Title: Thankfulkuss
Author: Evidence
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: A parody of a Thanksgiving dinner between CSI and WaT. Thanks to D and Maple Street.
The dinner was served at Jack's now much grander apartment. Hank, deciding his show needed some plot holes to be like everyone else, erased the Malone daughters and made Maria leave town to help out at a hen farm. (Have to keep up the angst.) The criminologists from Las Vegas just all happened to be in town, the reason for them being there was swept under the carpet to be brought up in season 7 when no one cared.
All of the celebrants gathered around a long table in Jack's expansive dinning room ready to chow down on some turkey. Vivian had arranged the seating. Grissom sat next to Sara who he hadn't even looked at yet, Jack was at one head of the table, Sam at the other. Catherine had her own table in the living room so that no one would be upstaged.
"Geez!" Danny Taylor was heard to say as he flung an ant off the table.
"What's the matter?" Jack asked, also concerned for the people who worked for him.
"There was a bug on the table, I slapped it off," Danny replied.
"A bug?" Grissom's eyes lit up as if Jack had brought out the turkey.
"Yeah," Danny looked at him oddly.
Grissom, throwing himself to the ground, launched his body under the wooden table.
"Here we go again," Nick sighed.
"Hey, watch it!" Vivian scolded, "That was my foot."
Sara felt someone kick her leg. She turned to look at Samantha who was sitting adjacent her. "Go help him look for the bug," Sam instructed in a whisper.
Sara shook her head. "No, not anymore."
Sam got up and promptly pulled the back of the chair sending Sara to the ground.
"Hey!" Sara yelled.
"Sam..." Jack said eyeing her.
"Go help him," Sam said pushing Sara along until she was under the table.
"Okay time to bring out the food, I could use some help," Jack said looking around the crowd and trying to pretend Sam wasn't there. "Martin, Nick, great, thanks."
The three men headed off to the kitchen.
Catherine's voiced boomed in from the living room, "...then I met this guy. What a loser."
Warrick quickly got up and shut the door.
"See I told Jack we needed a mattress to drown her out," Danny said shaking his head.
"Why did he say no?" asked Warrick who had just kicked at both Grissom and Sara who were still under the table.
"Something about not being to concentrate if his shipmate was in the same room as him and a mattress."
Jack came back out then carrying the turkey. "I've already sliced some pieces so we can start eating."
Vivian poked her head under the table, "Guys we're eating."
"Found him!" Grissom's voice bellowed as he appeared dusting dirt off his newly bought Gap jeans and white tight t-shirt. He looked as if he had been raiding Nick's closet. Grissom sat down at his seat, ignoring Sara for it was an easy thing for him to do. He put the ant next to his plate.
"Hey, get that off the table, people will be eating," Jack ordered.
Grissom looked like he wanted to cry, "But..."
Jack quickly walked over and took the ant from his place on the table. He thought about killing it, watching it die but changed his mind. He couldn't kill it even if it was contaminating his dinner. Taking a well-placed shoebox full of sand- Jack put the ant in it and covered it. It would survive during dinner and then Grissom could take it home in a doggie bag.
"Where is the rest of the food?" Vivian asked.
Jack turned back tot he kitchen, his work never done. He entered and was horrified by what he found: Nick and Martin engulfing all of the Thanksgiving food!
Turnip hung out of Martin's mouth as he said, "Sorry Jack, we haven't eaten since the last scene."
"You two disgust me," Jack said turning around and heading back home.
Grissom was still whipping away tears from his eyes with his belt, Sara was scowling, and Sam was radiating with a heavenly glow. Gosh she wears a lot of white now, Jack thought. Must have been a sale at Marshall's. "I'm afraid Dingle la and dingle da in there ate our Thanksgiving dinner."
"What?" Warrick asked.
Danny got a weird expression on his face. "They are alone together with ...food. Excuse me." He hurried in.
"At least we still have the turkey and some wine." Jack magically brought out two bottles of Merlot from a chest that actually held nothing. He poured everyone a glass.
"Will you stop crying about the damn bug," Sara said swallowing a mouth full of her wine.
"He was so precious to me," Grissom said biting his lip. "I would have taken him for a ride on my motorcycle."
"Your motorcycle?" Sara stared at him.
"Yeah I'm getting one next mouth, add to my mid-life change."
"Motorcycles might be fun to ride on TOGETHER," Sam said stressing the last word. They both just looked at her.
"Let us do a toast," Jack said holding up his glass. "Let's be thankful that ratings are good and hopefully Emmys are in our futures."
Catherine's voice rang out, "Yes!"
"Not you!" Jack yelled back. He looked down at Sam. Their eyes locked. He could hear Vivian instructing him to stop. And then bang! All of the wineglasses shattered throwing wine on everyone and making shards of glass everywhere.
"Damn it guys!" Vivian yelled, wiping her face.
"Sam, your shirt...is a mess," Jack said.
"I should wipe it off," She said getting up.
"I'll help," and with that they disappeared from the table like someone in the first few minutes after ten o'clock.
"Oh God!" Grissom said grabbing Sara's hand. A shard of glass was embedded it in. "I have my first aid kit out in the car, let me remove that for you."
Sara smiled the first smile of the year. "Okay."
He turned to get up and Sara quickly grabbed more glass from the table sticking it wherever she could.
He turned back. "Dear God, you're worse than I thought, come on," he said letting her lean on him.
"I'm taking the turkey and leaving," Vivian said, grabbing it and making a run for it.
"Hey," Warrick yelled from behind her and ran out the door only to be absent from five more episodes.
Time passed and eventually Catherine got sick of talking to herself. She ventured back to the dining room looking for the other government employees. "Guys, have I ever told you about my years as a beauty queen? Guys?" She headed into the kitchen.
"Hey Catherine want some pie?" Martin asked.
All that could be heard echoing down the New York street was an ear-piercing scream that Thanksgiving night.
The end. Gobble Gobble