"Tears in Heaven" By Tsutsui Kimihiro
Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis is not mine, of course, and neither is the song " Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven
Shuusuke Fuji knew as soon as he glanced out that window that he would have given his immortal soul to take it back, to not have looked, or even to have looked a few seconds earlier or later. But even so, his vacant expression didn't change. He showed no reaction to what he saw out there at all, but inside he felt as if he were dying, and he couldn't breath., however, he would never allow himself to be so outspoken with is feelings, to be under-mined with such petty emotions when it was usually so easy to cover them up and conceal them. Nether-the-less, he couldn't pretend they didn't exist at all, he knew that so well that it hurt him sometimes. In fact, he was hurt now, but Fuji didn't say anything. He didn't cry, or cough from the sudden lack of oxygen. (He had hyperventilated.)
He simply turned back to his work and concentrated on the book in front of him, although it took a few moments until the Kanji became syllables again, and those syllables became words and those words became sentences and even longer before he was able to make himself concentrate hard enough to comprehend it. It occurred to him that he had been on the same page for the last ten or so minutes so he quickly flipped the page. He wouldn't allow himself to appear so distant and out of it. He had an image to uphold, after all. But even so, the image in his mind didn't go away no matter how long he distracted himself from it. It was burned into his mind and it hurt worse than any injury he could have suffered from playing tennis.
Tezuka, outside…walking side by side ( not holding hands, however, because Tezuka Kunimitsu had an image to uphold as well) with her. Fuji hated her, mostly because he couldn't bring himself to hate Tezuka, no matter how much he wanted to. She and Fuji took second block together, and that was the time when he found it hardest to act as if everything was ok. When she smiled, or laughed or talked casually to her friends, he hated her even more. He hated her the most when she talked about Tezuka, about how handsome and kind he was. About when he had taken her to the various places they went on dates, about how Tezuka had remembered her birthday and what she had picked out as a gift for his birthday and how she hoped that they would be able to spend New Years together and most of all about how happy she was. Fuji simply hated her with a burning passion. He wanted to hate Tezuka the same way, because it would be such a relief from loving him so much that he cared. Tezuka had never gone on dates with Fuji, which was ok because they understood each other. They had, however, planned to spend New Year's together. Everything had been like a dream, up until one month ago.
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven
A month ago Tezuka had said that he and Fuji couldn't be together anymore. That was the only time Fuji had cried, and it hadn't been in front of Tezuka. He had calmly waited until he was home, and even then he had made sure that Yuuta wouldn't know. When Tezuka said that they had no future together, that was the first time that he felt that he couldn't breath, that his feelings were out of control. He had barely been able to speak, and he couldn't think. His feelings for Tezuka had been strong, and Tezuka had returned them. Why now? Why?
" We have no future together, Fuji-kun." Fuji? Only yesterday he had called him Shuusuke, and he had called Tezuka Kunimitsu. How could everything be erased so easily? Those were the thoughts that Fuji couldn't erase from his mind, he could only push them back for a short while.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, beggin please
And then he had started dating her. Someone he had a future with, someone who wasn't a boy. Sure, she was pretty and smart and perfect ( As Fuji thought this, he angrily turned the page in his book, almost ripping it and Eiji looked at him carefully, Fuji turned to him and smiled, and Eiji looked satisfied and went back to his own work. That was good, it gave Fuji a moment to relax and get a hold of himself.) Back to the self-loathing, because however much he hated her, he hated himself more.
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven
End.
Authors note: I know I know, it's so short! I worked more on the general quality of the story than I did the length. Obviously it is about Fuji's feelings about Tezuka leaving him, and his feelings about Tezuka's new girlfriend. I wrote this fic because at the time, my own girlfriend had just broken up with me and a short time later I found out she was going out with someone else, even though she led me on and acted like she still liked me. I will probably continue this fic for atleast one or two more chapters.