Title: Collapse
Author: Jeanny
Rating: R (for language & character death-be warned)
Distribution: Go right ahead, if you like - just let me know. jeannygrrl@hotmail.com
Feedback: Always appreciated.
Spoilers: None. Takes place several years after Chosen.
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of Joss and Mutant Enemy and Fox and...the point is, they're not mine and I make no money doing this.
Summary: Buffy watches Willow and Xander (Buffy's POV). Written for this 15minuteficlets challenge. The challenge word's at the bottom.
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Willow still looks like she did in high school sometimes. Not most of the time, but sometimes. Like now, when she looks up at Xander and smiles, motioning for him to sit down, it reminds me of sophomore year when I first asked for help with my homework. But then I get a good look at Xander, the way his jaw is so stiff, so angry and hurt, and I know this isn't high school anymore. I know where we are. I know what I've done.
Xander looks nothing like high school, unless you count his brief soldiery moment. He looks more commando-like than Riley ever did on his best day. Sometimes it kills me how much he's changed. I never got it then, you know. All the jokes I never looked behind or beyond until too many years had gone by. Dawn was the one who had to explain to me what Caleb had meant about that seeing thing, but as soon as she said it I totally got it. All that time, I knew we were friends, but I never really knew him, not the way he knew me. Xander knew me down to my soul, and I couldn't even see it. And now...
There's no turning back.
For a moment they get quiet, and I move into the shadows. I know what they'd do I they knew I was watching them like this. Hence the stealth. Xander begins talking again. I can't here the words but I know what they are by the way the smile vanishes from Will's face. She's on her feet so fast it's almost Slayer-like. Her fists are clenched so tight that I know she's going to scream even before her mouth opens. He stands with her, grabs at her shoulders as her palms beat flat against his chest, desperate but with no real strength. Then her knees buckle and she goes down like a house of cards. Xander catches her and they both sink to the ground and I can't help but wonder where the yellow crayon might fit into this. Although it's not Willow that went nuts and tried to wreck everything this time. I'm the one that's broken. I'm the crayon. But no one's even trying to put me back together, not that they could. I thought they might until I saw the way Xander looked when he found out about Giles.
It's almost fucking ironic, when you think about it. Giles killed for me once, because he thought I was too much of a hero to kill another person. Then Willow killed Warren for revenge and I almost destroyed her, but Xander loved her enough to save her. Giles helped her find her way back, but he wouldn't help me. He wouldn't even listen. So he's dead at his 'hero's' hand, along with so many others, so many.
There was a time when the three of us were so close. But there's no Scooby Gang now, hasn't been for a long time. There's no friendship between us now. No more love. There's only this, watching them in the dark and waiting to make my move. I wonder if they'll just give themselves up to me, the way they have all their lives. I kind of hope so. Please, Will, Xander. Just surrender.
Maybe I should be the one who surrenders. Maybe I should just let them stake me.
Just kidding. Sometimes I crack myself up. It's like I said before. There's no turning back.
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The word is "surrender".