One Year On

Recognition

Susan

I glance up at the clock, only to be disappointed. It reads 12.15pm. There's still another 3 hours until this dreaded shift is over. Any other day and it would have been fine. But today was no other day. Today was the day. The day that people wished would never come. The day I wished that could just somehow be over, with me having no recollection that it ever took place. But that would be wishing for a miracle or something. Wishing for the impossible.

I stand at the admit. Desk, slowly trying to regain the composure that I never realised I had lost. I swear I'm losing my mind. I grab the chart from the desk, and carefully read its contents. For some reason I've been double-checking the symptoms of every patient. I say some reason, but I know damn well why. I just don't want to admit it in case I tempt fate.

Apart from that, I have managed to suppress the memories, well the bad ones anyway. Well that was what I thought. But then I should have known better. There was so much emotion that day, that it was virtually impossible that it would not somehow affect me a year on.

I was making my way to curtain three, when the paramedics came bursting through the doors. Kerry was already with them, but I could tell that she was going to another pair of hands. And at that moment in time, there were no others but mine. I shoved the chart back to its resting place on the desk, and quickly followed them into trauma one. And that was when my protective barrier started to crumble.

The victim was a male in his thirties, suffering head and neck injuries due to an MVA. The alarm bells started to ring in my head, but I ignored them, jumping into medical mode before I had a chance to fully understand the information. It was only when we intubated him and hooked him up to the heart monitor that the realisation finally hit. And it hit hard.

The constant beeping of the heart monitor sent me flying into a trance. The memories pressed firmly at the back of my mind, had at last resurfaced. And they were drowning me. It wasn't just the simple thought of what this all meant, the fact that the whole nightmare began with this same scenario, it was the whole incident. Thoughts combined with images that I couldn't run from.

I was totally oblivious to the screams of Kerry. It wasn't until she grabbed my arm, that I managed to break free. I turned, and made eye contact with her. I saw the recognition splash across her face. Her grip loosened a little, conveying a hint of sympathy as well as her anguish. I'm not sure whether it was the anguish at realising what was happening, or whether it was because she had somehow managed to forget what the significance of today was. I find the latter very unlikely. Out of us all, she was one of the ones that had taken it very badly. She had even considered resigning. Not only from the hospital, but from medicine altogether. We convinced her to stay though, god knows how.

With the MVA guy stabilised, and him showing no signs of any virus, I made my way to the lounge. I needed to sit down, before I was forced into collapsing by my failing body. I suddenly felt faint, and my head felt like it was being slammed into the ground. Maybe that was the feeling of a mind when it was overpowered by horrible memories.

I sit on the sofa, after pouring some of the strongest coffee I've ever tasted. But it was just what I needed. I really didn't want to be here. I feel like hiding, but then that would be too much like that day. The day I managed to avoid the ER completely, until the early hours of the morning. Until I realised that I had turned my back on my friends. I wasn't about to do that again. We're all in the same boat, we're all experiencing the same memories.

I finish the last remaining drops of the black liquid cooling in the bottom of the cup. I glance towards the window, and see the flashing lights sifting through. I grab my stethoscope from the sofa, and head out into the ER.

Well that's part two, sorry it took so long. I'm not gonna say part three here soon, but I will say that I'll try to get it here soon!!

But in the mean time please review.

In response to Kathryn5's questions, you'll find out soon if Abby is still alive, and jing-mei got infected when she was with malucci. Hope that helps you a bit.

Anyway back in a while wiv part 3

Rainbow xx