One Year On

Part three – Recognition II

Kerry

I stood in the ambulance bay, wrapping my white coat around me as tightly as I could. I tried desperately to keep the bitter chill that hung in the air at bay, but it was no use. It somehow made its way through the tiny holes in the fabric. I watch as the ambulance pulls up, and the medics jump out. I push my thoughts about the cold firmly out of the way, and let the medical ones take over. This person is depending on me to save their life; thinking about the cold isn't going to help.

I break away from the spot that I have occupied for the past 10 minutes and make my way towards the back of the rig. I grab part of the gurney, and help to lower it to the waiting ground. Just as I do, the EMT begins the 'handover'.

"Male in his thirties, involved in an MVA. Severe head and neck injuries. Crashed once in the field."

I seemed to have difficulty in putting the puzzle together, even though all the pieces were there, right in front of me.

We wheeled the patient through the ER and into trauma one. I hesitated for a moment, but it was only a second at most. Not even time to put my thoughts in order, let alone think about them in depth. I refocused my concentration on the situation in hand, and took control. I gazed towards the door as I saw Susan enter. I couldn't make out the look on her face, but now wasn't the time to try and figure it out.

I snapped out of contemplation mode and back into medical mode. I started barking out my commands, ordering all the usual, necessary medical tests. We hooked up the heart monitor, and waited for its constant echo of life. And luckily there was one.

I called over to Susan, trying to get her attention. But I couldn't seem to get through to her. She seemed to be completely oblivious to me. Well, now I know why.

I placed my hand on her arm, not really sure about how hard my grip was. I continued to shout at her, I needed her attention. And soon I would have it. I tightened my grip further, and finally she turned to face me. Now I understood her facial expressions. I saw the emotion in her eyes. I loosened my grip in an attempt to show her that I understood, show her recognition.

Throughout the early hours of my shift, I had managed to forget – no, not forget - just push, those memories to the side, to let me get on with the job. But now there was no escape.

Even the guilt started to resurface. The guilt, that although would never disappear, I thought I had overcome.

We got the MVA guy stabilised, and sent upstairs. The warmth of the memories was now too much, and I craved for that bitter chill. So I headed outside, and that's where I am now. Outside, on the sanctuary that the roof has become. Maybe I could toss the guilt and the memories over the edge. But I know that's not possible without me falling with them. So, instead, I somehow bury them deep inside me. I know that I will never be able to bury them deep enough, and that I will encounter them again, sooner rather than later. But I just have to take each moment at a time, and pray for the day to end as quickly as possible.

I grab the handle on the door, and slowly make my way back into the warmth, back into the ER.

Well that's part 3, and all will be revealed in the near future, just hang in there! If your lucky, it might be part four!

Please keep reviewing, and thanx to those that have, both on this story and Contagion.

Rainbow xx