Okay, I'm posting sooner than I had originally planned here. But I know
how it is, I hate to wait for the next post in a fic I'm really enjoying
too. I've been posting this fic at TF.N also, and am a couple of posts
ahead of where I am here. You're almost caught up, but just to let you
know, when that happens you'll be waiting a bit longer between chapters-
okay?
As always, thank you all for the wonderful comments. They make my day. As a special treat. .this next post was originally two posts. But just for you I made it into one long post. I hope no one finds it confusing at all, as it is done in alternating points of view. It should be pretty clear though. Let me know if it's not. Enjoy! Cuz we're getting to the nitty gritty here : )
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His internal time sense told him that morning was fast approaching. He lingered a few moments longer in his meditation, trying to strengthen his weakened bond with Obi-Wan.
Their bond had always been strong, stronger than most. However, Qui-Gon feared his efforts were too little, too late. Unless Obi-Wan opened the bond from his end, and was in close proximity his efforts may be for not. Still, he'd had to try.
Slowly surfacing from his meditation, he became aware of being watched. He opened his eyes to find Anakin seated across from him. Once again Qui-Gon was amazed at the boys shielding ability. He had not sensed the boy approach and could not now sense anything from him. The boy's look was speculative and guarded.
"Anakin, why are you shielding from me?"
"Sorry, Master." Slightly abashed, Anakin closed his eyes and Qui-Gon could feel when the boy finally focused and let his shields down. Not all the way, but enough for him to get a sense of the boy's emotions through the training bond.
Qui-Gon sighed to himself. He had been so preoccupied since Obi-Wan's disappearance that he hadn't taken the time to find out how Anakin was dealing with everything. The increase in the boys shielding led him to believe that everything was not all right.
He had spent many long hours over the past year working with Anakin on his shielding. Where as most initiates had to be taught how to shield, his padawan had had to learn how to lower his shields. Qui-Gon could only assume that the intense shielding that seemed to come so effortlessly to the boy was due to his life as a slave.
Before the training bond could be forged, Qui-Gon and Anakin had worked on lowering those shields. It took a lot of time and patience, and went painstakingly slow. It went against every instinct the boy had to purposefully lower his shields. Shields that would rival that of any Jedi Master.
It was close to two months before the training bond could begin to be established. And still, in time of stress or uncertainty, those shields would rise again. Seemingly of their own volition. Qui-Gon wondered if Anakin was even conscious of it at all.
Qui-Gon sat silently, studying the boy before him. Anakin was so entirely different from Obi-Wan. From the beginning, even before taking Obi-Wan as his apprentice, he had been able to read the boy just by looking into his eyes. The eyes were definitely the window to that boy's soul. It had been both a blessing and a curse over their years together.
As the silence stretched Anakin began to fidget slightly and asked, "Is there something wrong, master?"
"Why don't you tell me? I sense that all is not right with you my young apprentice."
"I'm not sure what you mean, Master."
"Anakin, do not mislead me. You haven't shielded against me like that in some time. And now that you've lowered them, I can sense your inner conflict."
Qui-Gon watched as Anakin lowered his gaze and began to fidget with the hem of his tunic. The action was completely uncharacteristic, and showed a vulnerability that echoed that of his former apprentice.
The response when it came was so soft that he had to lean forward slightly to hear it. "You love him don't you?"
Qui-Gon was slightly taken aback by the question. Of course he loved Obi- Wan, but how would Anakin know that. In all their time together he had never discussed Obi-Wan with the boy. Through the bond he could sense nervous uncertainty and a fleeting trace of ..jealousy?
"Anakin, look at me" his tone was gentle and he waited until the boy met his gaze. "Obi-Wan has been a part of my life for a long time. We have been through a lot together."
After a moment Anakin spoke, "That doesn't really answer my question, Master." His gaze dropped again and Qui-Gon could sense Anakin's need to know his answer, and his fear of it as well.
"No, I suppose it doesn't" Qui-Gon had never been a man to bear his feelings. He had always tried to make them known through his actions. He never questioned how those actions were interpreted; he just assumed they were taken as he meant them. That had changed with Anakin. He had tried to be openly affectionate with the boy, knowing that as a slave he had probably received very little. It had been hard for him at first, but over their year together it had become more natural.
"Yes" Qui-Gon spoke softly. "I love him dearly. He is a son to me." He was not surprised to find it hard to swallow. His throat was unusually tight, and he blinked rapidly as tears threatened. However, being the master of emotions that he was, it took him only mere seconds to recover.
"You never talked about him," the voice was small but determined to continue. "Why?"
This time Qui-Gon did sigh. He was too far into this now. He could be nothing but honest with Anakin.
"Because it hurt too much," he stated simply. "The distance between myself and Obi-Wan is completely my doing. I handled some things very badly, and I hurt him in the process.
That was certainly an oversimplification of things, but true nonetheless. He didn't want to go into details with the boy. Anakin was not the cause of the rift with Obi-Wan. It was how he had responded to the boy that had started things.
"It was because of me, wasn't it?" Anakin asked as if reading his thoughts.
"No, Anakin. Never think that. It was because of me. There were so many things I never told him. I never told him that I was sorry. I never told him that I would never have let him go if I thought he were not ready. I never told him..that I love him." He paused, realizing that he had said more than he had meant to.
~There are so many things I never said to him. Things that should have been said a long time ago.~ he thought.
Obi-Wan had always shown some insecurity when it came to him. He knew it was undoubtedly caused by his initial rejection of the boy. He had tried over the years to make up for that lapse in his judgment, and he thought he had succeeded.
"Master?" The softly spoken question pulled him from his thoughts on Obi- Wan. "Do..do you think..you'll ever.......love me like that?" Qui-Gon was obviously surprised by the question. He took a moment to study the boy before him, who seemed so suddenly uncertain. He had to remind himself that though Anakin seemed confident in himself-even over confident at times, that he was still just a child. And filled with all the insecurities of a child.
"I'd say it's very possible" He smiled at the pleased look on the boys face. "I care for you very much Anakin, and the longer we are together, the closer we will become.
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Sideous' frustration seemed to increase with the approach of morning. He had not given the knight a moment's peace during the long night.
He had taken many breaks during the physical torture, wanting the knight to remain conscious. During this time he would relentlessly worm his way into that bright young mind.
He had given up on the subtle approach and was very deliberately and perversely altering all memories pertaining to Qui-Gon Jinn.
He looked to the knight who was barely clinging to consciousness. He new the young man would be hard to break, but he had been sure that Jinn would be the key. He could feel the young mans pain, but he absolutely refused to channel it into anger.
Ruthlessly, Sideous pushed his way into that young mind once again. As with his previous attempts, weak rudimentary shields tried to rise against him. This time however, they simply collapsed before he could force his way through.
He paused for a moment as the knight before him made a small sound of distress. It seems he was making some progress after all. He smiled to himself as he pushed further into that now unresisting mind.
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~No. no. no. Not again. ~ He thought as his eyes squeezed shut and his head thrashed back and forth as if that would dispel that cold presence from once again invading his mind.
He could not stop the small sound of despair that escaped his throat as his very weakened shields finally collapsed. He was exhausted both mentally and physically. And he was not sure how much more of this he could take.
//You always were weak, Obi-Wan//
The taunting voice of his former master was unmistakable in his mind.
//What a pathetic excuse for a knight you turned out to be. Perhaps you should have been a farmer after all//
Oh, that hurt. As he had done the whole night through, he simply accepted the pain these hurtful words inevitably produced. He would not circumvent his pain into anger; that was what the sith wanted.
Instead he tried his best to release that pain. More than a little difficult when one cannot access the force.
//You are not my master// His exhaustion had permeated his mental voice as well. //And you are wasting your time//
For a moment that dark presence in his mind nearly overwhelmed him. His eyes flew open as a cold hand settled around his throat and his head was pushed back against the metal table.
//EMBRACE YOUR ANGER!// It was a command and radiated barely controlled rage. It was the sith who spoke in his mind now. Gone was the voice of his master, much to his relief.
"I cannot embrace that which I do not have." He spoke aloud this time wanting to avoid the intimacy of telepathic communication.
//I can feel the hate within you, hatred for HIM//
"No. I do not hate him. I hate what he did. I could never hate him, and I would never dishonor or hurt him by embracing the darkside."
An unnerving moment of silence passed as the sith regarded him speculatively.
//You are nothing to him. To me, you could be everything// It was spoken with the promise of power and a wistful longing that he surely did not want to analyze.
"HIS feelings for ME are of no consequence. To me..He is everything. The only father I have ever known. I will not betray him."
//So loyal. And so pathetic. Your love is your weakness, young one//
"Perhaps. Or perhaps it is my greatest strength." With that, Obi-Wan closed his eyes on the sith. Calmness had descended upon him. He was at peace with his fate. He would not turn. He would die.
He spared a fleeting thought to wonder if his master would care. It didn't really matter though. His love for Qui-Gon had saved him this night. It did not matter if that love was not returned. His love would carry him into death, and into the force beyond. If not for that love he may have been tempted to embrace the darkness so solicitously offered.
His thoughts turned to Qui-Gon again. What was the sith's plan? Would he go after Qui-Gon? He decided not to center on his anxieties. There was nothing he could do about it. Qui-Gon was a jedi master. He could take care of himself.
It also calmed him greatly to know that should his master not survive, that he would be there to greet him and welcome him into the force.
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Disgusted by the calm acceptance surrounding the knight, Sideous sought to shatter that peace. He would not give up so easily.
Kenobi's eyes were closed now, seemingly in meditation. He removed his hand from the young mans throat and looked to the monitors. The palace was coming to life as the suns first rays fell.
He saw Jinn and his padawan having what appeared to be a heart to heart (gag) on one monitor. However, his eyes were drawn to the flurry of movement on another as the queen's handmaidens began to attend her.
Inspiration struck, as he turned once more to his young captive. His voice was deceptively serene as he spoke.
"So ready to die, young one? I wonder.... would you be so eager if I were to tell you what I plan to do to your young queen."
He was instantly gratified as a sharp spike of fear and anger reverberated through the force. It was of course quickly suppressed, but the damage had been done. He had found a new outlet to use against the knight.
Sideous could also feel determination and he listened closely as the knight finally spoke.
"She is stronger than she looks." Still that damned defiance. However, he could almost taste the carefully concealed fear threatening to break through that calm facade.
"We shall see." The smile he favored the knight with could only be described as hideous. It broadened considerably as he noticed the minute shiver that worked its way through that lean frame. He was looking forward to the night to come, but for now he had a summit to chair. Oh yes, and a brat to take care of.
He spoke with Kemar briefly before returning to the knight. He reached with alarming gentleness to stroke the sweat-matted hair from the knight's eyes before speaking.
"Until later my young apprentice."
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To Be Continued....
As always, thank you all for the wonderful comments. They make my day. As a special treat. .this next post was originally two posts. But just for you I made it into one long post. I hope no one finds it confusing at all, as it is done in alternating points of view. It should be pretty clear though. Let me know if it's not. Enjoy! Cuz we're getting to the nitty gritty here : )
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His internal time sense told him that morning was fast approaching. He lingered a few moments longer in his meditation, trying to strengthen his weakened bond with Obi-Wan.
Their bond had always been strong, stronger than most. However, Qui-Gon feared his efforts were too little, too late. Unless Obi-Wan opened the bond from his end, and was in close proximity his efforts may be for not. Still, he'd had to try.
Slowly surfacing from his meditation, he became aware of being watched. He opened his eyes to find Anakin seated across from him. Once again Qui-Gon was amazed at the boys shielding ability. He had not sensed the boy approach and could not now sense anything from him. The boy's look was speculative and guarded.
"Anakin, why are you shielding from me?"
"Sorry, Master." Slightly abashed, Anakin closed his eyes and Qui-Gon could feel when the boy finally focused and let his shields down. Not all the way, but enough for him to get a sense of the boy's emotions through the training bond.
Qui-Gon sighed to himself. He had been so preoccupied since Obi-Wan's disappearance that he hadn't taken the time to find out how Anakin was dealing with everything. The increase in the boys shielding led him to believe that everything was not all right.
He had spent many long hours over the past year working with Anakin on his shielding. Where as most initiates had to be taught how to shield, his padawan had had to learn how to lower his shields. Qui-Gon could only assume that the intense shielding that seemed to come so effortlessly to the boy was due to his life as a slave.
Before the training bond could be forged, Qui-Gon and Anakin had worked on lowering those shields. It took a lot of time and patience, and went painstakingly slow. It went against every instinct the boy had to purposefully lower his shields. Shields that would rival that of any Jedi Master.
It was close to two months before the training bond could begin to be established. And still, in time of stress or uncertainty, those shields would rise again. Seemingly of their own volition. Qui-Gon wondered if Anakin was even conscious of it at all.
Qui-Gon sat silently, studying the boy before him. Anakin was so entirely different from Obi-Wan. From the beginning, even before taking Obi-Wan as his apprentice, he had been able to read the boy just by looking into his eyes. The eyes were definitely the window to that boy's soul. It had been both a blessing and a curse over their years together.
As the silence stretched Anakin began to fidget slightly and asked, "Is there something wrong, master?"
"Why don't you tell me? I sense that all is not right with you my young apprentice."
"I'm not sure what you mean, Master."
"Anakin, do not mislead me. You haven't shielded against me like that in some time. And now that you've lowered them, I can sense your inner conflict."
Qui-Gon watched as Anakin lowered his gaze and began to fidget with the hem of his tunic. The action was completely uncharacteristic, and showed a vulnerability that echoed that of his former apprentice.
The response when it came was so soft that he had to lean forward slightly to hear it. "You love him don't you?"
Qui-Gon was slightly taken aback by the question. Of course he loved Obi- Wan, but how would Anakin know that. In all their time together he had never discussed Obi-Wan with the boy. Through the bond he could sense nervous uncertainty and a fleeting trace of ..jealousy?
"Anakin, look at me" his tone was gentle and he waited until the boy met his gaze. "Obi-Wan has been a part of my life for a long time. We have been through a lot together."
After a moment Anakin spoke, "That doesn't really answer my question, Master." His gaze dropped again and Qui-Gon could sense Anakin's need to know his answer, and his fear of it as well.
"No, I suppose it doesn't" Qui-Gon had never been a man to bear his feelings. He had always tried to make them known through his actions. He never questioned how those actions were interpreted; he just assumed they were taken as he meant them. That had changed with Anakin. He had tried to be openly affectionate with the boy, knowing that as a slave he had probably received very little. It had been hard for him at first, but over their year together it had become more natural.
"Yes" Qui-Gon spoke softly. "I love him dearly. He is a son to me." He was not surprised to find it hard to swallow. His throat was unusually tight, and he blinked rapidly as tears threatened. However, being the master of emotions that he was, it took him only mere seconds to recover.
"You never talked about him," the voice was small but determined to continue. "Why?"
This time Qui-Gon did sigh. He was too far into this now. He could be nothing but honest with Anakin.
"Because it hurt too much," he stated simply. "The distance between myself and Obi-Wan is completely my doing. I handled some things very badly, and I hurt him in the process.
That was certainly an oversimplification of things, but true nonetheless. He didn't want to go into details with the boy. Anakin was not the cause of the rift with Obi-Wan. It was how he had responded to the boy that had started things.
"It was because of me, wasn't it?" Anakin asked as if reading his thoughts.
"No, Anakin. Never think that. It was because of me. There were so many things I never told him. I never told him that I was sorry. I never told him that I would never have let him go if I thought he were not ready. I never told him..that I love him." He paused, realizing that he had said more than he had meant to.
~There are so many things I never said to him. Things that should have been said a long time ago.~ he thought.
Obi-Wan had always shown some insecurity when it came to him. He knew it was undoubtedly caused by his initial rejection of the boy. He had tried over the years to make up for that lapse in his judgment, and he thought he had succeeded.
"Master?" The softly spoken question pulled him from his thoughts on Obi- Wan. "Do..do you think..you'll ever.......love me like that?" Qui-Gon was obviously surprised by the question. He took a moment to study the boy before him, who seemed so suddenly uncertain. He had to remind himself that though Anakin seemed confident in himself-even over confident at times, that he was still just a child. And filled with all the insecurities of a child.
"I'd say it's very possible" He smiled at the pleased look on the boys face. "I care for you very much Anakin, and the longer we are together, the closer we will become.
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Sideous' frustration seemed to increase with the approach of morning. He had not given the knight a moment's peace during the long night.
He had taken many breaks during the physical torture, wanting the knight to remain conscious. During this time he would relentlessly worm his way into that bright young mind.
He had given up on the subtle approach and was very deliberately and perversely altering all memories pertaining to Qui-Gon Jinn.
He looked to the knight who was barely clinging to consciousness. He new the young man would be hard to break, but he had been sure that Jinn would be the key. He could feel the young mans pain, but he absolutely refused to channel it into anger.
Ruthlessly, Sideous pushed his way into that young mind once again. As with his previous attempts, weak rudimentary shields tried to rise against him. This time however, they simply collapsed before he could force his way through.
He paused for a moment as the knight before him made a small sound of distress. It seems he was making some progress after all. He smiled to himself as he pushed further into that now unresisting mind.
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~No. no. no. Not again. ~ He thought as his eyes squeezed shut and his head thrashed back and forth as if that would dispel that cold presence from once again invading his mind.
He could not stop the small sound of despair that escaped his throat as his very weakened shields finally collapsed. He was exhausted both mentally and physically. And he was not sure how much more of this he could take.
//You always were weak, Obi-Wan//
The taunting voice of his former master was unmistakable in his mind.
//What a pathetic excuse for a knight you turned out to be. Perhaps you should have been a farmer after all//
Oh, that hurt. As he had done the whole night through, he simply accepted the pain these hurtful words inevitably produced. He would not circumvent his pain into anger; that was what the sith wanted.
Instead he tried his best to release that pain. More than a little difficult when one cannot access the force.
//You are not my master// His exhaustion had permeated his mental voice as well. //And you are wasting your time//
For a moment that dark presence in his mind nearly overwhelmed him. His eyes flew open as a cold hand settled around his throat and his head was pushed back against the metal table.
//EMBRACE YOUR ANGER!// It was a command and radiated barely controlled rage. It was the sith who spoke in his mind now. Gone was the voice of his master, much to his relief.
"I cannot embrace that which I do not have." He spoke aloud this time wanting to avoid the intimacy of telepathic communication.
//I can feel the hate within you, hatred for HIM//
"No. I do not hate him. I hate what he did. I could never hate him, and I would never dishonor or hurt him by embracing the darkside."
An unnerving moment of silence passed as the sith regarded him speculatively.
//You are nothing to him. To me, you could be everything// It was spoken with the promise of power and a wistful longing that he surely did not want to analyze.
"HIS feelings for ME are of no consequence. To me..He is everything. The only father I have ever known. I will not betray him."
//So loyal. And so pathetic. Your love is your weakness, young one//
"Perhaps. Or perhaps it is my greatest strength." With that, Obi-Wan closed his eyes on the sith. Calmness had descended upon him. He was at peace with his fate. He would not turn. He would die.
He spared a fleeting thought to wonder if his master would care. It didn't really matter though. His love for Qui-Gon had saved him this night. It did not matter if that love was not returned. His love would carry him into death, and into the force beyond. If not for that love he may have been tempted to embrace the darkness so solicitously offered.
His thoughts turned to Qui-Gon again. What was the sith's plan? Would he go after Qui-Gon? He decided not to center on his anxieties. There was nothing he could do about it. Qui-Gon was a jedi master. He could take care of himself.
It also calmed him greatly to know that should his master not survive, that he would be there to greet him and welcome him into the force.
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Disgusted by the calm acceptance surrounding the knight, Sideous sought to shatter that peace. He would not give up so easily.
Kenobi's eyes were closed now, seemingly in meditation. He removed his hand from the young mans throat and looked to the monitors. The palace was coming to life as the suns first rays fell.
He saw Jinn and his padawan having what appeared to be a heart to heart (gag) on one monitor. However, his eyes were drawn to the flurry of movement on another as the queen's handmaidens began to attend her.
Inspiration struck, as he turned once more to his young captive. His voice was deceptively serene as he spoke.
"So ready to die, young one? I wonder.... would you be so eager if I were to tell you what I plan to do to your young queen."
He was instantly gratified as a sharp spike of fear and anger reverberated through the force. It was of course quickly suppressed, but the damage had been done. He had found a new outlet to use against the knight.
Sideous could also feel determination and he listened closely as the knight finally spoke.
"She is stronger than she looks." Still that damned defiance. However, he could almost taste the carefully concealed fear threatening to break through that calm facade.
"We shall see." The smile he favored the knight with could only be described as hideous. It broadened considerably as he noticed the minute shiver that worked its way through that lean frame. He was looking forward to the night to come, but for now he had a summit to chair. Oh yes, and a brat to take care of.
He spoke with Kemar briefly before returning to the knight. He reached with alarming gentleness to stroke the sweat-matted hair from the knight's eyes before speaking.
"Until later my young apprentice."
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To Be Continued....