In fact you might say he was fairly right-wing
Rum Tum Pharoah's around then you get down on the ground
Vicci: Kinda like Etccy....
Etccy: Is it MY fault I pass out whenever Tugger's around?
Vicci:... um... yeah
Etccy: _
Deme: ahem!
If you ever find yourself near Ramesis
Get down on your knees
Chorus: Rum Tum Pharoah story
Rum Tum Pharoah story
Rum Tum Pharoah story
Rum Tum Pharoah story
Deme: Now down at the other end of the scale
Munkeph's still doing time in jail
For even though he is in with the gods
A lifetime in prison seems quite on the cards
But if my analysis of the position is right
At the end of the tunnel there's a glimmer of light
Pounce: *shine's huge search light on her* Like this???
Deme: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! MACAVITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Macavity: You know, I'm starting to get offended *sniffs* this isn't very good for my self-esteem! *walks away sniffling*
MT: POUNCIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shut OFF the bleeding light!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pouncie: Only trying to illustrate her point!
MT: Sweet Bast, next scene
Etccy: WHO IN THE NAME OF BAST IS BAST?????????????
MT:.....huh?
Munku: Etccy, I told you... she has the brain capacity of a moose! .... actually that was kind of confusing...
MT: My sister got bit by a moose once.... (A/N gotta love Monty Python!) Just get on with the next scene, Tugger, you're in this one as the pharoah.
Cass: Where you there when the Pharoah's commissioned the Sphinx?
All: IF YOU WERE AND YOU ARE YOU'RE A JELLICLE CAT!
MT: Riiight... just go to Poor Poor Rum Tum Pharoah
Deme: Guess what? In his bed
Rum Tum Pharoah had an uneasy night
Tumble: ahem *snicker*
MT: NOT LIKE THAT!!!!
Deme: He had
MT: DON'T EVEN SAY IT TUMBLE!!
Deme: had a dream that pinned him to his sheets with fright
No-one knew the meaning of this dream
What to do, whatever could it mean?
Jemi: Then his butler said
Rumple (as the butler): Oi knaw of a blawke een jile
'oo ees 'ot
Tumble: Oh yeah!
MT: *evil glares borrowed from her phantom French teacher*
Rumple (as the butler): on dreams
could expline awl' Rum Tum Pharaws tile
Jemi: Rum Tum Pharoah said
RTP: Well fetch this Munkeph cat
I need him to help me if he can
Etccy: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *passes out*
Jemi/Chorus (minus Etccy): Poor Rum Tum Pharoah what'cha gonna do?
Dreams are haunting you hey
What'cha gonna do?
Jemi: Chained and bound, afraid alone
Munkeph stood before the throne
Munkeph: My service to Rum Tum Pharoah
Has begun
Tell me your problem
Mighty one!
RTP: HELLLLLOOOOO EGYPT!!!!!!!
MT: Hmmm, that wasn't in the script but I like it!
Etccy: *wakes up*... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *passes out again*
RTP: Well I was wandering along by the banks of the river
When seven fat cows came up out of the Nile, uh-huh
Female kittens: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MT: This is gonna be a looooooooooooong song...
RTP: And right behind these fine, healthy animals came
Seven other cows that were skinny and vile uh-huh
Female kittens: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pouncie: What did you eat before you went to bed?!?!
RTP: Well the thin cows ate the fat cows
Which I thought would do them good uh-huh
Female kittens: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RTP: But it didn't make them fatter like such
I thought a monster supper should
Well the thin cows were as thin
As they had ever, ever, ever had been
Well this dream has got me baffled
Hey, Munkeph tell me what it means!?!
Female kittens: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RTP: Well you know that kings ain't stupid
But I don't have a clue
So don't be cruel Munkeph
Help me, now I beg of you
Well I was standin doing nothing in a field out of town
When I saw seven beautiful ears of corn, uh-huh
Female kittens: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RTP: They were ripe, they were golden and you guessed it
Right behind them there came seven other ears that were
Tattered and torn, uh-huh
Female kittens: AAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RTP: Well the bad corn ate the good corn
They came up from behind yes they did
Now Munkeph here's the punch line
This is really gonna blow your mind this is gonna flip your lid!
Female kittens: AAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RTP: Well the bad corn was as bad as it had ever, ever, ever had been
Well this dream has got me all shook up
Treat me nice and tell me what it means!
Hey, hey, hey Munkeph
won't you tell poor old Rum Tum Pharoah
What does this crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy dream mean?
Oh yeah!
Female kittens: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pass out*
MT: That actually went better than I expected, Jenny, you wanna take care of them?
Jenny: *drags Jemi, Etccy, Electra and Vicci over to the side and takes out smelling salts*
Munkeph: Well I get the part about the cows, but I'm not sure about the corn... you wan-
RTT: YOU MEAN I SANG THAT ENTIRE SONG AND YOU DON'T KNOW!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Cass: He's not all he's cracked up to be huh?
RTT: *advances on Munku with a not-so-nice look on his face*
MT: NEXT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stone the Crows!
Pouncie: OK!!! *chucks a rock out of a window that just appeared in the middle of the junkyard, and cawing is heard*
MT: NO!!!!!! Its the name of the next song! Bast help me!
*silence*
MT: Oh yeah, Etccy's still unconscious.... Just go to it!
Jemi: Rum Tum Pharoah said
RTP: Well stone the crows!
This Munkeph is a clever kit
Cass: well....
MT: SHUTTUP!!!!!
RTP: Who'd have thought that fourteen cows could mean the things he said they did?
Munkeph you must help me further
I have got a job for you
You shall lead us through this crisis
You shall be my number two!
Female Chorus: *flock to tugger* Rum Tum Pharoah how can we ever say
All that we want to about you?
We're so glad that you came our way
We would have perished without you!
MT: .... guys.. well... girls...well...queens... you're supposed to be singing about Munkeph! Surrounding him! Not Tugger!
Bomba: Well... I mean.... Munkeph's great and all but....
Cass: The obvious choice is...
Munku: *lower lip trembles*
Bomba: FINE! We'll flock to Munkeph!!!!
(A/N This does not reflect my personal opinions, however, in this little world the obvious choice (for them) would be.... well Mungojerrie....wait...no...that's my obvious choice.... What I mean is that Tugger's like the rock-star icon thingiemadoodle and they're all going after him instead of Munku.... I wouldn't ...I'd flock to Mungo and maybe chuck Rumple out of a window while I'm at it, but unfortunately I'm not able to *sobs*... ok bottom line: I'm NOT trying to insult Munku so why don't you just put down your torches and pitchforks and we can get on with this in peace)
MT: Oh just go to the next song... which would be Those Caanan Days. GO GUYS!!!!!
Simavity: Do you remember the good years in Caanan?
Pouncie: No
MT: SHUTTUP POUNCIE!!!!!
Simavity: The summers were endlessly gold
The fields were a patchwork of clover
The winters were never too cold
We'd stroll down the boulevards together
And everything round us was fine
Jacobanydots: Now the fields are dead and bare
No joie de vivre anywhere
Et maitenant we drink a bitter wine
Brothers: Those Caanan days
We used to know
Where have they gone
Where did they go?
Eh bien, raise your berets
To those Caanan days
Alonzo: Maybe we'd have berets to raise if it wasn't for the costume budget
MT: SHUTTUP!!!!
Simavity: Do you remember those wonderfull parties?
The finest of Canaan's cuisine
Those extravegant, elegant soirees
The finest the Bible has seen
Tant: How many parties has the Bible seen???
MT: SHUTTUP!!!!
Simavity: It's funny but since we lost Munkeph
We've gone to the other extreme
No-one comes to dinner now
We'd only eat them anyhow
I even find I'm missing Munkeph's dreams
Mungo: Well oi wouldn't gaw that far...
*general murmurs of agreement*
MT: GUYS JUST GET ON WITH THE SONG!!!!!
Brothers: Those Canaan days
We used to know
Where have they gone?
Where did they go?
Eh bien, raise your berets
To those Canaan days
Simavity: It's funny but since we lost
Danomile: Munkeph
Issapounce: We've gone to the other
Coricosher: Extreme
Mistolevi: Perhaps we all misjudged the lad
Bencetera: *who is now revived* Perhaps he wasn't
Tumbletali: Quite that bad
Gado: And how I miss his
Mungojudah: Entatoining
All: Dreams
Those Canaan days
We used to know
Where have they gone?
Where did they go?
Eh bien, raise your berets
Simavity: To those Canaan days
Brothers: Eh bien, raise your berets
To those Canaan DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS!
*all gasping for air*
Deme: Back in Canaan the future looked rough
Munkeph's family were finding it tough
Brothers: *still gasping for air*
~10 minutes later~
Brothers: *still gasping for air*
~1 hour later~
Brothers: For the famine has caught us unprepared
We are thin
We are ill
We are getting scared
It's enough to make anyone weep
We are down to our very last sheep
Alonzoben: We will starve if we hang around here
Skimbulon: But in Egypt there's food gong spare
Coricosher: They've got corn
They've got meat
They've got fruit and drinks
Danomile: And if we have the time
We could see the Sphinx!
MT: Don't even say it Cass
Cass: *pouts*
Deme: So they finally decided to go
Off to Egypt to see brother... Munk
MT: It does sound better when it's "Joe"
Deme: So they all lay before Munkeph's feet
Brothers: Mighty prince give us something to eat
Deme: Munkeph found it a strain not to laugh because
Not a brother among them knew who he was
Munkeph: I shall now take them all for a ride
After all they have tried fratrecide
MT: Don't even ask.
Pouncie: MT..
MT: What?
Pouncie: What's fratrecide?
MT: *sighs*
Munkeph: I dreamed
Plato: Here we go again with the dreams...
Munkeph: *oblivious to everyone around him mouthing the words, mocking him*
that in the fields one day
The corn gave me a sign
Your eleven sheaves of corn
All turned and bowed to mine
I dreamed I saw eleven stars
The sun, the moon and sky
Bowing down before my star
And now I realize why!
How do I know where you come from?
You could be spies!
Telling me that you are hungry
That could be lies!
How do I know who you are?
Why do you think I should help you?
Would you help me?
Brothers: Yes!...
Etccy:.... well... no, honestly
MT: SHUTTUP ETCCY!!!!
Munkeph: Why on Earth should I believe you?
I've no guarantee
Brothers/Deme/Jemi: Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall
Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl
We are just eleven brothers
Good cats and true!
Though we know that we are nothing
When up next to you
Honesty's our second name
Life is slowly ebbing from us
Hope's almost gone
It's getting very hard to see us
From sideways on
Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall
Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge crawl
Munkeph: I rather like the way you're talking
Astute and sincere
Suddenly your tragic story
Get's me right here
Pounce:.... where?
Munkeph: *glares*
Brothers: This is what we hoped he'd say
Munkeph: All this tugging at my heartstrings seems quite justified
I will gibe you what you came for
And much more besides
Brothers: Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall
Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl
Tumble: Hehe.... sponge ^_^
MT: What was that?
Tumble: err... nothing... can we go to Mungo's solo?
Mungo: *glares*
MT: Ok... the background info is this: Bencetera's been accused of stealing Munkeph's goblet. Go!
Mungo (a/n just imagine his attempts at a Jamaican accent! lol, I don't even know how you'd type that so just picture it in your minds): Aw naw
No' 'e
'ow yaw cen accuse 'im ees a mystary
Sive 'im
Tike moi
Bencetera's stroighta than the toll palm troi
Pounce: I thought palm trees were bendy-like?
Mungo: Saw deed oi, daw oi 'ave ta sing this?
Rumple: Aow but yar saw cute when ya sing lav!
Mungo: Ya think saw? *getting characteristically cocky* Oi em ratha...*coming to his senses* Woi a min'u'! Oi'll sing a' 'awm eef ya loike eet tha' much!
MT: Mungo, just sing.
Mungojudah: Oi 'ear tha steel drums sing their song
They're singin man yeeow knaw yaw've go' it wrawng
Oi 'ear the voice of tha yellaw bird
Singing een tha troi thees ees quoite absurd
(and brothers)
Oh yes
It's true
Bencetera's straighter than the big bamboo
No ifs- No buts
Bencetera's honest as coconuts
Mungojudah: Sure as tha toide wosh tha gawlden sand
Bencetera ees an innocent cat!
Sure as bannannas noid tha sun
Woi are tha criminal guilty wans
(and brothers)
Oh no- not he
How you can accuse him is a mystery
Save him
Take me
Bencetera's straighter than the tall palm tree
Oh no-not he
Mungojudah: (over the rest of this stuff) No' 'eeeeeeeeeeee...
Mungo: AOW GAWD THAWSE NAWTES ARE 'OIGH!!!!!!
MT: JUST SING!
Mungo: *keeps going with the high notes*
How you can accuse him is a mystery save him
Take me-
Bencetera's straighter than the tall palm tree
Mungo: *hoarsley* Enywan go' a cough drop?
Chorus: Each of the brothers fell to his kneees
Please do not hurt him mighty one please
He would not do this he must have been framed
Jail us and beat us we should be blamed
Deme: Munkeph knew by this his brothers now were honest cats
The time had come at last to reunite them all again
Munkeph: Don't you recognize my face?
Is it hard to see
That Munkeph who you thought was dead
Your brother
It's me?
Chorus/Brothers: Munkeph, Munkeph is it really true?
Munkeph, Munkeph is it really you?
Deme/Jemi/Chorus/Brothers: Munkeph, Munkeph
Munku: That's my name!
Chorus: So, Jacobanydots came to Egypt
No longer feeling old
And Munkeph came to meet him in his chariot of gold
Of gold
Of gold
Of gold
Munku: Yay another solo!
Etccy: WHY DID YOU TAKE OUR EARPLUGS!?!?!?!?!?!?!
MT: *putting earplugs in* No reason. Go ahead Munku
Munku: Either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge or you are simply unaware of the dangers presented by the opening of a pool hall.
Well you got trouble my friend!
Right here, I said trouble right here in River City
Well sure I'm a billiard player, mighty proud to say it always mighty proud to say it
I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden
Helps ya cultivate horse sense
And a cool eye
And a keen-
CATS: *general "oh god"'s and "not again"'s*
Etccy: *really loud* MT!!!!!!!!! HE'S SINGING THE WRONG SONG AGAIN!!!!! *pulls the earplugs*
MT: Hey!!! *hears Munk* MUUUUUUUUNNNNNKUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Munku: what!?!?!
MT: *through gritted teeth* would you mind telling us why you are singing 'Trouble' instead of Any Dream Will Do?
Munku: 'cos it says so in my script
MT: and you are aware that the song 'Trouble' isn't even from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, but from The Music Man????
Munku: um.... no
MT: *grabs his script* POUNCIE!!!!!!!!!! WHY DID YOU TAPE THE WRONG SONG OVER IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
Pouncie: I didn't!
MT: Then why do you have tape on your fur
Pouncie:....
MT: *sighs* well that was about the end anyway
Misto: YOU MEAN THE NIGHTMARE IS OVER!?!?!?!?!!?!?
Alonzo: well, this nightmare. Remember, she's still got Tumblebrutus on the Pipe going...
MT: Yep! I finally found the words to If I Were a Rich Man!!!!
Skimble: uh-oh
Tumble: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE "UH-OH"-ING!!!!!!!!!!!
Etccy/Jemi/Vicci/Ele: *snickergiggle*
Tumble: Shuttup!!!!!
Bomba: I thought you were acrobatic? Doesn't that usually involve balance?
Tumble: Shut-up! I slipped ok!?!
Ele: And look where it got you...
Tumble: WILL YOU GUYS SHUTTUP!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Jemi: Will we ever shuttup? Will Tumble ever be able to walk properly? Join us next time on
Jenny: Oh don't worry dear, you'll walk fine soon enough. Just a few more weeks!
Tumble: _
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Hehe HI!!!!!!! I hope you guys liked it! Thank you all for the luverly reviews!
Seamus: You make it sound like a present!
It IS a present... sortof... If you don't know who Seamus is (and you probably don't) then please don't make me explain! I'm BAD at explaining!
Seamus: Got that right
No-one asked you!
Ok so um arievaderci! toodle-oo and ciao cos mama i'm a big girl NOW! (sorry about that, I'm singing that song in a school group thingie if you would like to be in a school-group thingie, then send a postcard to-)
Seamus: will you shuttup already!!!!!
I'll give it some thought....... nope. I feel a song coming on...
Seamus: uh oh...
*takes deep breath* WEEEEE'RE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE! OUR SHOWS ARE FORMIDABLE!!! *gets hit in the head with a boot*
Seamus: It slipped...
hrmph.... Monty Python Rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! over and out!
hehe bye!!!!