Italicized text thoughts or memories.
Chapter 6
He was drifting. He knew he wasn't asleep, yet neither was he completely awake. He could hear voices... familiar voices, but they seemed distant and muffled. Perhaps he was dreaming. Why did things seem so hazy?
He concentrated on the voices, relaxing slightly. He recognized that voice. It was Dala. So, he was back on Naboo? He must be okay then. But why did he not feel okay? He felt strangely disconnected.
Instinctively, he reached for the Force, but stopped abruptly upon hearing another voice. A voice he hadn't heard in quite some time. A voice that was as soothing in its familiarity as it was painful in the memories it invoked.
Qui-Gon.
He couldn't understand what they were saying though. Frustrated, he tried reaching through the haze towards consciousness. He heard himself moan, but it was distant, like a faint echo.
He felt a hand caress his face, and shuttered at its coldness. He tried to pull away, but it seemed he had no control over his body.
He was getting nervous now. The voices he heard remained distant and did not coincide with the coldness of the hand that slowly traced the line of this jaw to settle firmly on his throat.
Panic momentarily surged through him as he reached for the Force, and realized he could not grasp it.
"Relax, young Knight," a voice laced with amusement and as cold as the hand still wrapped around his throat purred. "You are safe...for the moment."
He was given no time for thought, as he was pushed back into the haze, and then deeper.
XIXI
Anakin was the first to arrive in the small private dining room. Amidala regarded him warmly, and then smiled as he timidly approached her.
She had changed into the more comfortable attire of her Padme persona. Thus so, she felt less restrained and was able to let down her guard some.
"Hello, Anakin" she spoke softly "You've grown this past year."
"A little," he said. "It's good to see you Padme"
She frowned slightly, confused by his timidness. Then it dawned on her, "I'm sorry I did not address you earlier Ani. As the Queen I must remain formal, out of respect for both my position and yours. Do you understand?"
When he nodded, she spoke again and opened her arms, "Good. Now come here."
He returned her embrace enthusiastically and enjoyed the moment of closeness. All too quickly though, it ended. He let her pull away.
"I missed you," he spoke somewhat shyly.
"I've missed you as well," she replied with a smile.
He could tell her words, as well as her smile was genuine. Yet he could also sense her emotional turmoil simmering just beneath the surface. She was very worried, for Obi-Wan.
Again he knew a moment's jealousy. He wondered at the exact nature of the
relationship between HIS queen and the missing knight.
"Sorry if I've kept you waiting," Qui-Gon spoke as he strode into the dining room.
"You are right on time, Master Jinn. Please, let us be seated." Anakin noted the edge of coldness in the queen's tenor. It was subtle, but unmistakable. He could not help but notice that his master had picked up on it as well.
The meal was light, and much to Anakin's chagrin, focused almost entirely on the investigation surrounding Obi-Wan. It seemed Amidala was not kidding when she stated she would be involved in the investigation. She wanted to know everything Qui-Gon had planned, and offered many suggestions of her own.
The conversation continued into the more comfortable sitting room where tea and sweets were served.
Qui-Gon smiled slightly as Anakin tried to suppress a yawn. It was getting late.
"Anakin, why don't you go back to our rooms and turn in? We have a full day tomorrow, and it will start early."
"But I'm not tired," Anakin stated with a touch of a whine.
"Yes, you are" Qui-Gon smiled again before continuing. "And I would like to speak with the Queen privately.
"Okay," Anakin said with a sigh. "Goodnight master. Goodnight, Padme" His eyes lingered on the young queen as he bowed.
"Goodnight, Anakin. Dream well," Amidala smiled at the boy as he bowed and excused himself.
Qui-Gon studied the young queen as she smiled at his apprentice. The affection she felt for the boy was clear in her gaze. However, he could feel her worry for Obi-Wan constantly permeating her every thought. She was much more upset than she was letting on.
Once Anakin had left the room, Amidala turned her attention to Qui-Gon.
"You have questions I presume?"
Again he noted the coldness in her tone. Listening to the Force, he decided not to question her on it. He had a feeling he would discover the reason soon enough.
"I do. They are not directly related to the investigation, however," he said quietly. "They are of a more personal nature."
"What would you like to know?" she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms as if to distance herself further from him.
"You and Obi-Wan are close?"
"We are"
"I did not realize that the two of you had become... friends" he hesitated on the last word, since he was unsure of the exact nature of their relationship.
"Well why would you, since you seemed to have written him off?"
"I have done no such thing!" he stated with some heat. And it was true. In his heart he never had, yet he did realize that it might have looked exactly that way.
"No? When was the last time you spoke with him Master Jinn?" When he remained silent she asked, "Do you have any idea how much you hurt him?"
Qui-Gon closed his eyes and lowered his head. "That was never my intention."
XIXI
He was dreaming now, or so he thought. It was as if someone was skimming through his thoughts. He had no control over the images as some were discarded and others were painfully displayed in vivid detail.
His entire apprenticeship was on display. From his fight with Bruck to impress Qui- Gon to the fight with the Sith in the melting pit. Yet something wasn't quite right.
The images were distorted somehow, darkened with disappointment and insecurities. Even his 'good' memories were overlaid with Qui-Gon's disapproving glare and cold disappointment with him as an apprentice.
He never really wanted you
He was too disoriented and vulnerable to realize the thought was not his.
He never loved you
He tried to withdraw further into himself, to block out the pain of 'his' thoughts.
You were never good enough
Sideous smiled cruelly at the knight that twisted in unconscious torment before him. He wondered if the mighty Master Jinn would appreciate the irony in the role he himself was playing in losing yet another precious padawan to the darkness.
Still smiling Sideous left the knight. He had other matters to attend to, but he would be back. And soon he would have the apprentice that was always meant to be his.
XIXI
Qui-Gon's heart constricted at the queens words. The thought that he had caused that sensitive, gentle soul pain was almost too much to bear. He had been selfish. Not knowing how to go about mending the rift between them, he had done nothing. By not dealing with it, he had been able to circumvent is own pain. But what of Obi- Wan's pain?
His eyes were still closed, and it was all too easy to conjure up the image of his Obi- Wan on that fateful day in front of the council, just over a year ago. He had looked into those beautiful eyes and saw hurt, betrayal, and all the insecurities of a 13- year-old boy finally confirmed.
"That may not have been your intention, but that is what you accomplished. Tell me Master Jinn, do you care about him at all or are you here now simply out of duty to your order?"
"Of course I care about him!" Qui-Gon surged to his feet, forgetting all protocol regarding etiquette and diplomacy. "He has been part of my life for the past 13 years. He is like a son to me, I could not love him any more if he were my own flesh and blood."
Amidala regarded him calmly, unmoved by his words. "You have a peculiar way of showing your...love, Master Jinn"
"I do not answer to you, your Highness. Not in this matter or any other." He regained his calm as he stood glaring down at her, but his words were still hard and cold.
"Perhaps not" she replied unperturbed. "But there will come a day when you will have to account for your actions, Master Jinn."
Qui-Gon stood unmoving regarding the young queen silently. On one level, he admired her audacity. But on another he found it very difficult to hear her speak the words that plagued his guilty conscience.
Wearily, he sat once again. He had no right to be upset with her. He had caused this rift between himself and Obi-Wan. And he would have to put it right.
"Yes, I am aware that I have much to make amends for. I only hope that I will have the opportunity to do so." He sighed wearily and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. Only those who knew him well would recognize the gesture, and know just how worried he really was.
Amidala watched the big Jedi. She could believe what he was saying, only because it was impossible for her to believe that anyone who really knew Obi-Wan, could not love him.
Still, SHE was not quite ready to forgive the master for the pain he had inflicted upon someone who she had come to love as a brother. She was as fiercely protective of Obi-Wan as he was of her.
"You will, Master Jinn. I refuse to believe otherwise."
He smiled slightly at her words. Her determination seemed to bolster his own. It was easy for him to see how Obi-Wan may have been drawn to the young queen. She had many of the same traits that his Obi-Wan possessed.
It was getting late, and there was much to do come morning. Qui-Gon already knew he most likely would not sleep tonight. He intended to spend the time meditating in an attempt to strengthen the weak link that he still shared with Obi-Wan.
However, he was reluctant to depart just yet. He felt the need to reconnect with Obi- Wan on another level. "Tell me, your highness" he spoke quietly, politely, and almost pleadingly. "How...has he been this past year?"
A part of the queen wanted to let him have it again. If he weren't such an idiot, he would know. Another part of her really felt the need to talk. She would rather talk to Obi-Wan, but since she couldn't she felt the need to talk of him. She also needed to reconnect, and this was her only available option.
"He is happier now, but it has been a long journey for him." She paused as a memory, now months past, coursed through her mind. She decided to share the memory. Not out of compassion for the man who sat before her, but more so that that man would maybe, just maybe understand the depth of the pain he had caused the young man that was now so dear to her heart.
XIXI
Chancellor Palpatine left his quarters in the west wing of the palace. As an honored quest of the queen, he and his entourage had the entire wing to themselves.
Moving quietly, he traversed the corridors until he came upon one, which appeared to be a dead end. A beautiful mural adorned the wall. He approached the wall, seemingly absorbed in the beauty of the art.
He stood for a moment, before turning his back to the wall. He had felt something, a brief flicker of a presence. Immersing himself in the powerful darkness of the Force, he reached out to scan his surroundings.
Nothing.
He leaned back against the wall, near the painted waterfall in the corner. Casting out with those powerful senses once more, he smiled, satisfied he was alone.
Pressing his body into the waterfall, he moved quickly into the darkness as the hidden panel shifted. As the panel closed, no trace of light or Chancellor Palpatine remained.
XIXI
Two very wide blue eyes peered cautiously around the large potted Gi'etta tree at the end of the corridor.
Anakin Skywalker stepped from behind the shrub and stared at the spot where the Chancellor had vanished, a look of amazement on his face.
"Whoa! Wizard! Master Qui-Gon is never gonna believe this!"
XIXI
Sideous moved with ease through the darkness of the ancient tunnels. They would lead him eventually to the catacombs that lie beneath the palace, and to the young Jedi who would be his legacy.
XIXI
Amidala closed the doors to her suite and let out a small sigh. It had been a long day, and it was late. She had dismissed her handmaidens in favor of a few moments of privacy before she retired.
She had reluctantly left Anakin at Master Jinn's bedside in the infirmary. The boy was adamant about not leaving the large Jedi's side. She had covered him with a blanket and tried to make him as comfortable as possible before leaving him for the evening.
She donned a sleeveless white satin floor length nightgown and on an impulse headed for the balcony. She struggled into the matching robe as she pushed open the doors and stepped into the cool night air. She closed her eyes as a gentle breeze caressed her skin and pushed the hair back from her shoulders. She tied the robe loosely about her waist as she drank in the sight of the beautiful moonlit garden
below.
For several moments she simply lost herself in the beauty below, uncaring how late it was or how tired she was. Soon though, the events of the day began to catch up with her. It was too late to be doing this. She was about to turn away when amovement caught her eye.
A young man moved silently through the garden. She watched, as he seemed to walk aimlessly for a time before he stopped and suddenly slipped to his knees, his face turning to the moon above. She only saw his profile, but it was enough to recognize Master Jinn's handsome young apprentice.
She watched him for a while and when he didn't move, she grew concerned. Sliding
into her slippers she started for the door. On yet another impulse, she paused upon
opening the door and kicked the slippers from her feet and into a corner.
She padded through the palace barefoot (and loving it) to the gardens below. At this
late hour there was no one to inquire of her attire, or her agenda. She entered the
garden and moved quietly towards the young Jedi.
The closer she got, the more foolish she felt. She did not know this young man. They
had been introduced of course, but their contact had been limited. She had dealt
mainly with Master Jinn.
Not really knowing what drove her, she continued to approach the young man. If he
was aware of her presence, she saw no sign. His back was to her and she heard and
saw a slight hitch in his breathing.
Not wanting to startle him, she walked a wide circle, coming to stand before him. It
was in the process of doing this that she noticed the wet trails of tears on his face.
Acting entirely without thought she dropped to her knees in front of the young Jedi.
It wasn't until his eyes flew open that she realized she had raised her hand to his
face to brush away the tears.
His eyes were wide with shock, and then possibly embarrassment. His mouth opened
in an attempt to explain perhaps, but nothing came out. Her fingers, still wet from
his tears, moved to softly press against his lips - effectively silencing him. His eyes
searched her face in confusion.
The pain she saw in those eyes took her aback. She didn't know him, and
had no idea what had brought him to this state. If she asked, he probably would not tell
her. And, if he did, would she be able to do anything about it? All she knew was that
she needed to do something to help ease that pain.
Before the silence could become awkward, and before she lost her nerve, shesuddenly leaned forward andwrapped her arms around him, and held tight. There was a moment of doubt when all he did was stiffen in her embrace. Seconds passed, and she began to feel foolish. It was just when she was about to pull away that she felt him relax against her. She dared not move, afraid to break the spell as the Jedi ever so slowly lifted his arms to return her embrace.
Obi-Wan held her tentatively at first, but as the seconds passed his embrace became tighter and more desperate. Silent tears fell into her hair as he buried his face and his body noticeably trembled with suppressed emotions as she reached to stroke her fingers through his ginger hair, all the while whispering soft words of reassurance into his ear.
She had no idea how long they knelt there, rocking gently, on the dew-covered grass under the moon. As he clung to her, she wondered how long it had been since someone had just held him? How long had it been since someone had held her like this? She hadn't realized until that moment that she had needed this as much as he obviously did.
Eventually, his tremors began to subside and his embrace slowly loosened. She heard a very small sniffle and felt him move a hand to wipe his eyes. He began to stiffen again, and she knew he was about to pull away. Determined not to let the situation become awkward, she decided to break the silence.
"Well, as beautiful as the gardens are this time of the evening, it's getting a bit chilly out here for my liking," she wrapped her arms around herself as they pulled away from each other. "Join me for some tea?" She asked hopefully.
His head was still bowed, but his gaze moved to hers from beneath lowered lashes. She could tell he felt a bit self-conscious and embarrassed, which was nonsense as far as she was concerned.
"We don't have to talk, if you don't want to." Since they were still kneeling, she rose to her feet and extended her hand to him, "Come, lets go inside."
He hesitated, and she knew that it was probably the last thing he wanted to do right now. For some reason, she could easily picture him kneeling on the cold wet grass all night. - and that just would not do. Something told her that the last thing this young man needed, was to be alone.
"Your highness," his voice was soft with regret and she knew he was going to somehow try to escape her company.
"You are not going to refuse the Queen, are you?" she knew it was dirty, but she also suspected it would work. She was right.
He sighed as his gaze once again fell to the ground. She could tell that he knew she was manipulating him, but thankfully he was too gracious to call her on it.
"I wouldn't dream of it, your highness." His voice had taken on a different tone. One she didn't recognize, but in the months to come would become very familiar with. She wasn't sure, but it was almost mischievous. He took her hand and rose to his feet.
Their eyes locked, and something moved between them. He looked past her queen persona, and truly saw her. She looked past the Jedi and saw the man beneath. He still had a long way to go, but she had helped him.
He smiled, getting some idea through the Force of how important they would become to each other. For the moment, his heart was lightened and he allowed himself to exist only in this moment, with this young Queen. A twinkle that was not there mere moments ago, shone brightly in his eyes. Amidala sensed the slight change in his demeanor and had to ask, "Is something amusing, Jedi Kenobi?"
"No, not at all your Highness" he spoke lightly, as his gaze purposefully fell to her bare feet. "I've just never seen such a small lady with…. such... big feet." He said haltingly as if to spare her feelings.
For a moment she was insulted, but one look into his eyes showed the mirth sparkling within. Perhaps he wasn't so gracious after all. She realized she would do anything to keep that spark there, "Yes, well. They came in quite handy stepping on all the little people on my way to the top" her manner matched his and she wiggled her toes playfully.
The smile he favored her with was breathtaking. Her breath caught as she realized how easy it would be to get lost in that smile. Thankfully, she was too smart to fall for him. She wanted from him, what he needed from her. A friend.
She shivered as a cool garden breeze stroked her pale skin and he quickly removed his robe to wrap around her.
"Let's get you inside, Bigfoot."
8/15/05 – Chapter Edited. Lots of little changes here and there. Some grammatical and others more noticeable. This fic still gets lots of hits – so if there are any complaints about the new changes, by all means – let me know :) Thanks. Shan.