R&R's welcome! ^_^ Flamers will be burned by me! (a verbal burning but still bruising nonetheless)*smirk*
Enjoy! ^_^
Rated: PG for mild swearing Note: The poem below is actually from Adam Sandler's Movie, "Mr.Deeds". ^^
Clarity
By Dementia_12
"I love you completely
With all my soul.
Without you,
I'm nothing.
A butter less roll."
I wrote the poem, originally with thoughts of a sweet smile and long chestnut hair floating in my brain until I wrote my feelings down.
That was before everything happened; Youhei telling me hesitantly that he and Haruko were dating, my short tryst with insanity, Rukawa finding me crying at the park and taking me to his house where he did some hesitant confessing of his own.
At first, I was shocked out of my depression. I mean, that Kitsune liked me?? And THAT way?? Who would've expected it!
I sure as hell didn't see it coming but then I had been basking in the glow that is Akagi Haruko. I didn't know what to tell him - I think I stuttered some kind of apology to him before I ran out of his house and back into the welcome chaos of a rain storm. That kind of craziness I understood but this...this was something beyond my scope of comprehension.
I couldn't look him in the eye for awhile but from what I observed, he appeared as indifferent as ever. Maybe I was right to have left him that night, maybe I shouldn't regret my actions so much. When I had gotten home that fateful night, I had thought and analyzed my feelings to the point of a migraine when I realized that...yeah, I kind of liked that fox too. I mean, getting close to him always gave me mixed feelings now that I think about it but I thought it was revulsion. Now I know it was something more.
But what of it now?
I can't look at him the way I did before and he's conveniently forgotten me.
So what....
Youhei and Haruko have been dating for 4 months now and they're are sickeningly happy. I'm glad for them and sad for me. Rukawa's colder and colder to me by the day...look at my arms! Goosebumps!
And my heart's got frostbite.
The guntai hasn't been around much lately and since I have so much time now, I've started walking as a pastime. One time, I met that Smiley guy. You know who I mean....Akira Sendoh, the Ryonan basketball star? He's pretty cool. He told me a lot about his life - he had a little sister that died in a car accident when he was seven, his parents are divorced, and he has a job as a sales clerk at a sports equipment store.
And.....and....
He's got eyes and hair the same colours as Rukawa...except Sendoh's eyes smile at me...for me.
I think he likes me sometimes too. He laughs at all my jokes and touches me often. I don't usually notice when a guy does that but I guess Rukawa woke up new insights into myself.
He's cute too...I noticed that the first time I meet him but didn't think anything of it. After the first few times we hung out together, I remember going to bed and staring at the ceiling, thinking about him. What did he say, what I said - could I have been more clever? Did he notice that my face was heating up when he wiped bits of ice cream off my nose? Is he thinking of me now?
The more I see him, the more I feel. He's so very....sweet to me, just like how Youhei is for Haruko.
I hope he cares for me...
I was sweeping up the gym floors by myself as punishment for stealing the ball from Rukawa (and so what if he's on the same team as me?? Stupid Gori!!) when Sendoh came in. I could feel the breath in my chest getting heavy just by looking at him, my cheeks starting to burn.
He was so intent on me and everything else in the room seemed to vanish...
"Hanamichi..."
"Aa, Sendoh? What's with the serious face, Smiley?"
"Listen to me...I like you. I want to be with you, kiss you, be everything to you..."
My breath stopped in my chest. The words....so beautiful....I could barely speak...
"I....I want that too, Sendoh."
And he kissed me deeply. I dropped the broom and wrapped my arms around him, overwhelmed by him.
I felt his affection for me in the recesses of my soul, it was so warm and true.
My heart whispered to his....
I could love you....
I could love you so well...
And than the shit hit the fan.
I have seen very few emotions on Rukawa's face in the past. Angry, contemptuous, drowsy, confident and indifferent - and whatever that look was on his face when I left him that night he actually spoke to me.
But the expression on his face when he pulled Sendoh away from me and just seemed to have lost his mind was new.
And scary.
It happened so fast. One delicious minute, I was receiving a beautiful kiss and then there was a rush of wind, an animalistic noise and then the sound of a fist making brutal contact.
When I opened my eyes, Sendoh was lying on the floor holding a bruised cheek. Blue eyes sparked in anger at each other.
"Rukawa, what the hell??", Smiley yelled accusingly.
I gaped as an enraged Rukawa loomed over the other super rookie. His clenched fists were shaking with the effort to stay inactive. He looked at me like I had betrayed him but of course, how can you better something that never came to fruition on the first place?
I suppressed the urge to shiver under his cold regard and helped Sendoh to his feet. He glared at Rukawa and took my hand, pulling me to leave with him. I willingly allowed myself to be led - I was completely confused at this point but I had to take care of Sendoh's face, that much I knew.
"So you choose him?" I heard uttered quietly, almost inaudibly, from Rukawa as we walked away.
That much I knew.
We met with the night air and I breathed it in deeply. I felt Smiley's hand squeeze mine and I smiled at him. I could feel the sadness etched in the corners of my lips as I lifted them for him but there was no help for it. I made a choice and I won't let myself regret it. I don't know how things could have been different and the only answer I could think of was "If he had been more like Sendoh". If he had encouraged me, smiled at me, shown me his care was still alive and impassioned - there might have been a chance. But it had been all too unclear.
I stopped Sendoh and carefully kissed a spot above the discoloration on his cheek. His eyes blazed with a steady, caring heat and he planted a light kiss back on my forehead. We continued to walk towards his house and I tell myself to ignore the painful cries I hear resonating from behind us.
~Owari~