Author's Note: I'm going to go back a correct my occasional spelling mistakes this week, you know, brush up the story and make it look better. And maybe I was on some sort of substance, like sniffing Pixie Stix or something, when I wrote this. I think it's kinda funny though, and I hope you guys do, too! If you think it's too retarded, though, I'll just delete it and run on home with my tail 'tween my legs... :-D
Purplerks: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! But I hope it wasn't too much of a cliffhanger... I won't be updating for a few days so I didn't want to leave you guys hanging!
gordo=sexyy!!: Wow, that review got sent three times! Don't worry, it made me smile... :-D That's so awesome you enjoyed it, thanks for telling me!
Lexy: Reading L/G fanfiction is probably a lot more fun than work, anyway, right? :-D Your boss probably doesn't agree with you for some reason... lol. Wow, I'm glad my story went over so well with you! I hope your high praise was deserved! :) And don't worry, I'll be keeping it up.... ;)
And as a little warning, there is violence, 99% of it unneccessary. But it sure was fun to write.... :-D
::deep breath:: Here goes nothing!
~*~*~*~
Kevin had just finished showering and getting dressed after a heavy workout at the university gym. He picked up his duffel bag with a satisfied smile. I really showed that Gor-don freak a thing or two the other day, he thought as he headed for the locker room doors. Just as he opened the doors, though, a not-too-subtle plot-device opened up, and an unsuspecting Kevin walked right on through...
~*~
...And found himself face-to-face with a group of about thirty people, headed by Gordo and Lizzie. All were standing in offensive positions, and scowls adorned most faces while a few had their arms crossed. Kevin, oblivious to the social cues being thrown his way, took advantage of the fact that Lizzie was right in front of him. Ignoring Gordo as he brushed by, he sidled up to Lizzie.
"Hey baby," he said in an oily voice. "Wanna give me your number and me and that fine ass of yours can go to McDonald's this weekend?" he asked, in the over-confidant tone of one who mistakenly thinks they're a Don Juan and is about to find out otherwise.
"You know," Lizzie said, batting her eyelashes up at him, "there *is* something I've been wanting to give you for awhile now...." Kevin looked at her expectantly.
"Yeah?" he asked, while the phrase 'hotchickprettygirlhotchickprettygirlhopeshe'seasyhotchickprettygirl' ran through his head.
"Oh yeah," Lizzie said as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Yesyesyes! Kevin thought excitedly....
...And Nonono! screamed his... erm... member seconds later after being slammed into with Lizzie's knee.
"Ow," Kevin whispered shakily, falling to his knees. "You bitch," he mumbled.
"Excuse me? But did you just call *my* girlfriend a bitch?" Gordo asked incredulously, delivering a roundhouse kick to the side of his head seconds later. Kevin now laid on his side, holding himself and the side of his head, rolling back and forth in pain.
"Where did you all come from?" he moaned.
"Uh, hello?" JustAGirl said, stepping forward. "I'm the author. I can make anything happen," she finished with an evil grin. Then delivered a stunning kick to his kidneys.
Walking around him a bit, liz3386 stroked her chin. "You really didn't know what you were doing when you started messing with Gordo, did you?" she asked rhetorically, stepping on his hand and grinding it with her stiletto heel.
"I mean, it's bad enough you tried to mack on Lizzie--" dramaqueen214 continued, poking him stiffly in the side with her steel-toed boots.
"--But you *really* crossed the line when you hit my Gordo!" yelled Lara, full-out kicking him in the other side.
"Taste my dork pride, you stupid dirk monkey!" swim6516 entered, wailing like a banshee and boxing Kevin's ears.
LizzieC walked up to Kevin and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, lifting him up and pinning him against the cement walls behind him. "And you *really* crossed the line when you punched his beautiful face!" she yelled, shaking him until his teeth rattled.
"Now, LizzieC, you really shouldn't be holding Kevin that way," Taygeta said, grabbing Kevin away from her and dropping him awkwardly on the ground. "Oops..." Taygeta said with an evil smile.
"Wasn't the point of this little chapter to mess Kevin up but *good*?" asked MsJML with a gleam in her eye. "You know, if a chainsaw isn't involved, it's really no fun at all."
"But we can't kill him," jess pointed out.
"You sure?" Black Knight asked. "I mean, just a finger or toe. Maybe an ear or his tongue, that's all we're asking for."
"I think that might take us out of PG-13 territory," Lexy reminded her. JustAGirl nodded in affirmation.
"How about acid?" writer-always-n-forever asked hopefully.
"Uh-uh."
"You! You are no fun!" TL yelled.
"I know," JustAGirl admitted. "Well, a little fun, right, because I'm letting us all beat him up, right?"
"How about beaning him with a spatula?" Tinker-Bell-Greenleaf asked. "I learned that from you," she whispered to Lizzie, who smiled approvingly.
"Yeah, spatula's good," said JustAGirl.
"Sweet!" she yelled, beating Kevin around the neck and shoulders with her spatula.
"My turn next!" Sara called after her, following.
Sammy the Story Magi sat pondering. "I wonder if this is really neccessary," she mused aloud. "Nah. But it sure is a hell of a lot of fun!" she answered herself, leaping towards Kevin and landing a fist right in his teeth.
Baby Gangsta walked up to Kevin. "Did I ever introduce you to my pet Bruce? No?" she asked as he shook his head. "Oh Bruce, show him that funny trick you do!" she cried as she turned to her pet crocodile. Bruce promptly bit off Kevin's little finger.
"Hey, I said no dismemberment!" JustAGirl yelled from her corner seat, where she was watching the festivities.
"Just no dismemberment with a chainsaw," Baby Gangsta reminded her with a wicked smile, patting Bruce on the head.
"Fine. But no more dismemberment *period*!"
::grumbles:: ""Yes Miss Story-Person""
Angel21 turned to berrygirl and said, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, berrygirl?"
"Well," said berrygirl, scratching her head, "if you're pondering kicking the living bejeebies out of Kevin, then yes."
"Good to know we have that mutual psychic link," Angel21 said, heading towards Kevin's barely-recognizable form.
"She didn't say anything about lighting his hair on fire," macdeniken whispered to DHCgirl.
"You're right. Got a lighter?" DHCgirl asked, eyes widening as it was handed to her. "Ooooh...." she whispered, flicking it and setting it against Kevin's hair.
"Hey! I smell burning!" JustAGirl cried from her chair.
"Oh, I'll put it out," baibiivenus said with a smile, brandishing a fire extinguisher. As she sprayed, it managed to hit everywhere on Kevin with the freezing chemicals... except for his lit hair. "Whoops... bad aim...."
"Oh, allow me," littlebean said, pouring a bucket of scalding hot water over Kevin's head and neck. Well, at least the fire was out....
"Hah! Amateurs!" Purplerks cried, tapdancing on Kevin's face.
"Really, a simple kick in the gut will do the trick," murmured JP5683, delivering one and moving out of the way so gordo=sexyy!! could jump up and down on said stomach.
"You go girl!" Angelique yelled from the side.
"Yeah!" Kirsty added.
"Show him who's boss!"
"Yeah!"
"And don't let him forget it!" Angelique added.
"Yeah!" Kirsty finished, a satisfied look on her face.
"What I wouldn't give to deliver a WWE move," Sky McCoy murmured.
"I'll go get the chair!" Lizfan28 offered, stealing the one JustAGirl was sitting on.
"Hey!"
"Here ya go!" she said with a smile.
"Perfect," said Sky McCoy, beaning Kevin over the head with it, causing the chair to shatter into several pieces.
At that, starcraze and starwatcher31 started punching Kevin in the head. "Seeing stars yet, buddy?" they asked viciously. (A/N: Please forgive the terrible terrible pun. :-D)
"I've heard that being stabbed to death by a fork is a terrible way to die," Kel mused as she started stabbing away.
"I'd agree with that." HAA nodded vigorously.
"Hold on, hold on people!" JustAGirl yelled into a megaphone. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at her. "The chair?" Nods. "Stabbed to death with a fork?" A few 'yep's. "Fire? Ice? *Tapdancing*?" she asked incredulously. Everyone looked at each other, then nodded slowly.
"Guys, we just delivered a hardcore smackdown!" JustAGirl screamed their victory. "GO US!!!"
Just as she was saying this, another not-too-subtle plot-device sucked Kevin back to his own time and place in fanfiction.net....
~*~
"Kevin!" he could hear his coach shouting. "Kevin, what the hell are you doing?" Kevin woke up with a start, looking around frantically, feeling himself up and down to make sure everything was okay.
"Uh... just thought it'd be a good place for a nap?" Kevin answered, unsure.
"Get your ass out of here," his coach said, disgusted.
Kevin heaved a sigh and stood up, heading out the doors. Man... what a weird dream, he thought....
~*~*~*~
Author's Note: Okay, like I said, I must be on something. Anywho, I just thought it'd be kinda funny if we all beat up Kevin... maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Either way, tell me what you think!
Purplerks: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! But I hope it wasn't too much of a cliffhanger... I won't be updating for a few days so I didn't want to leave you guys hanging!
gordo=sexyy!!: Wow, that review got sent three times! Don't worry, it made me smile... :-D That's so awesome you enjoyed it, thanks for telling me!
Lexy: Reading L/G fanfiction is probably a lot more fun than work, anyway, right? :-D Your boss probably doesn't agree with you for some reason... lol. Wow, I'm glad my story went over so well with you! I hope your high praise was deserved! :) And don't worry, I'll be keeping it up.... ;)
And as a little warning, there is violence, 99% of it unneccessary. But it sure was fun to write.... :-D
::deep breath:: Here goes nothing!
~*~*~*~
Kevin had just finished showering and getting dressed after a heavy workout at the university gym. He picked up his duffel bag with a satisfied smile. I really showed that Gor-don freak a thing or two the other day, he thought as he headed for the locker room doors. Just as he opened the doors, though, a not-too-subtle plot-device opened up, and an unsuspecting Kevin walked right on through...
~*~
...And found himself face-to-face with a group of about thirty people, headed by Gordo and Lizzie. All were standing in offensive positions, and scowls adorned most faces while a few had their arms crossed. Kevin, oblivious to the social cues being thrown his way, took advantage of the fact that Lizzie was right in front of him. Ignoring Gordo as he brushed by, he sidled up to Lizzie.
"Hey baby," he said in an oily voice. "Wanna give me your number and me and that fine ass of yours can go to McDonald's this weekend?" he asked, in the over-confidant tone of one who mistakenly thinks they're a Don Juan and is about to find out otherwise.
"You know," Lizzie said, batting her eyelashes up at him, "there *is* something I've been wanting to give you for awhile now...." Kevin looked at her expectantly.
"Yeah?" he asked, while the phrase 'hotchickprettygirlhotchickprettygirlhopeshe'seasyhotchickprettygirl' ran through his head.
"Oh yeah," Lizzie said as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Yesyesyes! Kevin thought excitedly....
...And Nonono! screamed his... erm... member seconds later after being slammed into with Lizzie's knee.
"Ow," Kevin whispered shakily, falling to his knees. "You bitch," he mumbled.
"Excuse me? But did you just call *my* girlfriend a bitch?" Gordo asked incredulously, delivering a roundhouse kick to the side of his head seconds later. Kevin now laid on his side, holding himself and the side of his head, rolling back and forth in pain.
"Where did you all come from?" he moaned.
"Uh, hello?" JustAGirl said, stepping forward. "I'm the author. I can make anything happen," she finished with an evil grin. Then delivered a stunning kick to his kidneys.
Walking around him a bit, liz3386 stroked her chin. "You really didn't know what you were doing when you started messing with Gordo, did you?" she asked rhetorically, stepping on his hand and grinding it with her stiletto heel.
"I mean, it's bad enough you tried to mack on Lizzie--" dramaqueen214 continued, poking him stiffly in the side with her steel-toed boots.
"--But you *really* crossed the line when you hit my Gordo!" yelled Lara, full-out kicking him in the other side.
"Taste my dork pride, you stupid dirk monkey!" swim6516 entered, wailing like a banshee and boxing Kevin's ears.
LizzieC walked up to Kevin and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, lifting him up and pinning him against the cement walls behind him. "And you *really* crossed the line when you punched his beautiful face!" she yelled, shaking him until his teeth rattled.
"Now, LizzieC, you really shouldn't be holding Kevin that way," Taygeta said, grabbing Kevin away from her and dropping him awkwardly on the ground. "Oops..." Taygeta said with an evil smile.
"Wasn't the point of this little chapter to mess Kevin up but *good*?" asked MsJML with a gleam in her eye. "You know, if a chainsaw isn't involved, it's really no fun at all."
"But we can't kill him," jess pointed out.
"You sure?" Black Knight asked. "I mean, just a finger or toe. Maybe an ear or his tongue, that's all we're asking for."
"I think that might take us out of PG-13 territory," Lexy reminded her. JustAGirl nodded in affirmation.
"How about acid?" writer-always-n-forever asked hopefully.
"Uh-uh."
"You! You are no fun!" TL yelled.
"I know," JustAGirl admitted. "Well, a little fun, right, because I'm letting us all beat him up, right?"
"How about beaning him with a spatula?" Tinker-Bell-Greenleaf asked. "I learned that from you," she whispered to Lizzie, who smiled approvingly.
"Yeah, spatula's good," said JustAGirl.
"Sweet!" she yelled, beating Kevin around the neck and shoulders with her spatula.
"My turn next!" Sara called after her, following.
Sammy the Story Magi sat pondering. "I wonder if this is really neccessary," she mused aloud. "Nah. But it sure is a hell of a lot of fun!" she answered herself, leaping towards Kevin and landing a fist right in his teeth.
Baby Gangsta walked up to Kevin. "Did I ever introduce you to my pet Bruce? No?" she asked as he shook his head. "Oh Bruce, show him that funny trick you do!" she cried as she turned to her pet crocodile. Bruce promptly bit off Kevin's little finger.
"Hey, I said no dismemberment!" JustAGirl yelled from her corner seat, where she was watching the festivities.
"Just no dismemberment with a chainsaw," Baby Gangsta reminded her with a wicked smile, patting Bruce on the head.
"Fine. But no more dismemberment *period*!"
::grumbles:: ""Yes Miss Story-Person""
Angel21 turned to berrygirl and said, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, berrygirl?"
"Well," said berrygirl, scratching her head, "if you're pondering kicking the living bejeebies out of Kevin, then yes."
"Good to know we have that mutual psychic link," Angel21 said, heading towards Kevin's barely-recognizable form.
"She didn't say anything about lighting his hair on fire," macdeniken whispered to DHCgirl.
"You're right. Got a lighter?" DHCgirl asked, eyes widening as it was handed to her. "Ooooh...." she whispered, flicking it and setting it against Kevin's hair.
"Hey! I smell burning!" JustAGirl cried from her chair.
"Oh, I'll put it out," baibiivenus said with a smile, brandishing a fire extinguisher. As she sprayed, it managed to hit everywhere on Kevin with the freezing chemicals... except for his lit hair. "Whoops... bad aim...."
"Oh, allow me," littlebean said, pouring a bucket of scalding hot water over Kevin's head and neck. Well, at least the fire was out....
"Hah! Amateurs!" Purplerks cried, tapdancing on Kevin's face.
"Really, a simple kick in the gut will do the trick," murmured JP5683, delivering one and moving out of the way so gordo=sexyy!! could jump up and down on said stomach.
"You go girl!" Angelique yelled from the side.
"Yeah!" Kirsty added.
"Show him who's boss!"
"Yeah!"
"And don't let him forget it!" Angelique added.
"Yeah!" Kirsty finished, a satisfied look on her face.
"What I wouldn't give to deliver a WWE move," Sky McCoy murmured.
"I'll go get the chair!" Lizfan28 offered, stealing the one JustAGirl was sitting on.
"Hey!"
"Here ya go!" she said with a smile.
"Perfect," said Sky McCoy, beaning Kevin over the head with it, causing the chair to shatter into several pieces.
At that, starcraze and starwatcher31 started punching Kevin in the head. "Seeing stars yet, buddy?" they asked viciously. (A/N: Please forgive the terrible terrible pun. :-D)
"I've heard that being stabbed to death by a fork is a terrible way to die," Kel mused as she started stabbing away.
"I'd agree with that." HAA nodded vigorously.
"Hold on, hold on people!" JustAGirl yelled into a megaphone. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at her. "The chair?" Nods. "Stabbed to death with a fork?" A few 'yep's. "Fire? Ice? *Tapdancing*?" she asked incredulously. Everyone looked at each other, then nodded slowly.
"Guys, we just delivered a hardcore smackdown!" JustAGirl screamed their victory. "GO US!!!"
Just as she was saying this, another not-too-subtle plot-device sucked Kevin back to his own time and place in fanfiction.net....
~*~
"Kevin!" he could hear his coach shouting. "Kevin, what the hell are you doing?" Kevin woke up with a start, looking around frantically, feeling himself up and down to make sure everything was okay.
"Uh... just thought it'd be a good place for a nap?" Kevin answered, unsure.
"Get your ass out of here," his coach said, disgusted.
Kevin heaved a sigh and stood up, heading out the doors. Man... what a weird dream, he thought....
~*~*~*~
Author's Note: Okay, like I said, I must be on something. Anywho, I just thought it'd be kinda funny if we all beat up Kevin... maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Either way, tell me what you think!