Authors Note: Sorry this chapter's so short. I was going to make it longer, but it seemed to be telling me to stop. Every chapter seems to have its own natural stopping point. Anyway, enjoy!
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Chapter Nine: When the World
Spins So Fast...
The more I had lived on the outside,
the more I had questioned why it was we left Manticore. I had thought that after having that
mini-epiphany, back when I had been running towards the perimeter, that life
would be...well, I want to say easy, but that's not really what I had in
mind. I guess I had figured that it
would have been easier to cope living on the outside knowing what we had left. But it hadn't been. Not really.
I remember always struggling...trying not to lose sight of the reason we
had left. The blood
that had been shed for our freedom.
The guilt I had felt...the guilt I still feel...I never meant to doubt
what she had done for us...What she had given up for us...I knew it had been a
sacrifice...but when the whole world is spinning around you so fast, and you
just can't quite seem to be fast enough to grab hold of something...grab onto
something to steady yourself...I always felt like I was betraying them. I didn't know then that it was ok to be
unsure, to be overwhelmed by what I didn't know, what I didn't understand.
On the days when I felt worst, when I
was cold and hungry and almost wished we had never left...it always hurt that
much more...knowing that, despite the cold and the hunger, I was free, and
that's what they died for. That's what Eva died for. The only thing that kept me from going make
was the knowledge that if I did, I really would betray her, her death really
would have been in vain. So I stayed, surviving
with what knowledge I had. The sun kept
on rising and setting, as always, and as always, I would rise and set with
it...just like I had all my life.