One Year On

by Rainbow345uk

Authors Note! Sequel to Contagion - Did Abby survive? How do the staff deal with the events one year later? (Don't necessarily need to have read contagion, although it might help)

6. Mysterious Ways

Part – 6

Mysterious Ways

I sit alone in the lounge, letting my thoughts block out the silence that is engulfing me. I wish they could shield me from my sadness, but I know that's impossible. Only a few hours ago, I was ok, looking forward to my second chance at life, looking forward to spending it with John. But standing out there, in the cold, and remembering that day, has put a new spin on things. And no matter how much I try to think of happy thoughts, of happy memories, I am always lead back to one thing, one thought.

I steal a quick glance at the clock, only to be disappointed. It's only 3.24pm. That's good and bad. Only 3 more hours and I can walk away from this place and put it to the back of my mind until tomorrow, and only 5 more minutes until I am forced to submerge myself back into the pile of charts that are so eagerly awaiting my professional opinion. But until then, in those 5 slow minutes, my mind drifts back to the one thing that I know everyone is trying to escape.

I know I should be happy, considering I am a survivor, and although my health isn't 100%, I should be grateful that I am still alive. But it's hard to think of that, when so many of those around you weren't so lucky. Everywhere I look, every pair of eyes that lock onto mine, and I stare deep into, there is one thing that jumps out at you. And that is that those who somehow managed to avoid the darkness that was spread on that day one year ago, are suffering in ways that only they understand. They may have escaped the clutches of death, but they haven't escaped the emotions that accompany the loss of someone dear to them.

But that isn't the only thing that you can see when you delve into the dark pits of their eyes. You can see things that they try so hard to hide, the things that they dare not say inn your presence, or that of anyone else. The things that they feel, but bury deep within themselves.

I see it everywhere I look. What can I see? Is the question that you so eagerly want answered.

What I can see, is the question that plagues the thoughts of many. They want to know why I survived and their loved ones didn't. What I can see is the anger that they don't want me to see. The anger that I survived.

I go to work everyday, trying to put it to the back of my mind. But sometimes it finds a flaw in my self-defences, and I have no choice but to give in. It's those days that I feel the guilt the most. The guilt that I lived and others didn't. But more to the point, that I survived and for what reason? Maybe it's because Carter needs me. But what about all those children out there who need their mother or father? Carter could have found someone else, those children can't find another parent.

I know I shouldn't dwell on my luck or fate, or whatever it is that allowed me to pull through and live, but sometimes it's hard to comprehend, hard to understand why I was chosen to survive. I guess that as my life goes on, I will one day find out. But until that day comes, I will just have to live with the fact that I survived.

I suppose the saying is true, that the world does work in mysterious ways.

Sorry for all da angst, it will get a lot happier! Thanx for sticking with it,

Rainbow xxx